Loneliness, SSA

[ssa_fellow]

I hate my life. And I try to read these forums, bc maybe there’s already some helpful threads on here. “Maybe there are some helpful threads about loneliness on here” I thought earlier today… NO.

My situation is 100x worse than anyone’s situation. It always is. The advice that people give about anything never applies to me.

-Pornography addiction: think about how you’re ruining your future relationship, you need to prepare to be a better spouse, you need to respect WOMEN as DAUGHTERS of God… 100% irrelevent. I don’t disrespect the bodies of women, I disrespect the bodies of men. Do carry on about “the beauty of femininity”, the hour long dissertations of true masculinity and femininity do not bear people with SSA in mind. At all.

-Loneliness: cheer up, you won’t be alone forever. Oh, you’re having a problem dating, you don’t get on that well with members of the OPPOSITE gender… that’s alright, someone will come along for you eventually. Again, I relate to that 0%.

You can’t tell that to me. I have to be lonely.​

I’m pissed off bc I have to work 7 out of the next 8 days. I have to work the Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of Spring Break. And, its not like I could’ve asked off… bc none of my friends invited me to their Spring Break plans.

I’m an after-thought. Yeah, I have friends. It could be worse, some ppl are lonely and don’t have friends. But I do. And… I’m absolutely alone, very often, many days.

How do ppl not be miserable when they’re alone?

I can’t enjoy a day by myself. I can’t enjoy an hour by myself. I don’t really enjoy anything, except the company of my friends. Maybe I’ll laugh at some show alone, and I might be close to enjoying myself… then, I’ll think, “I have no one to share this with”.

I mainly just do things to dull the pain or distract myself when I’m alone, mainly video games, internet, and porn. But I can’t actually face how terrible it is, and when I do, I get depressed, and I cry.

How do you beat loneliness, except with the presence of another human being?

I hate being alone. And I’m alone all the time.

Idk why God gave me this cross.

I’m alone this weekend, I was alone last weekend. Now I’ll be alone for all of Spring Break. And I have many friends. Many of them know I have depression. Some of them know that I’m gay and that’s why I’m lonely.

0 invites.

So many nights where I cry and am alone.

What is the Church’s answer to loneliness? I’d like to stay in the Church. What is the Church’s answer? Surely in 2,000 years, the Church has something to say to lonely ppl like me?

 

[McCartney]

I’m sorry for you. You do not have to be lonely. Go out and socialise. If you do not meet people you will continue to be lonely.

 

[josh987654321]

.

Regarding how you hate your life, please don’t ever lose hope.

“I plead with you–never, ever give up on hope, never doubt, never tire, and never become discouraged. Be not afraid.” St. Pope John Paul II

Regarding the pornography thing, I hope you don’t mind if I share some previous posts of mine that I believe have helped me, and it’s not all that other stuff that I believe you have been reading about future spouses, masculinity, femininity etc.

Post 1

Post 2

Post 3

Post 4

Post 5

Post 6

Post 7

Post 8

I’m pissed off bc I have to work 7 out of the next 8 days. I have to work the Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of Spring Break. And, its not like I could’ve asked off… bc none of my friends invited me to their Spring Break plans.

Sometimes the best way is to make the plans and do the inviting yourself. Like inviting a couple work mates for a quick beer and game of pool at the pub after work.

I’m an after-thought. Yeah, I have friends. It could be worse, some ppl are lonely and don’t have friends. But I do. And… I’m absolutely alone, very often, many days.

How do ppl not be miserable when they’re alone?

I can’t enjoy a day by myself. I can’t enjoy an hour by myself. I don’t really enjoy anything, except the company of my friends. Maybe I’ll laugh at some show alone, and I might be close to enjoying myself… then, I’ll think, “I have no one to share this with”.

I mainly just do things to dull the pain or distract myself when I’m alone, mainly video games, internet, and porn. But I can’t actually face how terrible it is, and when I do, I get depressed, and I cry.

How do you beat loneliness, except with the presence of another human being?

I hate being alone. And I’m alone all the time.

Idk why God gave me this cross.

I’m alone this weekend, I was alone last weekend. Now I’ll be alone for all of Spring Break. And I have many friends. Many of them know I have depression. Some of them know that I’m gay and that’s why I’m lonely.

0 invites.

So many nights where I cry and am alone.

What is the Church’s answer to loneliness? I’d like to stay in the Church. What is the Church’s answer? Surely in 2,000 years, the Church has something to say to lonely ppl like me?

