Looooong Confessions

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YoungApologist3

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One thing that I (and I’m sure many others) have noticed when in line for confession is how long it can take some people to get through confession. I remember one time in particular that I ended up being the fourth or fifth person in line (which I thought was no problem, since I was about an hour early for the Saturday Vigil Mass, which I attended), and it took nearly the entire hour (or perhaps it was closer to 40 minutes) for me to get into the confessional myself. This is sometimes a source of great frustration for me, even though I try to be understanding. It normally takes only a few minutes for me to go through the entire sacrament, and I sincerely can’t understand what takes so long.

In complete charity—so that I may come to understand—I would like to ask the people who take a very long time in the confessional: what causes a confession to take a very long time? Of course, confession is by its very nature a delicate topic, so only answer if you are 100% comfortable with answering.

Thank you.
 
Working through the baggage of sin. My pastor is a wealth of wisdom and we frequently talk through some spiritual strategies before absolution.

And they could just be armwrestling or something.
 
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For those inclined to linger longer in the confessional, Fr. @edward_george1 offered some advice a month ago, based on his own experience:

“Say what you did plainly and humbly, accept your penance (or ask for another if you are unable to do the one assigned of course), and accept the forgiveness of God. It’s really very simple.”

Or, more succinctly,
“Be brief, be bold, be gone.”
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Please Help: How Specific Should You be in Confession? Liturgy and Sacraments
I always tell people that less is more. Trust that God is God and knows what you did and why you did it, he mostly just wants to hear you acknowledge it. And trust that Father is an educated man and knows what you’re talking about, and if he doesn’t, he’ll ask. If you say something extremely vague like “I did something I wasn’t supposed to do,” then I’ll follow up, since that could be anything. If you say “I committed sexual sin by myself x number of times,” that’s all I need to know. If you con…
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Against my common sense I’ll offer a reply. I agree with the agita the OP exhibits. If an hour is allotted for confession, and you are such a great sinner that you need fifty minutes and the heck with the other twelve people in line, please make an appointment with the priest to hear a private confession and the two hour hand wringing you need. Consideration of others is the 8th corporal act of mercy.
 
the longest I had was around 10-15 minutes?

It really depends on the priest 😃 Like if the priest is curious about me or knows me, he’ll ask me some stuffs or give me more advice.
 
Great… Now, any time that somebody is taking a long time in the confessional, the thought of them arm wrestling Father is going to pop into my head. 😆 🤣
 
I tend to have long-ish confessions, but it isn’t me. I’m pretty succinct; it is my confessor who likes to talk. My longest confession with my regular confessor was about 45 minutes. There was nobody else in the church and we had the time, so neither of us was worried about keeping it short. We ended up having a long conversation about marriage and parenting and making decisions in accordance with God’s will. It wasn’t necessary for it to be that long, but it was a fruitful time and I’m glad we took the opportunity. More commonly, my confessions last about 10 minutes, maybe a little longer if I have an appointment. Mostly, it is Father giving advice and making suggestions. I appreciate this; it is why he is my regular confessor.

I went to confession at an FSSP parish on Saturday and my confession lasted almost 10 minutes. Again, it was the priest who determined the length. He asked good questions, helped me to name a sin that I just had a sense about, but could not p(name removed by moderator)oint. He gave excellent and thoughtful advice that I carried with me for the rest of the day.

My longest confession ever was excruciating and awkward. It was on a Sunday morning during Mass. The priest went on and on. It was behind a screen so I couldn’t see him, but I could tell that he was reading a newspaper. He told me a lot about himself. I learned that he was studying for a Master’s degree in my field and he asked me a lot of questions about the work that I did. I wasn’t special, though. My then-fiance went right after me and he took just as long.
 
Probably have not been to confession in a while. A conversation starts. The confessing person ends up crying. I think confession appointments are ideal.
 
I understand how that feel. By the time your turn came, Father came out of the Confessional because he had to say mass. Chill.
 
I think it sometimes just depends on the priest.

I read my sins from a list I prepare beforehand and it takes me no more than a minute or two to say them. One particular priest says nothing beyond asking me to say the Act of Contrition. Another priest has a lot to say, will ask questions and offer counsel for 5 minutes or more.
 
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My first confession after 20 years was very loooooong (1st one since Holy Communion). I didn’t know what to expect, didn’t want to make appointment as thought I would bottle out. Whilst in there, I just kept crying so it took a while to get it all out.

My very kind priest kept me in there for a very long time to talk things over. I don’t know if he is aware (I’ve never spoke to him face-to-face) but it was a life-changing moment for me. Came out a snotty, tearful mess but I hope people waiting had some understanding.

Since then, I think that I will be only a Christmas and Easter confessioner.
 
