"Mama, your hair looks like a rooster." Thanks honey, I love you too

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When my son was about 4 months old, I accidentally scheduled a conference call for teh same time I promised my wife I would watch him at the doctors wile she had some stitches removed. So I took the call on my cell phone in the doctor’s office.

He was asleep when the call began, but woke up part way through it. There I was, discussing the tax implications of a complex transaction, when he woke up, and started laughing at me.

Everytime I opened my mouth, he thought it was hysterically funny.

So there I was, thinking what a hotshot lawyer I am, and he just thought it was funny,
 
A couple of years ago, when my son was ten, he had just mastered mental multiplication and learned that one year of human life equals seven dog years. One afternoon, I was driving him and his then-7-year-old cousin to Tae Kwon Do when this conversation took place:

Cousin: So how old am I in dog years?
Son: 49
Cousin: And how old is my sister?
Son: 63
Cousin: And how old are you?
Son: 70
Cousin: And how old is your mom?
Son: (after brief pause) Mom, how old are you?
Me: 36
(here follows a brief moment of shining glory as I wait for my little Einstein to mentally calculate 36 x 7…)
Son (to cousin): She’s dead!

BlueRose
 
at lunch with grandkids and their aunt (who is bigger than I am) the same 5 yr old (while toying with her usual meal of chix nugs and mac/chees) stood up in the booth, swept her hands down her body and told her “Aunt Shar, if you ate like I do you could look like this!”

my own kids pulled one on my mother when they were small. she woke up to find them standing around her bed
“What do you want?”
“can we watch you put your teeth back in, Grandma?”

We did it to my parents as well. We would always ask my grandmother when we got to her house to look through the family photo albums.
“Can we see that picture of our daddy when he had hair?”
 
When I was a little girl my Mom took me to get a hair cut. I have always had very thick hair so the hairdresser, named Heidi, had to clip up sections so that she could layer it as my Mom wanted her to do.

So part way through this process, Heidi had several chunks of hair pinned up out of the way so I had spikes and feathers sticking straight up in the air.

My Mom was commenting on what a nice job Heidi was doing. I only saw the pins/clips and hair popping up all over.

Mom made the mistake of asking me how I thought it looked. I didn’t want to answer, but I had to be obedient to her.

“Right now it looks kinda ugly.”

My Mom told me later she thought I almost made Heidi cry and I got in trouble!

(((This taught me to never ask children stupid questions because they do not have a concept or understanding of tact.))))

When I was in high school, I worked with school-age children–varying ages, but mostly the younger grades, through 5th grade.

Anyway, one day while playing a game or doing some kind of project with a group of kids, one of them asked me out of the blue,

“Is your dad DEAD?”

I was completely shocked. I asked him what made him ask the question.

“You never talk about him so I just wondered if he was dead.”

At the time my parents had been long divorced and my dad lived in another state, but I didn’t realize how little I spoke of him.

He made his point.
 
One day, I went to Target with my then 4&1/2 y.o.son. We were walking down one of the aisles and my son said, very loudly, “So, mommy, need any bras today?!”
Recently, my son told me that he was going to write a list regarding a stepfather. I thought this was going to be a list of what qualities he wanted in a stepfather or what I should look for in a husband. NOT!!! This was a list of what I needed to do to find a husband. #1 on his list? Look hot. I laughed so hard, I about wet my pants:rotfl:
 
When I worked in the lingerie area of a department store, a mom parked her cart and child next to a rack while she was shopping for bras on a rack on the other side of the cart. She was rather small chested, and unfortunately, she had parked the child next to a rack of the biggest full-figured bras we had. The child grabbed one of the bras, and quite loudly stated, “Mom! You’d never fit in one of these!” waving it around. I think everyone in the area was trying to stifle their laughing. As a mom now, I can sympathize.
 
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Murphster:
These are all totally funny.

I am one of nine kids, and once when I was about four years old and the one causing the ruckus during mass (it was supposedly after communion, when everyone was silent and before the priest stands up), my mother picked me up and slung me on her hip as she began walking out of the pew. I started screaming, “PLEASE DON’T BEAT ME, MAMMY!”

My mother never laid a hand on me in her life, and she looked at me, horrified, as she made her way out to the gathering space.
Even my father never spanked us more than a light tap on the bottom, so to this day I don’t know where that comment came from, though I have heard the story plenty of times 🙂
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I’m an only child, but apparently I did something very similar to my mom during Mass when I was three or four. My parents were like yours- my mom never so much as spanked me or swatted my hand, and my dad maybe spanked me a half-dozen times (and I’m sure I deserved it), then always felt so badly about it that he would pick me up, find me a cookie or some other treat, and hold me on his lap until we were both feeling better.