Jesus to Catalina:

Divine Providence - loveandmercy.org/Eng-DP-Reg.pdf

During my prayers on the 23rd, the Lord, knowing that I was feeling very much alone, spoke to me and said: **2) “My beloved, here I am, responding to your call. However, not even for an instant have I abandoned you… You are seemingly alone but I am with you.

1. “Think of My anguish in the garden; I felt alone.
2. “Are you afraid? So was I.
3. “Do you need to talk to someone? Talk to Me.
4. “Do you need a hand to caress you? Here are Mine.
5. “Do you need a shoulder on which to cry? Do so on Mine and I will dry your tears with My kisses… Your tears will blend with Mine. I am not indifferent to your sufferings.
6. “Do you need someone’s company to pray with you? Here you have My Saints and My Angels… Offer Me your patience in this life of exile and, thus, each time that I come looking for you, you will be free of grief and able to enjoy great interior peace.**

I hope this has helped, I’ll keep you in my prayers.

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

Yes , I’m sure you have had heaps of advise …do this,do that, don’t do this or that,
Because your Curtains will Fade ,and your neighbours will complain etc etc ,.
Ultimately,it’s all up to you,working long days doesn’t help, we need a bigger picture of your life, do you have any gay friends ? Being Gay might be a reason your avoided,
Working long days and not being able to get out and about makes it hard,
Do you go to any form of Counselling ? Do you get lots of Excersise ? sport ?
Theatre Group ?
I wish I could somehow give magical advise, but you got to start with the first move,

 

[Domiy]

My friend, it sounds to me like you are your own worst enemy.

I can closely relate to your situation, so you are not completely alone. Loneliness and depression has been something which creeps onto me from time to time as well, and it only gets worse everyday bit by bit. Sometimes I suffer from small anxiety from it all. Of course, pornography, masturbation, and outbursts of violence seem to become common sins which I am driven to. But I’ve always managed to keep myself together.

First of all, stop feeling so sorry for yourself. This only makes it worse. I had a long-term relationship with a girl (I’m not gay) for about 2 years and even then I occasionally felt alone or troubled. I’m single now, but I know that finding another partner will not be the automatic answer to my loneliness. So, don’t beat yourself up on that part.

I have a small group of friends as well, but none of them understand me either. I can’t rely on them to be there for me in my time of need. But hey, they are similar-aged people who share some minor interests with me and we don’t mind eachothers company so we hang out once in a while. We don’t have a fairtyale best-bud relationship (which is just as fake as the ‘true love’ fairytale which TV makes you believe), but that’s OK. A lot of times, they also go their own way without me, or clearly think of themselves before me. I don’t care, and neither should you. As long as these people don’t take advantage of you or make you feel worse, then you might as well stick around with them when you can. You’ll eventually grow closer together.

What I’m saying is…your loneliness is mostly just a perceived state of your own thoughts. Some people, like myself, are just odd pieces in the puzzle of society. This is something which Jesus suffered himself and even warned about. The world is evil, so if it hates you, who cares? If the world loved you, you’d be loved by something which is evil and fragile, what good is there in that?

**Be yourself. Live your own life. ** Do the things that make you happy! Don’t worry about your relationships or the future. Live now for the present, and worry about tomorrow when you get there.

You say you enjoy watching shows or playing video games. Great, so do I! I find that they usually help keep me occupied. I’m actually a huge movie fan and love finding particular movies about loneliness or depression which I can relate to (I can recommend some if you’d like?). They also help cheer me up, and I’ve become pretty passionate and self-aware as a result of having such a hobby. It’s actually helped me find out a lot more about myself. I suggest you do the same.

I love playing video games as well. If you do to…**go do it then! **There’s no shame in spending most of your time indoors playing video games, if that’s what makes you happy. Whoever tells you that you’re a “geek” or a “loner” for doing that is just an imbecile. Everyone has their own hobby, so do whatever you find relaxes you or makes you feel better. Go and become great at the video games you love to play, and you’ll feel a sense of accomplishment for doing so. I promise you that. Just remember that there are other people out there who like playing the same video game, and by being better than them you’ve done something worth mentioning in your life. Just because you’ll never be a millionaire or a world champion sports star, it doesn’t mean you haven’t been great at something. I’d also suggest joining an online gaming forum or another virtual video-game group. I find that talking to people about the things that I love alleviates my need to have ‘real’ friends by my side, and hey sometimes I’ll chat about other random things with them as well. That’s one of the great things about the digital age of technology we live in. Things like Facebook have become popular because of people like you and I, who lack social skills and like to communicate online instead. Is it wrong? No way. The more time I spend alone, the more I find out about myself or the world. I’ve actually found a lot of things I’m passionate about…like cooking, writing, culture etc. This is good!

