Married and mastrabating, is this wrong?

[stringbeanduck]

First thank you all for the help, you people who cant read directions about condesending, thanks for showing the love of Christ

People realize the Catholic Church is the first place I have heard a concrete reason that mastrabating is wrong, i was never sure. I do know pornography is wrong, but for me they seem to come hand in hand most times. Please do not judge my ignorance of your faith and belittle me. Do you really think it is easy to come out and give my sexual detials in a completely honest way? to answer some of your questions.

About what my wife thinks: she doesnt care, she knows I need (now want) a release and she doesnt want to be apart of it.

About what my wife thinks of ferquency: she doesnt remember and always thinks we just “did it” and now after the baby, i dont want to even ask becuase of everything she has been through.

About telling my baby: I do not want my baby to know

About being selfish: I never thought of it as selfish, i thought I was doing her a favor by not bothering her.

About dads.org: I went to the site and would like to know where i could find this subject, i didnt see it.

Whats is NFP? what is the Catholic view on this?

If i am married how is mastrabating outside of marriage?

If I believed i was cheating on my wife through this act if would be easier to stop.

Once agian thank you for the help and i would like to see some more help me change for the better.

First off, I don’t see anybody being judgmental towards you. What they are though is condescending towards your sins and that is a good thing. Sin should always be hated, but sinners should be loved. If anything people care about you and that tis why they want you to stop.

It is very selfish, because it’s **all ** about you. The desire to receive something for your self and not give to your wife. Whether she cares about it or not porn uses other people’s bodies as objects and that is not what they are. Humans are beautiful so we should respect our bodies not use them to our selfish desires. Perhaps it would be could for you bother to take a theology class or something. That would help you both learn more respect for your bodies.

NFP is a technique used within the Catholic Church to plan the women’s monthly cycle and help you determine when the best time to conceive or not to concieve is. This leaves the door open to life even if you are not planning for a baby. It allows Catholics to have sex with in the context of marriage and respect God’s plan for us. A search in the forums here will lead to more info on this.

As said before masturbation is all about receiving and nothing about giving therefore it is outside of marriage. If you truly want to get better, you must understand the value of sex and how not using our bodily function in respect for the virtue of Chastity is a grave offence against it and gift God gave us.

Most importantly pray. Nobody can fight sin alone. Be humble to the Lord and He will help you.

 

[kamalayka9]

Perhaps you could explain how his masterbation is hurting his marriage. The only argument I have heard so far is that he is being selfish. I was addressing that argument. I don’t think he is being selfish at all.

As a guy, I can answer this:

Masturbation makes men look at women as almost less than human-as sex objects. Any guy who says otherwise is lying.

It makes people see sex as nothing more than pleasure. They take away its main purpose, which is conception.

 

[heathernoel]

My reply was in no way condescending. You wanted opinions and you got them. I will pray for you. People are trying to justify your sin…I was trying to help you see that you are sinning.

There is no justifying it. Sorry to hear that’s what you were after.

God bless you.
Heather

 

[Flannelfunk]

sorry you guys mistook me for saying everyone was condesending, that wasnt my goal, i was teasing. It is impossible to see my grin when i wrote it, i did remember the smiley face.

also i believe mirror mirror gave me the best answers so far and alot of information. I am going to change my perspective about this subject and read the material he put out. Please keep in mind this is pretty new to me.

I also enjoyed the female perspective, i guess i wouldnt really know if it bothered my wife if she accepts it as part of being me. So anyone know of any good prayers for when i am tempted with this particular sin? I prayed the Blessed Mother once about helping me look at the woman differently, but i didnt put it into practice. Is this going to mostly be a change of habit?

 

[whm]

Just to add a little more fuel to the fire. My Urologist asked how often I was intimate with my wife. I indicated probably 2 to 3 times a month. He suggested that either I should have a release (trying to keep it clean) at least twice a week and he suggested that if I could not with my wife that I should use Masturbation. Now at my age with the commonality of prostate cancer what do people here think about that aspect?

Can’t give medical advice, but I would not trust your Urologist on this. See a Catholic Urologist in your area. You can ask your current doctor, if there any around trust me he/she would know (same goes for OB/GYN). If you can’t find a Catholic Urology, at least see an older Urologist who was trained before the current cultural insanity. There are other ways to deal with excess testosterone that don’t involve sinful activities.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

Perhaps you could explain how his masterbation is hurting his marriage. The only argument I have heard so far is that he is being selfish. I was addressing that argument. I don’t think he is being selfish at all.

