Marriage beef (s)

  • Thread starter Thread starter cestusdei
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

cestusdei

Guest
As a priest here are some beefs I have when it comes to marriage:
  1. Asking to have secular inappropriate music.
  2. Asking the priest to violate marriage laws.
  3. Wearing low cut immodest dresses.
  4. Getting drunk before the ceremony.
  5. Pushing for open communion in a mixed marriage.
  6. Using wedding magazines as the guide for the ceremony.
  7. Using terrified toddlers as ring bearers and flower girls who then collapse in tears half-way down the aisle.
  8. Choose readers who have never read at Mass before.
  9. Pick a friend to sing a solo who obviously can’t sing.
  10. Chewing gum during the ceremony.
I have experienced ALL of these at one time or another.
 
My brother was recently married in a Catholic Church in NJ. The photographer set up a camera on a huge tripod on wheels. He was all over the place, blocking peoples view of the ceremony. I think I missed about one - third of the ceremony. I thought that was highly inappropriate. My Pastor here in Norwich, CT never would have allowed that.
 
Oh, I forgot all about photography. Yes that is a major beef. Keep them out of the line of sight.
 
When the Bride and Groom write their own “vows” and they end up being horrible horrible love poems having little or nothing to do with the commitment of Marriage…it should be noted that this wasn’t at a Catholic Mass…but still.
 
Thanks for your list Father,

I was fortunate to be married by an orthodox (small “o”) priest in NY. At the first meeting, we were told the do’s and don’t of our attire, given a choice between the two organists available (no outside mucisians or soloists), and given a list from which to chose our hymns.

At the Mass, Monseignor was very clear about Communion, even though there were only a couple of non-Catholics in attendance.

Monseignor was very much in control at our meetings. We didn’t get much chance to express opinions, he simply gave us choices. I was not very well Catechized at the time. Now that I am older and wiser, I am so greatful that I do not have to cringe in memory of anything on that beautiful day.

Lest someone think this was in the “good old days” of blind obedience, nope, it was in the 90’s. I am not that much older (or wiser).

Keep up the good fight. 👍
 
I think unity candles are pretty stupid. They masquerade as some great “tradition” but really were just invented by people who sell unity candles. I wouldn’t have a problem with them if they actually WERE a tradition, but the fact that their origin is so obviously commerical irritates me. Thankfully the priest who married us didn’t allow them - not that we would’ve had one anyways. He said alot of couples though are very upset when they don’t get their unity candle.

self-written vows, although I have not witnessed any - are also annoying. While I was engaged I used to post on a wedding related message board and many other women used their own vows and posted them for all to see. Gag me with a spoon - saccharine, inane vows with very little mention of commitment or God, as cestus said.
 
I wish I could remember my wedding (mixed marriage, wife Catholic, nuptual mass in the Syracuse University chapel). I wasn’t drunk or anything like that; I just didn’t have my personal record button pushed. I also wish I could contact the priest who married us (SU chaplain) and tell him we’ve both come home… 😦

On the good side, it’s fortunate we got married when we did. By the time we got back from our honeymoon, the Kent State massacre had happened and the hippies had rioted and totally trashed the chapel :mad:

DaveBj
 
I’m an organist and I got annoyed when a bride persuaded another bride to put pressure on me not to sing all 3 verses of the responsorial psalm and mocked the words.

Also, when the groom and his crew left a beer can in the sacristy.
 
DaveBj -my husband also doesn’t remember our wedding, not drunk, just very nervous about getting everything right. Thank God for photos or he might be wondering if he really got married or not.
:rotfl:
Worst thing ever seen at a wedding - when exes show up and start yelling about what a (fill in any expletive you can imagine). Even worse - seeing an ex go at the bride and starting a fist fight on the runner, husband to be pulling her of his bride, bride’s mother in tears and bride’s father having chest pains.
:bigyikes:
 
40.png
deaconswife:
Worst thing ever seen at a wedding - when exes show up and start yelling about what a (fill in any expletive you can imagine). Even worse - seeing an ex go at the bride and starting a fist fight on the runner, husband to be pulling her of his bride, bride’s mother in tears and bride’s father having chest pains.
:bigyikes:
Click to expand...
Wow. The “Jerry Springer” wedding show!
 
You list wedding beefs, not marriage beefs. It is a huge problem among engaged couples that they think of them as the same thing.

I would also submit that your list could be cut significantly by listing: “Bride, groom, and their entourage come into the wedding ceremony thinking they are entitled to run the church for a day.”

But give the singers a break… it’s not the first time someone has sung off-key in a Catholic Church. (I wish more would… the lack of participation can be deafening.)
 
