Marriage Dilemma – Catholic and LDS

[dianaiad]

Well, first off… Thank you for picking and choosing which part of my posts you want to comment on and twist my words around.

Me believing the church is curse, is my belief. It is based on how I interprete the bible. As I said in my previous reply, my wife is able to choose what she wants to believe, no matter how I feel about it. It’s called freedom of religion, she has to the freedom to believe in any religion she chooses, no matter what I think about it. I will try and support her choices, no matter what my personal thoughts are.

I never said that LDS members are not good people, they are indeed good people, I just don’t agree in what they believe. My child is only 5mos old, so it’s not like he is learning anything when she takes him to church. Which is why I don’t understand why she has a problem with me taking him. However, when he is old enough to go to primary (learning to walk,) I will have a problem with him going to primary and we will have to deal with that roadblock when the time comes (if it already hasn’t resolved itself.) I believe its wrong to force false doctrine, and teach about false prophets on such impressible minds, when the child is so young and learning so much. It doesn’t allow a child to choose for themselves. It’s like if you constantly teach a child that the world is flat, they will believe the world is flat.

Oh, my.

You don’t understand why she has a problem with you taking your son to Mass…but you have no difficulty whatsoever with telling us that you ARE going to have a huge problem with her taking him to Primary, when he is older?

M’friend, you have a problem. You married her with a promise; one she depended upon. You broke it. It does not matter whether your religious views are correct or hers are, the point is, SHE did not change. YOU did—and you are not willing to allow her the same reservations about your faith that you are quite open about with hers.

In other words, YOU moved. YOU changed—and you want HER to do all the adjusting. You SAY you are willing to support her in whatever her beliefs are, but…you aren’t. You want her to marry you in a Catholic church. You don’t want her to teach her child the faith she holds. You …you…you…you…

What makes you think that raising a child in the Catholic faith is any LESS coercive, as you have described it, than rasing a child in the LDS faith? It is the job of the parents to teach the children. For the love of all that is wonderful, you guys BAPTISE your infants, and the parents promise to raise them in the faith. You can’t GET more coercive than that!!!

Now you are here telling us that you don’t want your wife teaching your son ‘false doctrine.’ Well, m’friend, you married her and promised that you would live according to that ‘false doctrine,’ and you promise her to take her to the Temple and have your children sealed to you for eternity. You have stolen that from her…and you need to recognize just how big a theft that is.

In spite of it, she loves you and will stay with you; she’s willing to let you have your way in almost every demand you’ve made.

I don’t know how you are going to handle this in the long run, sir, but I would really like to see you give your wife the credit and honor she deserves for giving up something that eternally important to her in order to remain your wife…and that includes NOT deciding that while teaching your son to be a good Catholic is the right and admirable thing to do, her teaching the faith SHE believes to be true is ‘coercive.’

Get a grip. Be a husband who honors his wife and her beliefs. Be a father who loves his son, and the two of you teach Him about Jesus together, and encourage him to learn both faiths. Let HIM choose, come the time--------and when he does choose, IF he chooses his mother’s faith over yours, be graceful about it.

As well, your intentions of forcing/coercing your wife to leave her faith and join yours are pretty clear, as well. While some Catholics may approve of this, I don’t—and I wouldn’t if she were the Catholic and you were the MOrmon intending to get her to become Mormon, either. You are NOT a missionary. Your job is to be a husband, and since this is the path you chose, it is your job to be the best Catholic you can possibly be. If she joins you in that faith, it better be because she sees in you an example of all that is best in Catholicism, and that you have become so much better a man as a result that she wants that for herself.

It should NOT be because if she doesn’t, she’ll lose you. I think she’s had about enough of that, don’t you think?

 

[RebeccaJ]

Please note, the LDS self-righteous diatribe is BS. LDS don’t have a problem converting one Catholic spouse and not the other to their own religion, which is endorsing the Catholic spouse to forsake their marriage vows.

The hypocrisy never ends.

 

[lax16]

Oh, my.

You don’t understand why she has a problem with you taking your son to Mass…but you have no difficulty whatsoever with telling us that you ARE going to have a huge problem with her taking him to Primary, when he is older?

M’friend, you have a problem. You married her with a promise; one she depended upon. You broke it. It does not matter whether your religious views are correct or hers are, the point is, SHE did not change. YOU did—and you are not willing to allow her the same reservations about your faith that you are quite open about with hers.

In other words, YOU moved. YOU changed—and you want HER to do all the adjusting. You SAY you are willing to support her in whatever her beliefs are, but…you aren’t. You want her to marry you in a Catholic church. You don’t want her to teach her child the faith she holds. You …you…you…you…

What makes you think that raising a child in the Catholic faith is any LESS coercive, as you have described it, than rasing a child in the LDS faith? It is the job of the parents to teach the children. For the love of all that is wonderful, you guys BAPTISE your infants, and the parents promise to raise them in the faith. You can’t GET more coercive than that!!!

