Married people seeing singles as immature

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Some people are introverted, shy…not good at meeting people.
 
There are also plenty of people who marry fairly young for immature reasons, and fancy themselves all grown up just because they went through that rite of passage. Then they struggle along for a short time or a long time, and end up divorced, because they never really knew what marriage really means and/or went into it ill-prepared. I know some people in late 20s or 30ish who’ve divorced this year and it’s really sad. In one case there are little children suffering.

A person, single or married, is immature or mature regardless of their marital status. :twocents:
 
We’ve had several on the forum who insist they want to be married but due to things, that aren’t readily apparent, like Aspberger’s and such, don’t have the social skills necessary.

Some have really suffered. We have people who actually pray, pray, and pray for a suitable marriage partner, are constantly asking for our prayers that they will, this year, find their “better half”.

So, we pray along with them.

Isn’t there a group on CAF dedicated to this…praying for a marriage partner?

Some are voluntarily single and others are, what I’d call, “involuntarily single”.

I’ve even known some who are religious people, just not formally in an order…who choose not to marry in order to better serve God.
 
For years, when I used to make a wish when I blew out the candles on my birthday cake, my wish was generally that I’d find someone for myself. I think I used to also pray for that, too.

Although since, I have tried to accept it. I’ve stopped praying for a man, stopped wishing, but I continue to hope.
 
I think it’s a matter of Romanticism. Some people want so badly to be deep in love, and others feel it’s too emotionally painful to endure all those breakups until the right one comes along. Modern life has effectively promoted anti-romanticism and materialism, both of which are decreasing marriage and birth rates.
 
We can actually be in a city with hundreds of thousands, even millions of people but still be, in many ways, extraordinarily isolated. Ironic but true.
 
I remember my supervisor saying of late that the increasing rate of homosexuality is making it even harder on people to find marriage partners, in her opinion. So, even though there are some men and women, some are basically…unavailable.

There are just a bunch of factors all coming together.
 
I certainly hope married people who think this way are in the minority. I’m in college, and I definitely want to get married and start a family some day. However, I need to focus on my education first. I’m not into partying, so their argument is invalid.
 
ClearWater said:
I remember my supervisor saying of late that the increasing rate of homosexuality is making it even harder on people to find marriage partners, in her opinion. So, even though there are some men and women, some are basically…unavailable.

There are just a bunch of factors all coming together.
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I don’t think there’s really an increase in homosexuality. It’s just that society has become more accepting, and so homosexual people more openly identify as such. Either way, it’s still a really small number of people, like 1-3%.
 
If marriage forced people to become mature, we wouldn’t have such a high divorce rate. Some of the most mature people I know are the ones who skipped the marriage that wouldn’t have worked and waited for one that would, not to mention those who are too busy serving God to give the proper amount of time to a spouse and family, and so have held off on seeking marriage.
 
ClearWater said:
We can actually be in a city with hundreds of thousands, even millions of people but still be, in many ways, extraordinarily isolated. Ironic but true.
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yea it’s mind blowing, that’s why I like to visit family over in europe who live in a village, i can go around the town of a few thousand and people will talk to me. Here in the city it can get very stifling and lonely due to the rush.
 
JorduSpeaks said:
I don’t think there’s really an increase in homosexuality. It’s just that society has become more accepting, and so homosexual people more openly identify as such. Either way, it’s still a really small number of people, like 1-3%.
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I am not sure of the stats, if there is an increase or not. I’ve known a number of even bisexual people, and I just don’t think it was as prevalent. It’s just an impression.

Where I live, especially, it is SO common and obvious. I just think it must have increased. Depends on one’s city. In some cities, there is a very high rate of homosexuality. If one lives in one of those, it’s more of a factor, to be sure, even if it’s only a few points. A few points is a few points.

A few percentage points (even just 1-3% points) one way or the other doesn’t sound like a big deal, insignficant, but it is very signficant. It makes a difference in a lot of people’s lives, will determine whether they will be able to find a partner or not.

In some cities, looking online at the stats, it can be as high as 5.4% (couples living together in same-sex relationships by self report, but numbers could be even higher). That, to me, is significant.
 
ClearWater said:
I am not sure of the stats, if there is an increase or not. I’ve known a number of even bisexual people, and I just don’t think it was as prevalent. It’s just an impression.

Where I live, especially, it is SO common and obvious. I just think it must have increased.
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I’m not sure there’s ever been a study on sexuality that I would regard as reliable. I think there’s a fair point that 100 years ago a gal like me would likely have been bundled off into a marriage to a nice man and no one would have thought anything about it. 50 years ago the pressure to marry would still be high but if not one could merely end up as a spinster, again with no word of homosexuality breathed.
 
