Marriage Dispensation Help!

[PolishK]

Hi all, I have posted recently about rejoining the Catholic faith. My husband is a Southern Baptist and we were married in his church.

I know that I have to get a dispensation for my marriage before returning the the Church.
I have heard this takes about 6 months to complete and during that time my husband and I will need to go to classes, etc. I’ve just now been informed that during this six months we are not allowed to live as husband and wife. Is this true?

To be honest, I think that’s just ridiculous. My husband is not converting to Catholicism, so I can see this causing a big issue.

Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!!

 

[Bookcat]

It is wonderful that you are returning to the Catholic Church!

What you would do is call up your local parish that you would be in the geographically in…and meet with the Priest.

I am not so sure one would be required to “wait 6 months” …for the marriage convalidation to happen…I would think such could happen rather quickly …(it could be simple…the Priest …you and the groom…and two witnesses…)

anyhow…certainly until one is validly married…one would not be able to “live as married”…

(of course if either of you attempted or were married before…that would require that marriage to be looked into first…which could take longer)

 

[Bookcat]

It is wonderful that you are returning to the Catholic Church!

What you would do is call up your local parish that you would be in the geographically in…and meet with the Priest.

I am not so sure one would be required to “wait 6 months” …for the marriage to happen…I would think such could happen rather quickly …(it could be simple I think…the Priest …you and the groom…and two witnesses…)

anyhow…certainly until one is validly married…one would not be able to “live as married”…

 

[PolishK]

Nope, neither of us has been married before.
I have heard that we have to go through the whole marriage process as if we were engaged. All of the counseling, etc.
I don’t know if that is true, but I’ve heard it takes 6 months to complete that.

 

[Phemie]

Nope, neither of us has been married before.
I have heard that we have to go through the whole marriage process as if we were engaged. All of the counseling, etc.
I don’t know if that is true, but I’ve heard it takes 6 months to complete that.

You are still required to take marriage preparation since you are getting married.

That takes about a month in our parish as long as you are willing to put in the work. Different parishes/dioceses have different requirements and the length of time you’ve been civilly married sometimes is taken into consideration.

As far as the Church is concerned you are not married and every time you have sex with your husband you are sinning. In preparation for receiving the sacrament of Marriage you have to go to Confession and be granted absolution and in order for that to happen there must be a sincere intention to not sin again. Refusing to live a chaste life until you are married in the Church would not be a sincere intention not to sin again.

 

[moon1234]

Marriage prep class requirements appear nowhere in Canon Law. It is simply parish or diocesean red tape. Many of the more traditional parishes will have no Marriage prep requirements. They WILL however make you sit down with the priest once or twice and he will grill you quite intensely to make sure you both understand the commitment you are undertaking.

Documents will need to be signed by you and your husband stating that any Children must be raised in the Catholic faith as Catholics.

Since neither of you have been married before the Church will see you as unmarried. You will be required to live as unmarried people. If you already have children you may be able to live under the same roof as “brother and sister”, but could not live as man and wife. (No Sex or any other activity that married people enjoy).

All told you could be married in under two weeks if you do not want a big ceromony. A simple Low Mass wedding would be all that is required. The fact that your husband is a Baptist may mean that you would only be allowed the Marriage ceremony and not Mass. Some traditionalists are more sticklers on this than others.

I never understood all of the red tape for those that are properly disposed. Keep in mind that since you ARE Catholic and have not fomally renounced your Catholic faith (In writing to the Diocese ) you are bound to follow all of the laws of the Church.

The reason so many parishes require Marriage Prep classes is because the Priests have delegated their pastoral requirements to laity. Whether this is good or bad we will leave to another discussion. Traditional Priests do NOT delegate this duty. Which is why Marriage Prep may be longer or very short depending on the judgement of the Priest concerning those to be married.

Here is a good list of the Canon Laws that relate to Marriage. READ THEM and you will better understand why your Priest or Diocese may do the things they do. Some Canon laws allow a lot of latitude for the local Bishop when he establishes rules for his Diocese.

 

[Anne1964]

You and your husband really need to meet with a priest.

Whether you have to take the marriage prep classes depends on the diocese and how long you have been civilly married.

You will be asked to sign a document in which you promise to the best of your ability to raise any children Catholic. Your husband will be shown this document but he is not required to sign it. Only the Catholic party has to sign it.

The paperwork for a convalidation is pretty simple provided there are no previous marriages. The paperwork for my husband and I came back after a month or so, then we had a very simple ceremony in the church with two witnesses. Because my husband is Jewish we were not allowed to have a Mass as part of our ceremony. You can have a Mass with a baptized Chrisitian of another denomination but you may also choose not to if you think it might alienate your husband.

