Married, so why do I "feel" lonely?

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TeachCatechism said:
You probably don’t satisfy him in any way anymore. He probably thinks you’re lazy (might be true or not)and perhaps you’re a fat slob (just being honest). He may even resent you. My advice? stop homeschooling, get a part time job and work on your looks. You’ll probably see a difference in how you are treated. I see you are working on your looks, that is a start. You probably don’t stimulate him intellectually, this is why you need outside activities.
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Wow. So much hate.
 
TeachCatechism said:
He’s not Catholic and I don’t talk to him anymore. I don’t know if the OP is a fat slob and lazy but this is why my friend (well I really don’t talk to him anymore)lost interest in his wife. Men are visual creatures and if he’s not attracted to his wife he may go elsewhere. I don’t agree but I know a lot of strippers and guess who most of their customers are? married men. So yes it is possible her husband feels this way. It’s harsh but reality. It’s why she may consider outside activities.
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But saying the OP is or could be a “fat slob” is incredibly insulting, and does nothing to help her, when she is already suffering from low self esteem issues. If men are visual creatures, the OP’s husband needs to tell his wife this and he should stop expecting her to be a mind reader. Lack of communication from his side is certainly not the OP’s fault.

As Irishmom2 says, you should apologise to the OP. You need to be more considerate and respectful.
 
TeachCatechism said:
Like I said, I had a friend complain about this wife so it’s more common than you think. It could be coincidence but after dealing with my friend (who keeps wanting to have an affair with me)nothing surprises me. The fact is many men need intellectual stimulation and if they aren’t getting it from the wife they’ll get it elsewhere. That’s why the wife needs outside hobbies, like a job, college or something. My friend’s wife doesn’t do anything but take care of the kids, cook and clean.
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Ah, now I see why you hate SAHMs so much. You are being drawn into being the other woman. Your friend is grooming you for adultery by making his wife sound like a boring slob. Adulterous men are liars.
 
jmjZelie said:
Ah, now I see why you hate SAHMs so much. You are being drawn into being the other woman. Your friend is grooming you for adultery by making his wife sound like a boring slob. Adulterous men are liars.
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Nope he’s too unattractive for me and I don’t date married men.
 
Lou2U said:
But saying the OP is or could be a “fat slob” is incredibly insulting, and does nothing to help her, when she is already suffering from low self esteem issues. If men are visual creatures, the OP’s husband needs to tell his wife this and he should stop expecting her to be a mind reader. Lack of communication from his side is certainly not the OP’s fault.

As Irishmom2 says, you should apologise to the OP. You need to be more considerate and respectful.
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Why is it I have to be more considerate when Irishmom called me names? Childless women here are attacked often but if we state facts then we are called names. OP should ask her husband but should also get outside activities to make her feel better.
 
TeachCatechism said:
Nope he’s too unattractive for me and I don’t date married men.
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I will be sure to disregard anything you ever say to me on this forum ever again. Your posts have to be the most unpleasant things I have ever read.
 
jmjZelie said:
Wow. So much hate.
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Yes I hate that so many married men hit on me because they don’t find their wives attractive. Not my fault, these men are evil. The women often don’t know this and need to learn things like this happen.
 
TeachCatechism said:
Like I said, I had a friend complain about this wife so it’s more common than you think. It could be coincidence but after dealing with my friend (who keeps wanting to have an affair with me)nothing surprises me. The fact is many men need intellectual stimulation and if they aren’t getting it from the wife they’ll get it elsewhere. That’s why the wife needs outside hobbies, like a job, college or something. My friend’s wife doesn’t do anything but take care of the kids, cook and clean.
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ALL she does is care for HIS children, cook all of HIS meals, and clean and maintain HIS house??? :eek: Where in the h*** is she going to find time to do anything else. :rolleyes: Do you even know what caring for children and cooking, cleaning and maintaining a home for a family entails? Lord have mercy on your horrid friends, wanting to commit adultery for such a asinine reason. They are grossly immature and should have remained single instead of making vows and commitments they aren’t able to keep! :mad:

Oh by the way I suggest you make new friends and change your own ways of thinking and living before you wind up like them.
 
jmjZelie said:
I will be sure to disregard anything you ever say to me on this forum ever again. Your posts have to be the most unpleasant things I have ever read.
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I doubt that. I’ve read posts from atheists attacking the church. Why are they even on a Catholic site?
 
Convert_in_99 said:
ALL she does is care for HIS children, cook all of HIS meals, and clean and maintain HIS house??? :eek: Where in the h*** is she going to find time to do anything else. :rolleyes: Do you even know what caring for children and cooking, cleaning and maintaining a home for a family entails? Lord have mercy on your horrid friends, wanting to commit adultery for such a asinine reason. They are grossly immature and should have remained single instead of making vows and commitments they aren’t able to keep! :mad:

Oh by the way I suggest you make new friends and change your own ways of thinking and livening before you wind up like them.
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I don’t talk to him anymore. She has time to do outside activities (like when he’s at work)she chooses not to. Not my problem but I blocked him because he had his chance with me, he had views I didn’t so we didn’t end up together.
 
jmj777 said:
Firstly, please don’t tell me that the situation could be so much worse and I should be thankful that there’s no abuse or infidelity. I am thankful and maybe I’m just asking for too much.

I know that I’m a very sensitive person and my needs may be unrealistic. Married over 15 years with 4 kids. Husband works stressful job; I’m a SAHM who homeschools. I’ve been feeling lonely in my marriage, like he treats me like a sister who he happens to “get together with” when he feels the need.

I’ve been feeling extremely unattractive as a result. He does not express an interest in me physically like he used to (a slap on the bottom, etc.). I’ve lost a lot of weight and I feel he may not be attracted to me anymore. He doesn’t express interest in me emotionally either.

