Married man, single female friend

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ok, so I was chatting with my best friend today and she told me that her husband asked her to buy a birthday gift for one his bussiness co-workers/friend since he will see her next week when he is in the city and plans on taking this friend out for a birthday dinner. This friend just happens to be a very attractive single female. Now, he has worked with her for several years, my friend has met her many times and thinks she is a very nice lady.(her husband will already be in the city for work reasons which is why he did not invite his wife to come along) . He meets up with her for lunch from time to time as well. My friend however does think it is a bit odd, that her husband is taking a single woman out to a birthday dinner by himself. even though he did tell her. her husband thinks it is the same as hanging out with a guy friend.🤷

Now, I trust my hubby completly but I think if he was taking a single woman out to a birthday dinner without me I would feel weird about it. I mean, to outsiders it would appear to be a date. :cool:This is what I told my friend. She agreed, but doesn’t want to make a big deal about it.😊 She thinks her husband will get anoyed, since he doen’t think it is a big deal at all.

So I was just wondering, what do others feel about this? Any married men who would like to comment?
 
My first thought is “Danger WILL ROBINSON!”

This “relationsip” is asking for trouble.

However, there should be allowance for prudence and understanding in every marriage. From what you discribed this is a one time event.

This may or may or may not be a good situation, it depends on the guy and his intentions and the girl and her intentions.

The wife could see how he reacts to a “Oh, I’d love to join you for that lunch I haven’t seen ‘cathy’ in so long!”

If he’s normally a thoughtful considerate guy I wouldn’t have too much worry. He’s inviting her to lunch in a public place.
 
Purplesunshine wrote:*He’s inviting her to lunch in a public place. *

no, he is taking her out to dinner (in the city).:cool:
 
Hmmm… sounds a lot like what Sanford recently described to me.
 
Luvs2Learn said:
Purplesunshine wrote:*He’s inviting her to lunch in a public place. *

no, he is taking her out to dinner (in the city).:cool:
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well lunch or dinner I still assume they’ll be eating (and therefore they’ll be associating) in a restraunt. Correct? If he’s going to some private hotel and they’re eating in the room than that changes everything. Not the difference between lunch and dinner:rolleyes:
 
IMO, it doesn’t sound good. Some people (not going to blame “only” men!) just don’t think nor consider the ramifications of how things may appear. They’re not what my friends and I call, “situationally aware.”

While I’m sure he probably has the best intentions at heart … single friend,birthday, let’s take her to dinner so she won’t be alone!

Uhm. No. Not considering his situation. If he were single, maybe. But he’s not.

I don’t get some people. Honestly. They’re just not thinking. 😦
 
*Lunch I think is fine…two people working in the same office grab a bite to eat. Making special birthday plans though with a single female friend, without me? What’s the purpose?

If I were single, I wouldn’t WANT to have dinner with married men. I just think that it’s not the best use of a single woman’s time, or a married man’s time.

I trust my husband and he trusts me, but it’s just not something we would do. *
 
No, definitely not “ok”. If it were strictly a business meeting, it’d be alright. But the fact that this friend is young and attractive? And it’s for her birthday? Nooo.
 
I don’t think that it is a big deal. When you travel for business it is pretty common to meet with colleagues for dinner. The fact that she is attractive, female, and single just means you should have different limits, like maybe skipping the alcohol.
 
it seems like most of you agree with the response I said to my friend.
 
It wouldn’t bother me, nor would it bother my dh if the situation were reversed. But we have complete trust in one another.
 
I wouldn’t assume the worst here or make too much more of this than what it is. Men and women can have pure friendships and the Church encourages such. If it is just a lunch in a public place for this friend’s birthday and if both are honorable people, especially the husband, there’s nothing really to fear. Now if one or both of them were feeling something for each other, that’s a totally different story. But I don’t see that being the case here, from at least what you’ve said.
 
*I don’t think it’s about trust for me…when I mull it over. My husband and I have always had trust for one another. For me, it boils down to one question–would this edify my marriage? The answer is no. I tend to only do things (anymore) that edify my marriage. I think my thoughts come from a time when my husband and I were separated, and I was very selfish back then, and so now, I always ask myself the question…is what I’m about to do, say, etc… going to edify my marriage? Having dinner with a single guy would not edify my marriage…or a married one for that matter. Unless we were getting together to do something FOR my husband, like plan a party for him or it was business of some nature…it wouldn’t be edifying to me.

Just my two cents. *
 
*And I think that it can be edifying to have wholesome friendships…but, people think that affairs start out of the blue. Like someone wakes up one day and says…“I’m going to have an affair today!” haha No. It happens just like this…a lunch…a dinner…confiding in someone of the opposite sex…and pretty soon…you’re falling in love. I have seen many friends and family members start off with “innocent” lunches and dinners…that led to affairs. Some, not even sexual, but they took their focus off of their marriages, and placed it on the “friendship.”

I think that we are called to be kind, giving, etc to all we meet, but not naive. I have been asked out during my marriage, by married men. I’m no longer naive into thinking that because someone has a ring on his finger, they would never cross the line.