As a guy, I can answer this:

Masturbation makes men look at women as almost less than human-as sex objects. Any guy who says otherwise is lying.

It makes people see sex as nothing more than pleasure. They take away its main purpose, which is conception.

Leela,

Kamalayka did a good job of explaining this and I will further elaborate on what he has said. Pornography and masturbation are indeed selfish acts. They take the act of sex and turn it towards self. When, in all actuality, sex is about being selfless, about giving of yourself to your spouse. (Please see some of my other posts that further illustrate this) By masturbating you are taking that climax, that orgasm and using it for your own satisfaction. If not for that, then what other reason? That is indeed selfish. The act of sex was given to us by God not for the momentary pleasure of an orgasm, but for the intimacy that is shared in giving of ourselves freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully.

We are not to view each other as objects for our own personal satisfaction. How is he hurting his marriage? By taking away something from his wife that is meant to be shared only with her. Yes I am talking about his orgasm. That is to be shared only with his wife in the marital embrace. Taking that away is turning sex into an act for selfish pleasure. It is objectifying your spouse. Sex is to be unitive and procreative. The most intimate moment shared between a husband and wife, not a solitary act by one spouse.

 

[heathernoel]

sorry you guys mistook me for saying everyone was condesending, that wasnt my goal, i was teasing. It is impossible to see my grin when i wrote it, i did remember the smiley face.

also i believe mirror mirror gave me the best answers so far and alot of information. I am going to change my perspective about this subject and read the material he put out. Please keep in mind this is pretty new to me.

I also enjoyed the female perspective, i guess i wouldnt really know if it bothered my wife if she accepts it as part of being me. So anyone know of any good prayers for when i am tempted with this particular sin? I prayed the Blessed Mother once about helping me look at the woman differently, but i didnt put it into practice. Is this going to mostly be a change of habit?

Then I humbly apologize

What I can tell you, from someone who has been freed of my occassional habit, is that once I understood what I was doing spiritually, it stopped. Really. I wasn’t thinking of my husband when I did it. OMG. That was a horrible truth to swallow.

Put a picture up of our Blessed Mother wherever you go to do this. I can only imagine how hard it’d be to follow through with it.

 

[Leela]

Kamalayka did a good job of explaining this and I will further elaborate on what he has said. Pornography and masturbation are indeed selfish acts. They take the act of sex and turn it towards self. When, in all actuality, sex is about being selfless, about giving of yourself to your spouse. (Please see some of my other posts that further illustrate this) By masturbating you are taking that climax, that orgasm and using it for your own satisfaction. If not for that, then what other reason? That is indeed selfish.

I think the OP answered this. He said that if he doesn’t do this he is unable to sleep and becomes irritable toward people around him.

It seems like the fact that masterbation is done by one’s self it is viewed as selfish. Is bathing a selfish act because it is done by one’s self? Is scratching an itch selfish since it is only ever done for personal satisfaction?

The act of sex was given to us by God not for the momentary pleasure of an orgasm, but for the intimacy that is shared in giving of ourselves freely, totally, faithfully and fruitfully.

We are not to view each other as objects for our own personal satisfaction. How is he hurting his marriage? By taking away something from his wife that is meant to be shared only with her. Yes I am talking about his orgasm. That is to be shared only with his wife in the marital embrace. Taking that away is turning sex into an act for selfish pleasure. It is objectifying your spouse. Sex is to be unitive and procreative. The most intimate moment shared between a husband and wife, not a solitary act by one spouse.

He is not taking away anything from his wife. His wife seems to be glad that she doesn’t have to have sex as often. She has no complaint as far as I can tell. He said that he is available sexually to his wife, but his wife is not interested in sex as often as he is.

I understand that sex at its best can be unitive and procreative, but why assume that there is only one correct way to have sex?

 

[Leela]

As a guy, I can answer this:

Masturbation makes men look at women as almost less than human-as sex objects. Any guy who says otherwise is lying.

This may be true in your case, but the OP has not said anything to make me think that he is having trouble in this regard.

It makes people see sex as nothing more than pleasure. They take away its main purpose, which is conception.

The OP is available for sex, and I assume he is open to procreation. His masterbation doesn’t interfere here.

