Marriage in a Catholic church without the Priest?

MissMasen · Oct 10, 2011

Hi everyone! I have a question regarding my wedding that’s taking place in April 2012. Has anyone ever heard of using a Catholic church as a site for the ceremony but, not using a Priest? I’m attached to the building itself because it’s where my parents were wed and where the funerals for my maternal grandparents took place. I have not been in a while and there is now a new Priest. I’m not sure I can wholeheartedly agree to the rules and regulations he has set forth. My fiance is not Catholic. I was thinking of maybe having a non-denominational officiant possibly? Thoughts and ideas?

kmuestwin · Oct 10, 2011

Sorry. His church his rules. I doubt you will be able to get around that.

LDNCatholic · Oct 10, 2011

If you want a non denominational pastor to officiate then you must first seek permission from the bishop to marry in a non Catholic ceremony.

This ceremony will not take place in a Catholic church.

That’s about the size of it. If you’re not marrying in the Catholic Church, why would you marry in a Catholic church?

LilyM · Oct 10, 2011

Doubt it. What ‘rules’ has the priest set that you object to?

As much as you may have sentimental reasons for wanting to get married in that particular church, church buildings don’t exist merely to form a romantic/heartwarming backdrop for your nuptials. May as well get married in a nice park or on the beach if that’s all you want.

Pfaffenhoffen · Oct 10, 2011

You should lead your fiancee into the Catholic Church: it is not a bad Church, isn’t it?
Non-Denominational are not anything.
Why should not your fiancée marry in the RCC?
I see your drama, pray that you solve it for the best.

Phemie · Oct 10, 2011

Do you really believe that the Church will allow you to use the church to contract an invalid marriage?

Contra_Mundum_1 · Oct 10, 2011

I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way. Catholic churches are not just venues where people meet for doing spiritual stuff.

As for rules, yes there are requirements. In my experience priests tend to be quite flexible and marrying a non-Catholic is not a problem. But you have to do it the proper way, otherwise there is just no point.

Hokomai · Oct 10, 2011

I think it would be good if the Church were to allow its buildings to be used for people who feel some affinity to the Church for family or cultural reasons. Obviously appropriate respect would be required. However, if this is not possible, I suggest you try local historical societies for a church no longer in use, or seek out a church of another denomination with similarities to the Catholic Church. You could also introduce elements of Catholic practice into a service in a secular venue. all the best for the wedding and your marriage. in my experience the marriage takes a lot longer but is less stressful!

mlldrl · Oct 10, 2011

Welcome to the forums. There are many knowledgeable people here that can give you good answers. Stick around and checkout the many resources available from Catholic Answers.

Have you begun you marriage prep yet? My wife and I serve as a sponsor couple for couples preparing for the sacrament of Holy Matramony. My suggestion to you is to use this time to try to understand what the Church teaches about marriage and why. It would be easy to just walk away right now but really what would be gained? Stick with it, learn and perhaps rediscover the Church’s teaching with adult eyes. You may discover (as I did) that there is much beauty there that you missed when you were younger.

God Bless
Michael

Corki · Oct 10, 2011

That *might *make sense if neither party was Catholic. But the OP is Catholic so letting her use the Church to enter into an invalid marriage would be completely inappropriate.

929dad · Oct 10, 2011

Strictly speaking, providing everything else is taken care of (mostly marrying a non-Catholic), it is possible for another priest or a deacon to preside at the liturgy where you and your fiance exchange vows. But you really do need to talk with the pastor of the parish, the use of the church is his not only his prerogative, it’s his responsibility.

1ke · Oct 10, 2011

No.

And moreover, you as a Catholic must marry in the Catholic form and follow Canon Law to be married validly. A priest will not assist you in attempting to enter an invalid marriage.