Don’t let anyone put you down or tell you how you should live. Be open, peaceful, and honest with people and friends will come. For now, keep yourself occupied doing whatever you find helps.

It’s great that you’re a Catholic. I’d suggest reading the bible for similar ways to relate to suffering or loneliness. Read the Goseps (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). They’re quite uplifting and inspirational. I also think you’d enjoy reading the book of Job, which is about a man who had everything taken away from him (including his popularity) as a trial from God, but he still kept faithful and was rewarded for it. Prayer also works wonders as well if you make it a regular and sincere thing. Church is a great way to get motivated and receive advice, and if you start attending your local parish regularly you’re bound to make friends with the other members/volunteers who work there (perhaps you can volunteer to help out as well if you’d like?).

Don’t let the guilt of sin get you down. God is merciful and understanding of your suffering, that’s all you need to know. Becoming a good Christian is something which takes a lifetime and beyond to achieve. Nobody is perfect. Everyone is human, and every male suffers from sexual addiction to masturbation. You can and will defeat it, but it takes time. Rolling around in your self-pity is not the solution. Go to confession whenever you need to, however often that may be. Take it one day at a time. Stop thinking that just because it’s hard or you frequently give in, that you’re a bad person who is destined to suffer for the rest of your life. This is not the case!

 

[Domiy]

CONTINUED

I am with you, and so are millions of other people, and so is God! God will help you when you decide that you’re worthy of being helped and want to start getting your life on track. You can only do that if you stop feeling sorry for yourself. Until you do that, you’re going nowhere. So, get to it.

Yours in Christ brother!

 

[Dorothy]

Hopefully listening to these MP3s can help. The talks are from a conference given by a holy priest,
Father Venard Poslusney, O. Carm.

advancedchristianity.com/Pages/Poslusney/Poslusney_Loneliness.htm

 

[Praedicare]

The only way to get rid of this anxiety/despair about your homosexuality is to get out, serve the poor, volunteer at Church, and be around those you love/who love you. It is the only method of siphoning out the poison of selfishness and inward focus. None of us who struggle with this have any victory apart from going out, being among friends, and seeing the suffering of those who are not ME ME ME.

God is merciful to those who are merciful. Give a drink of cold water to the thirsty because you are Christ’s disciple. There is no blessedness apart from love.

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

I hate my life. And I try to read these forums, bc maybe there’s already some helpful threads on here. “Maybe there are some helpful threads about loneliness on here” I thought earlier today… NO.

My situation is 100x worse than anyone’s situation. It always is. The advice that people give about anything never applies to me.

-Pornography addiction: think about how you’re ruining your future relationship, you need to prepare to be a better spouse, you need to respect WOMEN as DAUGHTERS of God… 100% irrelevent. I don’t disrespect the bodies of women, I disrespect the bodies of men. Do carry on about “the beauty of femininity”, the hour long dissertations of true masculinity and femininity do not bear people with SSA in mind. At all.

-Loneliness: cheer up, you won’t be alone forever. Oh, you’re having a problem dating, you don’t get on that well with members of the OPPOSITE gender… that’s alright, someone will come along for you eventually. Again, I relate to that 0%.

You can’t tell that to me. I have to be lonely.​

I’m pissed off bc I have to work 7 out of the next 8 days. I have to work the Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of Spring Break. And, its not like I could’ve asked off… bc none of my friends invited me to their Spring Break plans.

I’m an after-thought. Yeah, I have friends. It could be worse, some ppl are lonely and don’t have friends. But I do. And… I’m absolutely alone, very often, many days.

How do ppl not be miserable when they’re alone?

I can’t enjoy a day by myself. I can’t enjoy an hour by myself. I don’t really enjoy anything, except the company of my friends. Maybe I’ll laugh at some show alone, and I might be close to enjoying myself… then, I’ll think, “I have no one to share this with”.

I mainly just do things to dull the pain or distract myself when I’m alone, mainly video games, internet, and porn. But I can’t actually face how terrible it is, and when I do, I get depressed, and I cry.

How do you beat loneliness, except with the presence of another human being?

I hate being alone. And I’m alone all the time.

Idk why God gave me this cross.

