Loud children at Mass. thoughts?

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Elf01 said:
Children will be children. And honestly I can see why they’d find Mass boring.
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I usually get verbally flayed alive for mentioning the “P word,” but a lot of Protestant churches do have a better handle on the kids-at-church thing. There are often impressive nurseries and ways to integrate children better into the service.

On the Catholic side, I even like the children’s offering because it breaks of the monotony for kids and gives them a small piece of ownership over the liturgy.
kgmlg said:
May help us with the kids at mass…
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Unless I’m reading them wrong, they’re doing more than helping; they’re doing all the work, lol!
 
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Several of the churches where I have attended Mass have cry rooms. However, the one attended most often does not, and there was a squawking infant/toddler at Mass this weekend.

At an associated parish, I learned that few parents with vocal offspring sit in a certain part of the worship space. So I go there.
 
kgmlg said:
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mrsdizzyd:
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babochka:
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kgmlg:
But yes, I do not really mind kids misbehaving as long as their parents are really trying to quiet them down…what I really mind are parents who do nothing, and do not care that their kids are going haywire at mass.
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So, my husband is this parent. :hugs:😡
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😩😩😩 This is my husband, too! Totally oblivious! I’m so glad it’s not just me!
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Oh ladies! Your husbands may have received some of my evil stares then!

But more importantly….how do they do this? This is an artform! When kids decide to throw a tantrum, it is almost imposible to ignore…maybe you can ask them what their secret is? May help us with the kids at mass… 😉
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Trust me, he has received plenty of my evil stares, as well.

It is an art form to have that kind of enviable focus. Seriously. Sometimes, when I’m really frustrated with him, I rant that it isn’t fair that he can just wander into church and pray when I haven’t been able to pray in church in years because of our little distractions.

It isn’t tantrums that he can ignore, though. He’ll take a kid out for an all-out tantrum, but those usually don’t happen until you try to stop some other behavior. If you’re ignoring a kid and then letting him do whatever he wants, no need for a tantrum. Things like babies crawling under the pews, siblings quietly squabbling (with elbows instead of words) and shuffling around to get a more preferred position, kid banging something against the pew (usually a zipper from a jacket), toddler ripping the pages in a book). My favorite is the toddler running back and forth in the pew or literally standing on her head next to him. Most recently, the 3-year-old stacked every book in her reach high on the pew and then the seven-year-old decided that he needed one of those books. He wasn’t very tactful about getting it, so three-year-old screaming ensued. I’d have been mentally engaged, and thus not engaged in prayer, from the minute the book stacking started. I wouldn’t have stopped the book stacking, but I would have been prepared to intervene gently at the first sign of trouble. He didn’t even know the book stacking was happening. Theoretically, we’re on the same page as far as what is or isn’t appropriate behavior.

He just really doesn’t notice the little things and therefore doesn’t intervene before they become big things.

In his defense, he is a far better parent than I am in many ways. Much less likely to get angry. He is creative and positive when he is getting the kids to get to bed, do chores, etc. Not likely at all to take bad behavior as personally.
 
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There’s just too much possibility for argument on this subject. You have kids who could behave better, kids who can’t, parents who could behave better, and parents who can’t. Then there’s parishioners who could be more tolerant, and those who can’t.
 
One of things my daughter does is peruse the hymnal for words she knows. She’ll see a word that starts with “k” and start yelling, “Mommy! Look! Does this say “kite”!?”
 
I can one up that in embarrassing bald stories. Our priest is bald and we also have an altar boy that appears to have sort of condition that affects his ability to grow hair. It isn’t that he shaves it, because he doesn’t have eyebrows or lashes either, and I don’t think it’s from chemo because he’s been that way for going on six years. Anyway, the first time my daughter saw him serving she shouted, “Look, mommy! Is that Father Brown’s child?!”
 
Having no sense of shame or guilt, many parents will not take their children out if they scream because this is considered a "right: and it become a battle of wills. Then a question to ask the priest and the person who allowed their child to be so disruptive is what can I and they get out of this homily. The solution is the “cry room” that my parents used that was in the back of the church or elsewhere connected by a closed ciruit TV. No cure for the resignation of parental deficit syndrome…
 
I’m a new Catholic as well and didn’t seem to notice all the noise until after I figured out the routine at church. The noise didn’t bother me as much as the kids jumping up and down on the pews and kicking. I’ve overlooked it for the most part. What really irritates me now though are all the adults who chit chat with one another loudly.
 