Now you are here telling us that you don’t want your wife teaching your son ‘false doctrine.’ Well, m’friend, you married her and promised that you would live according to that ‘false doctrine,’ and you promise her to take her to the Temple and have your children sealed to you for eternity. You have stolen that from her…and you need to recognize just how big a theft that is.

In spite of it, she loves you and will stay with you; she’s willing to let you have your way in almost every demand you’ve made.

I don’t know how you are going to handle this in the long run, sir, but I would really like to see you give your wife the credit and honor she deserves for giving up something that eternally important to her in order to remain your wife…and that includes NOT deciding that while teaching your son to be a good Catholic is the right and admirable thing to do, her teaching the faith SHE believes to be true is ‘coercive.’

Get a grip. Be a husband who honors his wife and her beliefs. Be a father who loves his son, and the two of you teach Him about Jesus together, and encourage him to learn both faiths. Let HIM choose, come the time--------and when he does choose, IF he chooses his mother’s faith over yours, be graceful about it.

As well, your intentions of forcing/coercing your wife to leave her faith and join yours are pretty clear, as well. While some Catholics may approve of this, I don’t—and I wouldn’t if she were the Catholic and you were the MOrmon intending to get her to become Mormon, either. You are NOT a missionary. Your job is to be a husband, and since this is the path you chose, it is your job to be the best Catholic you can possibly be. If she joins you in that faith, it better be because she sees in you an example of all that is best in Catholicism, and that you have become so much better a man as a result that she wants that for herself.

It should NOT be because if she doesn’t, she’ll lose you. I think she’s had about enough of that, don’t you think?

Many people change as they get older, don’t you think?
I’ve grown in my faith since I was first married in a way I could not have predicted.
I don’t think people realize these things are going to happen to them…
It’s a difficult situation - sometimes I think I believe in arranged marriages!

 

[paulp1002]

Oh, my. You don’t understand why she has a problem with you taking your son to Mass…but you have no difficulty whatsoever with telling us that you ARE going to have a huge problem with her taking him to Primary, when he is older?

There is a huge difference, my son is 5mos old, what is he going to learn at this age? Kids learn more & obtain more info around the age of 3, that’s a fact. When does primary start, age 3. Now how is that fair? How is it fair to force doctrine on child whose brain is like a sponge? Like I said before if you teach a 3 yr old every Sunday that the world is flat, & you do not allow someone to teach him the world is round, he is going to believe the world is flat. RCIA for children start at age 7, when I child is able to think for themselves.

M’friend, you have a problem. You married her with a promise; one she depended upon. You broke it. It does not matter whether your religious views are correct or hers are, the point is, SHE did not change. YOU did—& you are not willing to allow her the same reservations about your faith that you are quite open about with hers.

The reservations she has about the Catholic faith aren’t her own. They’re from other church members, more importantly her bishops & family members & their closed mindedness towards any other religions other than Mormonism.

In other words, YOU moved. YOU changed—& you want HER to do all the adjusting. You SAY you are willing to support her in whatever her beliefs are, but…you aren’t. You want her to marry you in a Catholic church. You don’t want her to teach her child the faith she holds. You …you…you…you…

I’m sorry what adjusting? If I didn’t support her, she wouldn’t be taking my son to church every Sunday, & he would be coming w/ me. The last time he went to church with me was XMAS & Feb.17th.How is that her adjusting? That’s me adjusting. If she was adjusting, my son wouldn’t have been blessed in her church by her dad & he would have been baptized Catholic several months ago.

Oh but wait I think I get it, because I no longer believe in the Mormon church & she can’t be sealed to me, she has every right to raise my son in her religion & I don’t have a say. I’m sorry but I don’t see how that is fair. Yes I would like her to marry me in the Catholic Church to have my marriage validated, so I can make my Holy Communion, but that doesn’t require her to change what she believes. She will still be Mormon. As I have said many times throughout this thread, she can teach our son her faith, as long as she gives me the right to teach my son my faith. When he is older he can choose for himself. Right now it’s her way or no way. So how is that her adjusting?

Now you are here telling us that you don’t want your wife teaching your son ‘false doctrine.’ Well, m’friend, you married her & promised that you would live according to that ‘false doctrine,’ & you promise her to take her to the Temple & have your children sealed to you for eternity. You have stolen that from her…& you need to recognize just how big a theft that is.

I have recognized that, but I can’t change what I believe. I’m sorry, but I’m not going to pretend to be Mormon just so she has a temple marriage. That’s not fair to either of us. I have a right to choose what I believe, I believe mormons call it free agency. Or is that only when you choose to be mormon?

In spite of it, she loves you & will stay with you; she’s willing to let you have your way in almost every dem& you’ve made.

