marital crisis

[ThyKingdomCome]

For good NFP information, you may wish to start with the Couple to Couple League (CCL) first www.ccli.org Most people who practice NFP do not practice the most conservative form of it. There are some, however, who for medical necessity, practice the Phase III only rules - in which they only have relations until after ovulation. CCL talks about this extensively and I believe it is quite effective (keep in mind that even tubal ligations have been known to fail - women HAVE become pregnant after them - there really is no fool proof birth control). Sure, it’s not an idea sex-life for a married couple, but if your choice is either total abstinence or self-mutilation that will also harm a marriage, restricting relations to the end of the month is really not so bad. And yes, I do find it ironic sometimes that when I am using NFP to avoid pregnancy, I have to abstain at the very times that I am most in the mood. But that fact is just a huge reminder to me that God intended my body for bearing children, and the desire during the fertile time helps that. The Church teaches that it is the EXCEPTION, not the rule, that we are to try to avoid pregnancy, so when you look at it that way, it makes sense that the fertile time is when you have the highest libido. For those for whom the exception is their norm, it is a cross to bear (forgive the Catholic terminology). But again, it is worth it, when you consider that you are bearing this cross out of love and/or respect for God, your body the way He made it, and the bond of marriage.

Your husband does sound like a good person, and your marriage sounds like it has a lot of potential for improvement. Given that you are raising children together, I really hope you can stay together. Praying for you,

TKC

 

[deronda]

Hey,
It seems to me that you connected with your husband because of his spirituality. But his spirituality can’t carry both of you. You need your own relationship with God.

Without that all your decisions will be at best partial solutions to the issues you face. I too am a reform Jew by birth. My walk has brought me to know Jesus which was not easy. There is so much history and culture working against this. However if he is who he says he is it is worth finding out. You may want to check out the Association of Hebrew Catholics. You may want to read Salvation is From the Jews by Roy Shoeman. Most Jews that come to know Jesus come through some pretty profound experiences. It can be hard to get to ‘knowing’ through others.

I have been down these roads, but not all the way, obviously. We have been to Jewish-Christian services. I respect the choice you have made; I think it is wonderful that you have found your spiritual place.

If Jesus is not who he says he is then the church is irrelevant and so are her rules. That is why for you to come to any kind of rational decisions in your marriage you really have to figure this out. Feel free to email me if you want to.Ms. Cilantro

I don’t think I can believe in Jesus. I admire those who do, and it may be true, but I don’t think I can do it. I’m just being realistic about who I am and where I’m going.

I understand what you are all saying about duty and higher calling and not succumbing to base urges. But all the stuff you’re telling me presupposes a faith I simply don’t have. I don’t believe in Christ.

And I’m not too happy with God right now. To answer someone’s question, yes, I do pray. I pray because I hope God is real, but I really am not certain any more. As for what God wants, I have never known God without my husband, so I have no way of separating God’s desires from my husband’s desires.

And if God is real I am really not absolutely certain that he is good. I have to think that if God wants me to have another child, he must want to destroy me emotionally, and if that is the case, I’m not sure how that is very loving. Maybe you’re all saying I don’t know what is best for myself and that I need to leave it up to my husband and God. I know you will say I’m being base and egotistical if I say I don’t want submit myself to God’s will at the expense of my own sanity and well-being. I don’t have the kind of faith that allows me to do this quietly and without a fight. My faith is not like that. I am completely and utterly aware that these are not Catholic views.

So maybe my H and I are unequally yoked. Believe me, I don’t relish the idea of divorcing my husband. I don’t want to do that to him or my children.

I will keep praying as you advise, but it doesn’t feel good right now.