Marriage Not Recognized By Church

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My husband and I are both Catholic. We were both married before - to persons of no religion and not baptised in any faith. We are both divorced - but not because either of us necessarily wanted to be. (No one really gets married so they can ultimately be divorced - no one) Anyway, we met - long after out divorces were over - neither of us had dated anyone else-and after dating for 3 years, decided to get married. Everyone at church was thrilled - even our priests. We had a beautiful wedding, wrote our own vows, and we are doing just fine. Thank you. No, we did not get annulments. We don’t have the money. No money - so we don’t get to go to heaven. We go to church almost every Sunday, we have our ‘coffee’ ministry, my husband is a lector (next Sunday he has been asked to give the Catholic Appeal talk). We don’t go to communion - but we participate in everything else. We go to church because we want to - not because of some ridiculous ‘mortal sin law’.

If your marriage isn’t working, look at yourself and your partner - will probably find what did not work for you in your previous marriages is what is not working now. If you really want to work on your marriage, go to a real counsellor. An annulment won’t fix anything just as having a baby won’t fix anything.
 
chamomile, as cruel as it may sound…you must stop living a conjugal life with this person until such time as you BOTH get annulments. The Catholic Church does not believe in divorce, and neither does it allow for it in the Bible. The Church recognizes, even among non-Catholics, the validity of marriage. You both have to have a “state of nullification” established in your previous ‘marriages’ before even considering getting married in the Catholic Church. Notice…I did not say ‘re-married’…because you must establish that neither of you were truly married before.

If you persist in living in a conjugal relationship with this man – not a co-habitation as brother and sister, but one involving a husband and wife interaction – you show to God that you are not interested in doing what is right, but what YOU want.

I suggest that your conscience may be bothering you, and that is perhaps the reason why you don’t think that this relationship is going very smoothly. Sounds like some ‘selfish’ issues need to be cleared up on both sides first.
 
dragonlady9947 said:
My husband and I are both Catholic. We were both married before - to persons of no religion and not baptised in any faith. We are both divorced - but not because either of us necessarily wanted to be. (No one really gets married so they can ultimately be divorced - no one) Anyway, we met - long after out divorces were over - neither of us had dated anyone else-and after dating for 3 years, decided to get married. Everyone at church was thrilled - even our priests. We had a beautiful wedding, wrote our own vows, and we are doing just fine. Thank you. No, we did not get annulments. We don’t have the money. No money - so we don’t get to go to heaven. We go to church almost every Sunday, we have our ‘coffee’ ministry, my husband is a lector (next Sunday he has been asked to give the Catholic Appeal talk). We don’t go to communion - but we participate in everything else. We go to church because we want to - not because of some ridiculous ‘mortal sin law’.

If your marriage isn’t working, look at yourself and your partner - will probably find what did not work for you in your previous marriages is what is not working now. If you really want to work on your marriage, go to a real counsellor. An annulment won’t fix anything just as having a baby won’t fix anything.
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The church doesn’t hold up annulments over money. Please see if you can get a reduced rate or have it paid for by your church if you truly don’t have the money. Did you actually sit down with your priest and discuss whether you need to do the full tribunal case or not?Can’t understand why your priest didn’t suggest it.
What about the Eucharist? What about Confession? How can you turn your back on them? Please go sit before the Blessed Sacrament and see if Christ will speak to your heart. Turn your heart toward Him. By living a life that omits those two sacraments from your experience you reject Him.
 
I always knew my parents were married by the JOP & was told why, when I was 8 or so. That my mom was married in the Church, for just about a year-she left him when she came home one day unexpected & he wasn’t alone, shall we say. :mad: My mom said that she never went to Communion “because she was divorced”. My parents discussed anulment a few times when I was a kid, but my dad (a non practicing cradle Catholic) said he “didn’t need a priest telling him how to be married & that I was accepted in the Church”, baptized, etc. so they didn’t need their marriage ‘blessed’. Well apparently they needed something, after 28 years in a difficult marriage, they are now divorced-difficult to explain to my young children who are learning the 10 commandments 😑 Adultry is tough enough to explain to kids, but more so when their grandparents have done it. 🤷

But when I was 10 my aunt got divorced & continued to go to communion. I eventually asked why could she. No one told me it wasn’t my mom’s divorce but her civil marriage to my dad that was the sin. Even at that age, I knew my aunt’s ex was mean to her. My mom went on the explain, God does not make you live with someone that is awful to you, so you can move out & get a legal divorce, but you are still married in the Church, so it is getting ‘married’ again that is the sin.

We have since tried to re-explain that to my mom now that she is no longer ‘married to’/living in sin with my dad, they could both go back to the Church. Except that they have each taken up ‘dating’ other people & to be honest I don’t ask for details, but we’ve told my mom, that she could be back in the fullness of the Church with a good, long, honest confession that would forgive her 28 year marriage. But her current relationship with her boyfriend is what is keeping her in a state of sin now. Is is any wonder why she hasn’t really been happy for many years-living away from God may do that to you. :rolleyes:

Pray about your current marriage, before you worry about your 1st one. May God Bless you.
 
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