Married by the law

[imeldaglz]

Im 22yrs old and of course my boyfriend and I have sexual relationships but me I kow that im sinning and im going to confession soon I tolkd him we wont have sex till we are married his ok with the ideas but I dont want to fall into temtation again.
my question would be does being married by the civil court count as good in Gods eyes or we have to be married to no commit sin???
I need help help this has been one of my greatest sin…

 

[LilyM]

Im 22yrs old and of course my boyfriend and I have sexual relationships but me I kow that im sinning and im going to confession soon I tolkd him we wont have sex till we are married his ok with the ideas but I dont want to fall into temtation again.
my question would be does being married by the civil court count as good in Gods eyes or we have to be married to no commit sin???
I need help help this has been one of my greatest sin…

No, marriage is a holy sacrament not just a legal or court ceremony. A judge can’t give you a sacrament, you have to be married by a priest (or I think deacon).

My prayers for you in your struggle, it’s not easy but you can do it. Make sure both of you (if he’s Catholic) go to confession and pray together often to ask Jesus for His help.

Try to avoid situations where you’re alone in private with your boyfriend - even if you’re living together ask him to sleep in another room or on the couch or something.

 

[1ke]

A civil marriage is not valid in the Catholic Church. If you and your boyfriend want to get married, you need to make an appointment with your priest. And, of course, stop having sex until you are married in the Church.

 

[wjp984]

I might be confused about this but I thought the church considers a civil marriage valid in the sense that if there is a divorce from a civil marriage the person is still not free to marry in the Catholic Church without getting some sort of annulment. If this is the case then wouldn’t a civil marriage still be valid providing the two, upon entering the marriage, could validly do so according to the Church? Of course, it would still need to be blessed by the Church in order for there to be a sacrement but the marriage itself would otherwise still be considered valid. Am I missing something?

 

[bilop]

I might be confused about this but I thought the church considers a civil marriage valid in the sense that if there is a divorce from a civil marriage the person is still not free to marry in the Catholic Church without getting some sort of annulment. If this is the case then wouldn’t a civil marriage still be valid providing the two, upon entering the marriage, could validly do so according to the Church?

For two non-Catholics a civil marriage is a valid natural marriage, and is recognize by the Church.

A Catholic MUST marry in the Church, or get a dispensation. Barring that, any marriage is presumptively invalid. A declaration of nullity can be gotten by simply proving Catholic baptism, and that a non-Church wedding was undertaken w/o dispensation.

God Bless

 

[wina]

Dear All,

How about if the situation like this:
Both are catholics, but one of them can’t marry at the church because he did before (he’s divorced). And he tried to get annulment but it seems may be denied. So what should they do?? Should they not to get married at all although in civil ceremony?? Will God not approve this marriage??

 

[stbruno]

Even if an anulment is denied, there is a chance of appeal. So until then, if they truly value the person they claim to love and honor, they will wait for that decision.

Love means…you want the best for the other person…and the best is heaven. Not your personal whims or desire for the relationship. Just my opinion.

 

[CarrieH]

How about if the situation like this:
Both are catholics, but one of them can’t marry at the church because he did before (he’s divorced). And he tried to get annulment but it seems may be denied. So what should they do?? Should they not to get married at all although in civil ceremony?? Will God not approve this marriage??

That is correct; they should not get married at all, because in the eyes of the Church, the man is still married to his first wife. To go ahead and marry anyway, outside of the Church, is to commit adultery. This scenario could be avoided altogether if those who are divorced would wait until they are free to date, meaning they have petitioned for and *received *an annulment of their prior marriage, before they start dating and/or planning a future with another partner. That doesn’t make it easy, but I am in that very situation myself: divorced, not yet annulled, and not dating. I’d rather be alone on Saturday night than risk my soul for all of eternity.

 

[puzzleannie]

Im 22yrs old and of course my boyfriend and I have sexual relationships but me I kow that im sinning and im going to confession soon I tolkd him we wont have sex till we are married his ok with the ideas but I dont want to fall into temtation again.
my question would be does being married by the civil court count as good in Gods eyes or we have to be married to no commit sin???
I need help help this has been one of my greatest sin…

If either of you is Catholic you are bound by Church laws on marriage. See your priest. Do not even think about premarital sex or cohabiting. Habitual mortal sin is not the recipe for a happy future. Civil marriage should not even be attempted (unless the laws of your country require civil marriage before church wedding) and does not remove the sin.

 

[puzzleannie]

I might be confused about this but I thought the church considers a civil marriage valid in the sense that if there is a divorce from a civil marriage the person is still not free to marry in the Catholic Church without getting some sort of annulment. If this is the case then wouldn’t a civil marriage still be valid providing the two, upon entering the marriage, could validly do so according to the Church? Of course, it would still need to be blessed by the Church in order for there to be a sacrement but the marriage itself would otherwise still be considered valid. Am I missing something?

this does not relate to OP’s question. she said nothing about either being married before.

A civil marriage may be a valid natural marriage for two non-Catholics who are otherwise free to marry, but never for a Catholic. why not stick to OP’s question?

 

[puzzleannie]

Dear All,

How about if the situation like this:
Both are catholics, but one of them can’t marry at the church because he did before (he’s divorced). And he tried to get annulment but it seems may be denied. So what should they do?? Should they not to get married at all although in civil ceremony?? Will God not approve this marriage??

since one of the parties is still validly married, he may not attempt marriage again, or even consider a dating or romantic relationship. She cannot date or marry a married man. Civil divorce has no effect on a valid marriage for anyone, Catholic or not.

