Looking at Women

[crdgz]

Hey everyone, I’ve been reading some threads regarding lust, impure thought and all of that kind of stuff.

However, I’m confused on where to draw the line when looking at women. I know that if we look at a women with lust we are committing adultery in our hearts, but some on here have said that it is okay to look/glance at a (fully clothed) womens beasts or rear end, as long as we don’t imagine having intercourse with her, or make her seem like just an object.

For example, let’s say you’re walking down the street and see a very attractive women with a good figure. Would it be a sin to glance at her breasts or rear end? I guess it would help to mention that I’m a 16 year old male.

Edit: just to clarify… I don’t objectify women, I try avoiding looking at their breasts or their rear end because I think it’s sinful to even notice. I guess you can say I’m scrupulous but the question only came up because someone mentioned it was not a sin. Thanks

 

[1ke]

Please discuss modesty, chastity, and purity with your parents. If you cannot talk to them, talk to your pastor.

 

[abinjoy]

I think you are risking yourself by admiring what you have mentioned and by admiring what you mentioned you are likely to fall into sin.

 

[Vico]

Hey everyone, I’ve been reading some threads regarding lust, impure thought and all of that kind of stuff.

However, I’m confused on where to draw the line when looking at women. I know that if we look at a women with lust we are committing adultery in our hearts, but some on here have said that it is okay to look/glance at a (fully clothed) womens beasts or rear end, as long as we don’t imagine having intercourse with her, or make her seem like just an object.

For example, let’s say you’re walking down the road and see a very attractive women with a good figure. Would it be a sin to admire her breasts and rear end? I guess it would help to mention that I’m a 16 year old male.

Two notable items from Fr. John Hardon: Fr. Hardon Archives - Sex and Chastity

Sex Stimuli​

Sex stimuli differ quite as much as different kinds of food appeal to various people. Boys and men are usually more affected physically than girls and women; but here, too, there are notable exceptions. Yet this single fact can be of great importance for women in dealing with men. They normally have no personal experience that even resembles the powerful sexual drive of the male, and must take on faith that such is really the case. Some people are decidedly hypersensitive along sex lines; they can be excited strongly by something that leaves other people cold. In this matter, a prudent insight into one’s own drives and tendencies is worth any amount of theoretical knowledge that maybe found in books or secured from lectures.

Method and Means​

Chastity is impossible without prayer. Whoever thinks he can control the sex drive without help from God, obtained through prayer, is ignorant of a basic principle of the Christian faith. We have a fallen human nature whose appetites lack the inner control they once enjoyed. Instead of perfect dominance of the sex urge, concupiscence allows this powerful instinct free rein. Sometimes on the slightest provocation, like a single glance of the eye or the mere touch of the hand, the whole body is aroused to seek carnal satisfaction. And once aroused, the desires are not easily quieted down but may require great effort of resistance to keep the will from “giving in” to the venereal pleasure being experienced.

 

[randomuser888]

Would it be a sin to admire her breasts and rear end? I guess it would help to mention that I’m a 16 year old male.

Yes. It is a sin. What you’re describing, particularly if you’re 16, is sexual harassment. When you objectify women - such as what you’re doing - that’s where sexual harassment comes from. We unfortunately live in a society where so many Catholics dismiss crude sexual comments as “locker room talk,” so if you’re “pro-life,” then you may get a free pass when you’re older. But since you’re still young, now’s the time to nip sinful behaviors in the bud.

 

[1Lord1Faith]

For example, let’s say you’re walking down the road and see a very attractive women with a good figure. Would it be a sin to admire her breasts and rear end? I guess it would help to mention that I’m a 16 year old male.

No it’s not a sin for you to admire a woman’s figure. To think of admiring the female form as a sin would be denying your God given attraction to the opposite sex.

But the word admire has a connotation of respect with it, so you are not to ogle, stare, lust or objectify. Something good to remember is the phrase “custody of the eyes” which means, have control over what you’re looking at, don’t let your sexual desire control what or who you look at.