To the OP–Your friend probably has nothing to concern herself with…if she’s comfortable, I’d let it go…but, I’m just sharing some thoughts of my own. From observations I have had in my life…with people I knew who cultivated affairs out of “meaningless” dinners. Just food for thought.*
 
whatevergirl said:
*And I think that it can be edifying to have wholesome friendships…but, people think that affairs start out of the blue. Like someone wakes up one day and says…“I’m going to have an affair today!” haha No. It happens just like this…a lunch…a dinner…confiding in someone of the opposite sex…and pretty soon…you’re falling in love. I have seen many friends and family members start off with “innocent” lunches and dinners…that led to affairs. Some, not even sexual, but they took their focus off of their marriages, and placed it on the “friendship.”

I think that we are called to be kind, giving, etc to all we meet, but not naive. I have been asked out during my marriage, by married men. I’m no longer naive into thinking that because someone has a ring on his finger, they would never cross the line.

To the OP–Your friend probably has nothing to concern herself with…if she’s comfortable, I’d let it go…but, I’m just sharing some thoughts of my own. From observations I have had in my life…with people I knew who cultivated affairs out of “meaningless” dinners. Just food for thought.*
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you raise many good points, whatevergirl. I think you hit the nail on the head. It is not about “complete trust” but rather how does this “help ones marriage”.
 
While it could be problematic, and certainly could look problematic I also think you should not stir up any discord in your friend’s marriage by feeding her concerns with some of the comments from others made here for example. Certainly be a good listener and sympathetic to her concerns but I wouldn’t add anything that would add fear or distrust of her husband - she needs to handle the situation as she sees fit for her marriage.
 
My bf and I have friends of the opposite sex…Most are married but some are still single… I am in a serious relationship, GOD willing with marriage on the way, we don’t normally go out “alone” with our single-opposite sex- friends, since we have been dating going out with our friends of the opposite has felt a little weird and it really doesn’t feel right…Even though our intentions are just friends, still kind of feels weird, as if my bf should be with me, you know?! So we don’t have those often. Usually to catch up it’s a once in a great while thing, other wise we would all go out together…

Business wise, we have luncheons sometimes at work, male coworkers and female coworkers eating out together, sometimes I see married men going “out” to lunch with femaile single coworkers but, again it’s during business hours to a public place, doesn’t seem wrong. One of my friends is single and was on a daily basis going “out” to lunch with a married co-worker, at first I thought it was cool you know 2 coworkers conversing but when I found out that’s how he got with his new wife, and left his first wife for her, kind of raised some flags there…When she found out, 7 months later, about how he met his new wife and how he left his first wife for this woman, she felt uncomfortable going out to lunches with him. Even though he told her “just friends-coworkers” she didn’t want to deal with the new wife drama…I mean this girl is super young, in her early 20’s and this man is in his late 30’s, that’s how he met his new wife, while she tempted here, she literally tempted him, always going out to lunch, and even after work activities…together…So she was not willing to hear the whole “I don’t want you near my man!” Thing…And somehow his wife found out and the drama began…She stopped talking to him except for hi and bye… Really ugly stuff there.

If your friend’s hubby has known this woman for many years and is a good friend, I don’t think there should be a problem, in either case, if I were your friend I would definitely tell him “Hey you know what I need a break from all this, let me join you that day, you know so I can get out and then we can meet with your friend so and so for lunch and celebrate her bday in grand style!” See what he says… If he jumps at the thought then she needs to read between the lines and do something about it, if he doesn’t then she should join him and have a great time or just after words pretend she’s not feeling well so she doesn’t have to go after all…

I do wish her luck and GOD bless to you all. I just don’t think if this girl is anything but a once in a while coworker or excoworker that it’s a good idea for your friend’s hubby to see her…at least not alone.

Take care and KIT, hope it works out for the best…
 
Luvs2Learn said:
you raise many good points, whatevergirl. I think you hit the nail on the head. It is not about “complete trust” but rather how does this “help ones marriage”.
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*Exactly. My dh and I have ‘together’ friends and our own friendship circles. But, he wasn’t taking women out for their birthdays. I personally have never had trust issues, neither has my husband…but this I know–only do things and say things that edify your marriage. I have been separated before, and to think that by not asking myself that enough, I almost lost my marriage, is a painful memory for me. Going out on the town, alone, with people of the opposite sex, whether single or married, attractive or not, will not edify your marriage.

AND NO FRIENDSHIP comes before my marriage.

I’m not trying to change anyone’s mind who thinks otherwise, these are just my thoughts.*
 
rayne89 said:
While it could be problematic, and certainly could look problematic I also think you should not stir up any discord in your friend’s marriage by feeding her concerns with some of the comments from others made here for example. Certainly be a good listener and sympathetic to her concerns but I wouldn’t add anything that would add fear or distrust of her husband - she needs to handle the situation as she sees fit for her marriage.
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I agree…let her come to her own decision, OP.
 
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