I don’t lie to myself, like I don’t say, “oh this doesn’t bother me so much,” when I think it is. That’s just denial. Or if I do say it, there is a strategic social reason for doing so and then I don’t feel bad about it; the issue then becomes whether it had the desired impact or avoided an undesired response from others. It’s not lying, because if I speak from my own preference rather than I am my sole arbiter of how much I think it bothers me (whether others think I’m in denial or not) and limited by my communication ability. I can think “well it bothers me a lot but there is no reason to discuss it at this time.” And of course there is always “it could be worse” which I don’t like but from a logical/dualistic situation whether it is a lie, it is always true. If I’m alive and healthy enough to type this, then it could have been worse.
So these are “Barnum Statements.” Statements that don’t really say anything but are true. Like, “well all we can do is go on from here.” Yes, until we have perfected time travel, that is a fact.
Sometimes I’d rather overstate it and get it done with. I used to have bipolar disorder and now I’m very stable but one thing I’ve learned is it can be fun to state drastic things in a “deadpan” and “sterile” way because then they don’t lock you up for saying it. Some who know me even enjoy going stupid with me like, "oh myyy gosh I dropped the milk. Not only am I going to cry, but now I’m sure my life has no meaning at all. I have no reason to live … " or they might say, “I don’t know how you can go on after doing this…” And then we laugh at how silly it is, and get out the cleanup equipment. (I wouldn’t use this technique around certain do-gooder wannabes; people get locked up for much less.)
Meanwhile go about wiping it up, so we still have to clean it up and lose the milk, but we don’t have to cry over it except cries of joy that we live and breathe as a part of God’s creation.
Kind of like Mary Poppins and a Spoonful of Sugar. You do your work while thinking different thoughts. Being angry or anxious doesn’t help the current task, even if it is not pleasant.
What I have used that’s kind of like what you might be thinking, is what I call “reality overlays.”
They are a different story for the same set of perceptions at any given point, that may lack the part which defines a problem.
Like if I’m already behind schedule and hemmed in helplessly by cars on all sides, I can use my “like a child” imagination to either think of how awful it is that I’m late and how helpless I am to do anything about it except continue toward my inevitable punishment for something I’m doing everything I can about.
Or I can think, “I’m being escorted and protected by this formation of drivers. As long as I stay centered in this little opening they have for me, they will take me toward my destination.”
Personally I like to go totally silly. Like “I’m in the Blue Angels and I’m formation flying to my office.” or “This motorcade is bringing me to where I can do good for someone else besides myself in this world.” or “I’m watching myself from 200 feet up, I’m just one little speck in the driver in this little toy car going down the toy track.”
Pretty soon, it’s my exit which I arrive no later, but without having given power to anxious energy, so I’m not all jazzed up and freaked out in addition to being late. Only if I have to pretend to be freaked upon showing up in order to seem sincere, is that to my advantage in any way whatsoever.
I told my Psychology of Personality teacher about this, and she called it “cognitive reframing.”
