Lost to despair

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DarkestHour1980

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I don’t know what to do about my life. I’ve completely destroyed it. I tried to go to school but things did not work out. Now, I’m stuck with a pathetic job and students loans that I cannot pay. I’m living paycheck to paycheck and I can barely pay my bills on time. I’m falling further and further into debt and it’s killing me. I feel like my life is meaningless. I’ve lost everything. I can’t turn to my family for help and I don’t have a single friend in the world. I’m constantly struggling with thoughts about suicide and I end up going to confession almost every week because of it. I know that I don’t really want to end my own life, as it will only lead to more suffering. However, I feel like there is no way to repair the damage I’ve done. Despair has twisted my mind.

My faith is not as strong as it used to be but I still go to Mass every week and on Holy days. However, my heart is not in it as much as it used to be, due to my strong temptations against the faith. I don’t feel God’s presence in my life the way I used to. I try to force myself to commit to devotions like the rosary, the mercy chaplet, and scripture reading even though I don’t always feel like it will help me. There was a time in my life where my faith could get me through anything. Those days now seem as if they never existed.
 
DarkestHour1980 said:
I don’t know what to do about my life. I’ve completely destroyed it. I tried to go to school but things did not work out. Now, I’m stuck with a pathetic job and students loans that I cannot pay. I’m living paycheck to paycheck and I can barely pay my bills on time. I’m falling further and further into debt and it’s killing me. I feel like my life is meaningless. I’ve lost everything. I can’t turn to my family for help and I don’t have a single friend in the world. I’m constantly struggling with thoughts about suicide and I end up going to confession almost every week because of it. I know that I don’t really want to end my own life, as it will only lead to more suffering. However, I feel like there is no way to repair the damage I’ve done. Despair has twisted my mind.

My faith is not as strong as it used to be but I still go to Mass every week and on Holy days. However, my heart is not in it as much as it used to be, due to my strong temptations against the faith. I don’t feel God’s presence in my life the way I used to. I try to force myself to commit to devotions like the rosary, the mercy chaplet, and scripture reading even though I don’t always feel like it will help me. There was a time in my life where my faith could get me through anything. Those days now seem as if they never existed.
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I’m sorry for your pain. Perhaps you should try to find the cause of your symptom. Depression is often an indicator of a deeper rooted problem. You mention something about “strong temptations against the faith”. Could that be something that is causing your troubles? I would suggest a sit down with your priest. Believe me, there is nothing you could tell them that they have not heard before.
 
I am so sorry you are suffering. I have had similar feelings during my life as well. You are absolutely doing the RIGHT thing by continuing to go to Mass and seeking the advice of your priest and by going to confession.

May I also suggest to seek some medical help?..
Depression is a medical condition caused by an imbalance of chemicals in your brain. It is not something you can control or have caused in any way. A Psychiatrist is a medical doctor that can also prescribe medications that can help with chemical imbalances. Having recurring suicidal thoughts is not healthy and is a classic sign of depression.

You’ll be in my prayers. I’ve been there, I know how hard it can be. Please go get some help… and continue in your faith… you need BOTH to heal…
 
Their a really good Apostoalic Letter on Suffering that Pope John Paul II wrote a while back. It may be worth a read.

Another idea is to get involved with something at your local parish – that may help.
 
I will keep you in your prayers. Even though you may feel alone, please remember, that is not the case. You have a whole community of brothers and sisters here at CAF praying for you.

Please seek medical attention and counseling in addition to continuing to grow spiritually. You are on the right track by continuing to pray and to regularly attend Mass. Try attending daily if possible.

I have found during the times when I am struggling the most, it helps me to pray for others, because it takes the focus of me, and my pain. One time when I was going through a hard time, my priest told me to pray for the sick in my parish. I did that, and in doing so, God healed me. I really recommend it.

I have a lot of student loans and have struggled from consumer debt in the past, so I know how overwhelming it can be. Please seek credit counseling. Resolve to clean up your debt, and take it one step at a time. Do not beat yourself up, or feel guilty or ashamed about your debt. You can`t change the past. Take ownership. You can renegotiate your loans to reduce your payments. The banks would rather get something, than nothing.

Money is important, but at the end of the day, but you, your life, and your happiness are worth so much more. Don`t let your debt have power over you. Take back control by seeking help so you can get the tools you need to turn things around.

I will be praying for you.