I’m alone this weekend, I was alone last weekend. Now I’ll be alone for all of Spring Break. And I have many friends. Many of them know I have depression. Some of them know that I’m gay and that’s why I’m lonely.

0 invites.

So many nights where I cry and am alone.

What is the Church’s answer to loneliness? I’d like to stay in the Church. What is the Church’s answer? Surely in 2,000 years, the Church has something to say to lonely ppl like me?

:console:

I know how that depression, especially from loneliness feels; I wish I could cuddle you and be able to sit there and listen. I know that when I was in extreme multiyear depression (sometimes I still get quite sad, but for the most part the depression has been beaten) talking to a therapist and taking antidepressants helped so maybe that could help. Sometimes what we need most when depressed is a shoulder to cry on, someone to tell us that we are lovable. It isn’t as good as a person there right with you, but if you want, we can talk.

Have you talked to friends about doing stuff on your off days?

I am sorry, I wish I could be more helpful, but we have failed you, society has failed nonmonastic celibate persons in general.

I’ll try to write more later, sadly I must depart for work now.

The only way to get rid of this anxiety/despair about your homosexuality is to get out, serve the poor, volunteer at Church, and be around those you love/who love you. It is the only method of siphoning out the poison of selfishness and inward focus. None of us who struggle with this have any victory apart from going out, being among friends, and seeing the suffering of those who are not ME ME ME.

God is merciful to those who are merciful. Give a drink of cold water to the thirsty because you are Christ’s disciple. There is no blessedness apart from love.

Have you ever been depressed? I mean seriously depressed for months, enough to qualify as clinical depression? At one point I was extremely depressed and was doing north of 20 hours ofvolunteering per month, it didn’t help my depression.

 

[Kal2012]

Yeah - a lot of us suffer from loneliness and depression.

I know what it’s like to have a lot of friends, but be alone and just feel empty.

It took me a long time to realize that there are people who get asked to do things and others that don’t.

The people who don’t (like myself) have to make more of an effort to get involved and do things. (I would be a hermit if I could get away with it.)

It’s frustrating because you wonder what’s wrong with you, but the thing is that (I don’t know if this is the case with you) if people think that you aren’t interested (for whatever reason) then you won’t get invited.

For a long time, I just never had the money to go out and be social (go to the movies, whatever), so I always said no and people got the message that I was not someone who’d go out with them. So, they didn’t invite me. I’m just not someone they think of when they talk about going out and having fun.

I agree with finding an activity you enjoy and do it.

Also, invite your friends out or to your house.

If you want to volunteer, then do it. Find something that is satisfying for you to do to serve others. Whether it be volunteering for your local gay organization or doing the soup kitchen thing, figure out what makes you passionate and is something that you feel like you could really invest in. It doesn’t have to be the right fit, the first time you get out there and try. Maybe there’s something that you’ve always wanted to do in your parish. The key is trying to figure it out and just doing it.

You really aren’t alone when it comes to feeling the way you do. I know you think it and believe it (been there, done that), but it’s just not true. You can do better than watching porn.

Do you have friends you can video game with? A lot of people I know love the multiplayer games and have met people on-line through gaming.

 

[Edmundus1581]

I was desperately lonely in my early twenties, before marriage. (Divorced 20 years now, but that’s another story)

I had some friends, but often seemed to be left out of gatherings. When I was in gatherings I seemed like the odd one out.

I thought my loneliness was just the way I was. I was miserable but also somewhat content in my isolation. I know that horrible feeling of not having anyone to share a good movie or funny TV show with. And that horrible feeling as other people are having fun together, and I’m not invited.

I now know the cause of that loneliness.

It was a pornography addiction.

The immediate effects of pornography are misery, remorse, shame, guilt. There is the cycle of using it, going to confession, swearing off it, lasting a few days, and then being at it again. We think that we are battling it, and our progress has better weeks and worse weeks - but the progression is relentless. It is consuming our whole life, even if we don’t use most days.

But the long term effect is a desparate loneliness and isolation.

My loneliness went back to my teens - when my porn addiction really started.

Porn addiction doesn’t distinguish between SSA and hetero. In my recovery group we have SSA and hetero’s and our experiences are very similar, and so is our recovery. We also have women and their experience of isolation is the same as the mens.

I have now been completely free of porn and masturbation for over two years, and it has changed my life completely. I now look forward to meeting people and find it easier to make the effort to have people in my life. I also get lonely, and can feel it and respond by doing something. When I am lonely, it doesn’t cripple me.