 

[Flannelfunk]

To put how much i want to procreate, i want a football team. I am VERY open to whenever my wife wants to do it. Those are not the problems.

No one has answered how it is outside of marriage if i am married though, is it becuase my orgasim isnt in my wife?

Also i can see how my orgasim would be selfish becuase it is about me, my sleep, my anixousness, my sexual drive.

Also i do not see woman as objects put on the earth for my pleasure, if i did i would cheat on my wife. I mean why not she is a object, right?

I actually feel bad for the woman in the “movies” that i watch, it just helps me to achieve my selfish goal as quick as possible.

 

[rick43235]

Would you want to tell your baby in a few years?

Why in the world would he want to “tell [his] baby in a few years?” Do you discuss your sexual practices with your children?

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

I think the OP answered this. He said that if he doesn’t do this he is unable to sleep and becomes irritable toward people around him.

It seems like the fact that masterbation is done by one’s self it is viewed as selfish. Is bathing a selfish act because it is done by one’s self? Is scratching an itch selfish since it is only ever done for personal satisfaction?

2351 Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.

So one’s sexual desire is likened to bathing or scratching an itch? Methinks that is a bit of a stretch here. If you are irritable or unable to sleep, how is it that an orgasm will take care of this? Take a walk. Workout. Read a book. There are plenty of other activities that one can partake in that do not entail the selfish act of masturbation. Again, he is searching for the Catholic teaching on this subject and that is:

2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.” “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.”
To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.

He is not taking away anything from his wife. His wife seems to be glad that she doesn’t have to have sex as often. She has no complaint as far as I can tell. He said that he is available sexually to his wife, but his wife is not interested in sex as often as he is.

I understand that sex at its best can be unitive and procreative, but why assume that there is only one correct way to have sex?

He is taking away from his wife. Sex, as it has been mentioned is to be unitive and procreative. The only time that an orgasm is to take place is in this marital embrace. That orgasm is for his wife, not for his own self-serving purpose, whatever that may be. If she is not interested in having sex then that is part of the sacrifice. He has to surrender his desire to be intimate for that time. He will not die without an orgasm.

“Sex at its best can be unitive and procreative…” This statement should read “Sex is unitive and procreative with each and every act.” Again, I will take you back to the teachings of the Catholic church (which the OP is searching for)

2366 Fecundity is a gift, an end of marriage, for conjugal love naturally tends to be fruitful. A child does not come from outside as something added on to the mutual love of the spouses, but springs from the very heart of that mutual giving, as its fruit and fulfillment. So the Church, which is “on the side of life,” teaches that “it is necessary that each and every marriage act remain ordered per se to the procreation of human life.” "This particular doctrine, expounded on numerous occasions by the Magisterium, is based on the inseparable connection, established by God, which man on his own initiative may not break, between the unitive significance and the procreative significance which are both inherent to the marriage act."

(bold mine)

2369 “By safeguarding both these essential aspects, the unitive and the procreative, the conjugal act preserves in its fullness the sense of true mutual love and its orientation toward man’s exalted vocation to parenthood.”

 

[Leela]

To put how much i want to procreate, i want a football team. I am VERY open to whenever my wife wants to do it. Those are not the problems.

No one has answered how it is outside of marriage if i am married though, is it becuase my orgasim isnt in my wife?

Also i can see how my orgasim would be selfish becuase it is about me, my sleep, my anixousness, my sexual drive.

“Selfish” doesn’t mean that you take care of your self, it means that you are putting concerns about yourself over the concerns of others in such situations where the concerns of others should take precedence. Is that the case here? Is your masterbation interfering with your responsibilities as husband and father? If so, then I would agree with the others that this is indeed somewhat of a problem.

 

[rick43235]

Masturbation makes men look at women as almost less than human-as sex objects. Any guy who says otherwise is lying.

What a load of dung. If you really believe this, then you have “issues” you might want to address with a professional.

 

[stringbeanduck]

I think the OP answered this. He said that if he doesn’t do this he is unable to sleep and becomes irritable toward people around him.

It seems like the fact that masterbation is done by one’s self it is viewed as selfish. Is bathing a selfish act because it is done by one’s self? Is scratching an itch selfish since it is only ever done for personal satisfaction?

He is not taking away anything from his wife. His wife seems to be glad that she doesn’t have to have sex as often. She has no complaint as far as I can tell. He said that he is available sexually to his wife, but his wife is not interested in sex as often as he is.