What demands of mine have I had my way? Honestly have you read this thread? If all my “demands” were met, my son would have been baptized Catholic, he would be going to church with me every Sunday & our marriage would have already been validated in the church. None of those “demands” have been met.

Get a grip. Be a husband who honors his wife & her beliefs. Be a father who loves his son, & the two of you teach Him about Jesus together, & encourage him to learn both faiths. Let HIM choose, come the time--------& when he does choose, IF he chooses his mother’s faith over yours, be graceful about it.

I’m not sure if you just skimmed this entire thread or if you are just taking what I say & twisting it to what you want. That was one of my main points, we both teach him our religion & he can choose when he is older. But she wants a Mormon son, she doesn’t want to give him the choice to choose.

As well, your intentions of forcing/coercing your wife to leave her faith & join yours are pretty clear, as well. While some Catholics may approve of this, I don’t—& I wouldn’t if she were the Catholic & you were the MOrmon intending to get her to become Mormon, either. You are NOT a missionary. Your job is to be a husband, & since this is the path you chose, it is your job to be the best Catholic you can possibly be. If she joins you in that faith, it better be because she sees in you an example of all that is best in Catholicism, & that you have become so much better a man as a result that she wants that for herself.

How am I forcing her to be Catholic? Am I making her go to Mass, am I forcing her to allow me to have my son baptized? No.

I remember hearing a talk by someone in the LDS Church about how everyone is a Missionary. How everyone should provide service & share the gospel to each & everyone. So, because I’m not Mormon that doesn’t apply to me?

My job is to be a good husband & a great father. If she chooses to be Catholic it’s not going to be because of me, it’s going to be because that’s what God wants for her.

 

[paulp1002]

I have a question for our Catholic members:

Last night during Mass for Holy Thursday, I felt horrible knowing that I can not partake in the Body and Blood of Christ.

Is there anyway for me to still make my Communion, if my marriage has not convalidated? Would it be possible for the local Bishop (for example,) to allow me to make my Holy Communion given my situation?

Can I call the Bishops office to schedule an appointment or do I have to go through my local Parish first?

 

[RebeccaJ]

I have a question for our Catholic members:

Last night during Mass for Holy Thursday, I felt horrible knowing that I can not partake in the Body and Blood of Christ.

Is there anyway for me to still make my Communion, if my marriage has not convalidated? Would it be possible for the local Bishop (for example,) to allow me to make my Holy Communion given my situation?

Can I call the Bishops office to schedule an appointment or do I have to go through my local Parish first?

Paul, I understand this desire. It is there for all catechumens. As far a I know, either your marriage needs to be convalidated or annulled. (I’m not saying to get an annulment.)There is no other option.

I’ve had conversations with various people in our parish about not going up for communion. There are many people in mixed marriages who do not go up. So, you are not alone.

You meet Christ in your life, He is not there outside of it. This includes, if not especially, in times of hardship. Pray. Go to our Lord’s Passion today if you can. Go to the Easter Vigil tomorrow. Celebrate His life with us. You are in my prayers.

Rebecca

 

[zaffiroborant]

Paul, I understand this desire. It is there for all catechumens. As far a I know, either your marriage needs to be convalidated or annulled. (I’m not saying to get an annulment.)There is no other option.

I’ve had conversations with various people in our parish about not going up for communion. There are many people in mixed marriages who do not go up. So, you are not alone.

You meet Christ in your life, He is not there outside of it. This includes, if not especially, in times of hardship. Pray. Go to our Lord’s Passion today if you can. Go to the Easter Vigil tomorrow. Celebrate His life with us. You are in my prayers.

Rebecca

And take your son with you.

 

[oneGODoneCHURCH]

Alright I will now and my two cent for what they are worth. It is premissible for a catholi to marry outside the Church without a priest if they receive premission from thier Bishop. I do not know if this can be done retroactively or not, but I would see about making an appointment with the Bishop of your diocees to discuss it. So to see if there is some way you can remain married and receive the Savraments without have your marrige blessed, since she is opposed to this. You will not probbly talk directly to him but then agian you might, and it never hurts to ask. Remember the Bishop is the direct source the priest opperate as extention of his ministry.

The Next thing is if your wife is set on Taking your son for the full 3 hour on Sunday so as you can not take him to mass. i would suggest taking him to mass on Saturday evening.

3rdly as for his Baptism. In my parish parents have to go to class before bring the Child for baptism. normally they go just prior to the birth. I would meet with My priest if this is done in your parish as well and go ahead an take them. I would also tell my wife that though she does not share my faith that this is what we as Catholics believe about Baptism and why it is so important for us to have are childern Baptized. And I would do everything in my power to have him Baptized. I would let her cry and through a tantrum and fit she she so chooses. I would also remind her that in her faith they have a docturine of baptizing for dead people. people that have never even heard of Mormonism and may have ran from it had they have been baptized by proxy so she really should not have a probly with your son being baptized in the Church. She can always stand in form him at a mormon dunking.