I’ve become completely obsessed with improving my looks. I’ve started exercising to tone up – perhaps that will make him interested. I’ve overhauled my whole modestwardrobe to try to be more appealing. I’ve recently taken to wearing yoga pants that accentuate my figure and he showed an interest in me on that first day of wearing them. He gave me exactly what I needed that day by showering me with attention, affection, and interest; telling me how nice I looked, etc. So, I know he is *capable *of giving me the attention that I need.

We then talked about “outdoing” the love we show each other, etc. etc. etc. I immediately started to text him loving messages at work and telling him how interested I was in him and how wonderful he was. His responses were more like “me, too.” He came home and spent his time doing yardwork. No special attention, no flirty behavior, nothing. I changed my clothes to something more revealing. No difference.

I feel like a sister who cleans, cooks, cares for the kids; here when he “physically” needs me and then back to a sibling relationship.

He says he hasn’t lost interest in me and that he still loves me. But his actions tell me otherwise. He just shut off, like a light switch. I tell him that the way he treated me on the first “yoga pants” day was exactly what I needed to help arouse my desire and feel wanted. He continues to say he’ll “work” on doing better, but nothing has changed.

I’ve asked him to come to a marriage retreat, spend time away with me, or to see a counselor, so that maybe we could focus on just each other. He says it’s something I need to work out about myself.

I feel so disconnected, so lonely. This situation affects my whole day and mood that I’m crying at the drop of a hat, snapping at the kids, etc. I know the situation can be worse, but I am so confused as to what I feel is his emotional/physical distance.

Peace.

+JMJ+
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It seems to me that this may be a case of different love languages. You prefer affection and compliments and your husband shows affection by going to work and working in the yard.

You are not alone in this. My husband feels connected to me if I take an interest in college sports (which I would never have thought of in a million years) and I feel affection when my husband offers to pick up the kids from school and does the Costco shopping (which sounds silly I am sure).

Have you ever read this book? amazon.com/Love-Languages-Secret-that-Lasts/dp/080241270X/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1443298780&sr=1-1&keywords=love+languages

Also, I highly recommend The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands:
amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_3_8?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=the+proper+care+and+feeding+of+husbands&sprefix=The+prop%2Cstripbooks%2C246
 
TeachCatechism said:
Why is it I have to be more considerate when Irishmom called me names? Childless women here are attacked often but if we state facts then we are called names. OP should ask her husband but should also get outside activities to make her feel better.
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What, exactly, did Irishmom2 call you? All she said was you aren’t being nice and you aren’t being particularly helpful to the OP. And she’s right; calling people “fat slobs” is neither helpful nor nice.

Even so, why can’t you admit that something you said wasn’t polite or charitable? You aren’t being very mature right now. You should be more considerate because it’s the right thing to do.

BTW, I’m a childless woman. This thread isn’t even about childless women. You are not stating facts, you are insulting the OP without any basis.

Lou
 
TeachCatechism said:
I doubt that. I’ve read posts from atheists attacking the church. Why are they even on a Catholic site?
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I’d take a dozen athiests over one you any day. Not to mention many of the non believers are quite charitable on these forums. They disagree maybe but they do it respectfully and charitably. You on the other hand…:rolleyes:

You are attacking members of the Church (Christ’s Body) even more than they. There’s is often done in ignorance. You know full well what you are doing. You are a sick, sick, sick individual. 😦
 
Lou2U said:
What, exactly, did Irishmom2 call you? All she said was you aren’t being nice and you aren’t being particularly helpful to the OP. And she’s right; calling people “fat slobs” is neither helpful nor nice.

Even so, why can’t you admit that something you said wasn’t polite or charitable? You aren’t being very mature right now. You should be more considerate because it’s the right thing to do.

BTW, I’m a childless woman. This thread isn’t even about childless women. You are not stating facts, you are insulting the OP without any basis.

Lou
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She said I was a mean person. That’s name calling. Actually I was trying to be nice, I suggested her developing outside activities which is essential for intellectual growth.
 
lax16 said:
Losers like him are a dime a dozen. Steer clear.
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I blocked him but many other married men like him are always approaching me. It bothers me because they won’t leave me alone.
 
Convert_in_99 said:
I’d take a dozen athiests over one you any day. Not to mention many of the non believers are quite charitable on these forums. They disagree maybe but they do it respectfully and charitably. You on the other hand…:rolleyes:

You are attacking members of the Church (Christ’s Body) even more than they. There’s is often done in ignorance. You know full well what you are doing. You are a sick, sick, sick individual. 😦
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Actually how am I attacking the church? You are mean and attacking me. I’m not sick, I’m honest. Sick would be if I called someone names like calling them sick.
 
Lou2U said:
What, exactly, did Irishmom2 call you? All she said was you aren’t being nice and you aren’t being particularly helpful to the OP. And she’s right; calling people “fat slobs” is neither helpful nor nice.

Even so, why can’t you admit that something you said wasn’t polite or charitable? You aren’t being very mature right now. You should be more considerate because it’s the right thing to do.

BTW, I’m a childless woman. This thread isn’t even about childless women. You are not stating facts, you are insulting the OP without any basis.

Lou
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Yeah I want quite sure how the whole infertility thing got dragged into this either. I am rarely put down for my infertility on these forums. True I dont fit into a lot of conversations because of it, but they aren’t mean about it. That’s more of a jealousy thing on my part if anything. 🤷
 
Graceful_Lamb said:
I’m sorry you are going through this, OP. You have been doing a lot to improve yourself and your husband seems uninterested.

Maybe book a getaway (like a 3 day weekend) just for the two of you. Do you have family nearby that could babysit while you and your husband are away?
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This sounds like the best advice yet.

Mary.
 
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