Looking for some personal advice

[Hoosier_Daddy]

You will if and when it’s your daughter’s boyfriend going on dates with someone else.

You keep bringing that up.
Hopefully my daughter will have a boyfriend who is commited to the relationship and hopefully she is too. But if she is dating loser biker guy and nice doctor guy wants to take her too a football game, I’m ok with that. I don’t know what your facination with my daughters is on this thread.

Tell you what, if my son is dicerning the priesthood and goes on a date I’m cool with that too. Seminary is the equivalent of engagement. So, engagement is hands off.

Boyfriend is a throwaway term, and the latest pics involving the “boyfriend” are a month old…

Who cares?

Funny story.

My first date with my wife was after work one day. I asked her what she was doing, she said, “I’m supposed to go to a movie with this guy who asked me out.” I said, “bummer, you know what you should do? I’m heading up to the lake to do some evening boating, it will be more fun than that movie”. I’m glad she said yes… I like to think that other dude recovered by now…

 

[BlueEyedLady]

You keep bringing that up.
Hopefully my daughter will have a boyfriend who is commited to the relationship and hopefully she is too. But if she is dating loser biker guy and nice doctor guy wants to take her too a football game, I’m ok with that. I don’t know what your facination with my daughters is on this thread.

Tell you what, if my son is dicerning the priesthood and goes on a date I’m cool with that too. Seminary is the equivalent of engagement. So, engagement is hands off.

Boyfriend is a throwaway term, and the latest pics involving the “boyfriend” are a month old…

Who cares?

Funny story.

My first date with my wife was after work one day. I asked her what she was doing, she said, “I’m supposed to go to a movie with this guy who asked me out.” I said, “bummer, you know what you should do? I’m heading up to the lake to do some evening boating, it will be more fun than that movie”. I’m glad she said yes… I like to think that other dude recovered by now…

That’s not a boyfriend situation. My husband blew off another girl he had a second date lined up with after meeting me too. But he didn’t have a girlfriend, and if I found out he did when we started dating, I would have run for the hills.

You envision this as the people you love trading up. But what if your daughter is dating that doctor and he meets a sweet, sexy nurse? He decides that he likes your daughter, so he’d rather not let her go until he’s sure he has a shot with the nurse. He takes nurse out a few times on the DL before breaking up. Totally ok, right? I mean, he said she was his girlfriend and she thought, like most people do, that means exclusive, but hey, he thinks he can do better. Still totally honest and moral? I have a hard time imagining anyone truly feels that way. It’s just scummy, through and through.

I’m talking about your daughters because your stance seems to be that this behavior is ok as long as you benefit. But what if you or someone you love is deemed collateral damage instead of the one gaining something?

And no, among adults, boyfriend and girlfriend are not ‘throwaway’ terms.

 

[Xantippe]

That’s not a boyfriend situation. My husband blew off another girl he had a second date lined up with after meeting me too. But he didn’t have a girlfriend, and if I found out he did when we started dating, I would have run for the hills.

You envision this as the people you love trading up. But what if your daughter is dating that doctor and he meets a sweet, sexy nurse? He decides that he likes your daughter, so he’d rather not let her go until he’s sure he has a shot with the nurse. He takes nurse out a few times on the DL before breaking up. Totally ok, right? I mean, he said she was his girlfriend and she thought, like most people do, that means exclusive, but hey, he thinks he can do better. Still totally honest and moral? I have a hard time imagining anyone truly feels that way. It’s just scummy, through and through.

I’m talking about your daughters because your stance seems to be that this behavior is ok as long as you benefit. But what if you or someone you love is deemed collateral damage instead of the one gaining something?

And no, among adults, boyfriend and girlfriend are not ‘throwaway’ terms.

Also, I think boyfriend and girlfriend as throwaway terms is more of an 80s high school thing than a current thing–even young people don’t say boyfriend or girlfriend unless they are reasonably serious.

(Did I get that right?)

 

[Elena321]

I think there’s one of two options.
Either it was a misunderstanding with her thinking you were going as friends while you were thinking you were going as a date/as romantic.
Or alternatively,she is fighting with her boyfriend or considering breaking up with him.

I think the first is the most likely option as she made no attempts on Facebook to hide the fact that she had a boyfriend and accepted your friend request.
You mentioned you have been working together for approx a year so (and this is from a female point of view) she probably views you now as a friend/co worker.

I think you should proceed by playing it cool.
If she has a boyfriend then it’s not something you want to pursue anyway.

It might seem this is due to the Autism/difficulties navigating social situation but take heart these misunderstandings happen to people without Autism too.

 

[bsf]

….The problem is that, outside of my job, I pretty much don’t interact with anyone. I go home everyday and unless I need to run an errand, I just stay home. It’s hard to come up with reasons to leave or think of stuff to do by myself. The woman in question is the only unmarried woman at work. With her unavailable, there is not a single, single woman I know (who’s age appropriate anyway). Talking to her at the game (before I knew about the boyfriend) was one happiest moments I can remember going back several years. I thought it might break the cycle of years long loneliness, but it doesn’t appear so.

Can you share with us some strategies those with autism use to overcome their difficulties in interacting with other’s socially? Additionally, if it is not too personal, can you share with us whether you have been more socially active (outside of employment) previously and what those social activities were? Thank you.

I will pray for your guidance in navigating this situation you explained to us.

 

[Bataar]

Can you share with us some strategies those with autism use to overcome their difficulties in interacting with other’s socially? Additionally, if it is not too personal, can you share with us whether you have been more socially active (outside of employment) previously and what those social activities were? Thank you.

I will pray for your guidance in navigating this situation you explained to us.

I wish I could, but unfortunately, I really don’t have anything to offer. Like I said, outside of work, I pretty much don’t interact with anyone. I get home from work, give my dog some attention and then just do stuff around the house. Once a month, I get together with a group of guys for a strategy board game night, but that’s pretty much my only social outlet.

At only one point in my life have I ever been social. From circa 2006 - 2008, I actually had a good group of friends. First and only time in my life that has happened. I still remember the day that I came to the conscious realization that I actually had a group of friends. I gave thanks to God for that and within a month, they had all moved across the country for various reasons. I’m still a little bitter about that .

 

[Bataar]

Well, I asked her if she wanted to do another activity and she declined and mentioned the boyfriend that time. Oh well, back to square zero.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Well, I asked her if she wanted to do another activity and she declined and mentioned the boyfriend that time. Oh well, back to square zero.

Good job for asking again.
Oh well, now you know…