 

[paulp1002]

Paul, I understand this desire. It is there for all catechumens. As far a I know, either your marriage needs to be convalidated or annulled. (I’m not saying to get an annulment.)There is no other option.

I’ve had conversations with various people in our parish about not going up for communion. There are many people in mixed marriages who do not go up. So, you are not alone.

You meet Christ in your life, He is not there outside of it. This includes, if not especially, in times of hardship. Pray. Go to our Lord’s Passion today if you can. Go to the Easter Vigil tomorrow. Celebrate His life with us. You are in my prayers.

Rebecca

Thank you for your prayers

And take your son with you.

I plan on it

Alright I will now and my two cent for what they are worth. It is premissible for a catholi to marry outside the Church without a priest if they receive premission from thier Bishop. I do not know if this can be done retroactively or not, but I would see about making an appointment with the Bishop of your diocees to discuss it. So to see if there is some way you can remain married and receive the Savraments without have your marrige blessed, since she is opposed to this. You will not probbly talk directly to him but then agian you might, and it never hurts to ask. Remember the Bishop is the direct source the priest opperate as extention of his ministry.

The Next thing is if your wife is set on Taking your son for the full 3 hour on Sunday so as you can not take him to mass. i would suggest taking him to mass on Saturday evening.

3rdly as for his Baptism. In my parish parents have to go to class before bring the Child for baptism. normally they go just prior to the birth. I would meet with My priest if this is done in your parish as well and go ahead an take them. I would also tell my wife that though she does not share my faith that this is what we as Catholics believe about Baptism and why it is so important for us to have are childern Baptized. And I would do everything in my power to have him Baptized. I would let her cry and through a tantrum and fit she she so chooses. I would also remind her that in her faith they have a docturine of baptizing for dead people. people that have never even heard of Mormonism and may have ran from it had they have been baptized by proxy so she really should not have a probly with your son being baptized in the Church. She can always stand in form him at a mormon dunking.

Well, during our counseling session on Wednesday, I expressed the importance to me, in taking my son with me to Church, Baptism and having our marriage blessed.

She is absolutely against having my son baptized, she said that she thinks it’s blasphemy. No matter how important it is to me, she said that it is wrong. Another arguement was she thinks babies shouldn’t have to be baptized for Orignal Sin. I tried to remind her that, that is not the only reason and offered her to talk with my parish to fully understand the importance of baptism, but she denied.

Regarding our marriage being blessed. When I asked her several weeks ago, she said that she doesn’t like the Catholic Church because of her past. During our session she said that she asked God and he told her not to do it. Which doesn’t make sense to me, that would make God vengefull, and she was offended when I asked her if she did it with an open heart. Its hard to pray with an open heart, when your taught at such a young age, that every Church is wrong except yours.

Regarding taking my son to Church, she said that she was willing to compromise; however her compromise was me having to work around her Church schedule and find another Parish to take him to. My parish is 2 mins away from our house and she doesn’t realize that Mass times are usually 9am and 11am, no matter which parish we go to. Those times are the same time as her church. She finally agreed that we can alternate every Sunday, with each Sunday being our day. Then 2 hours later she changed her mind and said that she would feel more comfortable if I take him to church every other Sunday and she still take him every Sunday, after Mass on my Sundays.

 

[twopekinguys]

Well, during our counseling session on Wednesday, I expressed the importance to me, in taking my son with me to Church, Baptism and having our marriage blessed.

She is absolutely against having my son baptized, she said that she thinks it’s blasphemy. No matter how important it is to me, she said that it is wrong. Another arguement was she thinks babies shouldn’t have to be baptized for Orignal Sin. I tried to remind her that, that is not the only reason and offered her to talk with my parish to fully understand the importance of baptism, but she denied.

Regarding our marriage being blessed. When I asked her several weeks ago, she said that she doesn’t like the Catholic Church because of her past. During our session she said that she asked God and he told her not to do it. Which doesn’t make sense to me, that would make God vengefull, and she was offended when I asked her if she did it with an open heart. Its hard to pray with an open heart, when your taught at such a young age, that every Church is wrong except yours.

Regarding taking my son to Church, she said that she was willing to compromise; however her compromise was me having to work around her Church schedule and find another Parish to take him to. My parish is 2 mins away from our house and she doesn’t realize that Mass times are usually 9am and 11am, no matter which parish we go to. Those times are the same time as her church. She finally agreed that we can alternate every Sunday, with each Sunday being our day. Then 2 hours later she changed her mind and said that she would feel more comfortable if I take him to church every other Sunday and she still take him every Sunday, after Mass on my Sundays.