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Funny to compare various threads that get started. There’s this one complaining about long confessions. There’s another one complaining about not getting advice in the confessional. Priests can’t win no matter what they do.
 
As @babochka said, sometimes it’s not the penitent who prolongs the confession. My longest confession ever began with me citing sins for 45 seconds and continued with Father asking questions for nearly an hour. I honestly thought I’d be done in five minutes tops.
 
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I’m sorry if this came across as complaining. I tried to word this as charitably as possible. I sincerely am trying to be more understanding, as that is something that I struggle with often. I would not start a thread simply to complain, I assure you.
 
Thank you everyone for your replies. The general consensus seems (to me) to be that either:

a. It is a person’s first confession in a long time, which will understandably take a while.
or
b. Father just always takes a long time to give advice, or asks many questions.

I would definitely not want to turn someone away from the Church (or even simply to make them not want to confess regularly) just because I’m being impatient. I think this will help me to be more understanding, and I hope it helps others.
 
“In complete charity”
“YoungApologist3 said:
One thing that I (and I’m sure many others) have noticed when in line for confession is how long it can take some people to get through confession. I remember one time in particular that I ended up being the fourth or fifth person in line (which I thought was no problem, since I was about an hour early for the Saturday Vigil Mass, which I attended), and it took nearly the entire hour (or perhaps it was closer to 40 minutes) for me to get into the confessional myself. This is sometimes a source of great frustration for me, even though I try to be understanding. It normally takes only a few minutes for me to go through the entire sacrament, and I sincerely can’t understand what takes so long.

Be Thankful that your own confession does not take so long.

*In complete charity—so that I may come to understand—I would like to ask the people who take a very long time in the confessional: what causes a confession to take a very long time?*

In complete charity, perhaps you should concentrate more on your own business and less on the affairs of your neighbor. As a person who has returned to the faith, judgments like this are probably the number one stereotype held by Protestants against Catholics. Protestants always discuss Catholics who complain about the trash in front of their neighbor’s house while overlooking the trash in their own front yard.

The penitant in the confessional in front of you is having a discussion with Christ. Why would any Christian want to rush any other Christian who is talking to Christ?
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HolySpirit said:
The penitant in the confessional in front of you is having a discussion with Christ. Why would any Christian want to rush any other Christian who is talking to Christ?
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Because there are some Christians who may also be in the state of mortal sin also waiting for healing, which is why they’re standing in line, and it is also charity to be considerate of their needs as well. If the Christian in the confessional needs more time to talk to Christ, he can set an appointment where he can plan the time with his priest and bawl to his heart’s content. In the meantime, charity cuts both ways. When there is a line, we presume the Christians in the line also have a need to confess, and depriving them of that is also not fair.

The state of our souls and our need for absolution is very much our business and when we see someone taking up the vast majority of a 30-minute window before the Mass, that delay can also become very much our business.

One can worthily confess and be absolved of a lifetime of sins in under ten minutes. Counsel will take more time. As said: Be bold, be brief, be gone. If you need more time than it would take to be brief, confess, be absolved, then call to set an appointment. It’s also part of being thoughtful.
 
I was always under the impression that the Priest was in control of the confession. The penitient is not the one who decides when it is time to absolve. Why don’t you ask the Priest why he is taking so darn long instead of blaming the poor person on the hot seat.

If my Priest’s confessions run into mass, he always stays after mass or schedules a time with those he does not get to. I imagine yours does the same. If he doesn’t, ask him why not.

I have enough trash in my front yard to be worried about the trash in the front yard of others. I think that is probably true of everybody.
 
Fine, make an appointment. Anyone in such a position should seek a protracted period of time to understand better the nature of a healthy relationship with God and with others. IN fact, IMO people who have been away from the Church for an extended period of time and expect an in and out confession on a busy Saturday noon are not realistic.
 
HolySpirit said:
I was always under the impression that the Priest was in control of the confession. The penitient is not the one who decides when it is time to absolve. Why don’t you ask the Priest why he is taking so darn long instead of blaming the poor person on the hot seat.

If my Priest’s confessions run into mass, he always stays after mass or schedules a time with those he does not get to. I imagine yours does the same. If he doesn’t, ask him why not.

I have enough trash in my front yard to be worried about the trash in the front yard of others. I think that is probably true of everybody.
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No, it’s not the priest, at least not always. Quite often, it’s the penitent trying to unload whatever emotional baggage he has. I know this because if I’m lucky to make my turn with the same confessor, I can be done in five minutes, same priest.

As for worrying about trash, it doesn’t seem that you understand. The reason it becomes frustrating is because we are concerned about our own trash, which we get to keep because someone didn’t consider our needs too. We don’t care about the trash of the person hogging the confessional. We do care about getting rid of ours. Some consideration from everyone is therefore appreciated. If they need more time, then set an appointment.
 
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