My recovery was not achieved with prayer, thinking, counselling, or effort of will, nor was it achieved by following the usual advice of “get out and do things, and meet people”. I tried all these over thirty years - and never got anywhere. The only thing that worked for me was Sexaholics Anonymous. Meetings, the 12 steps, staying in contact with other members. The fellowship itself provided my first friends, and still does. We all share that common experience of isolation, and know it as the #1 cause and effect of our disease. We have to consciously battle it all the time - as we are always content to just slip back into our own little world, even while sexually sober.

And why does the Church have no answer to the problem, over 2000 years? For the same reason that the Church has never been able to cure alcoholism or narcotics or gambling addictions. It was God’s plan to leave that to when AA started in the 1930’s. We don’t know why God did it that way, but it is an inestimable gift for those of us fortunate enough to be alive now.

 

[Edmundus1581]

…

I agree with finding an activity you enjoy and do it.

Also, invite your friends out or to your house.

If you want to volunteer, then do it. Find something that is satisfying for you to do to serve others. Whether it be volunteering for your local gay organization or doing the soup kitchen thing, figure out what makes you passionate and is something that you feel like you could really invest in. It doesn’t have to be the right fit, the first time you get out there and try. Maybe there’s something that you’ve always wanted to do in your parish. The key is trying to figure it out and just doing it.

You really aren’t alone when it comes to feeling the way you do. I know you think it and believe it (been there, done that), but it’s just not true. You can do better than watching porn.

Do you have friends you can video game with? A lot of people I know love the multiplayer games and have met people on-line through gaming.

This sounds like good advice (ie. to get some interests and get involved with people and life).

It may work for some people, but in the long run it can just make the lonely person lonelier. They volunteer for, say, St Vincent De Paul. They go along to meetings, help with the poor, and so on. Then, after six months to a year they realize that they are just as lonely as ever.

A person with an isolated and lonely disposition, and a pornography problem, in general doesn’t recover until they have fixed the underlying issues.

For example, in my case I have had numerous outlets over the years. Church, church groups, gym, CAF, work, a few friends, family and children. I have attended to all regularly and actively. And yet I was never able to free myself of the porn use, and isolation.

 

[ynotzap]

I hate my life. And I try to read these forums, bc maybe there’s already some helpful threads on here. “Maybe there are some helpful threads about loneliness on here” I thought earlier today… NO.

My situation is 100x worse than anyone’s situation. It always is. The advice that people give about anything never applies to me.

-Pornography addiction: think about how you’re ruining your future relationship, you need to prepare to be a better spouse, you need to respect WOMEN as DAUGHTERS of God… 100% irrelevent. I don’t disrespect the bodies of women, I disrespect the bodies of men. Do carry on about “the beauty of femininity”, the hour long dissertations of true masculinity and femininity do not bear people with SSA in mind. At all.

-Loneliness: cheer up, you won’t be alone forever. Oh, you’re having a problem dating, you don’t get on that well with members of the OPPOSITE gender… that’s alright, someone will come along for you eventually. Again, I relate to that 0%.

You can’t tell that to me. I have to be lonely.​

I’m pissed off bc I have to work 7 out of the next 8 days. I have to work the Friday, Saturday, and Sunday of Spring Break. And, its not like I could’ve asked off… bc none of my friends invited me to their Spring Break plans.

I’m an after-thought. Yeah, I have friends. It could be worse, some ppl are lonely and don’t have friends. But I do. And… I’m absolutely alone, very often, many days.

How do ppl not be miserable when they’re alone?

I can’t enjoy a day by myself. I can’t enjoy an hour by myself. I don’t really enjoy anything, except the company of my friends. Maybe I’ll laugh at some show alone, and I might be close to enjoying myself… then, I’ll think, “I have no one to share this with”.

I mainly just do things to dull the pain or distract myself when I’m alone, mainly video games, internet, and porn. But I can’t actually face how terrible it is, and when I do, I get depressed, and I cry.

How do you beat loneliness, except with the presence of another human being?

I hate being alone. And I’m alone all the time.

Idk why God gave me this cross.

I’m alone this weekend, I was alone last weekend. Now I’ll be alone for all of Spring Break. And I have many friends. Many of them know I have depression. Some of them know that I’m gay and that’s why I’m lonely.

0 invites.

So many nights where I cry and am alone.

What is the Church’s answer to loneliness? I’d like to stay in the Church. What is the Church’s answer? Surely in 2,000 years, the Church has something to say to lonely ppl like me?