You mentioned that you have an issue with why the Church would require you and your husband to live as brother and sister until the convalidation ceremony. This is because you are not married in the eyes of the Church but are merely cohabitating.

Meeting with a priest would help to clear up your questions and may help your husband to understand the process better also.

 

[Robert_Burns]

Hi all, I have posted recently about rejoining the Catholic faith. My husband is a Southern Baptist and we were married in his church.

I know that I have to get a dispensation for my marriage before returning the the Church.
I have heard this takes about 6 months to complete and during that time my husband and I will need to go to classes, etc. I’ve just now been informed that during this six months we are not allowed to live as husband and wife. Is this true?

To be honest, I think that’s just ridiculous. My husband is not converting to Catholicism, so I can see this causing a big issue.

Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thank you!!

The way I understand it - although not a Sacramental Matrimony the Marriage is presumed valid unles proven not to be (for example if either was married before etc). It would appear that the issues that the Church would be concerned with would surround whether or not your Husband would object to Children being raised as Catholics or the family forbidden from practising the Faith , which the Church would insist on. So until that determination is made - and all the possibilities of the Petrine or Pauline priviledge eliminated the Church would probably do a Conditional Blessing of Vows as soon as possible. It has more to do with that then denying you and your spouce. And you should go over this with your Priest as this is probably the area of primary concern - that your marriage to a non Catholic not be an impediment to Faith.

 

[moon1234]

The way I understand it - although not a Sacramental Matrimony the Marriage is presumed valid unles proven not to be (for example if either was married before etc). It would appear that the issues that the Church would be concerned with would surround whether or not your Husband would object to Children being raised as Catholics or the family forbidden from practising the Faith , which the Church would insist on. So until that determination is made - and all the possibilities of the Petrine or Pauline priviledge eliminated the Church would probably do a Conditional Blessing of Vows as soon as possible. It has more to do with that then denying you and your spouce. And you should go over this with your Priest as this is probably the area of primary concern - that your marriage to a non Catholic not be an impediment to Faith.

Since one party IS Catholic and the other is not, the Catholic party IS REQUIRED to get a dispensation to form or cult BEFORE getting married outside of the Church. Since the OP did NOT do this then the Church considers the Catholic NOT MARRIED. She would in fact be free to Marry ANYONE who is also free to Marry in Catholic Church. The present relationship would be seen as adultry and not marriage.

What you were referring to would be Marrige by two non-christians. Two Lutherans who marry in the Lutheran church would still have a Sacramental Marriage since the Sacrament is performed by the potential spouses. As long as proper form is followed then the two Lutherans would have a sacramental marriage. However, the graces that would come from the Sacrament to the married couple would only be possible if they were in the state of grace (No Mortal Sin on their Soul). This MAY be an impediment to the reception of grace that would flow FROM the sacrament.

However if proper form is not followed (Ceremony, requirements, etc.) then no marriage would take place. Examples would include divorce, homosexual unions, etc. These would never be recognized as sacramental. That is why those entering the church already married must undergo an induction process to assure that their are no impediments to them becoming Catholic.

The OPs situation SOUNDS very simple. It should NOT take 6 months. A few weeks to a few months tops should be the max waiting time assuming there are no impediments.

 

[Phemie]

Marriage prep class requirements appear nowhere in Canon Law. It is simply parish or diocesean red tape.
Not so.

Can. 1063 Pastors of souls are obliged to take care that their ecclesiastical community offers the Christian faithful the assistance by which the matrimonial state is preserved in a Christian spirit and advances in perfection. This assistance must be offered especially by:
1/ preaching, catechesis adapted to minors, youth, and adults, and even the use of instruments of social communication, by which the Christian faithful are instructed about the meaning of Christian marriage and about the function of Christian spouses and parents;
2/ personal preparation to enter marriage, which disposes the spouses to the holiness and duties of their new state;

 

[moon1234]

Phemie:
Which is not technically marraige prep per say, but rather an examination to make sure that those getting married undertand what they are undertaking and the requirements, etc.

That is far different that what has happened in many diocese today. Most parishes have a Marriage committe, prep class, etc. that is run by some lay people who spend the majority of the time covering topics that many couples may already be familiar with. This not only wastes their time and money, but may also be tempting them to sin.

The point of my post was that properly disposed people, who understand the covenant they are entering into should not be forced to sit through a bunch of classes just because the one size fits all instruction has been pushed through in the parish/diocese.