What does the counsellor say about her demands, and her changing her mind on these things?

From what you’re saying it sounds like she is definitely being influenced outside of your sessions, and in an unreasonable manner. Kids are not stupid, no matter what their age. They are going to pick up on all of this sooner or later, and it ain’t going to be pretty, if you know what I mean.

At some point, your councellor should be smart enough to pick up on this, and start explaining how this is going to affect the child with such a bizarre arrangement for church services. He/she should also be addressing the flip flopping your spouse is doing.

If they don’t start looking out for these things, I would be finding a different councellor.

 

[paulp1002]

What does the counsellor say about her demands, and her changing her mind on these things?

From what you’re saying it sounds like she is definitely being influenced outside of your sessions, and in an unreasonable manner. Kids are not stupid, no matter what their age. They are going to pick up on all of this sooner or later, and it ain’t going to be pretty, if you know what I mean.

At some point, your councellor should be smart enough to pick up on this, and start explaining how this is going to affect the child with such a bizarre arrangement for church services. He/she should also be addressing the flip flopping your spouse is doing.

If they don’t start looking out for these things, I would be finding a different councellor.

During our previous sessions, the counselor kinda avoided the religion aspect of our marriage. Which I found odd, since it was the main obstacle. Because of our past session on Wednesday, the counselor wants to focus on the religion part of the marriage now. We’ll have to see what happens.

 

[dianaiad]

What does the counsellor say about her demands, and her changing her mind on these things?

From what you’re saying it sounds like she is definitely being influenced outside of your sessions, and in an unreasonable manner. Kids are not stupid, no matter what their age. They are going to pick up on all of this sooner or later, and it ain’t going to be pretty, if you know what I mean.

At some point, your councellor should be smart enough to pick up on this, and start explaining how this is going to affect the child with such a bizarre arrangement for church services. He/she should also be addressing the flip flopping your spouse is doing.

If they don’t start looking out for these things, I would be finding a different councellor.

Why isn’t anybody ELSE but me picking up on this one essential and important fact… HE CHANGED THE RULES OF THE MARRIAGE, and he did so rather drastically. I know you guys won’t believe this, but it is true; I would be saying exactly what I am about to say if this couple had been married in the Catholic church and he decided to become LDS.

The thing is, HE changed the entire paradigm of their relationship. He left her religion, and in a very real sense (if you know anything about our beliefs and what we earnestly and sincerely believe is the eternal nature of marriage) he left her. All I am hearing now, from him and from you (and others) is how awful SHE is.

What I see is that she loves him, and is having problems adjusting to the huge change he has made, and is asking her to make; adjustments that she wouldn’t be having to make if he had not broken his promise to her, and if he had not gone down a different religious path.

This man made his choice–and went his way without her. Now she has to adjust, deal with, follow or…do something…to grab some sense out of what is happening to her, to her marriage and to her child.

Again, I would say PRECISELY the same thing to a new Mormon dealing with a Catholic wife, or a new anything dealing with a spouse who still believes in the faith left behind. This has nothing at all to do with what religion is “true.” It has EVERYTHING to do with who changed all the rules…

…and that wasn’t her. She just has to figure out whether she wants to accept the new rules, and how she is going to deal with them. Since this gentleman went his own way without really considering her in the first place, he has absolutely no say in how she does it, or indeed, in what she eventually does do.

I hope that they both consider their son, as the most important person in this whole mess…but HE made his decision, will she, nill she, and has no grounds to complain about whatever it is she does to deal with it.

 

[RebeccaJ]

The number one concern is following Christ. The obligation is to Him first. This is the first commandment, love the Lord thy God.

Compassion, including that for one’s spouse, is found by following Him. Not outside of Him. If you stick to Him, He will show you the way, and there is nothing to fear.

Ignore all temptations that lead to damnation. A good friend said to me, in a time of struggle:

The weapons for beating the Devil are, as I understand:
Faith, Hope and Charity
Humility, because the Devil is pride itself.
Prayer, because the Devil doesn’t want you to talk to God
Poverty, because the Devil is greed.
Penance, because the Devil is the lust of the senses
Love (Charity) is the best weapon, because the Devil is Hate
Truth, because the Devil is a Liar
Justice, because he is a cheat

You CANNOT control your wife’s beliefs or behaviors. You can only control your own.

 

[why_me]

Why isn’t anybody ELSE but me picking up on this one essential and important fact… HE CHANGED THE RULES OF THE MARRIAGE, and he did so rather drastically. I know you guys won’t believe this, but it is true; I would be saying exactly what I am about to say if this couple had been married in the Catholic church and he decided to become LDS.

The thing is, HE changed the entire paradigm of their relationship. He left her religion, and in a very real sense (if you know anything about our beliefs and what we earnestly and sincerely believe is the eternal nature of marriage) he left her. All I am hearing now, from him and from you (and others) is how awful SHE is.

