Marital debt duty to have sex

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Of course, but the statement was not qualified in the least.

No, almost 30 years of marriage.
 
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GospelOfMatthew said:
just don’t understand how rejecting sex once is sinful.
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Let me risk another analogy. Suppose I am just watching football, not tired from a days work BTW, and my wife asks for help washing dishes and I say no. Would that be wrong? I think if I had no cause to refuse her help, it would be.
 
There would be nothing wrong with telling her you would help after the game (or ad break). Assuming the man is not a selfish brute who usually does his share - that would be most acceptable.

Same with sex.
 
Agreed, asking for a postponement, or suggesting one is just fine. That would be a proper response, providing she does not need the help immediately due to a further obligation or some other time restraint.
Unfortunately, that behavior is also not to be expected of oneself.
You should be free to say “no dear, I am not helping with the dishes” and end it at that. Or that is the argument of others (certainly I find it poor behavior, ie sinful).
 
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But washing the dishes must be done. Washing the dishes is a duty that has need. Sex is not a duty and has no need. Love shouldn’t be a need to fulfill. Perhaps this is the issue of our disagreement. If all sex is has become an ends to a means, isn’t that problematic? I think this scenario doesn’t lend itself well either to be honest
 
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I am not the only person who apparently interpretted that way. And you selected a partial quote to specifically make that point. So the evidence seems clear. But good day.
 
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There is often a need for sex in order to maintain a healthy marraige.
That is not the problem with the analogy, the problem is that doesn’t ng dishes is a burden, sex should not be viewed as such. So it’s almost more understandable to reject doing dishes than to reject sex.
 
You’re making strawman arguments here.
tafan2 said:
There have been other absurd arguments made, for example it’s horrible behavior to give a wife a massage in order to get her in the mood (no romancing allowed)
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Most sane people think it’s fine to make advances. However you were saying that if he were to make advances, she has to say yes even if she doesn’t want to. Making advances to hopefully change her mind and making advances knowing that it means she has to say yes now are two different things. And obviously, if your wife tells you to stop and that she’s really not interested, you stop.
tafan2 said:
Or the almost humorous statements that a male’s anatomy will simply not work if he is not in the mood (still trying to wrap my head around how anyone can be married with a healthy sex life and think that).
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Someone here already addressed this statement so I won’t. However, you seem to keep ignoring comments about female sexuality. Where sex can be painful or not satisfying if she isn’t in the mood. I wonder why.
tafan2 said:
Or the idea that a spouse should not even feel the need to ask for a postponement.
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People in a healthy marriage knows that ‘not tonight’ or even ‘no’ means ‘not now, some other time’.
tafan2 said:
Or the idea of what kind of wife would want sex when she knows her husband is available.
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People want sex at the weirdest times. Ask for sex all you want. Interrupting someone’s leisure activity when you know the person will have to say yes or else he/she feels guilty of sin is where we have issues. If you have a spouse who believes in such a sin, then obviously the right thing to do would to ask some other time and let him enjoy whatever he is doing.
tafan2 said:
Or the idea that any of this is not just advocating rape, but it is sexual assault.
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people were just pointing out that the marital debt can be used to manipulate or coerce people into sex. Especially when it comes to scrupulous people.
 
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tafan2 said:
That is not the problem with the analogy, the problem is that doesn’t ng dishes is a burden, sex should not be viewed as such. So it’s almost more understandable to reject doing dishes than to reject sex.
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It’s a little idealistic to assume that sex is never a burden to the partner who is not in the mood. Sometimes it is. Perhaps a spouse will choose to take on the burden out of love for the requesting spouse but that doesn’t mean they could also have just as well been fine not “doing it” at that time or would rather be doing something else.
 
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QwertyGirl said:
Either way. What kind of a husband would distrub his wife who is peacefully reading a book. Especially in a Catholic marriage where there are kids. Chances are she doesn’t get quiet book reading time often. Seems selfish to me. Wait until later.
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Just on these two isolated comments… I mean… really? The idea of a wife wanting to get frisky while her husband’s watching a game or a husband wanting to get frisky while his wife is reading a book, and both making moves, doesn’t seem at all out of the ordinary or unusual to me.
 
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Wesrock said:
Just on these two isolated comments… I mean… really? The idea of a wife wanting to get frisky while her husband’s watching a game or a husband wanting to get frisky while his wife is reading a book, and both making moves, doesn’t seem at all out of the ordinary or unusual to me.
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Asking isn’t the issue. Expecting a green light and being upset when a yellow or red is given, is the problem. When my husband is enjoying his game on TV, I enjoy that he is enjoying it. I wouldn’t interrupt, in that way, his enjoyment of it. I am not sure why anyone would, but that is just me I guess.
 
I am always in the middle of something. If my wife never interrupted me to ask for payment of the marital debt, or exercise her marital rights, when would we ever be intimate?
 
While not explicit, it is what marriage has traditionally been understood to be in all cultures.

If not, what is marriage?
 
I’ve read most of the comments and they seem pretty absurd to me. I had no idea so many people believe that women are supposed to be sexual slaves to their husbands (it’s slavery only for women because women are the ones who suffer the consequences of sex, not men).

I’m not sure if it was wise to start this thread but hopefully this will be closed soon.
 
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