:rotfl: This thread has brightened my day. I am coming to HATE weddings because of all of this. My vote for most obnoxious custom goes to the unity candle. Tacky, tacky, tacky. Right up there with the “Precious Moments” Agony in the Garden.

Husband’s who don’t remember their wedding? Mine remembers only too well. He was so nervous before the ceremony, he got lost looking for the men’s room and ran outdoors to do you-know-what on the foundation wall of the apse! :o
 
this is a little off topic, but does there have to be a nuptual (sp) mass?
do some parishes require them?
When I had my marriage convalidated, we had a simple ceremony, no mass. We just wanted to keep it simple as we were both coming back to the Catholic Church.
 
I kinda like the unity candle. If done properly and in good taste it can be very beautiful and have a very spiritual meaning. One other thing about this forum. If you do not agree with another post, do not become so reactionary. These are only opinions. We all have different tastes. There are certain posts which come off very abrasive. One other thought. Traditions start out as the first time being done, then they are repeated until they become tradition. Remember every practice that is considered tradition was done for the first time some time or another.

Oh btw, Weddings are big business. If half the effort was put into the marriage as the planning and the wedding itself, The divorce rate might possibly come down. Just a thought
 
A nuptial Mass is not required.

One of the nicest weddings was a couple who got married at the Sunday Mass and had cake and punch for th eparish afterwards. Well done, simple, inexpensive, tasteful.
 
In Detroit there is a priest that must see a photo of you in your wedding dress to make sure it is appropriate for Mass. Also he gives them a list from the beggining of what is and is not allowed.

The photographer my biggest pet peeve since our chapel is connected to the church (behind the Blessed Sacrament) I have a Saturday Holy Hour and all I can here is the photographer it is so annoying.

Thanks for your lists though when my sons get married I will be sure and give it to them.
 
As a newlywed, here are some of my beefs when it came to my wedding:
  1. We were told that the nuptial blessing that we prayed about and selected was too orthodox.
  2. We were told that the non-Catholics would not be told how to receive a blessing and that they should just come up and receive the Eucharist instead.
  3. At the last minute the priest decided to cut out parts of the Mass because “no Mass should go longer than 54 minutes”
  4. We were not asked our intentions (do you come here freely,will you accept children lovingly from God,etc…)
  5. At the rehearsal we were told that the Gospel we chose didn’t match the priest’s one-size fits all homily and that he would read the one he wanted.
    6.We were never given any information about wedding liturgy, appropriate songs, attire, readings, etc…
  6. We were laughed at by the priest when we said that we didn’t want the unity candle at our wedding
 
40.png
cwmzzm:
As a newlywed, here are some of my beefs when it came to my wedding:
  1. We were told that the nuptial blessing that we prayed about and selected was too orthodox.
  2. We were told that the non-Catholics would not be told how to receive a blessing and that they should just come up and receive the Eucharist instead.
  3. At the last minute the priest decided to cut out parts of the Mass because “no Mass should go longer than 54 minutes”
  4. We were not asked our intentions (do you come here freely,will you accept children lovingly from God,etc…)
  5. At the rehearsal we were told that the Gospel we chose didn’t match the priest’s one-size fits all homily and that he would read the one he wanted.
    6.We were never given any information about wedding liturgy, appropriate songs, attire, readings, etc…
  6. We were laughed at by the priest when we said that we didn’t want the unity candle at our wedding
Click to expand...
**Why did you even stay there…I would have taken myself and my wedding elsewhere, and fast:yup: **
 
CD4 said:
**Why did you even stay there…I would have taken myself and my wedding elsewhere, and fast:yup: **
Click to expand...

I don’t really know for positive, but aren’t you supposed to get married in a specific parish, the one you are a member of? I didn’t think you were supposed to just pick the prettiest (or the one with the most agreeable priest). Does anyone know?

Unless you have been prepared by some previous experience planning a Catholic wedding (what 21 year old couple has such a thing?), you are going to have expectations that the media created or that your family has. My family never got over the lack of a “you may now kiss the bride” sequence. I was too nervous to notice the lack, but they all sure did 🙂

I really hear you on the gum chewing thing.
 
40.png
cwmzzm:
  1. We were not asked our intentions (do you come here freely,will you accept children lovingly from God,etc…)
Click to expand...
Um…I thought that was a non-negotiable in a Catholic wedding- the priest is supposed to ask those questions.

I’d think about filing a complaint with the diocese, if I were you.
40.png
joshua1:
Oh btw, Weddings are big business. If half the effort was put into the marriage as the planning and the wedding itself, The divorce rate might possibly come down. Just a thought
Click to expand...
:amen:
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top