SSA Fellow

Did you ever consider that your lonliness, or depression could be the influence of Satan. He knows your needs, and he can take advantage of your intro-spection, and low self esteem. He can lead you to despair, to sin, to self-love, to selfishness. It is important that you remain in the state of grace. Pray to Christ to open the door for you. You received many good suggestions, but you need the grace of motivation. Love yourself, and then love others as yourself. You need grace to do this. Frequent reception of the Eucharist can do this, it causes one to grow in love of God, and love of neighbor. Jesus alone can make all the changes in your life to bring you to true happiness, as much as it is attainable in this life, a life of love, and peace. Turn to Christ in sincerity and ask Him to redeem your situation and give you His abundant life. He does love you, but you need to experience this personally.

 

[ssa_fellow]

Hey all, thanks for the replies, and the advice.
I don’t really have time tonight to sit down and address them all. I will tomorrow.

Yes, I do go to counseling every week. And, in general, I get a lot of advice from friends about this. But, they have their own lives. And, sometimes, I get the short end of the stick… and wind up being alone. I’m really not looking forward to Spring Break.

I really don’t do a lot of things I enjoy. And… its bad. I mean, its too the point, where I’ve thought about picking up hobbies and things… bc it seems like there’s not much I enjoy. Mainly, I just don’t have the motivation to do them, bc I’m scared of being alone. Maybe I’m scared of enjoying time by myself, bc then I really might not see other ppl a lot… idk, does that make sense?

Edmundus1581:

This sounds like good advice (ie. to get some interests and get involved with people and life).

It may work for some people, but in the long run it can just make the lonely person lonelier. They volunteer for, say, St Vincent De Paul. They go along to meetings, help with the poor, and so on. Then, after six months to a year they realize that they are just as lonely as ever.

A person with an isolated and lonely disposition, and a pornography problem, in general doesn’t recover until they have fixed the underlying issues.

For example, in my case I have had numerous outlets over the years. Church, church groups, gym, CAF, work, a few friends, family and children. I have attended to all regularly and actively. And yet I was never able to free myself of the porn use, and isolation.

Yeah, this will be the one I address before I go… Basically, I’ve been trying to deal with these things with my friends, and in counseling… but still to no avail. Idk if I’m making progress. For me, I’m depressed bc I’m gay. So… it’s not like a problem that goes away.

I have a friend who was in a bad place because her mom died, and another friend with a drug problem… and they’ve both gotten in much better places over the past year. Idk… I’m gay.

It’s like, “time heals all wounds”… but time might not heal this one.

I hate a part of myself.

Maybe that’s why I haven’t made any progress in almost a year… it’s not like this is going to go away, or I’ll get over it, or I can grieve it and go through a mourning process.

 

[Edmundus1581]

…
I really don’t do a lot of things I enjoy. And… its bad. I mean, its too the point, where I’ve thought about picking up hobbies and things… bc it seems like there’s not much I enjoy. Mainly, I just don’t have the motivation to do them, bc I’m scared of being alone. Maybe I’m scared of enjoying time by myself, bc then I really might not see other ppl a lot… idk, does that make sense?

I hate a part of myself.

Maybe that’s why I haven’t made any progress in almost a year… it’s not like this is going to go away, or I’ll get over it, or I can grieve it and go through a mourning process.

Thankypu for the reply, ssa fellow.



These feelings you mention are all very familiar to prn addicts, whether they be gay or hetero.

It is possible to stop using porn. It’s very hard, but it’s worth it.

From what I’ve read of your two posts, I keep seeing porn as the real problem. That’s why you are lonely and unmotivated, IMHO. I was like that most of my life. Despite my various interests and activities, and counselling, it only progressed.

Of course, with most addictions, including alcoholism, there are other issues. But in the end the addiction itself becomes the real problem, and the only way out is a 12 step group. Most of us in Sexaholics Anonymous report that our problem was critical by our teens and twenties, and wish that we’d got into the program then and saved ourselves decades of misery.

I keep seeing advice on porn in CAF, yet few, if any, claiming that their advice has worked for them to the extent that they have achieved complete freedom from sexual sins for any extended period. Yet in Sexaholics Anonymous I am now two years without sex in any form, and feel better than at any time in my life., I know that if I keep with it then it will become 5 years, 10 years, 20. I have completely lost the obsession and go from day to day, and week to week, without even thinking about it.

It was hard at the start, but now it is a way of life.

