Making a fuss about adult birthdays

[EasterJoy]

I thought my wife was the only one who had a “birthday week.”

My prejudice is that people who want a big deal made out of their own birthdays are a bit over the top, but since I was born at an inherently festive time of the year–lots of parties and great food, just not specifically for me–maybe I’m not being quite fair! Luckily, though, my husband is the same way, so we get along fine about it.

 

[Honour]

A “happy birthday” and a “gift” of an agreed upon amount that we usually pick out ourselves. Its fun to order or go out and get our gifts, but that is about all.

For our parents and his sister (special needs, still lives with his parents) we usually send a present or a gift card. I am always in charge of this, which I hate. Other adults…nada.

If it makes him happy to celebrate his birthday…let him. But it should be within reason.

 

[EasterJoy]

A “happy birthday” and a “gift” of an agreed upon amount that we usually pick out ourselves. Its fun to order or go out and get our gifts, but that is about all.

For our parents and his sister (special needs, still lives with his parents) we usually send a present or a gift card. I am always in charge of this, which I hate. Other adults…nada.

If it makes him happy to celebrate his birthday…let him. But it should be within reason.

Otherwise, the OP will need to put a CD away for when he turns 50!

 

[steph410]

I have never understood making a big fuss about adult birthdays either. My husband’s family has these big parties for his grandfather, who is in his 90s, every year. They expect everyone to go and get irked if everyone doesn’t stop the world and come to the parties. I get it if it’s a big one, like maybe he just turned 90, but it’s- oh, he turned 92, and this year 93! etc etc. I think birthday parties are primarily for children, but I guess that’s just my opinion.

 

[coachdennis]

I have never understood making a big fuss about adult birthdays either. My husband’s family has these big parties for his grandfather, who is in his 90s, every year. They expect everyone to go and get irked if everyone doesn’t stop the world and come to the parties. I get it if it’s a big one, like maybe he just turned 90, but it’s- oh, he turned 92, and this year 93! etc etc. I think birthday parties are primarily for children, but I guess that’s just my opinion.

And the opposite of celebrating life and longevity is …what?

 

[Irishmom2]

I have never understood making a big fuss about adult birthdays either. My husband’s family has these big parties for his grandfather, who is in his 90s, every year. They expect everyone to go and get irked if everyone doesn’t stop the world and come to the parties. I get it if it’s a big one, like maybe he just turned 90, but it’s- oh, he turned 92, and this year 93! etc etc. I think birthday parties are primarily for children, but I guess that’s just my opinion.

Wow, wish I had grandparents that lived that long! I would be the first one at that party every year! Perhaps your husband’s family knows that time is not on their side and like celebrating the fact that their loved one is still with them, because one day, he won’t be.

 

[Joe_5859]

I have never understood making a big fuss about adult birthdays either. My husband’s family has these big parties for his grandfather, who is in his 90s, every year. They expect everyone to go and get irked if everyone doesn’t stop the world and come to the parties. I get it if it’s a big one, like maybe he just turned 90, but it’s- oh, he turned 92, and this year 93! etc etc. I think birthday parties are primarily for children, but I guess that’s just my opinion.

I think anyone who makes it to their nineties deserves a big party at least once a year.

We don’t live close enough to extended family to have big birthday bashes or anything like that. But I’m always up for a celebration. And a birthday seems as good of a reason as any for a party to me.

 

[steph410]

Wow, wish I had grandparents that lived that long! I would be the first one at that party every year! Perhaps your husband’s family knows that time is not on their side and like celebrating the fact that their loved one is still with them, because one day, he won’t be.

could be. I guess I am just not that close with his family and they love to plan parties that are in another state several hours away and act strangely if I say I can’t make it with my 5 kids under the age of 7.

Everyone comes from a different background. We never had birthday parties for my grandfathers and they lived quite long as well.

 

[Allegra]

I believe in celebrating birthdays. We usually go out to eat with the family whenever a sibling or inlaw has a birthday. I think it’s normal for families to get together to eat every now and again anyway. Sometimes we have the dinners at home as well, usually on a Sunday.I would never ignore my husband’s birthday. I always try to make it special.

 

[Kal2012]

My husband hates that I make a fuss about his birthday. He’s gotten more used to the idea now that we’ve had our son and I want to teach him about giving to other people.

We both make lists and don’t stray from it. (Although my son picked out a zebra striped blanket for my monotone man, so I had to step in and pick a solid “boring” color instead. He likes simple and boring, so that’s what he gets.)

