Marriage falling apart. Should I cut my losses and try for an annulment?

[HollowGhost]

Something tells me there are some Catholics in her husband’s family telling her what “the Church” says, because the priest with the office within the church of helping this couple to discern the state of their marriage said no such thing. Instead, when the priest clarified with the husband what he had to do as a part of his vows, he broke down and said he could not do it. He couldn’t do it to avoid losing her, and he never did it for as long as they lived as man as wife. His failure has serious consequences for her health, too. That’s a good indication that he really couldn’t.

Sadly, he reminds me of the rich man who asked Christ what he needed to do to enter The Kingdom of God; he walked away sadly because he was unable to sell his worldly possessions.

HollowGhost

 

[styrgwillidar]

Sadly, he reminds me of the rich man who asked Christ what he needed to do to enter The Kingdom of God; he walked away sadly because he was unable to sell his worldly possessions.

HollowGhost

Slight quibble-- Christ told the man that to enter into the Kingdom He needed to obey the commandments.

The man stated, I have kept the commandments all my life.

Christ than said – to be perfect, He should sell all his possessions and give them to the poor.

 

[EasterJoy]

Sadly, he reminds me of the rich man who asked Christ what he needed to do to enter The Kingdom of God; he walked away sadly because he was unable to sell his worldly possessions.

HollowGhost

He may not have been capable of fulfilling the duties of marriage when he made his vows, but that is not necessarily any fault of his. He sounds as if he is the victim of emotional abuse. When he finally does break free of that (and let us all hope that he does), it will be more of a matter of “Lazarus, come forth!” followed by “Untie him and let him go.” He will finally be a free man. As it is, he is not free to leave his parents behind for any reason, and that is why he is incapable.

Slight quibble-- Christ told the man that to enter into the Kingdom He needed to obey the commandments.

The man stated, I have kept the commandments all my life.

Christ than said – to be perfect, He should sell all his possessions and give them to the poor.

When the young man heard this statement, he went away sad, for he had many possessions. Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Amen, I say to you, it will be hard for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of heaven. Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and said, “Who then can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “For human beings this is impossible, but for God all things are possible.”

 

[The_Old_Maid]

If I understand the original poster correctly, her husband’s family either influences or controls outright:

1. his income
2. her income (and dismissing her also controls her income, by deleting it)
3. her medications
4. other medical care (because an in-law is her physician)
5. her health insurance (because of the interference)
6. their reproductive schedule (by citing “stay at home mom” as the reason she lost her job)
7. pretty much anything else in their marriage
8. her relationship with God.

And her response to it is to cohabit with a man who influences or controls outright:

1. pretty much everything in her marriage
2. her morals
3. her relationship with God.

I know I’ve missed a few points, possibly a lot of them.

At the risk of a Dr. Phil bounding into the room and declaring, “Where did you get your medical degree? I must have missed that. Because I, Dr. Phil, am a real doctor.” (No, I don’t like talk shows.) …

At the risk of the above, I would suggest that Husband and Wife both have boundary issues, combined with a false belief in the supremacy of the people they cling to. (See, for example, Junior Bevil in the admittedly lightweight Disney-fied film Cool Runnings. “The man, you act like he is king of the whole world!” says a character to another in astonishment.)

So I would suggest that if you can’t work/go to a doctor/go to church in Town A, go to Town B. **There is a whole world out there where They ain’t. **

In fact I would suggest that you go to a retreat for a long time. I’m talking weeks, maybe a month or more. Husband should go too, but not to the same one. Ignore any squawks about how the family business (or your lover) will survive without you. If you or Husband were run over by the Hypothetical Bus tomorrow, they’d find a replacement by the end of the week.

Seriously, consider a retreat. You need to figure out who you are as just-you-and-God, or you’ll just keep seeking or attracting boundary-breakers.