From The Solution

We discovered that we could stop, that not feeding the hunger didn’t kill us, that sex was indeed optional! There was hope for freedom, and we began to feel alive. Encouraged to continue, we turned more and more away from our isolating obsession with sex and self and turned to God and others.

Please, go to a meeting. You will immediately find people you identify with, new friends, and something very positive to do with your time.

 

[josh987654321]

Yeah, this will be the one I address before I go… Basically, I’ve been trying to deal with these things with my friends, and in counseling… but still to no avail. Idk if I’m making progress. For me, I’m depressed bc I’m gay. So… it’s not like a problem that goes away.

I have a friend who was in a bad place because her mom died, and another friend with a drug problem… and they’ve both gotten in much better places over the past year. Idk… I’m gay.

It’s like, “time heals all wounds”… but time might not heal this one.

I hate a part of myself.

Maybe that’s why I haven’t made any progress in almost a year… it’s not like this is going to go away, or I’ll get over it, or I can grieve it and go through a mourning process.

I agree with Edmundus1581’s advice, However, I also believe there may be another underlying issue which might be what you think it means to be ‘gay’, to have ‘same sex attraction’.

I believe if someone has same sex attraction that they are no different to anyone else; I believe there is not one single man or woman who does not suffer from an immoral desire of some sort. I’m straight and yet have had many immoral desires, but those desires are not who I am. I believe it’s not our desires that matter but rather what we do that matters. Thus I believe you shouldn’t ‘define’ yourself as ‘gay’ as those desire are not who you are and I don’t believe we should define ourselves as something were not, but rather I believe your no different to anyone of us, as we all suffer from immoral desires, some more so than others in all different areas.

Hate the sin, not the sinner. Hate the temptations, not the self.
Extract from the book 'Imitation of Christ' by Thomas A Kempis:

Imitation of Christ - copticplace.com/files/imitation_of_Christ.pdf

The Voice of Christ -

**All is not lost, then, if you sometimes feel less devout than you wish toward Me or My saints. That good and sweet feeling which you sometimes have is the effect of present grace and a certain foretaste of your heavenly home. You must not lean upon it too much, because it comes and goes. But to fight against evil thoughts which attack you is a sign of virtue and great merit. Do not, therefore, let strange fantasies disturb you, no matter what they concern. Hold strongly to your resolution and keep a right intention toward God.

It is not an illusion that you are sometimes rapt in ecstasy and then quickly returned to the usual follies of your heart. For these are evils which you suffer rather than commit; and so long as they displease you and you struggle against them, it is a matter of merit and not a loss.

You must know that the old enemy tries by all means in his power to hinder your desire for good and to turn you from every devotional practice, especially from the veneration of the saints, from devout meditation on My passion, and from your firm purpose of advancing in virtue. He suggests many evil thoughts that he may cause you weariness and horror, and thus draw you away from prayer and holy reading. A humble confession displeases him and, if he could, he would make you omit Holy Communion.

Do not believe him or heed him, even though he often sets traps to deceive you. When he suggests evil, unclean things, accuse him. Say to him: “Away, unclean spirit! Shame, miserable creature! You are but filth to bring such things to my ears. Be gone, most wretched seducer! You shall have no part in me, for Jesus will be my strength, and you shall be confounded. I would rather die and suffer all torments than consent to you. Be still! Be silent! Though you bring many troubles upon me I will have none of you. The Lord is my light, my salvation. Whom shall I fear? Though armies unite against me, my heart will not fear, for the Lord is my Helper, my Redeemer.”

Fight like a good soldier and if you sometimes fall through weakness, rise again with greater strength than before, trusting in My most abundant grace. But beware of vain complacency and pride. For many are led into error through these faults and sometimes fall into almost perpetual blindness. Let the fall of these, who proudly presume on self, be a warning to you and a constant incentive to humility.**

I hope this has helped, if not please feel free to disregard it.

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[Domiy]

I really don’t do a lot of things I enjoy. And… its bad. I mean, its too the point, where I’ve thought about picking up hobbies and things… bc it seems like there’s not much I enjoy. Mainly, I just don’t have the motivation to do them, bc I’m scared of being alone. Maybe I’m scared of enjoying time by myself, bc then I really might not see other ppl a lot… idk, does that make sense?

It does.