I do agree that even in a traditional parish a one month wait time would be about the minimum. Paperwork, choosing a date, getting witnesses, etc. would take about that long.

 

[PolishK]

To those of you who have provided useful information, I thank you.

To those of you who have tried to tell me that we are NOT married or that we are committing adultery, you are wrong.

My husband and I are married. We were married under God in a church. We are not committing adultery and I am not “free” to marry anyone else. That is absurd.

Also, I do not need to make a request to marry form or cult. My husband is a Christian, he just isn’t Catholic.

I understand the Church’s views on mixed marriages, I just am not sure of the process.

If someone were to tell me my husband or I had to move out during the process, well, that would be ridiculous.

There is a difference between a mixed marriage and a Catholic who marries a non-Christian.

 

[Phemie]

I’m sorry but that shows that you don’t understand what the Church teaches.

You are asking to have your legal marriage rendered valid. That’s what a convalidation is, a marriage in the Church. As far as the Church is concerned your marriage will start when you repeat your vows in front of the priest or deacon.

You will need permission to marry your husband because he is of a different faith. In some dioceses that permission is granted by the bishop, in others by the priest preparing you for the marriage. As long as he has been baptized in the Trinitarian form you don’t need a dispensation for disparity of cult.

 

[PolishK]

I’ve spoken to my Parish and I was told I will need to have my marriage blessed. Because my husband is baptized as a Christian, our marriage is considered valid with a blessing.
I was NOT told I was committing adultery and sinning.
I am not confirmed as of yet. I was baptized Catholic but I am in the process of finishing the Sacraments that were left undone when I was a child.
I was told when my Confirmation was complete that I would be able to have my marriage blessed and that we would get around to that when necessary. No one ever said “You can’t have sex with your husband till then.” “You need to move out and not live as husband and wife.”
I apologize if I sound snippy, but to tell me I know nothing of faith is is simply untrue.
I have been researching this issue and apparently, as long as I have a valid reason for my marriage not being in the Church and because I still was married in a Christian church to a baptized Christian, our marriage is valid, just not blessed.
This is the information I have found recently and the information that was passed to me.
I am just confused because on this website I keep seeing information stating otherwise.

 

[moon1234]

I’ve spoken to my Parish and I was told I will need to have my marriage blessed. Because my husband is baptized as a Christian, our marriage is considered valid with a blessing.
I was NOT told I was committing adultery and sinning.
I am not confirmed as of yet. I was baptized Catholic but I am in the process of finishing the Sacraments that were left undone when I was a child.
I was told when my Confirmation was complete that I would be able to have my marriage blessed and that we would get around to that when necessary. No one ever said “You can’t have sex with your husband till then.” “You need to move out and not live as husband and wife.”
I apologize if I sound snippy, but to tell me I know nothing of faith is is simply untrue.
I have been researching this issue and apparently, as long as I have a valid reason for my marriage not being in the Church and because I still was married in a Christian church to a baptized Christian, our marriage is valid, just not blessed.
This is the information I have found recently and the information that was passed to me.
I am just confused because on this website I keep seeing information stating otherwise.

That would be true if you were BOTH non-catholic christians. If one party (you) is Catholic then you MUST get a dispensation first or the marraige is considered invalid.

From USCCB: nccbuscc.org/laity/marriage/marriagefaqs.shtml
If a Catholic wants to marry a non-Catholic, how can they assure that the marriage is recognized by the Church?
In addition to meeting the criteria for a valid Catholic marriage (see question #3), the Catholic must seek permission from the local bishop to marry a non-Catholic. If the person is a non-Catholic Christian, this permission is called a “permission to enter into a mixed marriage.” If the person is a non-Christian, the permission is called a “dispensation from disparity of cult.” Those helping to prepare the couple for marriage can assist with the permission process.

• If a Catholic wishes to marry in a place outside the Catholic church, how can he or she be sure that the marriage is recognized by the Catholic Church as valid?*

The local bishop can permit a wedding in another church, or in another suitable place, for a sufficient reason. For example, a Catholic seeks to marry a Baptist whose father is the pastor of the local Baptist church. The father wants to officiate at the wedding. In these circumstances, the bishop could permit the couple to marry in the Baptist church. The permission in these instances is called a “dispensation from canonical form.”

americancatholic.org/newsletters/cu/ac0604.asp
There are many people attending Catholic parishes or in Catholic families whose marriage is somehow not fully recognized by the Church. Catholic Church law ordinarily requires baptized Roman Catholics to marry before a priest or deacon. Unless they requested and received a “dispensation from canonical form,” Catholics who exchange marriage vows in the presence of only ministers from other religious traditions or authorized civic officials are not considered validly married in the eyes of the Catholic Church.

 

[Phemie]

I’ve spoken to my Parish and I was told I will need to have my marriage blessed. Because my husband is baptized as a Christian, our marriage is considered valid with a blessing.

The term ‘having your marriage blessed’ is the term generally used for ‘convalidation’. But it’s more than a blessing – you will be repeating your vows. This is the canon that applies:

Can. 1160 A marriage which is null because of defect of form

 

[Robert_Burns]

Since one party IS Catholic and the other is not, the Catholic party IS REQUIRED to get a dispensation to form or cult BEFORE getting married outside of the Church. Since the OP did NOT do this then the Church considers the Catholic NOT MARRIED. She would in fact be free to Marry ANYONE who is also free to Marry in Catholic Church. The present relationship would be seen as adultry and not marriage.

What you were referring to would be Marrige by two non-christians. Two Lutherans who marry in the Lutheran church would still have a Sacramental Marriage since the Sacrament is performed by the potential spouses. As long as proper form is followed then the two Lutherans would have a sacramental marriage. However, the graces that would come from the Sacrament to the married couple would only be possible if they were in the state of grace (No Mortal Sin on their Soul). This MAY be an impediment to the reception of grace that would flow FROM the sacrament.

However if proper form is not followed (Ceremony, requirements, etc.) then no marriage would take place. Examples would include divorce, homosexual unions, etc. These would never be recognized as sacramental. That is why those entering the church already married must undergo an induction process to assure that their are no impediments to them becoming Catholic.

The OPs situation SOUNDS very simple. It should NOT take 6 months. A few weeks to a few months tops should be the max waiting time assuming there are no impediments.

Thats not correct. First of all - it is a Sin to get married outside the Church. BUT it is a SIN not an invalid MARRIAGE. You cannot say that the Marriage is invalid. The same is true for a Baptism outside the Catholic Church. In order for it NOT to be a Sin you must obtain the Permission of the Bishop in order to gert married outside the Sacraments and it would no doubt be denied. A Catholic is not free to remarry if they have been married outside the Church unles the Church allows it… The CHURCH will decide if the marriage is invalid and there have to be specific rules for invalidation.

Converts often are confronted with this same issue. The Church will validate the Union if there is doubt but it will be conditional on doubts of the Original being valid. And - if invalid the Church will stand its ground as well. And as for how long it should take that depends entirely on the circulstances. In addition the Catholic will have to confess that Mortal sin.

Now keep in mind the Catholic is guilty of Mortal Sin , not because they have married but because they have circumvented the Church Laws regarding Matrimony. To presume the couple are fornicating which is exactly what they would be doing if we were to believe your point of view is NOT the ISSUE. It is insulting to say to the Couple - your union isnt valid.

Now if the Priest told them not to have relations it could very well be that he is erring on the sidde of Caution rather than if found invalid for a concrete reason then the added Sins of Fornication can be avoided , but to assume it to be fact is an overreach on your part.

 

[Phemie]

Thats not correct. First of all - it is a Sin to get married outside the Church. BUT it is a SIN not an invalid MARRIAGE. You cannot say that the Marriage is invalid.

Unless you receive permission from the Catholic Church to marry in another Church, IOW obtain from the bishop a dispensation from canonical form, the marriage is invalid. Canon Law is clear on that.

The same is true for a Baptism outside the Catholic Church. In order for it NOT to be a Sin you must obtain the Permission of the Bishop in order to gert married outside the Sacraments and it would no doubt be denied. A Catholic is not free to remarry if they have been married outside the Church unles the Church allows it… The CHURCH will decide if the marriage is invalid and there have to be specific rules for invalidation.

Since the marriage is invalid there is no need to ‘get an annulment’ just do the paperwork to prove that there was ‘lack of form’.

Converts often are confronted with this same issue. The Church will validate the Union if there is doubt but it will be conditional on doubts of the Original being valid.

If two converts were married before they converted their marriage is deemed valid – and sacramental if they are both baptized. All marriages are presumed valid except the marriage of a Catholic who marries outside the Church without a dispensation to do so.

And - if invalid the Church will stand its ground as well. And as for how long it should take that depends entirely on the circulstances. In addition the Catholic will have to confess that Mortal sin.

Now keep in mind the Catholic is guilty of Mortal Sin , not because they have married but because they have circumvented the Church Laws regarding Matrimony. To presume the couple are fornicating which is exactly what they would be doing if we were to believe your point of view is NOT the ISSUE. It is insulting to say to the Couple - your union isnt valid.

