Looooong Confessions

[joeybaggz]

And I do realize that this could be problematic in a parish that only has one priest who is extremely busy. I’m fortunate to have access to a monastery and college with many, many priests. In fact confessions are heard Monday thru Friday, for one hour at noon and the regular one hour Saturday afternoon time. But I do think a person who has been away a long time, needs a more relaxed atmosphere with a one on one situation.

 

[SacredHeartBassist]

I once saw a lady take up a good hour. There were two priests and she hogged up one for the whole hour on Saturday.

 

[HolySpirit]

HolySpirit:

I was always under the impression that the Priest was in control of the confession. The penitient is not the one who decides when it is time to absolve. Why don’t you ask the Priest why he is taking so darn long instead of blaming the poor person on the hot seat.

If my Priest’s confessions run into mass, he always stays after mass or schedules a time with those he does not get to. I imagine yours does the same. If he doesn’t, ask him why not.

I have enough trash in my front yard to be worried about the trash in the front yard of others. I think that is probably true of everybody.

No, it’s not the priest, at least not always. Quite often, it’s the penitent trying to unload whatever emotional baggage he has. I know this because if I’m lucky to make my turn with the same confessor, I can be done in five minutes, same priest.

As for worrying about trash, it doesn’t seem that you understand. The reason it becomes frustrating is because we are concerned about our own trash, which we get to keep because someone didn’t consider our needs too. We don’t care about the trash of the person hogging the confessional. We do care about getting rid of ours. Some consideration from everyone is therefore appreciated. If they need more time, then set an appointment.

If the problem is that great, your priest should be scheduling more time for confession. A half hour or an hour once a week is inadequate. Perhaps reminding him that every confession he does not hear is one of his flock leaving his church in the state of mortal sin. That is entirely on him. Should one die, I don’t think I would like to try to explain it to God the Father.

I think that the two of us may never see eye to eye on this issue. However, I think much of our disagreement would be alleviated by Priests being reminded that reconciliation goes to the very heart of their purpose on earth.

In my experience, converts and reverts tend to see this differently than cradle Catholics. I know this is true of my friends who have never strayed from the path of lifelong devotion to the Church.

I believe that if I can’t wait for my Catholic brother to have 20 minutes in the confessional, I am not being my brother’s keeper. Others view the penitent as being a sinner for infringing upon their time because they have busy lives. Who is right. Only God will ever know.

 

[Latetotheparty]

My theology might be wrong but surely it is God who keeps you in the confessional until he is ready to absolve you via the priest.

The priest is only acting as a channel to God. God is the one who decides when to give absolution.

 

[porthos11]

If the problem is that great, your priest should be scheduling more time for confession. A half hour or an hour once a week is inadequate. Perhaps reminding him that every confession he does not hear is one of his flock leaving his church in the state of mortal sin. That is entirely on him. Should one die, I don’t think I would like to try to explain it to God the Father.

I think that the two of us may never see eye to eye on this issue. However, I think much of our disagreement would be alleviated by Priests being reminded that reconciliation goes to the very heart of their purpose on earth.

In my experience, converts and reverts tend to see this differently than cradle Catholics. I know this is true of my friends who have never strayed from the path of lifelong devotion to the Church.

I believe that if I can’t wait for my Catholic brother to have 20 minutes in the confessional, I am not being my brother’s keeper. Others view the penitent as being a sinner for infringing upon their time because they have busy lives. Who is right. Only God will ever know.

Since we’re often forced to wait, of course we can wait. And then the priest leaves the confessional because he has to say Mass. That means we waited, and we waited for nothing because a penitent doesn’t know how to manage his time. And since there’s nothing we can do about it, being our brother’s keeper has nothing to do with it. It’s not like any of us are knocking on the confessional or dragging him out.

So good for our brother who got his sins absolved, but those of us unabsolved sinners are now left in mortal sin because he couldn’t also be generous with his time.

If there is half an hour window, and the guy takes 2/3 of the time, while a dozen people are waiting, how is that an exercise of charity on his part? How many more can say their confessions? One? Two? He left several people deprived of a necessary grace. If he stuck to a more reasonable five minutes, perhaps six, seven, or eight people may still have made their confessions before Mass.

Here’s the thing. Many, many times, I am expected and told to be considerate and charitable, and I try to be. I therefore expect that of others as well.

Be bold, be brief, be gone.

 

[HolySpirit]

That is why you and I will probably never agree on this one issue. We look at it from different perspectives.