 

[TeenCatholicGuy]

Seeking the Community’s (name removed by moderator)ut here is a good thing, talking about stuff like this is hard at that age (I’m only a year younger then him!)

I know for a fact, that the majority of my Catholic High School would never even mention this to anyone.
His willingness should be encouraged, not discouraged.

 

[StJoseph8]

As a college student, my advice is not to look. Seriously, don’t. It’s hard sometimes, but if you’ve been trying to get better with impurity, don’t give yourself an opportunity to hurt yourself. Yeah it can be annoying especially if you really want to, but you have to fight that urge to look. Something that has helped me with this is a book, The Spiritual Combat.

 

[joeybaggz]

If you were walking through, say Wal-Mart, and you passed by the sporting goods section, and on the counter top was a box of shotgun shells. Would you commit a sin of attempted murder by looking at them.?

Obviously, no you would not. It would only be sinful if you maliciously and with full intent decided you wanted to use those shells and inflict damage on others.

Likewise, looking at women and realizing the beauty you see is not sinful in and of itself. Now if you infuse that recognition of your own natural and normal reaction to a pretty girl, with a malicious and directed intent to abuse her, (or yourself or another), then you have wandered off the reservation. Malice and intent make normal human desire, something we are wired with (and God did the wiring), lust. And that is sinful according to the Carpenter from Nazareth.

Striking a match is not sinful, burning down your neighbor’s house is.
Drinking an alcoholic beverage (when you become legal) is not a sin. Getting in a car and driving after you have had way to many is.

The key to a happy and successful life, at least from a spiritual sense, is to recognize that a thing, in and of itself, is not sinful, it is the misuse of it that is. Don’t be overly scrupulous, it will make you miserable.

Shalom

 

[crdgz]

Will check the book out, thanks!

 

[Wesrock]

As Catholics, we know that certain things are sins, and that some sins are mortal and others venial. This is important knowledge to have. But that doesn’t mean we can break it down into a simple checklist. The moral law is different from legal law. It’s not “legalistic,” if you will.

You are to treat all people as persons and not objects of desire. This isn’t just about how you consciously view them, but about your actions, the things you do, what you will.

If your eyes drift over the features of a person of the opposite sex, that’s not inherently evil. If you find yourself gawking, gandering, fantasizing, you need to cut yourself off from what you’re doing. Refraining from sin is not just an intellectual thing. For example, if you’re thinking, “I’m just going to run my eyes up and down her body to “appreciate her,” and I’ll just keep admiring, but I’ll keep my mind off of sex and lust or her naked so everything is okay,” you’re doing something wrong. You’re lying to yourself.

That doesn’t mean you need to run to confession every time you do a double take. If you realize you’re staring, stop yourself.

I don’t know if any of that helps, haha.

 

[DaveBj]

When I find myself looking too long at an attractive woman, I offer a silent prayer asking God to protect her from men like what I would be, if not for the grace of God.

 

[MrsAngelala]

I understand this is an honest question, and I appreciate that you’re thinking critically about this issue. So when I say this, it’s not in judgment, it’s simply a statement: as a woman, knowing I was being looked at like this would disturb me. What lines you’ve crossed or not-crossed would not make a difference to my discomfort, nor would your good or bad intentions.

(How lovely it is that our minds remain private unless we choose to share them! How much trouble it saves us all!)

I’ve decided not to play around with this issue, so I’ve developed a firm habit of looking away when my eyes come across a body they’d like to see again. Over time the spark of interest has itself become a cue to immediately avert gaze. It’s tough, but it works. There’s plenty of beauty around me to consider and study without even approaching sin – I don’t consider myself to be missing anything.

I hope you’re able to find the clarity you’re looking for.

 

[randomuser888]

No it’s not a sin for you to admire a woman’s figure. To think of admiring the female form as a sin would be denying your God given attraction to the opposite sex.

Respectfully, on what basis can any Catholic “admire” a woman’s breasts or rear end? Even married couples - I don’t know of any husbands who “admire” their wive’s breasts or rear end - which is what OP is asking about. It’s more than a little troubling that nobody else’s “red flag” spidey-senses tell them that OP could go down the route of sexual harassment when he’s older - because nobody actually told him that, yes, it is a sin to look at women that way. What’s wrong with telling young men not to look at women’s breasts and rear ends? Why is that so problematic? Yes, OP, it is a sin.