Sorry but the truth is the truth, whether you like it or not. No one here means to be insulting. How they consider their marriage and how the Church considers it are two very different things.

Now if the Priest told them not to have relations it could very well be that he is erring on the sidde of Caution rather than if found invalid for a concrete reason then the added Sins of Fornication can be avoided , but to assume it to be fact is an overreach on your part.

Unfortunately what you are saying is not what the Church teachers.

 

[rayne89]

All this confusion .
Ok I was married at 18 to my husband by a protestant minister in 1991. I was baptized and raised nominally Catholic. When I became pregnant in 1994 I had a strong calling to return to the church of my childhood. Two years later my husband converted. He had never been baptized but his family switched to various protestant faiths growing up and even Jehovah’s Witnesses for a while. Our parish (the same one from all my childhood) allowed my husband to go through RCIA and be baptized knowing we were married outside the church.

It wasn’t until 2004 when we changed parishes and explained to our new parish priest we were not married in the Catholic church he smiled and said “Ahh we must have a wedding then!” Our marriage was convalidated in 2004. I still celebrate our original wedding date but we now also celebrate our new one.Our old parish was rather liberal and I think they thought they were doing us a kindness by not “being judgmental” about the state of marriage instead of telling us what the church actually teaches. Do I personally “feel” we were not yet married -no.

But this isn’t about my personal feelings, its about what God requires of me through His Church. Objectively I was not yet married according to the teachings of His church. I feel I lived a married life to the best of my ability even though it wasn’t truly recognized as a marriage and I believe God knows that. And I believe God knew I would return home to his Church and make things right and he was patient with me. I am thrilled that our marriage is now sacramental and we have those graces. And I am glad to obey whatever His Church requires of me.

In the eyes of the Church you are not yet married. It is not meant to be a personal judgment or an insult. You, as a Catholic, were required to either marry in the church or get a dispensation. Since you did neither your marriage is not yet recognized. If you were not aware of this requirement than up until you have become aware you did not commit personal sin.

Now that you know what the church teaches -which is you are not validly married outside of the Church if you are Catholic without a dispensation -you would be require to abstain like any other couple not yet married in the church. If you can not live as brother and sister than go to confession shortly before your convalidation date and refrain until after the wedding -which is what it is. That way you will be free from sin when you enter the sacrament of marriage. And this is a joyful thing -to make your marriage sacramental.

 

[rayne89]

Thats not correct. First of all - it is a Sin to get married outside the Church. BUT it is a SIN not an invalid MARRIAGE. You cannot say that the Marriage is invalid. The same is true for a Baptism outside the Catholic Church. In order for it NOT to be a Sin you must obtain the Permission of the Bishop in order to gert married outside the Sacraments and it would no doubt be denied. A Catholic is not free to remarry if they have been married outside the Church unles the Church allows it… The CHURCH will decide if the marriage is invalid and there have to be specific rules for invalidation.

One of those rules is proper form and an automatic declaration of nullity happens with “lack of form” because the marriage is not valid without proper form.

Converts often are confronted with this same issue.

If two protestants married by a protestant minister before converting their marriage is considered valid automatically because they were not required to be married in the Catholic church being protestant at the time.

Now keep in mind the Catholic is guilty of Mortal Sin , not because they have married but because they have circumvented the Church Laws regarding Matrimony.

It would be mortal sin if the sin was committed with full knowledge . Since it is rather obvious the OP was not instructed in the requirements of a Catholic regarding marriage she did not have full knowledge. She did not personally commit mortal sin. Now she knows the requirements and knows she is required to abstain until having her marriage convalidated.

You have things a bit confused which is probably confusing the OP. A Catholic who married outside the Catholic church without a dispensation has not entered into a valid marriage in the eyes of the church.

If that person later wishes to end that relationship and marry a Catholic in the Church they do have to have an official declaration of nullity -which because of lack of form is done quickly -just paperwork basically getting the parties to declare at least one was Catholic and they were not married in a Catholic church or with a dispensation. Automatic, because such a marriage is not recognized- meaning not valid for a Catholic. The church likes everything to be official on paper, so later on, one can not say -no I never said I was not married in the Catholic church.

But, a Catholic, marrying outside the Church without a dispensation has not entered into a valid marriage as far is the Church is concerned. Legally, certainly the state would recognize the marriage but the Church does not.

A sacramental marriage takes much longer to get a declaration of nullity and there is a much longer process because one must prove something was lacking at the time of the vows to make the marriage invalid - such as never intended to be faithful, having withheld major information about oneself, never intending to have children ect.