I of course have no memory of the Mass incident. Judging by how many times she has told the story to others to embarrass me, it is firmly seared on my mom’s brain. :o
 
Just for fun, try throwing a package of tampons or sanitary napkins into the shopping basket while shopping with a child age 3 to 6. Make sure you do it in Wal*Mart, on a busy Saturday, if possible, when there happens to be a bunch of men standing in the pharmacy area (which is usually next to the unmentionables):

MOM!!! MOM? WHAT ARE THESE, MOM??? ARE THESE FOR YOU???

My sister-in-law picked some up for my niece who’s getting to be that age. When my four-year-old nephew asked, “What are these?”, my sister-in-law absently replied, “They’re for Lillian.”

Instant tantrum: “WAAAAHHH! I WANT SOME, TOO!”

Instant humiliation!

BlueRose
 
When my daughter was about six I would do clean my house with my hair twisted in a tight bun on top of my head. She would say “Mommy you look like a cleaning lady with your hair up like that” and then I would say “I am a cleaning lady”.
 
Apparently when I was real little my grandmother told me I would get her jewelry when she died. When I was 6 my first female cousin was born, and I’m told I asked Grandma if I was still getting her diamonds. :eek:
 
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Almeria:
Apparently when I was real little my grandmother told me I would get her jewelry when she died. When I was 6 my first female cousin was born, and I’m told I asked Grandma if I was still getting her diamonds. :eek:
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hahahaha…

well…DID you get her diamonds? 🙂
 
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TAS2000:
When I worked in the lingerie area of a department store, a mom parked her cart and child next to a rack while she was shopping for bras on a rack on the other side of the cart. She was rather small chested, and unfortunately, she had parked the child next to a rack of the biggest full-figured bras we had. The child grabbed one of the bras, and quite loudly stated, “Mom! You’d never fit in one of these!” waving it around. I think everyone in the area was trying to stifle their laughing. As a mom now, I can sympathize.
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A friend was getting dressed and her young daughter said, “Mommy, you have pretty boobies.” Mommy was about to say " thanks" when daughter continued… “They’re so looooong.”
 
5 year old daughter:

“Mom, I’ve started a Jesus club, but boys can’t join”
 
My brother had an incident in Mass when he was misbehaving. We always sat in the front row, so everyone was able to see what happened next. My mom got up and was going to take him out to the car until he could start behaving. He immediately started screaming, “YOU’RE NOT MY MOMMY!” He knew that that was what he was supposed to say if some stranger grabbed him, and he thought that maybe someone would rescue him if they thought he was being kidnapped.

My sister and I were in Mass. I was probably four or five years old, and she was two or three. When the priest held up the host at the Consecration, my sister yelled “HOW COME HE GETS THE BIG ONE?” I hate to say it, but part of me was glad she’d asked, because I’d wondered that, too.
 
I love this thread! It’s especially funny b/c I don’t have any kids… lol, but I’m sure God will “repay” me someday with embarrassing stories of my own kids!
 
We took our kids to a Catholic Family Conference. While the parents listened to the talks, the kids had their own program run by a group of IHM sisters from Nigera.

As we were picking up our kids, my 3 year old daughter commented

“These nuns are a different color, Daddy”

“Oh?” I said, a bit incredulous (and somewhat embarrassed)

“Yep!” she said “they’re BLUE”

( IHM nuns wear blue habits)
 
My nephew yelled out his window during a moment of discipline, “Jesus, save me!”
 
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Steph700:
I love this thread! It’s especially funny b/c I don’t have any kids… lol, but I’m sure God will “repay” me someday with embarrassing stories of my own kids!
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Steph700, if you’re cool, sophisticated, or suave now or if you think you have it all together, your one day children will help you learn that you’re really not. I know, I used to think so and got humbled in the process of trying to keep up the “with it” front. :bigyikes: Yikes, I’m not as perfect as I thought and, moreover, now everyone knows it. (But at least I still know how to use the word “moreover”.)

Enjoy your sophisticated cool days then enjoy the children God one day gives you. Thanks for responding! Hope you enjoy this thread & take some notes for later.
 
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AServantofGod:
My nephew yelled out his window during a moment of discipline, “Jesus, save me!”
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:rotfl: That is so funny!

This thread is great! 😃
 
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Brendan:
We took our kids to a Catholic Family Conference. While the parents listened to the talks, the kids had their own program run by a group of IHM sisters from Nigera.

As we were picking up our kids, my 3 year old daughter commented

“These nuns are a different color, Daddy”

“Oh?” I said, a bit incredulous (and somewhat embarrassed)

“Yep!” she said “they’re BLUE”

( IHM nuns wear blue habits)
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Brendan, I’m sure this is not new to you, but your post reminded me that I often have to ask what my children mean before I react. Here’s an example:

My 3 year old burst into our room once asking, “where’s da dm butterfly". My husband was shocked. I said, “let’s think like a 3 year old”. "What’s da dm butterfly honey?” “You know Mommy, my sister’s da d*m butterfly.” It’s then we realized that with her imperfect 3 year old speech she was asking for Madam Butterfly which is what we’d named her sisters stuffled butterfly rattle.
 
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