DarkLight said:
As a single person, I naturally find the implications here rather frustrating. How should one respond to such things?
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I simply smirk and recall the number of ridiculously childish beliefs held by people of the pro-marriage/pro-family demographic. :cool: It’s a good case for obscuring the definition of ‘mature.’

I mean, so what if I entertain the idea of sex without commitment? Does this really make me less of a developed human being as you are? Does this automatically mean I’m dumber, less socially adept, or less mentally/physically capable? 🤷
 
Lost_Wanderer said:
I simply smirk and recall the number of ridiculously childish beliefs held by people of the pro-marriage/pro-family demographic. :cool: It’s a good case for obscuring the definition of ‘mature.’

I mean, so what if I entertain the idea of sex without commitment? Does this really make me less of a developed human being as you are? Does this automatically mean I’m dumber, less socially adept, or less mentally/physically capable? 🤷
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I’m really not sure what you’re on about lately. The Catholic belief is that all of us are called to chastity according to our station. It is spiritually immature for a person to want commitment-free sex, whether they are single or married. Immaturity does not imply any of the things you mentioned, either - there are plenty of smart, socially adept, immature people. What makes them immature is that they are still in the me-focused nature of childhood.

This is not a thread for discussion of whether or not we agree with the standards of chastity and purity that the Church teaches us, and I would prefer to not have yet another thread sidetracked.
 
Lost_Wanderer said:
I simply smirk and recall the number of ridiculously childish beliefs held by people of the pro-marriage/pro-family demographic. :cool: It’s a good case for obscuring the definition of ‘mature.’

I mean, so what if I entertain the idea of sex without commitment? Does this really make me less of a developed human being as you are? Does this automatically mean I’m dumber, less socially adept, or less mentally/physically capable? 🤷
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I’ll help you out with that–the answer is “yes.”

If a man wants to use women’s bodies for pleasure, with no consideration for the women’s physical or psychological well-being, and with no consideration for potential children’s welfare, and if he chooses to spend his abundant free time and financial resources on selfish amusements while complaining about why everybody else doesn’t cater to all of his needs, why yes, that does make him a less developed human being than a responsible, loving, capable father of a family who lives a life of devoted service to others.

That’s not a tricky question. (Now, it might be trickier if the single person was chastely following the Pauline vision of a single life of service, and if the married man was selfish and lazy and abusive.)
 
3DOCTORS said:
There are also plenty of people who marry fairly young for immature reasons, and fancy themselves all grown up just because they went through that rite of passage. Then they struggle along for a short time or a long time, and end up divorced, because they never really knew what marriage really means and/or went into it ill-prepared. I know some people in late 20s or 30ish who’ve divorced this year and it’s really sad. In one case there are little children suffering.

A person, single or married, is immature or mature regardless of their marital status. :twocents:
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Yes.

If marriage automatically makes one mature why is there so much divorce?

Marriage demands maturity I get it but it does not automatically make one mature.
 
Xantippe said:
I’ll help you out with that–the answer is “yes.”

If a man wants to use women’s bodies for pleasure, with no consideration for the women’s physical or psychological well-being, and with no consideration for potential children’s welfare, and if he chooses to spend his abundant free time and financial resources on selfish amusements while complaining about why everybody else doesn’t cater to all of his needs, why yes, that does make him a less developed human being than a responsible, loving, capable father of a family who lives a life of devoted service to others.

That’s not a tricky question. (Now, it might be trickier if the single person was chastely following the Pauline vision of a single life of service, and if the married man was selfish and lazy and abusive.)
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And sadly enough I know plenty of people, some my own cousins’ offspring, and some of those graduates of Catholic schools, who are living hedonistically - partying, going to concerts and sports events (occasionally posting some pix of their drunken antics on Facebook), having all the luxuries - and either cohabiting or who knows what.

They’re definitely in no great hurry to “settle down” and would probably laugh or blow me off if I tried to point out that the YOLO philosophy of life isn’t going to get them to Heaven or probably even to a truly happy and stable marriage. (Although they would probably think a marriage by society’s standards, where birth control is used to make sure that the kids don’t put too much dent in the family’s budget for material pleasures, is a “happy” marriage, and after all isn’t the point of life to be happy above all?)

They’re pleasant enough people in everyday life, and all I can do is pray for them and lead by example. Sometimes it’s frustrating to watch, though. I remember our Grandma who was such a devout Catholic and wonder if she’s rolling over in her grave. But then I think - no, she’s interceding for them, and I feel comforted by that.
 
SuperLuigi said:
Hold on…could be a conversation worth having. 🙂
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This is sort of my approach as well. A lot of times it comes across as thoughtless more than deliberately rude. Usually it’s not directed at anyone, but more that sort of careless conversation that’s not taking into account who’s around (say, sitting at a table with three married grad students who are talking about the subject in complete oblivion).
 
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