It sounds more and more to me like loneliness is something you’ve been made to believe (by TV, society, etc). There’s nothing wrong with spending most of your time alone. The number of close friends I have has constantly decreased over the years as I’ve gotten older. I’ve found out that there are some things I enjoy doing, and I’m going to do them regardless of how it will effect my social standing. More time alone means more time to be myself, and that’s a good thing. There are plenty of people who have social obligations to constantly be out and do things they don’t really want to do; this too leads to depression due to a lack of lone-time to think and enjoy yourself. It goes both ways. It’s like when people complain about financial troubles, yet often you find that wealthy people have just as many severe problems which causes depression (see: Hollywood).

 

[Joie_de_Vivre]

Hey all, thanks for the replies, and the advice.
I don’t really have time tonight to sit down and address them all. I will tomorrow.

Yes, I do go to counseling every week. And, in general, I get a lot of advice from friends about this. But, they have their own lives. And, sometimes, I get the short end of the stick… and wind up being alone. I’m really not looking forward to Spring Break.

I really don’t do a lot of things I enjoy. And… its bad. I mean, its too the point, where I’ve thought about picking up hobbies and things… bc it seems like there’s not much I enjoy. Mainly, I just don’t have the motivation to do them, bc I’m scared of being alone. Maybe I’m scared of enjoying time by myself, bc then I really might not see other ppl a lot… idk, does that make sense?

Yeah, this will be the one I address before I go… Basically, I’ve been trying to deal with these things with my friends, and in counseling… but still to no avail. Idk if I’m making progress. For me, I’m depressed bc I’m gay. So… it’s not like a problem that goes away.

I have a friend who was in a bad place because her mom died, and another friend with a drug problem… and they’ve both gotten in much better places over the past year. Idk… I’m gay.

It’s like, “time heals all wounds”… but time might not heal this one.

I hate a part of myself.

Maybe that’s why I haven’t made any progress in almost a year… it’s not like this is going to go away, or I’ll get over it, or I can grieve it and go through a mourning process.

I think you should check out the new book by Eve Tushnet.

I agree with Edmundus1581’s advice, However, I also believe there may be another underlying issue which might be what you think it means to be ‘gay’, to have ‘same sex attraction’.

I believe if someone has same sex attraction that they are no different to anyone else; I believe there is not one single man or woman who does not suffer from an immoral desire of some sort. I’m straight and yet have had many immoral desires, but those desires are not who I am. I believe it’s not our desires that matter but rather what we do that matters. Thus I believe you shouldn’t ‘define’ yourself as ‘gay’ as those desire are not who you are and I don’t believe we should define ourselves as something were not, but rather I believe your no different to anyone of us, as we all suffer from immoral desires, some more so than others in all different areas.

Hate the sin, not the sinner. Hate the temptations, not the self.

I hope this has helped, if not please feel free to disregard it.

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

Problem is that the intrinsically disordered part of homosexuality is only a small part of it and so “hate the temptations, not the self” doesn’t really work.

I really don’t do a lot of things I enjoy. And… its bad. I mean, its too the point, where I’ve thought about picking up hobbies and things… bc it seems like there’s not much I enjoy. Mainly, I just don’t have the motivation to do them, bc I’m scared of being alone. Maybe I’m scared of enjoying time by myself, bc then I really might not see other ppl a lot… idk, does that make sense?

It does.

It sounds more and more to me like loneliness is something you’ve been made to believe (by TV, society, etc). There’s nothing wrong with spending most of your time alone. The number of close friends I have has constantly decreased over the years as I’ve gotten older. I’ve found out that there are some things I enjoy doing, and I’m going to do them regardless of how it will effect my social standing. More time alone means more time to be myself, and that’s a good thing. There are plenty of people who have social obligations to constantly be out and do things they don’t really want to do; this too leads to depression due to a lack of lone-time to think and enjoy yourself. It goes both ways. It’s like when people complain about financial troubles, yet often you find that wealthy people have just as many severe problems which causes depression (see: Hollywood).

Some people are people people, others are not. There is also a huge difference between choosing to be alone and being alone because of external factors. What is sounds like is the OP needs is external validation telling him that he is lovable not because he is weak, but because man is a social creature.

 

[josh987654321]

Problem is that the intrinsically disordered part of homosexuality is only a small part of it and so “hate the temptations, not the self” doesn’t really work.

I respectfully disagree. Lying I believe is also ‘intrinsically disordered’ (I agree with) and I have lied and been tempted to lie in my life; but I don’t believe I am disordered in anyway.

I hope this has helped

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[Edmundus1581]

I respectfully disagree. Lying I believe is also ‘intrinsically disordered’ (I agree with) and I have lied and been tempted to lie in my life; but I don’t believe I am disordered in anyway.

I hope this has helped

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh