Marriage requirements. Can anyone relate?

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rcguy

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Hello,

Here’s a situation maybe some of you have come across, with positive results.
My wife and I are legally married, and greatly desire to have our marriage convalidated by the Catholic church. We have met with our parish Priest, and have fulfilled all the requirements except one - witnesses. We are relatively new to the area and don’t know anyone. Also, all our family members don’t live anywhere nearby. All our attempts at finding interested parties have not been productive. This “should” be a simple matter - but it’s stopping the ceremony cold. Any thoughts, suggestions and opinions are welcome. Thank you.

rcguy.
 
Does your new parish have “Coffee & Donuts” or some other social time after mass? Is there a daily mass with attendees who gather ffor some social ministry [St Vincent dePaul] or just to have coffee. If so, these might be places you could make an acquantance or two, gaining your witnesses while making new friends in the parish.

Also, you could volunteer for some parish activity tomeet new poeple…while I know that you are probably in a hurry, the time to make a friend or two is not so long…

Also if your parish priest can perform the necessary preparation and notify a parish where you have family, you could have your marriage blessed at that parish. This might be a good solution if you can travel to the parish of those family members [as they seem to be unable to travel where you are].

I do understand wanting to get your marriage blessed as my husband and I were married in 1992 by my uncle [a Church of Christ minister]. We had our marriage blessed our parish priest in 1997.

Good Luck finding the witnesses and God Bless You and your spouse 🙂
 
Have you asked your priest if he knows of anyone in the parish who might be willing to fulfill this role? Did you have to go through some classes as one of your requirements, where you could ask the facilitators? Perhaps you could ask someone from work?
Maybe there is even someone on here that is not far from where you live? You could post specificially looking for someone in your town. Or, how long until some relatives or friends come to visit you?

Have you asked St. Anthony for help??? He can find anything!!! 👍
 
Thank you both for your replies, as they are appreciated. Yes, we have approached our parish Priest and there is no willingness to help provide witnesses. We’ve even tried contacting members of the parish council, but that’s just another avenue to nowhere. It never occured to me to put up a post asking if anyone in the immediate area would be willing to witness our wedding ceremony. In regard to your other very good suggestions, unfortunately (for various and personal reasons) none of them would work out. Thanks again for taking the time to write.

rcguy.
 
OK… Let me see if I have this right.
You are new to your parish and don’t know anyone.
You want to convalidate your marriage.
You can’t find anyone to witness for you.

Also:
You are legally married
There is no impediment to a Catholic Wedding

Is this right? Is anybody in either of your families Catholic and Confirmed? Why not make a celebration of your marriage and invite folks from out of town?
 
I simply cannot understand why your priest is not cooperative. Wittnesses should not be a problem, ANYBODY of age can be a wittness!! Even if they are not Catholic. Even if they are divorced. Even if they are called in from the street that very day.
(I just looked up this in the Catholic lexicon - I cannot post the link because it is not in ENglish, would anybody who has a citable authoritative passage correct me if I am wrong here?)

I strongly suggest going to a group of newly married or engaged couples in the parish or around, or to a prayer group, and ask for assistance. This is no big favour, to be present at a ceremony and sign the book for you!
 
Surely you have a neighbor, co worker, the Parish secretary and Janitor… two other living adult human beings who will give up 15 minutes of time to help you out.
 
Unfortunately, involving family menbers is not an option. To ad confusion, my wife was told by the Archdiocese that witnesses are NOT a requirement. When she asked our parish Priest why we needed witnesses, his only reply was; “because I want you to.” Of course, this is a non-response, and his stance leaves us baffled. As another option, given by a member here, I have put up a post explaining the situation and just straight out asking if anyone in the local area would be willing to participate. We would be grateful to have witnesses for our simple ceremony.

rcguy
 
Good grief. Your priest should be more helpful. Maybe the parish secretary and the sexton could be witnesses.
 
One day a friend and I were talking after daily Mass when the priest asked if we could stay around a bit longer. A couple was coming in to have their marriage convalidated and he wasn’t sure if they would bring witnesses with them or not. He asked if we could stay and see if we were needed. As it turned out, the couple brought their own witnesses, but based on that experience it didn’t sound like the witnesses had to even be known to the couple. A couple of people who just happened to be available were sufficient.
 
This is crazy. Does this parish have no staff members or are they incredibly busy?

I remember that I just happened to be at my parish office when I was younger and someone said, “Hey, this couple needs witnesses. Do you want to be one?” I said yes even though I had no clue who the couple was.

We walked over to the Church and held a brief ceremony. And I signed my name to verify that there had, in deed, been a wedding.

