marriage trouble

[DJgang]

Dear, please listen to me, Get to an Alanon meeting ASAP!

My DH was just starting to drink very heavily. It really was affecting our lives. I told him, to his face that I was going to go to meetings that would teach me how to live with him. It can be done. (unless you are in any dangerous situations)

What Alanon did for me was realize that this is a disease. I only went to two meetings and it helped tremendously.

I accidently bought two copies of Courage to Change, I am willing to mail you my extra copy if you trust me with your name and address, just PM me…

But please, go to a meeting.

You are in my prayers!
Dana

 

[dulcissima]

Still it is painting with a wide brush. I know alcoholics who are decent, kind people.

But at the end of the day, their world and that of their family revolves around their addiction. It is ALWAYS a dysfunctional family model that has profound effects upon every member of the family. If this isn’t the case with the people you know, then chances are they are not alcoholics or they are doing a good job at painting the picture they want the rest of the world to see.

 

[royal_archer]

But at the end of the day, their world and that of their family revolves around their addiction. It is ALWAYS a dysfunctional family model that has profound effects upon every member of the family. If this isn’t the case with the people you know, then chances are they are not alcoholics or they are doing a good job at painting the picture they want the rest of the world to see.

Yes dysfunctional by my standards, but they pay their bills, keep up their yard, and seem to always have a good time.

Alcoholism is sometimes a symptom of a deeper problem. Alcohol use can bring out the worse of those underlying problems creating the situations commonoly associated with alcoholics. However those who do not have the underlying problems but are alcoholics for other reasons won’t necesarily have the same outward issues.

 

[tbcrawford]

I was married for 20 yrs to an abusive alcoholic who played “mind games” and filled our kids heads with lies.We had 4 children together and I loved him(still do) but when my father died he was so mentally cruel to me I finally had enough and left.We went to 2 lots of Catholic marriage counselling.He didn’t want to continue.We separated for a short time,he said he was sorry but didn’t change.Eventually I left with the kids and rented a house round the corner.
We “shared” the children,half the week with each of us.He kept breaking agreements told lies to the kids.Caused a scene at work.I filed for divorce.He divorced me as my solicitor advised me he would have to pay.
My kids went through hell and still are,that was 10 yrs ago.He now has no real time for them and doesn’t treat them fairly or equally.His wife( he remarried) has three kids of her own that live with them and they get all his attention and money!
I am sharing this with you as I don’t know what YOU should do,I just wanted to give you an example of what I did.I have not tried the annullment process yet as I believe my kids have been through enough trauma.They love their dad and seek his love and attention all the time.I hope there will come a time one day when this can happen.
Only you will know how badly his alcoholism affects your family.Al anon is a good place for you to get information.I went with my ex in 1985 and was shocked at how much he was drinking and the money he spent (we couldn’t afford)! He did not drink for almost a year!
When I met my ex I didn’t know he was an alcoholic and what that entails.Did you?
God bless