The hypocrisy is truly amazing among the catholics on this thread, especially the ones that seem to have a grudge against mormonism. It is perfectly okay for him to change the rules of the marriage because he came home to the catholic faith. And of course, the wife just needs to get with the picture and do what he asks. Amazing. And of course, if the shoe was on the other foot, you can bet the catholic posters would not be so understanding.

 

[paulp1002]

Why isn’t anybody ELSE but me picking up on this one essential and important fact… HE CHANGED THE RULES OF THE MARRIAGE, and he did so rather drastically. I know you guys won’t believe this, but it is true; I would be saying exactly what I am about to say if this couple had been married in the Catholic church and he decided to become LDS.

I’m sorry I find that hard to believe. If we were in the situation as you stated above, and I was on a Mormon forum site, the members would be welcoming me into the church and tell me that she will eventually convert because it’s “God’s true Church,” because the gospel and priesthood authority has been restored through Joseph Smith. As a matter of fact, I have posted on a Mormon site when all this first started almost 2 years ago and all I heard was “You didn’t try hard enough, you didn’t water the mustard seed.”

What I see is that she loves him, and is having problems adjusting to the huge change he has made, and is asking her to make; adjustments that she wouldn’t be having to make if he had not broken his promise to her, and if he had not gone down a different religious path.

The different religious path was the LDS church. The way I look at it, I was born Catholic and when I reached the fork in the road, I took the wrong path (the LDS path) so I found my way to the correct path the Catholic Church.

This man made his choice–and went his way without her. Now she has to adjust, deal with, follow or…do something…to grab some sense out of what is happening to her, to her marriage and to her child.

Again, I would say PRECISELY the same thing to a new Mormon dealing with a Catholic wife, or a new anything dealing with a spouse who still believes in the faith left behind. This has nothing at all to do with what religion is “true.” It has EVERYTHING to do with who changed all the rules…

…and that wasn’t her. She just has to figure out whether she wants to accept the new rules, and how she is going to deal with them. Since this gentleman went his own way without really considering her in the first place, he has absolutely no say in how she does it, or indeed, in what she eventually does do.

I have considered her feelings this entire marriage. I attempted to try and be her Mormon husband for the majority of this marriage. However God has a different plan for me and I came back to his true Church. When this happened she left. When she came back, she accepted the fact that I was not going to be Mormon and that she was coming back to a Catholic husband and that I was never going to be Mormon. She may still believe that I may someday come back to her church. But that is her belief. I am Catholic and will always be. She has accepted this and you should too. Our problems now is working on compromising.

 

[oneGODoneCHURCH]

Why isn’t anybody ELSE but me picking up on this one essential and important fact… HE CHANGED THE RULES OF THE MARRIAGE, and he did so rather drastically. I know you guys won’t believe this, but it is true; I would be saying exactly what I am about to say if this couple had been married in the Catholic church and he decided to become LDS.

The thing is, HE changed the entire paradigm of their relationship. He left her religion, and in a very real sense (if you know anything about our beliefs and what we earnestly and sincerely believe is the eternal nature of marriage) he left her. All I am hearing now, from him and from you (and others) is how awful SHE is.

What I see is that she loves him, and is having problems adjusting to the huge change he has made, and is asking her to make; adjustments that she wouldn’t be having to make if he had not broken his promise to her, and if he had not gone down a different religious path.

This man made his choice–and went his way without her. Now she has to adjust, deal with, follow or…do something…to grab some sense out of what is happening to her, to her marriage and to her child.

Again, I would say PRECISELY the same thing to a new Mormon dealing with a Catholic wife, or a new anything dealing with a spouse who still believes in the faith left behind. This has nothing at all to do with what religion is “true.” It has EVERYTHING to do with who changed all the rules…

…and that wasn’t her. She just has to figure out whether she wants to accept the new rules, and how she is going to deal with them. Since this gentleman went his own way without really considering her in the first place, he has absolutely no say in how she does it, or indeed, in what she eventually does do.

I hope that they both consider their son, as the most important person in this whole mess…but HE made his decision, will she, nill she, and has no grounds to complain about whatever it is she does to deal with it.

NO he did not change the Rules. He was Catholic, wether or not he fully practiced the faith or not. He choose to learn her religion in doing so discovered how important his was to him. He is not asking her to leave her religion. He is asking her to respect His religion and His role as her Husband and head of the Family. To work with him so that both may openly share the fullness of their respective Faith with their son.

I reallize we only hearing one side of the issue, but from what we have been told and if this man fully committed to his faith. If it was me I would take my son to Mass every Suday, all Holy days, and weekdays if I had the opertunity to go. I would have him, Baptized and I would be Teaching him the Faith of Christ One Holy and Apolstolic Catholic Church, As directed by the Church.