Sincerely,

Maria1212
 
I have lived from paycheck to paycheck for my entire adult life. I have kept a wife for 35 years and raised four children. I’m broke and in debt.
Read Dr. Scott Peck “The Road Less Traveled.” He talks about life being difficult and the happiest people are the ones who recognize and accept that fact. By the way, I get the impression that he’s Catholic.
Don’t despair. I have two college degrees but the work that has supported me and my family is one that uses skills I picked up in high school. The college degrees were finally irrelevant.
There are deferments for student loans. Call the number on your latest reminder notice and talk to them.

Matthew
 
drafdog said:
There are deferments for student loans. Call the number on your latest reminder notice and talk to them.
Matthew
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That is good suggestion.

Also, talk to your family. I don’t know how much your family may be able to help, but talk to them anyway. That is what family is for.
Also pray and ask God to send practical help. Believe in the power of prayer. Ask and you shall receive, to God and to men both,
Praying for you.
 
I have tried to get medical help in the past. All they did was put me on antidepressant and anti anxiety medication. I didn’t like being dependent on drugs when I knew they weren’t solving the problem. Right now I can’t even afford to see a doctor.

I can’t talk to any priest at my Church. They are always so busy and hard to get to. One priest I usually confess to gets rather annoyed that I keep confessing the same thing almost every week and he finally lashed out at me in confession.

It’s hard not to let debt overpower me when it affects every area of my life. People treat you like you are a criminal when you have bad credit. I had to settle for an apartment in a horrible neighborhood. I can’t have friends. No one wants to be friends with someone that is always broke. These days I live like a hermit and stay away from everyone.

Right now, I’m just trying to find a better job so that I can get by in life and start to pay off my debts. I’m just worried that no one is going to be willing to hire me.
 
I have been there for some 14 years, lost everything I had, house money, daughter murderd, left with huge account and on it goes.
Believe me it isn’t pretty.

Here is a Remedee that works, believe me.

I found that every time I felt not able to pray, doubted the church and or God, thought of suicide or other i would get on my knees and I would say, sometimes out loud.
"In the name of Jesus Christ that spirit that is giving me thoughts of suicide and depression give praise to Jesus Christ the only Son of God.
I kept on and on saying it for as long as it took and it could be years, but I kept on and God heard my prayer. He also knew that I ment it and the spirit left. I am in a situation right now that has taken me to the eadge again. I faintly heard that voice telling me that it is no good what would it take to end it all. I prayed i gave even the thought up to Jesus on the cross. I nailed that part of my life to the cross of Jesus now I am free again, I have some peace, a peace the world can never give.

Next I say this prayer,
A prayer of forgiveness, “The Lords Prayer”, then that Jesus forgive me all of my sins and I name all I can, and then I ask Him to forgive those (I name them) who have transgressed against me. This is a most powerful prayer. Very short but strong.

Don’t forget the first prayer up the top. you can do it. Jesus is the way the only truth and He alone gives Life.

God bless
littleone
 
I am so sorry you are going through such a dark night of the soul. I have been there and there were times when I prayed and went to Mass with the feelings of 'why do I even do this when no one cares and no one is listening?". But I also knew that those feelings I was having were not reality. I had to endure, at some level, and be willing to unite my despair with the Passion of Our Lord.

Father Vincent advises that we meditate on the Crucifix…that we meditate on the Passion of Our Lord. Why not PM him and see what info he can give you to help you through this very difficult time?
 
i dont know what i can say except that i will be praying for you…

if it is a chemical imbalance, you have to take the antidepressant to cure yourself… i went through this during my divorce and only praying got me out of it…

Remember this:

I DO NOT KNOW WHAT MY FUTURE HOLDS, BUT I KNOW WHO HOLDS MY FUTURE!!!

HE will bring you through everything… please trust in HIM… also, God is not there to punish you but to love you… dont keep feeling guilty for the thoughts that come into your head… just offer them up and realise that it will come again… but HE will take care of you… remember the price for your sins has already been paid… we are not perfect and HE knew that when HE died on the cross… but HE still loved us just the same…
 
DarkestHour1980 said:
I have tried to get medical help in the past. All they did was put me on antidepressant and anti anxiety medication. I didn’t like being dependent on drugs when I knew they weren’t solving the problem. Right now I can’t even afford to see a doctor.

I can’t talk to any priest at my Church. They are always so busy and hard to get to. One priest I usually confess to gets rather annoyed that I keep confessing the same thing almost every week and he finally lashed out at me in confession.

