Making Friends

[Steve-o]

Well, I’ve been going to my parish for almost two months now, and while I haven’t forged any lifelong personal bonds yet, I am quite comfortable going to church and the priests seem to recognize me now, as I have spoken at length to two of them and the senior pastor gave me a very warm welcome upon his return from his month-long vacation. It really hit the spot! I also spoke with the RCIA director and classes are supposed to start sometime this month. There are only three “enrolled” in RCIA so far, but I think that’s all the better in terms of getting to know someone instead of getting lost in the crowd. Things are looking up! Sidebar: my wife and I asked her parents to come to our parish, which is where they were married and my MIL went to school back in the 1950s. She hadn’t ben at her old parish in decades, so they came to Mass with us last Sunday. She was even greeted warmly by a parishoner who knew her from childhood! It was nice to see that even after so many years, someone would recognize her. I also discovered that my (very) elderly neighbor, who lives across the street from me, and whom I helped up after a fall some years ago, was a member of my church.

 

[gaothdearg]

Steve-o:

I’m a pretty shy person and now that I’ve rejoined the Church and have just started attending my new parish, I have to ask the board’s advice on how to make friends. I often feel awkward, especially after registering at the Chruch’s rectory, where I just felt shuffled through. I’ve never been good at sustaining friendships and I believe people sense something about me that most don’t like. Despite my efforts, I just haven’t had much good fortune in forging new relationships. Must be the product of being an only child…your thoughts?

AWWWWWWW! I can be your friend!

 

[deb1]

Christian4life:

Even when I do get up the courage to talk to someone new, it seems it ends in a few minutes and nothing else ever comes of it. I find I like other shy people a lot, so I made friends with the 40-something shut-in next door, and we’ve been friends ever since.

So anyway, that is my advice. Find someone else who seems shy.

.

I am shy also, but my advice on friendship differs. Find someone who is not shy but is gregarious and talkative. SOme of my best and dearest friends have been my complete opposite. Very outgoing people often like having a friend who lets them do most of the talking. It also takes the pressure off of you to keep them entertained with mindless chatter-something that I am very bad at.

 

[LSK]

Steve-o:

Thanks for all the suggestions, everyone. I might also add that while I am pretty shy, I am a pretty sociable person once I get used to folks. What I have had trouble with since way back in high school was maintaining and fostering deep, personal relationships with people (excluding my wife of course!). I’ve just never been able to do this. Sure, I’m gregarious and friendly to those I know, but nothing develops outside of a casual acquaintance. Perhaps this is merely the way life is, as many people come in and out of one’s life. I remember the line in the movie Stand By Me , when the narrator says: “I never had friends like I did when I was twelve years old. Who does?!?” I do learn a lot from people and I like to think I’m a good listener, if only out of my selfish need to learn about people’s lives and experiences.

Man, I have never talked about myself this much anywhere! I’ll sgut up and listen now…

When I first got sober I discovered that without alcohol and drugs I am a very shy person - and my sponsor pointed out to me that shyness is another form of self-centered fear. If I am overly concerned with me, then I end up too frightenned to be a part of the world. He taught me the saying “Whether I am thinking highly of myself, or poorly of myself, my problem is I think far too much about myself”.

What I noticed about the wonderful suggestions on this thread is that all of them involved going OUTSIDE ONESELF - volunteering at the picnic, being on a the council, etc. It is a continuation of our Catholic ethic, right? Look outward to what we can bring to the world and how we can we help.

You are all very wise. It is an honor to ‘know’ you.

 

[Christian4life]

deb1:

I am shy also, but my advice on friendship differs. Find someone who is not shy but is gregarious and talkative. SOme of my best and dearest friends have been my complete opposite. Very outgoing people often like having a friend who lets them do most of the talking. It also takes the pressure off of you to keep them entertained with mindless chatter-something that I am very bad at.

Hmm…that never worked for me. Cause they were always like, let’s go do this (insert overly outgoing thing here) and “You need to SMILE more”…I hate that. Shy people understand.

 

[Viki59]

You could invite someone out to coffee or invite a couple over to your house for dinner or for dessert. You could even invite the priest, ours enjoys coming.
We are all just too busy, it’s ridiculous, and I’m trying to slow my life down. But it’s not easy.
Whoever said that Americans are not very friendly was correct. We just don’t know how, though we’re very efficient in other ways.

 

[deb1]

Christian4life:

Hmm…that never worked for me. Cause they were always like, let’s go do this (insert overly outgoing thing here) and “You need to SMILE more”…I hate that. Shy people understand.

Actually, I do understand. I used to hate it when men would come up to me and tell me to smile more. This doesn’t happen much anymore, but when I was young, there were guys-often strangers- who would tell me this. I am not a naturally smiley person. If I find something humorus of course I smile, but to walk around life with a big smile on my face seems like insanity to me.

 

[Christian4life]

deb1:

Actually, I do understand. I used to hate it when men would come up to me and tell me to smile more. This doesn’t happen much anymore, but when I was young, there were guys-often strangers- who would tell me this. I am not a naturally smiley person. If I find something humorus of course I smile, but to walk around life with a big smile on my face seems like insanity to me.

Exactly. Then when you say you don’t have any reason to smile right then, they act like you mean there is nothing in life to be happy about. They just don’t get it. Some people only smile when the occasion arises, the occasion may even arise a lot. But just not all the time JUST because they’re happy.

There is a french saying that goes something like, the crazier they are, the wider the grin.

 

[longke]

you are invited to read and comment on my blogs:

bantugan.blog.com regarding experiences of the World Youth Day

kadasig.blog.com about experiences with God’s presence in our lives

sangkay.blog.com which is the site for our Holy Friendship Society, a community of people who accept God’s offer of Divine Friendship (Jn 15: 12 - 17)

God bless!