Marriage/Annulment/etc

[BamaRider]

Nordar-

My wife and I have been married for almost 4 years now. My wife has been having issues with severe migraines ever since becoming pregnant with our daughter (who is 25 months old now, so about 3 years). She has been on a couple of narcotics since then (about 3 years). She has been basically laying in bed for most of this time. She was never classified as being addicted and hates to hear those words but she went to a migraine rehab right before Christmas 2007 to get off the narcotics. This lasted about a month before her doctor put her back on them, saying it was the only solution for the headaches. So, another year of this until she decides to go into a real rehab around Thanksgiving 2008 (this year). **After two weeks, she gets out and the daily headaches are gone. She gets the migraines every now and then, though, but she is not taking any narcotics (as far as I know). This whole time, though, she is still always tired and does not want to do anything but lay in bed **and watch tv most of the time. Every now and then, she gets up and does a couple things around the house. She also takes our daughter to and from daycare (which we can’t really afford).

Now go back and read the bold part again. The problem IS she lies in the bed and watches tv all day. Now that might fly in your house, not our business, but it ain’t gonna fly in mine.

Now if she’s sick that is one thing, and yes only have one side of the story, but I’m gonna assume the OP is telling the truth. But lets say none of that is true and she IS on drugs, with debiltating migraines, you think she even KNOWS the little girl is in the house? Her mind is so cloudy from drugs and pain I’m gonna bet she doesn’t know what day of the week it is. You’re gonna intrust the childs welfare to her? Right now the man has 2 problems, how is he gonna focus on the wife when he has to worry about the little girl?

And nobody said anything about leaving her, a seperation is a chance to gather things in and see about fixing the problem.

But the man said her problem is she just likes to remain in bed most of the day and watch TV, and with him running around doing everything for her, he enables that behavior.

 

[Ruthie]

Bama, I love you and I think you’re usually very wise.

But not this time. This woman needs help.

Folks that kinda like being sick, and when ya tawk to them they NEVER feel good, always got something wrong, when in actuality they’re fine.

I have major depression and fibromyalgia. Depression is physical as well as mental, and contributes to fatigue. Fibromyalgia is chronic pain which also makes for fatigue. Since fibro is not inflammatory, most painkillers have no effect on it.

I **look **perfectly healthy. I’ve been treated for the depression since 1995. No treatment or medication has given my my energy back. Nothing, so far, has done that. (I keep hoping some new drug will.) My house is a mess. I manage to keep the cooking part of the kitchen clean. Some days I can’t even do that. Other days I can take on a little more, like cleaning the bathrooms. Some “miracle” days I can clean the whole living room. But they are rare as hen’s teeth.

But, apparently, you would write me off as some kind of whiner if you met me. You would think I **like **being this way.

This poor woman needs a doctor’s attention to figure out what’s going on. Maybe she needs therapy, maybe antidepressants - we don’t know. But she doesn’t need her husband to leave her, or for his family to badmouth her.

:tsktsk:

Ruthie

ETA: read this.

 

[TravisandJill]

We have been having some major fights lately because my parents and siblings are tired of dealing with my wife. They don’t think she is ever going to be a good wife/mother because she does not really try that hard (or seem to). Most of the work generally falls on me. I donated a kidney to my younger brother about 6 months ago so they are concerned with my health for one and also that my daughter is not getting the proper care that she needs.
We didn’t go to Thanksgiving because a string of emails between my wife and my siblings started a small civil war in the family. We decided to go to Christmas for the day because we wanted our daughter to spend it with the other kids. It was not a good time. My wife and siblings basically ignored each other the whole time. My wife and I got into a major fight due to this on the way home (nice 3 hour drive).
So, I have been talking to a priest about this and the only thing he keeps telling me is basically that the Lord does not promise an easy life, so deal with it the best you can (in a roundabout way).
Divorce/Annulment have come up in fights with my wife. I know we are not supposed to do this. At what point is it too much though? My “former” family (parents/siblings) can’t stand to be around my wife anymore. My wife thinks that I’m a slave-driver if I ask her to get out of bed and help around the house more. I am working night and day and barely keeping us from going bankrupt. I don’t want to give up on our relationship but I am starting to think that the best thing for my daughter would be a separation. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

This part really troubled me…it seems like you are caring too much what your parents and siblings think and its sad that you let them bad-talk your wife in your presence. This is not a healthy marrigae at all!

I have suffered with depression for about 7 years and it really is not something most people understand. When you are in the midst of a depressive episode it is the WORST feeling in the world. I think she needs to see a doctor and even more I think she needs a husband who loves her unconditionally and will support her through her illness. I dont think you really understand the permanent harm you are doing by siding with your other family and not your wife. Trust me you will create a divide that will be very difficult to mend. If and when your wife recovers she (rightfully) may still harbor hard feelings towards you and your family for treating her this way.

You need to be a man and step up and tell your family to quit talking badly about your wife and mean it!

 

[Nordar]

Nordar-

Now go back and read the bold part again. The problem IS she lies in the bed and watches tv all day. Now that might fly in your house, not our business, but it ain’t gonna fly in mine.

Now if she’s sick that is one thing, and yes only have one side of the story, but I’m gonna assume the OP is telling the truth. But lets say none of that is true and she IS on drugs, with debiltating migraines, you think she even KNOWS the little girl is in the house? Her mind is so cloudy from drugs and pain I’m gonna bet she doesn’t know what day of the week it is. You’re gonna intrust the childs welfare to her? Right now the man has 2 problems, how is he gonna focus on the wife when he has to worry about the little girl?

And nobody said anything about leaving her, a seperation is a chance to gather things in and see about fixing the problem.

But the man said her problem is she just likes to remain in bed most of the day and watch TV, and with him running around doing everything for her, he enables that behavior.

I truly hope that you never have to suffer from migraines or depression!

 

[basilisk]

Nordar, you are determined to misread my posts. If you think you can go back and read what I actually stated without your obvious emotion and investment getting in the way, then please do that. And then we can discuss what I actually said, not what you think I said.

I never said all people who take pain medication are drug addicts. But there is a point where a person knows they are taking too much and for the wrong reasons. If they choose to continue, then they become an addict and lose control. But they CHOSE it. If they choose to address that issue and get their med use under control, then they CHOOSE not to be an addict.

There are many issues going on with this wife. Depression, migraines, misuse of medication, and possibly even just laziness are all playing in here. I couched everything I said in possibilities, going on what the OP said. You are determined to see me as some ogre who has no sympathy or compassion. If that comforts you, go right ahead.

And, BTW, the argument that someone cannot comment on something until they have experienced it, is always invalid. I am sure you would not tell me that I can’t say abortion or rape are wrong just because neither has ever happened to me.