It’s hard not to let debt overpower me when it affects every area of my life. People treat you like you are a criminal when you have bad credit. I had to settle for an apartment in a horrible neighborhood. I can’t have friends. No one wants to be friends with someone that is always broke. These days I live like a hermit and stay away from everyone.

Right now, I’m just trying to find a better job so that I can get by in life and start to pay off my debts. I’m just worried that no one is going to be willing to hire me.
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Your depression is to do with your financial stress. But keep in mind your life is way more precious than finance.

If you can reduce the financial stress, you will definitely feel better.
There are several things you can do to help:
  1. Talk to the student loan place for some arranagement.
    Usually you can pay it off for in twenty years. My daughter has student loan of $30000 and she can pay it off within 20 years. Her monthly payment is somewhere over one hundred dollars.
  2. Review your monthly bill and cut off every not absolutely necessary expense.
  3. If you are doing a part time job, try to find a full time one with benefit. Pray and be confident, trust in God. Don’t appear depressed to spoil your chance of being hired.
  4. If you are doing a part time job and cannot find a full time job any time soon, maybe you can arrange your schedule and find another part time job to accommondate your need.
  5. Talk to your family no matter what. Let them know your situation. If they cannot financially help you, at least they can pray for you and give you moral support.
  6. Try to find some pastoral help like some other posters mentioned earlier. Maybe PM some priest on CAF,
  7. Pray and trust in God,trust in the divine mercy of Jesus.
    Pray specifically for your own needs.
  8. There is life, there is hope. Know that God loves you.
God bless!
 
Don’t feel alone. You will be in my prayers…

…but most of all you need to understand that you’re not the only one who feels this way. That may not make your problems go away, and they may not make you feel like you want - but I, personally, find a certain solace in knowing that I’m not alone in the misery I sometimes feel.

I mention all of this because I’m 25, still living at home with parents, am having money problems and also am living paycheck to paycheck, I have two credit cards to pay off, am overweight, I run the risk of getting diabetes because of genetics, I can’t get a date because I’m so darn introverted and scared of the opposite sex, I don’t trust myself with the opposite sex, and I have untold of other addictions which I am now fighting daily. To tell you that these things don’t get me down would be a lie.

We all struggle - some of us are just more honest about it than others. Some of us grew tired of wearing the mask long ago. I’m not one of them. I still wear the mask. But I also try to trust in Jesus and Mary, but I’ve even been failing in that, lately - which I actually plan on writing a thread about here in a second.

So, don’t feel like you’re alone. And don’t think there’s not a way out. Some days will be worse than others, but some days will be really good. There is a light at the end of the tunnel…

…because I’ve seen glimpses of it.
 
Code: 
 Have mercy on me, God, in your goodness; in your abundant compassion blot out my offense.  Wash away all my guilt; from my sin cleanse me.  For I know my offense; my sin is always before me.  Against you alone have I sinned; I have done such evil in your sight That you are just in your sentence, blameless when you condemn.  True, I was born guilty, a sinner, even as my mother conceived me.  Still, you insist on sincerity of heart; in my inmost being teach me wisdom.  Cleanse me with hyssop, that I may be pure; wash me, make me whiter than snow.  Let me hear sounds of joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.  Turn away your face from my sins; blot out all my guilt.  A clean heart create for me, God; renew in me a steadfast spirit.  Do not drive me from your presence, nor take from me your holy spirit.
Restore my joy in your salvation; sustain in me a willing spirit. I will teach the wicked your ways, that sinners may return to you. Rescue me from death, God, my saving God, that my tongue may praise your healing power. Lord, open my lips; my mouth will proclaim your praise. For you do not desire sacrifice; a burnt offering you would not accept. My sacrifice, God, is a broken spirit; God, do not spurn a broken, humbled heart.
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-Psalm 51

Always a helpful reading for me in times like this. I hope it is to you to. I pray that you will come back to being able to recognize the peace that Christ once you to have.
 
Kevin42 said:
-Psalm 51

Always a helpful reading for me in times like this. I hope it is to you to. I pray that you will come back to being able to recognize the peace that Christ once you to have.
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I find reflecting on the Agony in the Garden (praying that particular mystery of the Rosary) often helps - we need to remind ourselves that even Christ had huge struggles.

If the Divine Mercy Chaplet is unhelpful (and there are times I find it isn’t) try simply repeating the phrase ‘Jesus I trust in you’ instead. Perhaps inserting your particular needs (eg ‘Jesus I trust in you to help me find a good job’ or ‘to help me resolve my debts’) when despairing thoughts come.

