Marriage but no children due to mental illness

[27lw]

Not sure if this helps. When m husband and I met with a priest to validate our marriage (we had a courthouse wedding orginally), one of the things that the priest asked is if either one of us suffered from mental illness. Anyway, maybe someone else can answer, if mental illness is considered an impediment to marriage? I think it is for the reason given in your original question, because one wouldn’t want to make the children suffer or have an unstable upbringing due to the mental illness of the parent. The Church would not consider it fair to you, to deprive you of children, because your girlfriend would not feel capable of having / raising children.

 

[123me]

Thanks, I have contacted a couple in church who I think usually deal with pre-marriage guidance, I might refer them to this posting too as heads up for where I/we are yes face to face is what I was considering. I appreciate your advice.

 

[Vic_Taltrees_UK]

I don’t want to swing you too far the other way.

The all-important thing is to have a number of close friends - preferably both of you, but failing her, you at any rate. That is more important than being married.

At the same time people continue to need friends after they marry.

Marriage should not be seen as a substitute for friendships. I am speaking from observation and the many people that have talked to me.

Keep in touch - you might find a different smattering of us answer next time, even if your question is still nearly the same.

 

[123me]

Thanks, yes even though I can be swung by an argument as an initial reaction I am aware when I am doing this and try to balance it sensibly God Bless.

 

[1ke]

. Anyway, maybe someone else can answer, if mental illness is considered an impediment to marriage?.

Not per se.

A person must be able to form proper intent and give valid consent, both of which might be impeded by a mental illness. The priest would have to make a determination based on the individual case.

 

[Convert_in_99]

Not per se.

A person must be able to form proper intent and give valid consent, both of which might be impeded by a mental illness. The priest would have to make a determination based on the individual case.

This.

I have severe OCD and Panic Disorder and am married. My husband knew about it and was okay with it prior to our wedding. I have had years of counseling and take medications for it. The two combined help me to function fairly well. But the difference between your friend and I is that I WANTED to get married. Your friend is making it pretty clear that she does not feel ready/able for marriage. As for children, mental health issues are a valid reason to use Natural Family Planning. Hope that helps!

 

[As_for_my_House]

practical advice
:Can you both get outside ( of the relationship) support to manage your mental illness?

an observation:
Sleeping together before marriage causes a trust issue. My experience is that mentally ill people have serious (and maybe well founded) issues with trust.

I have a best friend who suffers from mental illness. I also suffer from anxiety so I know how she feels some of the time. We have a friendship that took many years (20 years) to build the trust that people with mental illnesses have a hard time giving to others. We have gone though many ups and downs. In the beginning of our friendship, she would get very angry with me and do terribly mean spirited things but I always forgave her because I understood that it was her mental illness that caused her to act this way. She still has fits of jealousy toward other people and sometimes thinks that other people owe her because she needs help(that’s what she calls her neediness) and they have more than her. I get very annoyed sometimes with this behavior but usually she works it out on her own or with her therapist. For example, this week she needs help to buy a PlayStation 4 for her daughter and has talked a relative into buying it for her daughter for christmas when what she really needs is her plumbing fixed. This is an example of just one of the challenges I have with a best friend who is mentally ill.

As for my part, I decided a long time ago to be her friend no matter what. Her mental illness is a part of our friendship. From the outside it may look like I am the only one doing all the giving in the relationship but that’s not true at all. I have learned so much about friendship from her. How to be patient, kind, selfless, giving. The relationship demands these things, there is no room for selfishness. I wish I could be this way with all the people in my life but I still have so much to learn.

I wish you well. Please try to stay chaste. It’s important to practice if you truly want to learn how to love someone.