 

[dianaiad]

NO he did not change the Rules. He was Catholic, wether or not he fully practiced the faith or not.

Was I wrong in interpreting his telling us that he was baptised LDS and promised to take her to the Temple when he married her? It doesn’t much matter what he was before he was baptised LDS…when he married her, he was LDS, and he made promises to her. She depended upon them. Part of the dynamic of the marriage was his promise to her regarding her beliefs, and his willingness to participate fully in them. So…she chooses him, marries him…and he changed the rules.

It would be the same problem if he had been a baptised Mormon who turned Catholic, married a Catholic who depended upon his promise to remain so, and then decided he couldn’t handle Catholicism and so went back to Mormonism.

Again, you are making this about whether Catholicism is 'true." That is absolutely beside the point. Remember, his wife (and me, by the way) think that MORMONISM is true and that he is the one going down the wrong path. She’s the one who was betrayed here, never mind which church is ‘true.’

I realize that he has to follow his conscience. That’s not the problem here. The problem is that he, and others in this thread, are assuming that SHE is the one who changed the rules and who went off the rails, and religious truth or not, that is unfair.

Why don’t you switch things around here? Just for a moment…this couple is Catholic. He joins the Mormons. SHE is having problems with it. HE writes about the ‘flip-flopping’ she is doing, and how she is being unduly influenced by her priest and her family.

Be honest.

Wouldn’t your reaction now be very different?

cont. on next post

 

[dianaiad]

cont. from previous post.

He choose to learn her religion in doing so discovered how important his was to him. He is not asking her to leave her religion. He is asking her to respect His religion and His role as her Husband and head of the Family. To work with him so that both may openly share the fullness of their respective Faith with their son.

I reallize we only hearing one side of the issue, but from what we have been told and if this man fully committed to his faith. If it was me I would take my son to Mass every Suday, all Holy days, and weekdays if I had the opertunity to go. I would have him, Baptized and I would be Teaching him the Faith of Christ One Holy and Apolstolic Catholic Church, As directed by the Church.

And in doing so being completely and utterly disrespectful of her wishes, her beliefs and their marriage.

Again…flip this. I’m going to repeat your last two paragraphs and switch faiths. Now THINK about what you are saying.

*He choose to learn Catholicism, and in doing so discovered how important his (Mormonism) was to him. He is not asking her to leave Catholicism. He is asking her to respect His religion and His role as her Husband and head of the Family. To work with him so that both may openly share the fullness of their respective Faith with their son.

I reallize we only hearing one side of the issue, but from what we have been told and if this man fully committed to his faith. If it was me I would take my son to Sacrament Meeting and Primary every Suday, all holidays, and make certain he gets to the Boy Scouts in the local ward building, and seminary every day. I would teach him so that he will be baptised when he is eight, and I would be Teaching him the truth about the apostasy and the restoration of the church of Jesus Christ and the reality of modern prophets guiding the church today*

…oh, and by the way, by so doing (as you have just mentioned…) by taking him to all MY meetings, utterly precluding any influence she might want to have over his religious education because there simply isn’t time to attend the meetings of both faiths, is there?

…all this said, I do have a good friend who was raised in precisely the sort of mixed religious marriage that is being considered here. She was baptised as an infant (and boy, did her father object to THAT one…Mom did it in secret and didn’t tell him until after the event. That alone nearly destroyed the marriage.) She went to Catholic Mass on Sunday mornings early, and they celebrated all the Catholic holy days by going to Mass. She also went to LDS Sacrament Meeting and Primary. Her parents enrolled her in a good parochial school. She continued to attend Catholic schools, but went to early morning LDS seminary. She was not baptised LDS until she was 18, and her mother refused to speak to her for two years following her decision.

It was a constant stresser in her life even though she loved her parents and she knew her parents loved her. However, she still, forty years after I first met her, resents her mother’s intransigence and the atmosphere that this created in the home.

Is this easy?

No. But the fact remains; when she married him he was LDS, and he promised to take her to the Temple to be married for time and all eternity. To HER, then, his change of heart is like a divorce; whatever HE thinks about it, SHE is aware that she has lost the promise of eternity with him…and she is giving that up so that she can have a LIFE with him.

It is exactly like a woman who marries a man “till death do us part…” only to be told after the ceremony that he changed his mind. He only wants her for ten years, and after that, poof…no more marriage. Bye bye.

Now he is blaming HER for not being all that certain how to handle the situation, for not joyfully saying 'oh, ten years is enough, if it is with you…" even though the rest of her life will be spent alone.

I don’t know about you, but I would have a huge problem with that. Y’see, I’m in a position to know. I only got to keep my own husband for twenty years, here.

However, even though he’s gone, I’m still married to him. I will see him again, and when I do, he will be my husband and I his wife; that is an eternal situation. It doesn’t matter whether YOU believe this or not. It doesn’t matter whether the OP believes it or not. What matters here is that the WIFE does…and he has just destroyed that, and blaming her for reacting negatively to the idea.