I hope you will sit down and talk to the priest and return to the practice of your faith.

puzzleannie · Oct 10, 2011

missing info: are you CAtholic? are you a parishioner? in general the Catholic parish church is the place where sacraments of the Church are celebrated for the benefit of the parishioners, that is, the souls placed under the care of that pastor. That pastor has custody of the souls in his jurisdiction and of the liturgical celebrations that take place there. It is not just another venue it is a sacred space.

You are certainly free to simply ask the pastor but he will most certainly not allow the invalid marriage of a Catholic to take place there. In extraordinary circumstances he might allow two non-Catholics to validly marry with a minister of their choice as a witness, but the circumstances would be extraordinary indeed. For instance in my old rural parish, when the non-denominational church next door was being restored, our Catholic pastor allowed some weddings and funerals to take place in our church since it literally was the only sacred space available in town for a couple of weeks.

puzzleannie · Oct 10, 2011

a CAtholic who marries after having received a dispensation IS following canon law.

Stevin_Habba · Oct 10, 2011

I just wanted to add my opinion here, and that is that you should be getting married in the Catholic Church by a Catholic Priest. The fact that your wife is not open to becoming a Catholic is quite sad, I pray that you two will be faithful Catholics some day.

As long as your wife remains outside of the Catholic Church, she can never be assured 100% of her salvation, she is missing the Sacraments of Reconciliation and the Eucharist.

1ke · Oct 10, 2011

No, that was not my point.

the OP asked about a Catholic getting married in a Catholic Church without a priest. It cannot be done.

The OP did not ask about a dispensation from form to marry elsewhere but still following Catholic Church law and intending a Catholic marriage.

Oneofthewomen · Oct 10, 2011

Actually, yes it can, because a Deacon can witness a marriage outside of a Mass, which is what happens in most cases of a Catholic marrying a non-Catholic. (Not that the Deacon is the presider, but that most “mixed marriages” are not performed in the context of a Mass)

However, based on what the OP is asking, that is a moot point in this discussion because she does not want to follow the “rules & regulations” set forth by the Priest, which the Deacon would have to follow anyway.

OP, I have a question for you. Getting married in the Church is not just about having a beautiful setting or one that is nostalgic. The sacrament of marriage is a life-long vocation and one which is definitely in need of the graces that come with it. Based on your question, are you sure you are ready to make this committment?

FAB · Oct 10, 2011

I am courious as to waht rules and regulations to which you object. In the modern wedding cerimony there are a number of practices which come from peagan practices, secular movements and protestant inventions. The rules could very well be to focus on the SACRAMENT which you are entering and not all the other invintions made for the day.
Since you seem to willing not to married in the Church, you do not have a true meaning of what a scaramental marriage means. You need to go through the wedding preparation with the priest or deacon to have a full understanding of what your are preparing to enter into and the commitment you are making. Then perhaps you will understand the reasons why the priest has the rules in in his parish.
Dcn FAB

1ke · Oct 10, 2011

Oh my gosh, are the literal police on duty today or what. Priest and deacon are the equivalent for the purpose of my post.

You know very well the OP means use the church building with no intention of having a Catholic marriage.

FAB · Oct 10, 2011

Marriage in a Catholic church without the Priest?

MissMasen

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kmuestwin

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LDNCatholic

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LilyM

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Pfaffenhoffen

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Phemie

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Contra_Mundum_1

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Hokomai

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mlldrl

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Corki

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929dad

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1ke

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puzzleannie

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puzzleannie

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Stevin_Habba

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I just wanted to add my opinion here, and that is that you should be getting married in the Catholic Church by a Catholic Priest. The fact that your wife is not open to becoming a Catholic is quite sad, I pray that you two will be faithful Catholics some day.​

1ke

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Oneofthewomen

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FAB

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1ke

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FAB

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I just wanted to add my opinion here, and that is that you should be getting married in the Catholic Church by a Catholic Priest. The fact that your wife is not open to becoming a Catholic is quite sad, I pray that you two will be faithful Catholics some day.