 

[randomuser888]

as a woman, knowing I was being looked at like this would disturb me.

^^ THIS

Why did it take 12 posts to point out the obvious? And why hasn’t anyone (other than me) brought up the also-obvious (as least to me) that OP is essentially getting groomed to be a sexual harrasser unless someone tells the OP in no uncertain terms that yes, it most certainly is a sin to “admire” certain things about a woman. Amazing. Absolutely amazing.

 

[Zaccheus]

Hey everyone, I’ve been reading some threads regarding lust, impure thought and all of that kind of stuff.

However, I’m confused on where to draw the line when looking at women. I know that if we look at a women with lust we are committing adultery in our hearts, but some on here have said that it is okay to look/glance at a (fully clothed) womens beasts or rear end, as long as we don’t imagine having intercourse with her, or make her seem like just an object.

For example, let’s say you’re walking down the street and see a very attractive women with a good figure. Would it be a sin to glance at her breasts or rear end? I guess it would help to mention that I’m a 16 year old male.

There’s nothing wrong with admiring an attractive woman.
However: if you follow up by looking at her breasts, you’re crossing the line. Admire and move on; don’t make a point of looking at her breasts or buttocks.
If you can’t admire her without looking at breasts or backside then you’re indulging lustful impulses and should avoid paying attention to her at all.

EDIT: and there is a difference between looking and staring.

 

[1Lord1Faith]

Respectfully, on what basis can any Catholic “admire” a woman’s breasts or rear end?

Marriage, art, medicine, and teaching a young man not to be scrupulous about his God given attraction to the opposite sex.

Even married couples - I don’t know of any husbands who “admire” their wive’s breasts or rear end -

You need to get out more.

It’s more than a little troubling that nobody else’s “red flag” spidey-senses tell them that OP could go down the route of sexual harassment when he’s older

A logic leap based on your apparent phobia(s), also insulting to the OP.

What’s wrong with telling young men not to look at women’s breasts and rear ends?

When they are told it’s a sin to do so.

Why is that so problematic?

Because this is not Puritan Answers, it’s Catholic Answers.

Yes, OP, it is a sin.

Your use of scare quotes around the word admire indicate that you do not understand the difference in meaning between the words admire and covet.

 

[Crusaderbear]

As long as it’s in admiration and not the start of a fantasy, you are ok. Admiring God’s work is encouraged! When you see a brilliant sunrise, or sunset, a herd of deer with their fawns, or the Grand Canyon, you are admiring God’s handiwork. I see no fault in admiring other humans as well!

If you have trouble keeping it to simple admiration though, then by all means try and avoid looking! There are some here who have that problem…

 

[Wesrock]

MrsAngelala:

as a woman, knowing I was being looked at like this would disturb me.

^^ THIS

Why did it take 12 posts to point out the obvious? And why hasn’t anyone (other than me) brought up the also-obvious (as least to me) that OP is essentially getting groomed to be a sexual harrasser unless someone tells the OP in no uncertain terms that yes, it most certainly is a sin to “admire” certain things about a woman. Amazing. Absolutely amazing.

Such gawking is creepy. But perhaps you haven’t encountered much scrupulosity on these boards? If a person’s eyes focus on someone unconsciously for half a second and they realize what they’re staring and look away, we don’t want the OCD types to suddenly have terrible anxiety and fear about their immortal souls or constantly asking? “Did I sin? Did I sin? Is it mortal?”

Just trying to establish the nuances between an unthinking look (not “looking,” but an unintentional look) and gawking/running the eyes over. Perhaps we’re too used to the scrupulous.

Certainly nobody should be trying to find a line (such as the “I’ll look but I’ll keep my mind off of sex” false justification) to tiptoe or a loophole.

 

[randomuser888]

However: if you follow up by looking at her breasts, you’re crossing the line.

And, yes, it’s a sin. Thank you, Captain Obvious.