 

[oneGODoneCHURCH]

cont. from previous post.

And in doing so being completely and utterly disrespectful of her wishes, her beliefs and their marriage.

Again…flip this. I’m going to repeat your last two paragraphs and switch faiths. Now THINK about what you are saying.

*He choose to learn Catholicism, and in doing so discovered how important his (Mormonism) was to him. He is not asking her to leave Catholicism. He is asking her to respect His religion and His role as her Husband and head of the Family. To work with him so that both may openly share the fullness of their respective Faith with their son.

I reallize we only hearing one side of the issue, but from what we have been told and if this man fully committed to his faith. If it was me I would take my son to Sacrament Meeting and Primary every Suday, all holidays, and make certain he gets to the Boy Scouts in the local ward building, and seminary every day. I would teach him so that he will be baptised when he is eight, and I would be Teaching him the truth about the apostasy and the restoration of the church of Jesus Christ and the reality of modern prophets guiding the church today*

…oh, and by the way, by so doing (as you have just mentioned…) by taking him to all MY meetings, utterly precluding any influence she might want to have over his religious education because there simply isn’t time to attend the meetings of both faiths, is there?

…all this said, I do have a good friend who was raised in precisely the sort of mixed religious marriage that is being considered here. She was baptised as an infant (and boy, did her father object to THAT one…Mom did it in secret and didn’t tell him until after the event. That alone nearly destroyed the marriage.) She went to Catholic Mass on Sunday mornings early, and they celebrated all the Catholic holy days by going to Mass. She also went to LDS Sacrament Meeting and Primary. Her parents enrolled her in a good parochial school. She continued to attend Catholic schools, but went to early morning LDS seminary. She was not baptised LDS until she was 18, and her mother refused to speak to her for two years following her decision.

It was a constant stresser in her life even though she loved her parents and she knew her parents loved her. However, she still, forty years after I first met her, resents her mother’s intransigence and the atmosphere that this created in the home.

Is this easy?

No. But the fact remains; when she married him he was LDS, and he promised to take her to the Temple to be married for time and all eternity. To HER, then, his change of heart is like a divorce; whatever HE thinks about it, SHE is aware that she has lost the promise of eternity with him…and she is giving that up so that she can have a LIFE with him.

It is exactly like a woman who marries a man “till death do us part…” only to be told after the ceremony that he changed his mind. He only wants her for ten years, and after that, poof…no more marriage. Bye bye.

Now he is blaming HER for not being all that certain how to handle the situation, for not joyfully saying 'oh, ten years is enough, if it is with you…" even though the rest of her life will be spent alone.

I don’t know about you, but I would have a huge problem with that. Y’see, I’m in a position to know. I only got to keep my own husband for twenty years, here.

However, even though he’s gone, I’m still married to him. I will see him again, and when I do, he will be my husband and I his wife; that is an eternal situation. It doesn’t matter whether YOU believe this or not. It doesn’t matter whether the OP believes it or not. What matters here is that the WIFE does…and he has just destroyed that, and blaming her for reacting negatively to the idea.

Flip the it or not I do not care. My Parents were of different faiths. My mother Cathloic. My father Protestant.( Methodist I think) from birth till age four I knew nothing but the Catholic Faith. then my parents divorced and I was with my father. he promptly left the Church to go back to protestantism. At age 9 I joined the Baptist of another family member because that was the only place I was taken and I felt the love of god and the need to be in communion for worship as he has called us to do. At age 12 I went to my mother and asked her to take me to a Priest as I wanted to go back to the Church. I had not had any catholic teaching since age 4, meaning I had had non. I knew something was missing. In my family there are Protestants of every denom and the main thought is church is church what is important is to go as long as your not catholic it did not matter. so i was exposed to many different protestants services over the years of my childhood.
In the case of this family my main concern is that Child. You say he changed the rules after the fact I disagree. I am only responding to this thread out of concern for what the mother of this small boy is dening him. And I stand by my statement before that if it was my child I would do everything in my power to see that he is Baptized and learns the
Catholic faith. I would not deny his mother the right to teach him as well. If as an adult he then chose to be mormon it would sadden me greatly and I would pray be he would still be my son and I would not speak ill of it to him or around him, but support him.

That Is the main difference were as from all I have ever heard the mormons in his family would all but cut him off if he choose to fully embrace the Catholic Faith the Catholic would accept his choice and that would then be that. as a general rule there are exception to every rule. as I am sure you will point out.

 

[adelore]

make arragements to have your child baptized on a sat. or another day of the week. Most Priest will do this in a situation like you have. This way you will know your child is in the hands of the Catholic Church. Yet as you have said he will be taught about both churchs