I’m curious. Are you a cradle Catholic, or a revert or convert like me? I’d like to know if my theory on this stands up to more scrutiny.

 

[egretps]

I’ve increased my visits this year to the confessional. Our parish has lost its pastor, and we have non-native speakers. Also, the priests we do have tend to spend a huge amount of time visiting the sick and confessions are only on Saturday mornings. I’ve tried to get there and the confessional was closed. One nearby parish has confession an hour before the vigil and Sunday evening mass. One priest sits there until the line seen, and the other is saying mass.

It’s not the style of this parish, or another nearby, to have quick confessions. It was a little odd to watch what appears to be a devout elderly woman go in, and 15 minutes go by. It seems the longest confessions have been older women and mothers. Last week, it was the father of a devout family. I suspect there is a lot more than sin being confessed and much more consul, not ‘visiting’. Maybe some people need spiritual direction. This parish happens to have FOUR vocations total, 3 in the seminary and a postulate in a convent. The priests there are very kind and I appreciate the consul.

But, at times, it’s been frustrating, sitting there, waiting. Time to be aware of the sin in my life, and how I need it gone. Anxious a little. My soul, sickened and I want healing. I’ve had to wait longer at the doctor’s office for less!

When I go there as a visitor, I tend to keep it short and sweet.

 

[JimR-OCDS]

Be careful here.

On Divine Mercy Sunday, my wife was the 2nd person in line and I was the third.

And older man had cut us off, not knowing there was a line.

Anyway, he was in there for almost 20 minutes. I started to get angry, but offered it up. If I don’t get in, that will be my penance.

Anyway, my wife went in and she was in almost as long.

Then it was my turn, and the priest, who is Hispanic, was the cause. He was very thorough, but oblivious to the fact that there was a line outside of 8 people. I eventually moved him along and said there was a line of people and I don’t want to take up their time. He gave me absolution and I was done.

Another time, on a retreat, the first woman into the confessional used 45 minutes of the scheduled hour. When I finally got it, again, it was the priest who forgot this was a retreat confession time, not a scheduled appointment. He apologized to those who never got into confession.

So, often it’s the priest, not the penitent.

It’s also why I believe that private confessions need to be optional and general absolution given at the beginning of Mass.

But I’m not the Pope, so don’t hold your breath waiting for that change.

Jim

 

[porthos11]

That is why you and I will probably never agree on this one issue. We look at it from different perspectives.

I’m curious. Are you a cradle Catholic, or a revert or convert like me? I’d like to know if my theory on this stands up to more scrutiny.

Cradle Catholic.

 

[HolySpirit]

Thanks (10 Characters)

 

[CoeurRempli]

I understand the frustration of waiting. But I think it is unfair to assume that someone is hogging the confessional or say that this person left someone deprived of a necessary grace. God will provide for us all. We do not know what went on in there. That is between them, the priest, and God. Maybe it was their first time inside a Church in years, and the Holy Spirit moved them to go to confession. Maybe they planned on keeping it short, and something happened- they broke down, started crying, etc. Maybe it was the priest…

The person taking forever may not know that it is possible to make an appointment. But we do, so maybe we can be the ones who make that appointment, if we have a mortal sin to confess. After all, most likely, that person before us got there first.

It’s not unreasonable to expect people to be considerate. It’s not considerate, for example, if the penitent takes forever because s/he is just casually chatting with Father. However, we don’t know what happens in there, and I’d rather give people the benefit of the doubt, because more people need to be encouraged to go to confession, and not scared away from it out of fear of being judged by fellow parishioners.

 

[Reuben_J]

Honestly I would feel a little irritated if someone is hogging the Confessional in that short period before the mass while a dozen others are in the line. Often times, Father would come out because he needs to say mass and that means those in the queue could not have their Confession. I often noticed the body language of those standing and waiting in the line that they probably were thinking why the person inside took so long.

I would be glad for the person to make the Confession but we are just humans. All want to receive the grace and if we cannot get it the way we want to at that moment, it can be frustrating.

But of course, not everything is lost, we can always come another day.

 

[ongpattersonny]

I went to confession on confession Monday during Holy week. I was in line at about 7:30 and I was about the 5th person in line. I did not see the priest until about 9:00. I waited and pray in line and I was given the same respect of time that was needed for my confession. I knew that there would be a line and this night was set aside for this sacrament. I am forever grateful for the time.

 

[babochka]

I waited and pray in line and I was given the same respect of time that was needed for my confession.