Above all remember that God wants every good thing for you - that ‘your joy may be complete’ - more than you could possibly want them for yourself. And it’s good and pleasing to Him that you keep going even when you don’t really ‘feel’ rewarded by it. That shows that you’re truly devoted to God and not just a ‘fair weather’ friend 🙂
 
I would like to quote a passage from a book that literally changed my life: “The Gift of Faith”. by Father Tadeusz Dajczer.
“God waits for us to look with the eyes of Faith at all the experiences we live through, especially the difficult ones. In the parable of the talents Jesus warns us not to close ourselves of from coming to know Him through faith, and not to be slothful in using all the things God is continually giving us. Upon giving ten talents to the first servant, five to the second and one to the third the Master gave them a chance. The word talent which during Christ’s time signified a certain monetary value now signifies an intellectual value. Christ in giving you a talent trusts and waits for you to take proper advantage of it. If he has given you certain ability then He is not indifferent to what you do with it, But if you did not receive these abilities –that is also a talent, A talent is not only receiving something, but it is also lacking something. In the light of faith the good health you receive is a talent, but bad health is also a talent, Jesus in each case asks the question What are you doing with this talent? EVERYTHING IS A GIFT: It is a talent.
If certain situations make you feel tense, it means that your talent is hidden within them. Everything is meant to serve towards your sanctification. Everything we receive, all the situations we go through is grace. Suffering which overwhelms you is a whole mass of talents. But we often are like children who understand very little. It is only when we stand before God that everything will be made clear to us and we will see the ocean of talents in which we have been immersed. If nothing turns out right for you-this is a very precious talent. Failures are the priceless treasures given to you in your lifeLike the Master in the parable who demands an account from his servants God will one day ask how did you make use of your personal failures which He gave you.

My friend if you can read this book. It will change your life and you will understand how Gods grace is pouring over you right now.
 
I have been there for some 14 years, lost everything I had, house money, daughter murdered, left with huge account and on it goes.
Believe me it isn’t pretty.

Here is a way that works at least it did for me, believe me.

I found that every time I felt not able to pray, those doubting voices in my head, doubted the church and or God, thought of suicide or other i would get on my knees and I would say, sometimes out loud.
"In the name of Jesus Christ that spirit that is giving me thoughts of suicide and depression give praise to Jesus Christ the only Son of God.
I kept on and on saying it for as long as it took and it could be years, but I kept on and God heard my prayer. He also knew that I meant it and the spirit left. I am in a situation right now that has taken me to the edge again. I faintly heard that voice telling me that it is no good what would it take to end it all. I prayed i gave even the thought up to Jesus on the cross. I nailed that part of my life to the cross of Jesus now I am free again, I have some peace, a peace the world can never give.

Next I say this prayer,
A prayer of forgiveness, “The Lords Prayer”, then that Jesus forgive me all of my sins and I name all I can, and then I ask Him to forgive those (I name them) who have transgressed against me. This is a most powerful prayer. Very short but strong.

Don’t forget the first prayer up the top. you can do it. Jesus is the way the only truth and He alone gives Life.
Ether way if nothing more brother I am praying for you

God bless
littleone
 
All the other posters have given you good advice - here are mine. I am suffering from depression and anxiety, and it is getting rather bad. Social life is nonexistent, financial situation could be better, and workload is heavy with a severely impaired concentration…
All I can say is TAKE MEDICATION. Depression is an illness and it can be cured, you do need to take medication. But that is only the first step. The second is to take heart and get going. Try to get up, dust yourself off and say: yes, I am ill. I have a very heavy cross to bear - but it has been given me to carry, not to fall to the ground under it. I have to walk my journey with it. Step by step, day by day, until it is taken from me.

It is very hard, to me, almost impossible at times. Consider this passage from the Bible, and try to find comfort in it:

“22 Give not up thy soul to sadness, and afflict not thyself in thy own counsel. 23 The joyfulness of the heart, is the life of a man, and a never failing treasure of holiness: and the joy of a man is length of life. 24 Have pity on thy own soul, pleasing God, and contain thyself: gather up thy heart in his holiness: and drive away sadness far from thee. 25 For sadness hath killed many, and there is no profit in it. 26 Envy and anger shorten a man’s days, and pensiveness will bring old age before the time. 27 A Cheerful and good heart is always feasting: for his banquets are prepared with diligence.”

(Sirach 30:22-27)
 
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