I know some people have very nice ceremonies for their convalidations. And I imagine it must be nice in that case to have the witnesses dressed for the occasion. But it isn’t necessary.
 
Witnesses to a Catholic marriage of any type do not need to be Catholic. They can both be of the same gender, so your wife can have a “best man” too if she wants one. There has to be two of them. Period.

There’s NOBODY at work??? What about your neighbors???
 
Marriage is regulated by the county and the county requires witnesses even at Catholic weddings. My concern is since we do marriage prep…are you sure he didn’t mean that you need someone to do the witness affadavits that say that the two of you are free to marry in the church. That is part of canon law, not civil law. 2 witnesses from the groom’s side & 2 witnesses from the bride’s side are required…people who have known you since you were very young. People you work with do not know your personal history as witnesses…but you could ask your best friend from high school that you share an active friendship…a neighbor that you have lived next door since you were little…relatives. Better check if this is what the pastor is referring to.
 
I was married in Illinois in a Catholic church and I was required to have 2 witnesses that were confirmed in the church. They waived the confirmation for my dd since she was in Catholic School and was well versed in catechism. This was less than 2 yrs ago, I don’t think the requirements have changed too much.
 
stbruno said:
Marriage is regulated by the county and the county requires witnesses even at Catholic weddings. My concern is since we do marriage prep…are you sure he didn’t mean that you need someone to do the witness affadavits that say that the two of you are free to marry in the church. That is part of canon law, not civil law. 2 witnesses from the groom’s side & 2 witnesses from the bride’s side are required…people who have known you since you were very young. People you work with do not know your personal history as witnesses…but you could ask your best friend from high school that you share an active friendship…a neighbor that you have lived next door since you were little…relatives. Better check if this is what the pastor is referring to.
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Not in Illinois. And two witnesses of freedom to marry are not required for anybody over a set age. A priest has hte power to dispense with that- at least, in some dioceses- not all dioceses.
 
BlestOne said:
I was married in Illinois in a Catholic church and I was required to have 2 witnesses that were confirmed in the church. They waived the confirmation for my dd since she was in Catholic School and was well versed in catechism. This was less than 2 yrs ago, I don’t think the requirements have changed too much.
Click to expand...
That was in the diocese of Peoria. I was married in the Diocese of Joliet, and I’m here to tell you, witnesses by canon law do not have to be Catholic; should be Catholic, maybe, but for good reasons, it can be anybody. That is a requirement by your diocese; might even be a parish requirement. I know people who were married in the Belleville diocese, and the Rockford diocese, as well as the Archdiocese. While based on the requirements of canon law (two witnesses- any two people- and I sure somebody can back me up with the actual canon law), each diocese sets its own standard. Peoria is known to be “above average” in its requirements for everything. 🙂 It’s just like decrees of nullity, as an example. Each tribunal is priced differently, and has differnt paperwork.

rcguy is in the Archdiocese. They have yet again different requirements. These links might help to show the difference between differenet parishes in the Archdiocese, let alone the separate dioceses:
familyministries.org/tensteps.htm
familyministries.org/faq.htm
oldstmarys.com/Site%20Folder/weddings.html
mswparish.org/services/weddingguide.html#Churchrequirements
policy.archchicago.org/policies/bk4num400.pdf (See 402.3)
The State of Illinois does not require witnesses, and it no longer requires blood tests for marriage. In any case, this is a convalidation, and it is assumed that the civil ceremony, by virtue of the marriage license, met whatever requirements the state held at that time- if it was in Illinois, or Nevada, or Wisconsin, or Indiana…
 
Oh DUH!!! I forgot this was a convalidation… There shouldn’t be any witnesses required as far as the state is concerned, just whatever the diocese requires…
major blonde moment!!!
 
I suspect that if the priest were to announce that a convalidation were to take place right after mass and anyone who wishes to stay may do so - you would probably have your witnesses available to you.

Also if you are attending mass regularly now - ask the folks you sit around in church. You know how we sit in the usual places and see the usual faces and give the sign of peace to them each Sunday. These are great sources for witnesses. Talk to them before or after mass and I’m sure the holy spirit will help move them to be your witnesses.

Good luck and God Bless.
 
BlestOne said:
Oh DUH!!! I forgot this was a convalidation… There shouldn’t be any witnesses required as far as the state is concerned, just whatever the diocese requires…
major blonde moment!!!
Click to expand...
Blame it on the baby…
 
I know my family would consider ourselves privileged to be your witnesses if we lived near you. So maybe someone on CA would volunteer if you asked.
 
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