Marriage

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BlueEyedLady said:
So you’re saying that your marriage is worthwhile even without having biological children?!:eek:

I kid, of course. I know that it isn’t an uncommon attitude, but I’m always blown away by people who think that kids are the point of marriage, or who wonder why you would bother getting married if you didn’t want or couldn’t have kids. There are no guarantees in life. When you marry someone, you’re marrying them, not what they can produce.
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I am guessing this has to do with culture.

In Asia, the whole point of marriage is children, especially sons. I spent my childhood in the primarily Muslim portion of that continent so it happens that if a wife cannot give birth to children, a second wife is taken. However, that is rare.

Now I do not know what happens if a second wife is taken and it turns out to be the husband who is infertile.
 
jp54321 said:
How should married couples deal with infertility?? Seek an annulment to get a more fertile partner? The primary purpose of Marriage is procreation so why not? A married couple without kids is a difficult existence. Kids make Marriages worthwhile
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Um…ouch. If I were your wife, I’d be extremely hurt by this. It’s sad to not be able to have children of your own, but to say marriage is difficult and not worthwhile if you don’t have kids…that’s a pretty low blow to your spouse. Do you love your wife at all? Does being married to her have any benefit to you? Does the relationship between the two of you have benefits? Does she herself make your life and marriage worthwhile? If not, I don’t really know what to tell you.
 
BlueEyedLady said:
😦 Think about what you just suggested. You suggested finding someone, promising your life and everything you have to them until death do you part, and then up and leaving because of a physical condition beyond their control. I know this happens to infertile people way too often, but I think it’s tragic. Finding out that you can’t naturally reproduce to grow a family is hard enough, but finding out that you’ll be losing what you do have because of it would just be too much to take.
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:sad_yes:
 
Corki said:
In addition to all of these excellent ideas, some couples use their childlessness as a door into a vocation that would have been difficult with children such as missionary work, housing foster children, being house parents in half-way houses, etc.
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Yes, that’s an excellent idea. In the Catholic school I attended growing up, the principal and his wife (who was one of the teachers there) were unable to have kids of their own. They both really devoted themselves to running the school and ended up having hundreds of children (the students). They also had a really great and devoted happy marriage.
 
Sarcelle said:
I am guessing this has to do with culture.

In Asia, the whole point of marriage is children, especially sons. I spent my childhood in the primarily Muslim portion of that continent so it happens that if a wife cannot give birth to children, a second wife is taken. However, that is rare.

Now I do not know what happens if a second wife is taken and it turns out to be the husband who is infertile.
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Oh brother! Can you imagine that insane logic in China? I marry you so you can bear me a son, but we have to kill the daughters so we don’t go over the government regulated child limit. Oh and you can only bear me one son (or whatever the current limit is), if you get pregnant with a second we have to kill him. That is just sad and sickening. 😦 If the point of marriage is children, then quit killing off the “extras” you nut-cases. :rolleyes: Sorry, had to vent there. :o
 
Convert_in_99 said:
Oh brother! Can you imagine that insane logic in China? I marry you so you can bear me a son, but we have to kill the daughters so we don’t go over the government regulated child limit. Oh and you can only bear me one son (or whatever the current limit is), if you get pregnant with a second we have to kill him. That is just sad and sickening. 😦 If the point of marriage is children, then quit killing off the “extras” you nut-cases. :rolleyes: Sorry, had to vent there. :o
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What’s really crazy is “Little Emperor Syndrome.”

(Not that there aren’t elements of that in parenting here.)
 
I’m Catholic, have been married and open to life for ten years, and have only one child (who died in-utero). It turns out that the root cause of our infertility all those years was actually a disease called Endometriosis, that was silently taking over my abdomen. Now I’ve had to have a hysterectomy to save me from that awful disease. So now have a zero chance of bearing children. Should my husband now divorce me since I’m permenately infertile? Cause that is what you are suggesting. Divorce. You cannot obtain an annulment, unless there is a legal divorce. And an annulment isn’t granted for infertility issues, not even complete unending childlessness. This falls under the “for better or worse, in sickness and in health” clause. It’s not fun, it’s at times the worst suffering a couple can go through, but it is what is. You just learn to accept it as your cross in life. 🤷
 
Wow. My husband and I struggled for a long time to get pregnant, and at some points wondered if it would EVER happen. Should he have just abandoned me on the streets? What a disgusting attitude.

Convert in 99 has it right. The vows we say when we get married say that we are to be there for each other in times of suffering, too, not just in times of joy.
 
Convert_in_99 said:
Oh brother! Can you imagine that insane logic in China? I marry you so you can bear me a son, but we have to kill the daughters so we don’t go over the government regulated child limit. Oh and you can only bear me one son (or whatever the current limit is), if you get pregnant with a second we have to kill him. That is just sad and sickening. 😦 If the point of marriage is children, then quit killing off the “extras” you nut-cases. :rolleyes: Sorry, had to vent there. :o
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Unfortunately you do not have to imagine. This scenario is taking place in China as we speak. However, if you think,China is bad, India is even worst. The Chinese are still under the draconian law that limits the number of children couples are legally allowed to have. Combine that with the Chinese preference for sons and you have the perfect storm.

India on the other hand does not have legal limits but they go on killing their girl babies.
:rolleyes:
 
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