E
Eliza10
Guest
I believe in the Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church. I believe in all She teachers. I value all the Sacraments. God has been so good to me all my life. And my life has not always been easy but I see Gods grace runs all though it. Hardest was a 20 year difficult marraige to a man who could never love. Then the divorce and custody battle and starting life as a single Mom totally unprepared and all the practical challenges. I think I certainly had some kind of PTSD from that. The Sacraments and frequent Mass and Adoration got me through the most difficult parts. [My first apartment as a single Mom, a half a house in a good village neighborhood, the one with the landlords from hell, was a short block and a half from a Catholic Church, and I was able to go to Daily Mass often).
There were more life challenges but I got to a point where I really thought I was fine, and felt as I do now, too, much gratitude for ALL of my trials which had made me run to the Lord, and *“Trust in Him”. Without the trials I would never have learned the most valuable lesson of my life - that I truly can trust God!
Yes, I thought I was fine but when my severely traumatized friend bailed on the healing ministry I had arranged to take her to, I felt God call me to take her place. I was so surprised. In a practically audible (but not) inner voice, He said to me: “I love you, too. Don’t you want to be whole?” I was so surprised because I thought I* was* whole, but just then, I realized I was not whole, that I still needed mending. So I went, and God did make me whole and new. It amazes me sometimes that I have the difficult past, but none of the pain from it anymore. God truly does make all things new.
Then I immediately met a man I had been corresponding with as friends for some years. I meant to meet as just friends; I had made up my mind to avoid any future marriage, since I had chosen so wrong the first time. But I fell in love hard and fast. God in a clear way helped me see that this was okay with Him.
There is so much I could say about this but to make it short I will just say we have both been chaste within our marriages and then out of them, for many many years and have not have other relations. I thought I woudl be a nun someday and he a monk. So this took us both by surprise. But we feel very called to be together forever. We are so drawn to each other, so at peace whenever we are together, we can talk about all things - its awesome
We will marry as soon as we can, just short of a year at the earliest. But we have obstacles to overcome first which we are working on. So we follow the rules of Our Holy Mother the Church meantime.
We are in differnt states and we get together for a week or two usually at a time, with a month or two or three or four in between. We are in separate states. Normally I have gone to his home, where we work very hard on his house to prepare it to sell, and I sleep in his son’s room (adult son, moved out) and his adult daughter is almost always there (or about to bust in the door) and often her toddler and so we are well chaperoned. He only came here for the first time at Christmastime and my teen son is here so we are well chaperoned here too.
Originally when I visited him I stayed at a nearby Catholic retreat house but that was an expense and we are both on snug budgets. I realized we are about never alone (as I described above) anyway.
However we are drawn to being alone and drawn to each other and we do find our times, and are only all too aware of them when the “chaperons” step out. They don’t know we call them “chaperons” or even that we need them for that. Its like living two-faced, we want very much to have proper, non-scandalous behavior in front of our offspring and anyone else but when we are alone we cannot wait to snuggle and hug, and though we have some limits, but we do “forget” in the moment and go beyond what anyone would call chaste behavior. We go to confession, and that helps, but it is a constant struggle particularly for me to ask myself if I am truly intending in the future to avoid all near occasion of sin.
With another visit coming up next month I am asking God to help me with my firm resolve.
And I am asking others for a pep talk. I cannot believe I am so Catholic and have so much resolve to do things God’s way but find myself telling myself that “God understands” and “maybe its not such a big deal”. Maybe its not but I know that God will give me the grace to do all He asks. And He has given me so much, it makes me feel ashamed I woudl bulk when He asks a little.
I don’t want to be ashamed when I receive the great blessing of the Marraige Sacrament that I have opened a hoard of the wedding presents before the wedding…
Yet I see others happily enjoying their boyfriends in the married sense and I feel envious and stymied. So I need a pep talk to help me along a bit.
So, why am I doing this? Please remind me!
There were more life challenges but I got to a point where I really thought I was fine, and felt as I do now, too, much gratitude for ALL of my trials which had made me run to the Lord, and *“Trust in Him”. Without the trials I would never have learned the most valuable lesson of my life - that I truly can trust God!
Yes, I thought I was fine but when my severely traumatized friend bailed on the healing ministry I had arranged to take her to, I felt God call me to take her place. I was so surprised. In a practically audible (but not) inner voice, He said to me: “I love you, too. Don’t you want to be whole?” I was so surprised because I thought I* was* whole, but just then, I realized I was not whole, that I still needed mending. So I went, and God did make me whole and new. It amazes me sometimes that I have the difficult past, but none of the pain from it anymore. God truly does make all things new.
Then I immediately met a man I had been corresponding with as friends for some years. I meant to meet as just friends; I had made up my mind to avoid any future marriage, since I had chosen so wrong the first time. But I fell in love hard and fast. God in a clear way helped me see that this was okay with Him.
There is so much I could say about this but to make it short I will just say we have both been chaste within our marriages and then out of them, for many many years and have not have other relations. I thought I woudl be a nun someday and he a monk. So this took us both by surprise. But we feel very called to be together forever. We are so drawn to each other, so at peace whenever we are together, we can talk about all things - its awesome
We will marry as soon as we can, just short of a year at the earliest. But we have obstacles to overcome first which we are working on. So we follow the rules of Our Holy Mother the Church meantime.
We are in differnt states and we get together for a week or two usually at a time, with a month or two or three or four in between. We are in separate states. Normally I have gone to his home, where we work very hard on his house to prepare it to sell, and I sleep in his son’s room (adult son, moved out) and his adult daughter is almost always there (or about to bust in the door) and often her toddler and so we are well chaperoned. He only came here for the first time at Christmastime and my teen son is here so we are well chaperoned here too.
Originally when I visited him I stayed at a nearby Catholic retreat house but that was an expense and we are both on snug budgets. I realized we are about never alone (as I described above) anyway.
However we are drawn to being alone and drawn to each other and we do find our times, and are only all too aware of them when the “chaperons” step out. They don’t know we call them “chaperons” or even that we need them for that. Its like living two-faced, we want very much to have proper, non-scandalous behavior in front of our offspring and anyone else but when we are alone we cannot wait to snuggle and hug, and though we have some limits, but we do “forget” in the moment and go beyond what anyone would call chaste behavior. We go to confession, and that helps, but it is a constant struggle particularly for me to ask myself if I am truly intending in the future to avoid all near occasion of sin.
With another visit coming up next month I am asking God to help me with my firm resolve.
And I am asking others for a pep talk. I cannot believe I am so Catholic and have so much resolve to do things God’s way but find myself telling myself that “God understands” and “maybe its not such a big deal”. Maybe its not but I know that God will give me the grace to do all He asks. And He has given me so much, it makes me feel ashamed I woudl bulk when He asks a little.
I don’t want to be ashamed when I receive the great blessing of the Marraige Sacrament that I have opened a hoard of the wedding presents before the wedding…
Yet I see others happily enjoying their boyfriends in the married sense and I feel envious and stymied. So I need a pep talk to help me along a bit.
So, why am I doing this? Please remind me!
