Managing Menopause

[puzzleannie]

no other comment except one about marriage in general, which is that if a man is not comfortable discussing “those things” with his wife they are going to have a very hard time with NFP, which entails openness and intimacy and a comfort level for a man to be concerned about the workings of his wife’s body. But by the age of menopause the couple has already figured that out, I guess. Bottom line if your husband is no help, get help from your doctor for medical symptoms, from your friends for emotional support and be aware of changes your husband is going through for which he needs your support and understanding.

 

[tinalewis]

Thank you, CM and Cat, I very much appreciate your support. It makes me feel good to know that that I have “sisters” here. :grouphug:

As for the others: Seems to me that we were all taught that the key to NFP was listening to our bodies and communicating with our husbands. So am I now supposed to not listen to my body and not communicate with my husband?

As for discussing things with my female friends, Susan Mary I don’t have sex with my girlfriends and I don’t live with my girlfriends and I never entered into the scarament of marriage with my girlfriends. I need to discuss things with the man who has sex with me and who lives with me and who agreed that “two shall become one” with me. Just as pregnant women feel the need to discuss pregnancy bodily changes with their husbands and how I’ve discussed NFP in the past with my husband, I have the need to share my current bodily changes with him.

Why would it be considered OK to discuss pregnancy and NFP with our husbands but not to discuss menopause? What’s the difference, really?

 

[tinalewis]

She asked for opinions and I gave her mine.

By-the-way, this is what I asked:

"To you ladies who are going through or have gone through menopause, How did your husbands’ react? How did you handle your husbands’ reactions?

To you gentlemen, How did you handle your wife’s menopause? "

Susan Mary, maybe you would like to post your answers my questions. "How did your husband react to you when you were going through menopause? How did you handle your husband’s’ reaction? "

 

[lizaanne]

Am the only odd one out to think that it shouldn’t be a “female issue” verus “male issue”? I mean, what is there to be embarrassed about? It’s life. Just like I get annoyed when guys are grossed out about periods. Well, it’s just a fact of life, get over it. Kind of like other bodily functions.

I guess I just think that if she is having problems or struggling with something, her husband should be there, not making wisecracks at her.

Of course we only know one side of the story, but I still don’t think it should be that big of a deal.

I totally agree - this is not a “her side” and “his side” issue. This is very much an “our side” thing. I am 46 and perimenopausal myself. I’ve also been infertile, so this new phase of my life is a bit painful for me. The very last possibility of children is slipping away and that is difficult. My husband and I share everything - we are very open with each other, and he would be furious if I kept something from him like this.

To the OP - instead of talking about what you are going through with him, ask him how the changes in your life are impacting him and what he thinks about the changes and how he thinks your life together might change. Make the discussion about him, and not about you, to give him an opportunity to talk about how HE is handing the changes. He may be concerned for you, for the marriage, for your intimate life, all sorts of things - but does not want to concern you because you have enough going on with actually living it yourself.

~Liza

 

[tinalewis]

I totally agree - this is not a “her side” and “his side” issue. This is very much an “our side” thing. I am 46 and perimenopausal myself. I’ve also been infertile, so this new phase of my life is a bit painful for me. The very last possibility of children is slipping away and that is difficult. My husband and I share everything - we are very open with each other, and he would be furious if I kept something from him like this.

To the OP - instead of talking about what you are going through with him, ask him how the changes in your life are impacting him and what he thinks about the changes and how he thinks your life together might change. Make the discussion about him, and not about you, to give him an opportunity to talk about how HE is handing the changes. He may be concerned for you, for the marriage, for your intimate life, all sorts of things - but does not want to concern you because you have enough going on with actually living it yourself.

~Liza

Thank you, Liza!!! This is advice I can put to use. And I do very much want my husband to tell me how he’s feeling about this because this is a new stage in our marriage and we’re in this together.

I completely understand the feeling of “this is the last chance to bear children”, as my husband and I are childless. Even though I’ve come to terms with being childless a few years ago, the permanence is certainly part of this whole change.

Thank you, sister!

 

[lizaanne]

I completely understand the feeling of “this is the last chance to bear children”, as my husband and I are childless. Even though I’ve come to terms with being childless a few years ago, the permanence is certainly part of this whole change.

When the doctor told me I actually welled up with tears. I was shocked by my own reaction, as I came to terms with my infertility many years ago. The emotion totally came out of the blue. Yes, when that permanence hits you it surely is a renewal of the loss from long before.

Thank you, sister!

Very welcome! :curtsey:

~Liza

 

[Susan_Mary]

By-the-way, this is what I asked:

"To you ladies who are going through or have gone through menopause, How did your husbands’ react? How did you handle your husbands’ reactions?

To you gentlemen, How did you handle your wife’s menopause? "

Susan Mary, maybe you would like to post your answers my questions. "How did your husband react to you when you were going through menopause? How did you handle your husband’s’ reaction? "

I’m different than you, I don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill. My husband isn’t shallow, he’s not concerned about normal and unimportant physical changes and neither am I. By the sound of it, I don’t think your husband is bothered by such things either, you should count yourself lucky for that. It means he’s going to love you no matter what.

Throughout my life, not just menopause, whenever I’ve had any kind of cross to carry I made it a habit to consider others who are worse off. For example: when I have physical pains or changes I think of cancer patients etc and the physical changes and pain they go through; when I am emotionally upset I think about families in Haiti (or similar) and how their hearts are breaking. See what I mean? I “offer it up” that runs deep with me (and trust me girl, you don’t know the half of it). All things considered, menopause is nothing.

 

[Susan_Mary]

Who are you to tell someone how they should or shouldn’t feel? Did I miss a memo where you were made boss of how people feel? Maybe her husband shouldn’t feel the way he does either, since were telling people how to feel.

Have you thought about how people feel when reading your posts?

I’ve honestly never seen such a glib and rude response to a perfectly honest question on CAF, and that’s saying a lot. You can give your opinion in a nicer way.

You need to check your charity meter. The woman is going through a major life change. Yes, it a normal bodily change, but it has far deeper ramifications than say, going to the bathroom.

Get a grip!