I like it when people make a fuss about my birthday because I was born six days before Christmas and always got the obligatory “this is your birthday AND Christmas present”. Ugh! Now that I’m an adult, it doesn’t bother me so much, but when you are a kid…let’s just say, I was bitter and jealous of the other kids.

We do it simple. Cake/Take-out (or their favorite meal) and a few gifts. Usually on the Saturday or Sunday after the birthday because weekdays get crazy. My son is 5 and still hasn’t had a “friend birthday party”. At this point, I don’t know if he’ll get one for age 6.

 

[Kit15]

My husband and I are opposites on this as well. He rather no one mention the word birthday for the rest of his life. Meanwhile I do appreciate the attention and I like to shower it on others. We have a mutual understanding…I’ll never throw him a big party. Not even for a milestone. But he has to let me bake him a cake and give him a gift in private. I’m not celebrating that he’s a year older. I’m celebrating that he’s alive and here and that his existence is a blessing.

By the way neither of us are 30 yet…he’s been this way even since we were teenagers.

His fate regarding some aknowledgement on his birthday is kinda sealed for the next decade at least. Our daughter was born on his birthday. He can’t avoid getting caught up a little in the fuss surrounding her.

 

[mellowcalico]

I’ve never been into my birthday… even when I was a kid. I always liked Christmas better because it was more fun with everyone giving gifts and seeing my parents (and little brother) get excited about the crazy gifts I gave them. Although I did (and still) like the cake because, hey, it’s cake! My birthday is near Easter, so my parents usually had it early (or a few weeks late) and just celebrated on Easter Sunday since all the relatives were together. That might have had an impact on my not really seeing it as a “big deal.” Both of my parents didn’t make a fuss out of their birthdays either.

Now most people forget my birthday because I don’t make a big fuss out of it… this year no one remembered it except me and one friend I happened to be with that day who then took me out to dinner–which was nice. My ex-husband though, he was big into his birthday and it wasn’t enough to remember it and do something special. One year I gave him a big surprise costume party but the problem was he then expected every birthday to be just as big. But after our daughter came along, I just couldn’t pull that kind of thing off anymore.

So that’s my only warning I suppose… if you have someone who makes a really big stink about their birthday, try not to go overboard or else your exceptional party (or whatever) COULD become the norm to that person (and all future birthdays will forever be compared to that past one if they are not better each year).

 

[bluerose]

We keep our family birthdays (the adults’) very low-key… either go out to dinner or we have a dinner at home with a few gifts. I can’t recall ever having anyone who wasn’t immediate family at any of these “parties”. And my birthday is generally, if not overlooked, at least pushed back a month due to the fact that May is the busiest month at the bakery and I have to work every single weekend, including Sundays. I actually like this because I’m usually too tired to enjoy the meal and company and would rather just get to bed early!

MY complaint about adult birthdays is the “office” birthday party. I’d really like to go at least a full month without someone coming around with a checklist in hand to collect money for a card, flowers, and/or gift and the promise of a potluck dish to celebrate someone’s birthday. We all work different shifts and sometimes the planner decides to have the lunch-hour celebration on my day off. I don’t wish to drive 25 miles, one way, to work on my day off to attend a 20-minute celebration for someone who is neither a close friend or with whom I rarely work and barely know.

 

[Gordon_Sims]

We don’t make a huge deal about birthdays. For us and our kids, my wife and I will plan a favorite dinner of whoever’s celebrating their birthday and she’ll make a cake, pie, cookies or cupcakes (whichever the person prefers). They also get to watch what they want on TV their actual birthday, or pick what we listen to in the car if we’re out most of the day. For the kids, we have a separate party with my parents, siblings and their kids. For my wife & I, we’ll either go out to dinner with my parents around our birthday, or we’ll have cake & ice cream when we go to their house closest to our actual birthday. The only big parties we have for the adults in the family is the milestone birthdays, although my last milestone birthday was ignored since we cut ties with the extended family.

We do know plenty of others who expect the world to stop turning on their birthday. They expect a party every year, lavish gifts, the works. And if you aren’t as awestruck by their ability to survive another year as they expect you to be, you end up in the doghouse. You’re generally also treated to one whale of a tantrum. It’s always struck me as a 12-year-old’s ego coupled with the resources of an adult. I don’t mind treating someone special on their birthday, but treating them like royalty is a bit of a stretch.