This.

One of the reasons that I love my confessor is that he gives each confession his full attention. It is as if I am the only one there. We have scheduled confessions on Sunday before the Divine Liturgy and officially 30 minutes before any scheduled service. Unofficially, it is best to send Father a text to make sure he’ll be there if it is during the week. He’s also very good about making appointments and on-the-fly requests. But being a commuter parish, Sundays can get a bit busy. In the 45 minutes allotted, there are usually 4 to 10 people wanting confession. Sometimes there are more. Two ladies go every single week and he gives them the time that he believes they need. They can take a long time. Yes, it can be frustrating. Yes, I sometimes have unchatitable thoughts. Yes, I sometimes wonder what brings them to Confession every week to take up 1/3 of the allotted time. If I’m going on a Sunday, I always try to get there before them. It never happens. But then he gets to me and he gives me the time that I need. He hears me confess the same set of sins that I bring to Christ almost every time I go to Confession. He hears my pain and frustration, even despair, and offers words of hope and healing. He tries to give me the same advice in a new package or sometimes offers new insight. He accompanies me. He always asks me to pray for him.

Sometimes he doesn’t get to everyone. I see him checking his watch between confessions with a worried look on his face, but each penitent still gets his full attention. Sometimes it is me who he asks to wait until after the liturgy. I’m usually expecting it because I know what time it is. I can see the struggle in his eyes as we exchange questioning looks about how much time is left. So I offer to wait or he asks me to wait. And I do, gladly, even if I’m frustrated. And I do get frustrated. It isn’t easy to get my family out of the house early enough for confession on a Sunday morning and it feels like a wasted effort if we don’t make it.

This is the unique situation of a tiny parish with a very approachable priest, of course. But the point remains that sometimes you just have to choose to see the situation with gratitude instead of anger.

 

[babochka]

That’s an interesting question. I went back to confession after nine years and even confessed back to fifteen years ago. I had pretty much done everything wrong that someone could do and at most it took five minutes.

I would think that welcoming home a prodigal son could take less time than helping someone who is struggling with habitual sin. What is left to say, other than “God forgives you. Welcome home!”

 

[JimG]

I recall attending several weekend retreats at which a number of people had not been to confession in a long time. Before the confessions began, Father gave a talk in which he reassured people that they need not take a long time to confess even if it had been years since their last confession. He gave some examples of how sins might be confessed: “Fornication about four times a week for 20 years, adultery weekly for 15 years, excessive anger several times a week for 15 years, masturbation daily for 20 years, frequent fits of jealous rage over the course of the past 30 years, etc. I heard Fr. Larry Richards say once at a parish mission that he could hear a confession covering decades and give absolution within two minutes. He cautioned people not to take too long so as not to deprive others of the opportunity.

 

[MaryT777]

An appointment for a potential long confession that you yourself know will take a while is considerate to others in the regular 1 or 1.5 hour confession period allowed for my Church on Sat morning.

If the priest has more to say then he has his reasons. I wait patiently but when a lot of people take the time and effort to get to confession during a regular confession time that takes someone one hour it is highly frustrating for others who may have wanted to receive the Sacrament of Reconciliation as well.

God bless.

 

[MaryT777]

That’s the point of making an appointment for confession. Those that confess should also be considerate about the many persons behind them in line who would like to confess as well.

It is selfish to take an hour of time when one should have made an appointment for a long confession when others would like to receive the Sacrament as well.

I am a cradle Catholic and have never heard a Protestant state or discuss their frustration with Catholics are Catholics trash others while not “looking at the trash in their own front lawn.”

Your post is hypocritical. You are complaining about the same things you accuse others of doing. How sad you don’t see it.

 

[MaryT777]

Our Priest does not stay longer than the scheduled time as he has a TON of other tasks on his agenda of our large Church. That’s why they have posted confession times and expect people to respect the needs of others to confess as well.

The trash analogy is getting old by the way. Does it just apply to others or yourself as well. When you point a finger at someone you have 3 pointing back at you. Something to consider.

 

[MaryT777]

It seems you may not realize that some priests have no more time for one hour confessions on a Saturday. They can’t stay after Mass for they are like my priest who is priest of two parishes actually runs from one parish to another down the street to say Mass there.

Every single bulletin I have seen has said Confession times X to X and BY APPOINTMENT. Most Catholics know that by appointment means you need additional time and they can be prepared for that and maybe even have more time to spend someone while balancing the needs of ALL in the “confession line.”