Our church is very old. It doesn’t have a cry room. (It doesn’t even have a confessional.)

One thing that has made Mass easier for us is that our parish has a kids liturgy program that the preschool to 6 yr old kids go to in the parish hall during readings and homily. Perhaps you should start a program like this at your parish.
 
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My parents used to need a break from us kids, and they would leave us with Grandma.

Going to church is a good excuse for ditching the kids for an hour or so. (At least they didn’t lock us up in the closet or something.)
 
Carmelite1983 said:
Loud children at Mass. thoughts?
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What puzzles me is that this problem – and I do consider it a problem – only exists in modern Christian churches. Why is it that the hindus, buddhists, muslims, sikhs, jains, etc., all manage to keep their children in check during their services (or not bring them), and that for Christians this is somehow difficult? And even among Christians, it doesn’t seem to be difficult for the Oriental and Eastern orthodox, at whose services I’ve never observed any rowdy children. It’s only at the RC Mass or modern protestant services that you get loud, unruly kids. And it’s only among Roman Catholics and modern protestants that a discussion such as the one in this thread can even arise. It seems to me that compared to the adherents of these other religions, modern Christians have a fundamentally different sense of what’s appropriate during worship. They also seem to have much more difficulty controlling their children and making simple, sane decisions as to whether or not to bring a particular child to service or not.
 
Roguish said:
Why is it that the hindus, buddhists, muslims, sikhs, jains, etc., all manage to keep their children in check during their services (or not bring them), and that for Christians this is somehow difficult?
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The bolded part answers your own question.

A quick glimpse at Luke 18:16 proves that adults whined about it as much then as they do today. We belong to that suffer-the-little-children-to-come-unto-Me faith.

Muslims actually have the same conversations we do. www.fahadkhan.org/bring-your-children-to-the-mosque/

I’ve never seen a Buddhist meditation with babies and toddlers involved, but if you can tell me their secret, so long as it doesn’t involve morphine or other illicit substances, I’m sure I’m not the only parent who’d love to hear it! 😃
 
woolycaterpillar said:
My parents used to need a break from us kids, and they would leave us with Grandma.

Going to church is a good excuse for ditching the kids for an hour or so. (At least they didn’t lock us up in the closet or something.)
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A privilege of some. Even if I were inclined to leave them behind, my parents are at church, too. 😏
 
Ostiarius said:
I’m not sure how they do it, but babies NEVER cry at my tiny Eastern Catholic Church 😃

That’s a far cry from mothers at my Latin Rite Church that bring a huge bag of toys, sippy cups and food to enture their little ones can make it through Mass. 😐
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Babies definitely cry at my Eastern Catholic parish. Their parents take them out, of course, as parents do everywhere, but they do cry.

One of my babies was baptized on Palm Sunday so it was a very long Divine Liturgy. Father did not do the churching. After the liturgy, he apologized and said we would do it next week. At one point, all the babies and toddlers in the church started crying, including two of his own, and he realized that they had had enough.

Maybe you just don’t notice it because the sound of crying babies isn’t as disruptive in The Divine Liturgy. Mass is much quieter so a crying baby is more noticeable.
 
It’s so bad at our parish it’s hard to hear the priest sometimes. And it shows no signs of improving.
 
Grandma liked to go to the earliest Mass at the church. She got up early and went on Sunday morning, thus freeing her to babysit for an hour. (She also lived with us.) Grandma was good and generous.

Some people are just not able to put up with their kids at church, so they leave them with a relative, if the kids are not required to go to Mass yet.
 
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woolycaterpillar said:
Grandma liked to go to the earliest Mass at the church. She got up early and went on Sunday morning, thus freeing her to babysit for an hour. (She also lived with us.) Grandma was good and generous.

Some people are just not able to put up with their kids at church, so they leave them with a relative, if the kids are not required to go to Mass yet.
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We only have one option for Divine Liturgy, so that’s where all of us will be found.

I have no problem if individuals choose to leave young children behind, some times or all the time. If my husband is staying home with a sick kid, I will happily leave the three-year-old with him to give myself a break. Likewise, if I’m the one staying home, I will keep the little ones. More often than not, though, I want my little ones to go to church. Young children take in the sights and sounds and general sense of the holy well before we give them credit. And it the East, they receive Christ in Holy Communion.

What I object to is the attitude that young children ought to be left behind, as if they have no place in the Church.
 
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