Marriage Dilemma – Catholic and LDS

[adelore]

look lets say your wife does leave you again. I pray that she doesn’t. but if she does, does she not realize that you would have your child every other weekend, every other holiday and a few weeks out of every summer?

Thus your child Would be taught the catholic faith and she couldn’t stop it. You might want to make her aware of this and maybe then you both can work it out together to “teach” him both. She or her church Can’t control what you do when you have your “parent time” if it comes to a seperation. It’d be much better to work it out agreeable. You just might want to point this out to her.

 

[paulp1002]

make arragements to have your child baptized on a sat. or another day of the week. Most Priest will do this in a situation like you have. This way you will know your child is in the hands of the Catholic Church. Yet as you have said he will be taught about both churchs

Well, I have thought about this and have mixed feelings. Although I would really loved to have my son baptized, as I believe it is needed and a Holy Sacrament, I don’t know how I feel about doing it behind her back. Also the one Priest I spoke to at my Parish told me that they wouldn’t do it unless they had verbal agreement from my wife, for fear it could (would) cause more problems, if she ever found out.

 

[RebeccaJ]

Well, I have thought about this and have mixed feelings. Although I would really loved to have my son baptized, as I believe it is needed and a Holy Sacrament, I don’t know how I feel about doing it behind her back. Also the one Priest I spoke to at my Parish told me that they wouldn’t do it unless they had verbal agreement from my wife, for fear it could (would) cause more problems, if she ever found out.

Finding out is not an ‘if’, it is a ‘when’, if for the only reason you can’t keep such a secret from your son.

 

[Jon_Hus]

OK, Paul,

Now it is time for Jon Hus to weigh in. I’m not Catholic and I’m not LDS so I have no religious axe to grind.

You are getting some bad advice from some of your brethern (and sisterin) especally from the poster with the initials R…J. This is going to get me in trouble but it has to be said. My interest is in the innocent 3rd person in this situation. You and your wife are both being selfish, to each other and to your baby. However, my sympathy goes to the misses because your religion became of high importance well after the fact. You made certain agreements and now you want to renegotiate the contract. If you win, it will be because she allowed you to win because from a legal standpoint she has your @ in her hands.

Take religion out of this situation and replace it with something like a hobby or spectator sports. Then see how silly and tragic this whole thing becomes. You are a football fan, she is a baseball fan and you are fighting amongst yourselves on who will take the baby to the championship game.

Paul, you say you want to have your marrage blessed and you child baptised. I hate to break the bad news to you sir but you have no marrage to bless. Leagally yes you do and that part will cause you grief upon grief if you don’t find some kind of acceptable solution to your problems. If you two are to have happiness and harmony in your life together, then both of you are going to have to swollow some of your pride and compromise. Forget what your family and her family want, just forget it right now.

This notion of raising your kids to be two religions and allow them to decide will not work. If you proceed based on that premise then one or both of you will be disappointed in later life. But before that it would take super human effort to present two religions in a totally umbiased fashon for 20 years and given the rickety foundation your marrage is built on I doubt you can achieve this.

You and Mrs Paul need to clear the decks of your minds. Once you figure this out and if you have a relationship left, then try to figure out what to do about religion. But Paul, as a man speaking to another man, you sir, be the man. Take that first big step. Anyone can bark out orders, few can actually lead. A good leader will not ask those under their leadership to do something thay themselves would not do. Make a good-will gesture.

Sorry if I make you mad, as I stated at the beginning, my concern is with the baby, who as I see it, faces at best a confusing childhood.

Jon

 

[RebeccaJ]

OK, Paul,

Now it is time for Jon Hus to weigh in. I’m not Catholic and I’m not LDS so I have no religious axe to grind.

You are getting some bad advice from some of your brethern (and sisterin) especally from the poster with the initials R…J.

Yeah, what exactly?

 

[dianaiad]

Well, I have thought about this and have mixed feelings. Although I would really loved to have my son baptized, as I believe it is needed and a Holy Sacrament, I don’t know how I feel about doing it behind her back. Also the one Priest I spoke to at my Parish told me that they wouldn’t do it unless they had verbal agreement from my wife, for fear it could (would) cause more problems, if she ever found out.

Oh, she would find out…

And it would cause problems. Not only that, you would deserve all the problems you got as a result. The problem is, I know of at least five cases where the child WAS baptised without telling the spouse of the ‘other faith,’

The CoJCoLDS wouldn’t do that. Ever. In order for a child to be baptised into that faith, there must be written, I repeat…WRITTEN…permission from the non-member parent. Without it…no dunking.

As for me, before I found out about the Catholic doctrine of the ‘indelible mark,’ regarding baptism, I would have allowed it if my husband were Catholic–because frankly I don’t think that babies require baptism, so for me it would be an excercise in futility. However, now that I understand more about what Catholics truly believe baptism does—no. I would insist that any baptism wait until the child chooses.

