Mad at God after loss of sister

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My boyfriend loss his 18 year old sister a year and a half ago in a tragic car accident. He has trouble going to mass sometimes because he says he sits there mad at God the entire time. I dont know how to help him through this or how to help him break down those walls. I desperately want to help him build a relationship with christ but I’m at a loss of how to do this. Any advice?
 
First, don’t try to make it sound like there is a silver lining. The situation sucks and trying to turn it into a positive is insensitive and insulting. Many people are tempted to defend God in situations like this and it usually backfires. Not saying you are doing this, I just think it’s important to say this up front. Acknowledge that what happened to his sister is a tragic, horrific, sinful event. I’m not sure how the accident occurred. Maybe it was due to drunk driving, maybe someone wasn’t following traffic law, whatever the cause may be, it is the fruit of man’s sinful behavior. However, God in his mercy sent his son to die for us sinful men. He paid the price for our sin, and at the last day he will raise us from the dead in our own flesh. At this time all creation will be redeemed from the power of sin and death and we will be united with the Father in Christ. That is our hope. Though this event was a horrible tragedy Christ is setting all things right again. I’m truly sorry for your boyfriend’s loss.
 
Just a couple of thoughts for what they’re worth.

My Mum was an Anglican, not devout, her version of religion was full of superstition mostly. Anyway my sister had married and they had children and became quite successful and then my brother in law died quickly of cancer. My sister coped quite badly and then she fell down the stairs had a brain haemorrhage and was in a coma for sixteen weeks or so. She was thirty or so. She came out of that coma a shadow and eventually died after spending many years in nursing homes. She left four children. My Mum was angry, really angry with God and she never made her peace with Him. It upset and confused me too, how can you console anyone after tragic loss? I can’t, it’s beyond my ken. But the Church has a faith in God which is not shaken because it knows that we cannot know the full Truth, it is beyond our understanding and to try to guess the mind of God is impossible and does us harm I think, because we come to conclusions which are pathogenic to our faith.

I hate the death of my loved ones but believers are promised salvation and eternal life and life to the full! I believe God is concerned with the better part of us, the spirit and once our temple has been destroyed we live on if we remain faithful to our beliefs. We must trust and place that trust in Christ who did not make promises about this world but the next.

When these tragedies happened I was not ready to listen and did not feel like trying to understand such things. We need time to heal, for our anger to subside, when it does God will help him to see love again I’m sure.

Our Lady is also a powerful intercessor in my experience.
 
The point of the Book of Job seems to be that human “explanations” stink, and that it is blessed to demand answers from God. Same thing with Jacob wrestling. God wants us to bug Him about it. Anger seems to be okay, as long as we hold back on cursing Him and being His enemy.
 
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Sometimes people just need to work through their anger and not be rushed out of it.

It can take a couple years.

I would suggest grief counseling or a bereavement group, especially if there’s one available for people 18 years old as opposed to 60 year olds who lost a spouse as it’s not the same thing when you are old as when you are young.
 
Counselling might help. Pray for him too.

It also might not be a bad thing to get him involved in some fun activity to get him out of himself.
As well you could tell him that God is not responsible for his sister’s death and if he tries to let go of that attitude and lay his burden on Jesus, that this will ultimately free him from this.
 
It also might not be a bad thing to get him involved in some fun activity to get him out of himself.
I agree with this.
As well you could tell him that God is not responsible for his sister’s death and if he tries to let go of that attitude and lay his burden on Jesus, that this will ultimately free him from this.
I don’t really think this would be helpful. People who are angry with God usually react to statements such as this with more anger and defensiveness.

Pray for him, and live your faith. Let your example be a light for him in a time of great darkness. Ask the Holy Spirit to guide him.
 
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