 

[wina]

That is correct; they should not get married at all, because in the eyes of the Church, the man is still married to his first wife. To go ahead and marry anyway, outside of the Church, is to commit adultery. This scenario could be avoided altogether if those who are divorced would wait until they are free to date, meaning they have petitioned for and *received *an annulment of their prior marriage, before they start dating and/or planning a future with another partner. That doesn’t make it easy, but I am in that very situation myself: divorced, not yet annulled, and not dating. I’d rather be alone on Saturday night than risk my soul for all of eternity.

Dear Carrie,
They have been in relationship for over 5 years. And they were wrong because they thought that an annulment can be settled later because of the very difficult situation. So, when they wanted to go to the next step then they want to get annulment first. The man had spoken to his first wife and asked about annulment, and she told him that once she tried to get one but it was rejected. So, they thought that his annulment would be rejected too. Some people told them to get married to another church. But both don’t want because they are strong with their catholic faith.
If his annulment would be rejected, should they forget about their relationship??

 

[wina]

since one of the parties is still validly married, he may not attempt marriage again, or even consider a dating or romantic relationship. She cannot date or marry a married man. Civil divorce has no effect on a valid marriage for anyone, Catholic or not.

Dear puzzleannie, So I think they need to be prayed so they have strength not to make sin of this. And both don’t think to have premarital sex either because both realize that’s not good.
Hm…to be catholic is very very hard. But Catholic is the best in life.

 

[wjp984]

this does not relate to OP’s question. she said nothing about either being married before.

A civil marriage may be a valid natural marriage for two non-Catholics who are otherwise free to marry, but never for a Catholic. why not stick to OP’s question?

I will say a prayer instead of writing what I really wanted to as my opening sentence. I respectfully disagree.

Here is the OP question:

" my question would be does being married by the civil court count as good in Gods eyes or we have to be married to no commit sin??? "

Now tell me, how exactly did my response not relate to this?

I might be confused about this but I thought the church considers a civil marriage valid in the sense that if there is a divorce from a civil marriage the person is still not free to marry in the Catholic Church without getting some sort of annulment. If this is the case then wouldn’t a civil marriage still be valid providing the two, upon entering the marriage, could validly do so according to the Church? Of course, it would still need to be blessed by the Church in order for there to be a sacrement but the marriage itself would otherwise still be considered valid. Am I missing something?

I answered her question with my opinion of what I thought might be a potential possibility that the church might see her civil marriage as valid while still acknowledging I may not be correct. Assuming the next responses were the correct answer, if the OP were not Catholic then her marriage would be seen as valid according to the Church. Tell me how that does not relate to her question. There were not enough posted facts to know the exact situation. Maybe there is some way her situation can fall within the laws of the church based on her situation, especially if the two had not previously been married and are both free to marry in the church. How hard can it be to get a marriage blessed if the two are already free to marry in the Catholic Church?

 

[Seatuck]

Dear Carrie,
They have been in relationship for over 5 years. And they were wrong because they thought that an annulment can be settled later because of the very difficult situation. So, when they wanted to go to the next step then they want to get annulment first. The man had spoken to his first wife and asked about annulment, and she told him that once she tried to get one but it was rejected. So, they thought that his annulment would be rejected too. Some people told them to get married to another church. But both don’t want because they are strong with their catholic faith.
If his annulment would be rejected, should they forget about their relationship??

If his ex wife tried to get an anullment he would know about it as he would have been contacted for his statement. She must not have filed at all. He should go ahead and do so. There are no guarantees. He may be validly married to this first woman. He should immediately go to he Priest. He needs to go to confession and separate from this second woman if they are living together.

 

[wina]

If his ex wife tried to get an anullment he would know about it as he would have been contacted for his statement. She must not have filed at all. He should go ahead and do so. There are no guarantees. He may be validly married to this first woman. He should immediately go to he Priest. He needs to go to confession and separate from this second woman if they are living together.

Hi Seatuck,

He has been seperated from his first wife over 11 years and never contacted until he wanted to file annulment. He tried to contact her through her second husband etc until he got her phone no.
He went to the priest and that’s why he knew that he should contact his first wife. And for her second woman, I told you before that they don’t do premarital sex and they don’t live together. They have a strong faith about catholic. So, if he couldn’t get annulment, you consider them to forget their relationship??Is there no way out for this situation??

 

[BlaineTog]

If the man was validly married to his wife, then no divorce is possible and he cannot consider marrying or even dating someone else.

 

[wina]

If the man was validly married to his wife, then no divorce is possible and he cannot consider marrying or even dating someone else.

Well, if it’s happened then both of them would be hurt. It’s a very tough one for catholic faith.

 

[BlaineTog]

Yeah, it’s definitely a sucky situation all around.

 

[imeldaglz]

No, marriage is a holy sacrament not just a legal or court ceremony. A judge can’t give you a sacrament, you have to be married by a priest (or I think deacon).

My prayers for you in your struggle, it’s not easy but you can do it. Make sure both of you (if he’s Catholic) go to confession and pray together often to ask Jesus for His help.

Try to avoid situations where you’re alone in private with your boyfriend - even if you’re living together ask him to sleep in another room or on the couch or something.

ok but what if he seems to believe that he can confess straight to God right now his back away from the church cuz of his job and friend, he curses alot and say sexual jokes with in his friends like thet are gay it bothers me alot but i know that he can change he says he is trying but when he is ready he will confess to God he questions me alot about why the priest he is human. you know its his friends that influence him and makes it hard for him. i told him I was going to go to confession I told him we weren’t going to have sex I want to have my live straight with God regarless. but I have been faith that he is going to relialize that im going a totally different way and I have told him before I will leave you, if you cant change becuase been with him theirs temptation, and lust and influences me to get off track.