I understand that sex at its best can be unitive and procreative, but why assume that there is only one correct way to have sex?

Masturbation offends the virtue of chastity. In fact directly corolates to the opposite which is lust(one of the deadly sin). Bathing is required to for our health and it would actually be a sin to neglect our bodies by not doing it. Using our hands for washing our selves or scratch ourselves is a correct use of the functions God has giving us. Using them to masturbate is not.

Whether his wife is glad about his actions and how convenient it appears for them is beside the point. One could use similar arguments to justify murder.

Well coming from a religious standpoint sex and the bodily functions that contribute in it is a gift from God that is not to be misused.

To put how much i want to procreate, i want a football team. I am VERY open to whenever my wife wants to do it. Those are not the problems.

No one has answered how it is outside of marriage if i am married though, is it becuase my orgasim isnt in my wife?

Also i can see how my orgasim would be selfish becuase it is about me, my sleep, my anixousness, my sexual drive.

I did a few posts above:

As said before masturbation is all about receiving and nothing about giving therefore it is outside of marriage. If you truly want to get better, you must understand the value of sex and how not using our bodily function in respect for the virtue of Chastity is a grave offence against it and gift God gave us.

 

[stringbeanduck]

What a load of dung. If you really believe this, then you have “issues” you might want to address with a professional.

Really then what does it do?

 

[Leela]

Masturbation offends the virtue of chastity. In fact directly corolates to the opposite which is lust(one of the deadly sin). Bathing is required to for our health and it would actually be a sin to neglect our bodies by not doing it. Using our hands for washing our selves or scratch ourselves is a correct use of the functions God has giving us. Using them to masturbate is not.

Whether his wife is glad about his actions and how convenient it appears for them is beside the point. One could use similar arguments to justify murder.

Well coming from a religious standpoint sex and the bodily functions that contribute in it is a gift from God that is not to be misused.

You are responding to the arguments I made against the claim that masterbation is necessarily a selfish act by going in a different direction. Are you agreeing with me that the issue is not really selfishness?

You say that God has given us gifts to be used for certain purposes and that you know what these purposes are better than I do. To that I can only ask, how do you know? And, why should I think that you know what God intends better than I do? If the gift of hands has different purposes such as washing and scratching, why can’t sex have multiple purposes?

 

[kage_ar]

You say that God has given us gifts to be used for certain purposes and that you know what these purposes are better than I do. To that I can only ask, how do you know? And, why should I think that you know what God intends better than I do?

Because God left specfic instructions - He is the designer, he left us His Word and His Church to instruct us how to use the gift of our bodies.

If the gift of hands has different purposes such as washing and scratching, why can’t sex have multiple purposes?

It does!! Bonding of spouses to each other and babies. One cannot separate the two.

 

[ForwardProgress]

2351 That orgasm is for his wife, not for his own self-serving purpose, whatever that may be.

Well, this kind of seems like mental gymnastics…The orgasm is for his wife if she’s open to having children at that time…if they are trying to avoid, then his O is for him, and hers is for her, although helping one another to get to that point brings satisfaction to the other.

But the man’s O is for her? Puhlease. Like a wife would say, ‘Oh baby thank you SO much for your orgasm! Don’t worry if I don’ have one.’ Or even more strange if the wife has one and the man doesn’t.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

Well, this kind of seems like mental gymnastics…The orgasm is for his wife if she’s open to having children at that time…if they are trying to avoid, then his O is for him, and hers is for her, although helping one another to get to that point brings satisfaction to the other.

But the man’s O is for her? Puhlease. Like a wife would say, ‘Oh baby thank you SO much for your orgasm! Don’t worry if I don’ have one.’ Or even more strange if the wife has one and the man doesn’t.

The marital embrace is BOTH unitive and procreative. The two cannot be seperated from each other. Even if the wife is not fertile during a particular act, that does not elminiate the unitive AND procreative aspects of the act. They are still present. So is it really a stretch to say that the husband’s orgasm is for his wife? During that act we give all that we have to our spouse. Just as Christ did for His bride the Church. We hold nothing back. Sex is meant for a husband and wife, meant to be completed with the husband inside of his wife, how they get there is up to them to decide.

The last paragraph of your post is so far fetched and twisting what I have said that there is no need to justify it with a response.