…and then I would honor that choice.

I might not be HAPPY, if my child chose what I think was the wrong baptism, but it would be his choice (or hers.) Not mine…and not my husband’s.

I’m just glad that I didn’t have to deal with that situation.

 

[dianaiad]

OK, Paul,

Now it is time for Jon Hus to weigh in. I’m not Catholic and I’m not LDS so I have no religious axe to grind.

You are getting some bad advice from some of your brethern (and sisterin) especally from the poster with the initials R…J. This is going to get me in trouble but it has to be said. My interest is in the innocent 3rd person in this situation. You and your wife are both being selfish, to each other and to your baby. However, my sympathy goes to the misses because your religion became of high importance well after the fact. You made certain agreements and now you want to renegotiate the contract. If you win, it will be because she allowed you to win because from a legal standpoint she has your @ in her hands.

Take religion out of this situation and replace it with something like a hobby or spectator sports. Then see how silly and tragic this whole thing becomes. You are a football fan, she is a baseball fan and you are fighting amongst yourselves on who will take the baby to the championship game.

Paul, you say you want to have your marrage blessed and you child baptised. I hate to break the bad news to you sir but you have no marrage to bless. Leagally yes you do and that part will cause you grief upon grief if you don’t find some kind of acceptable solution to your problems. If you two are to have happiness and harmony in your life together, then both of you are going to have to swollow some of your pride and compromise. Forget what your family and her family want, just forget it right now.

This notion of raising your kids to be two religions and allow them to decide will not work. If you proceed based on that premise then one or both of you will be disappointed in later life. But before that it would take super human effort to present two religions in a totally umbiased fashon for 20 years and given the rickety foundation your marrage is built on I doubt you can achieve this.

You and Mrs Paul need to clear the decks of your minds. Once you figure this out and if you have a relationship left, then try to figure out what to do about religion. But Paul, as a man speaking to another man, you sir, be the man. Take that first big step. Anyone can bark out orders, few can actually lead. A good leader will not ask those under their leadership to do something thay themselves would not do. Make a good-will gesture.

Sorry if I make you mad, as I stated at the beginning, my concern is with the baby, who as I see it, faces at best a confusing childhood.

Jon

Amen, Jon.

I understand that it is incredibly bad netiquette to repeat a long post and simply put an “I agree” at the end, but yours bears repeating more than once.

Amen, and Amen.

Though I will freely admit a bit more bias on the side of “Mrs. Paul,” than you have, and understand that religion is NOT sports…the fact is, you hit the point precisely.

 

[Jon_Hus]

Yeah, what exactly?

Stand up and turn your head 90 degrees to the right. See that little piece of wood balanced on your shoulder?

This isn’t about you anymore than it is about me. The OP has a marrage that is totally disfunctional and a baby that is going to have a miserable childhood. If you cannot see that the immediate problem is the mother and father of the baby have to fix their marrage before any of this other stuff can be addressed then I feel sorry for you. Sorry if I offend you, really I am but it’s called priorities. If this was you (a catholic mother) and your husband was the LDS father, how would you feel about those who advise your husband to use the sledgehammer approach on you to solving your church affiliation problem? I don’t think you would be very happy about it.

Again, and not to offend, but the first priority of this couple is to fix the communication problem they have. There is plenty of time in the future for them to take care of the religious training of their kids.

 

[RebeccaJ]

Stand up and turn your head 90 degrees to the right. See that little piece of wood balanced on your shoulder?

This isn’t about you anymore than it is about me. The OP has a marrage that is totally disfunctional and a baby that is going to have a miserable childhood. If you cannot see that the immediate problem is the mother and father of the baby have to fix their marrage before any of this other stuff can be addressed then I feel sorry for you. Sorry if I offend you, really I am but it’s called priorities. If this was you (a catholic mother) and your husband was the LDS father, how would you feel about those who advise your husband to use the sledgehammer approach on you to solving your church affiliation problem? I don’t think you would be very happy about it.

Again, and not to offend, but the first priority of this couple is to fix the communication problem they have. There is plenty of time in the future for them to take care of the religious training of their kids.

You obviously didn’t read all of my posts. So yeah, I think you have made the problem me. But, most likely judging by your posts here at CAF, your problem is with Catholics.

This idea that you put your beliefs in the closet for a while is really something. A very secular idea. It will not solve anything.

 

[Jon_Hus]

… But, most likely judging by your posts here at CAF, your problem is with Catholics.

My wife is Catholic, so do you want to ask her if I have problems with Catholics? My cousin is a Priest. Do you want to ask him if I have problems with Catholics? But again, this isn’t about me or my beliefs, it is about a family in distress.

 

[RebeccaJ]

My wife is Catholic, so do you want to ask her if I have problems with Catholics? My cousin is a Priest. Do you want to ask him if I have problems with Catholics? But again, this isn’t about me or my beliefs, it is about a family in distress.

lol. OK Jon Hus.