Marrying a man twice your age

[ToeInTheWater]

We were also compatible in morals and values among many. But I did state how very important financial security is for me. There is nothing wrong with that. I also do not see anything wrong with him being attracted to me for my beauty. I have met his other ‘requirements’ (we all have them) of being conservative morally, a family woman, independent, kind, etc. There is just so much more between us besides what the public sees which would take too long to attenmpt to explain.

I hope I’m not crossing the bounds of charity here, but you did say before that you appreciate blunt opinions. So here goes…

“When people say it’s not about the money…it’s about the money.” It seems that while money isn’t the only reason you’d marry someone, you’d pretty much never consider anyone who wasn’t financially secure. And certainly, your boyfriend would be far from the first man who’d never marry a woman he wasn’t physically attracted to. Now, I won’t say it’s wrong, but both beauty and wealth are not permanent. Yes, I know your boyfriend is so rich he’d be able to retire today and be secure for the rest of his life…but he can’t take that wealth with him into heaven. Which really is the final goal, isn’t it?

I mean, I hope I don’t sound harsh, but you do realize that eventually you will NOT be beautiful, at least not in the worldly sense? Even if you are planning on going under the knife, that is not a permanent solution, and I personally would find it unthinkable to marry someone knowing he’d expect me to do that because beauty is important to him – not saying your boyfriend would, but so far, I really get the vibe from your posts that you’re both in this relationship because of what you can get out of it. And that includes the warm fuzzies that I’m sure you both feel around each other.

The problem is that the warm fuzzies will NOT be there forever, or at least you cannot guarantee they will be.

Now, considering what you’ve said before about the lack of mutual friends not being an issue because neither of you really have any friends, you may be saying right now, “but OF COURSE we’re both in it for what we can get out of it, that’s just human nature!” I hope I’m wrong, but I’m beginning to wonder. Maybe you’d be perfectly fine with a marriage that is just about mutual self-interest. Almost like an old-fashioned arranged marriage. But I think you’d be missing something. I mean, after all the feedback you’ve received, are you still honestly only concerned about what other people will think of this relationship?

 

[runwaymodel]

I hope I’m not crossing the bounds of charity here, but you did say before that you appreciate blunt opinions. So here goes…

“When people say it’s not about the money…it’s about the money.” It seems that while money isn’t the only reason you’d marry someone, you’d pretty much never consider anyone who wasn’t financially secure. And certainly, your boyfriend would be far from the first man who’d never marry a woman he wasn’t physically attracted to. Now, I won’t say it’s wrong, but both beauty and wealth are not permanent.

I mean, I hope I don’t sound harsh, but you do realize that eventually you will NOT be beautiful, at least not in the worldly sense? Even if you are planning on going under the knife, that is not a permanent solution, and I personally would find it unthinkable to marry someone knowing he’d expect me to do that because beauty is important to him – not saying your boyfriend would, but so far, I really get the vibe from your posts that you’re both in this relationship because of what you can get out of it.
.

I truly appreciate your honesty, so no worries there.
To address the bolded part 1st, I am sorry you feel that way and I am sure others get that impression as well. I have learned that no matter what one says it will not change anothers opinion once it is made up, so that is fine. I have to admit that I do find it a bit insulting.

As for never ‘considering someone who isn’t financially secure’–you are absolutely right. And again, that may sound very very vain but why is that wrong? I would also never consider someone who did not believe the same things I did, was not close to their family, or hated animals (because I adore them). And who is to say there is anything wrong with that either?

 

[Bearontherun]

As for never ‘considering someone who isn’t financially secure’–you are absolutely right. And again, that may sound very very vain but why is that wrong? I would also never consider someone who did not believe the same things I did, was not close to their family, or hated animals (because I adore them). And who is to say there is anything wrong with that either?

As a potential mother, I think it is natural and instinctual for you to look for someone who will be a good provider so that your family will be taken care of. That said, anyone “worth marrying” (for lack of a better term) rich should be worth marrying poor IMHO.

Sorry, I don’t want to sound harsh (please don’t take it that way) but how can you essentially say “Honey, I love you and want to marry you but if you were not financially secure, I would not be able to consider you.”

As for faith, the importance of family, loving care and respect for animals, etc., those are things that are much more important than the current state of his bank account IMHO.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

I actually haven’t made up my mind. After all, I don’t know either of you, except what you’ve stated about yourself earlier on this forum. And that included a topic where you pretty much admitted that you’d sold out in terms of the allure of secular success, as opposed to the spiritual realm. I realize that was a while ago and your spiritual journey hopefully is at a better point now.

However, what I find odd is, why you care so much about what other people would think about your relationship. I mean, maybe it’s just me, but people have accused me of various attitudes, sins, etc., in the past. Some of it was on target, some of it completely inaccurate. Well, the completely inaccurate accusations just have never bothered me. I just laugh it off, because I know it isn’t true. You keep going back to this, pretty much stating that it’s the Number One Problem here. I really can’t see myself being that concerned unless my real concern was, what if there was some truth to these assumptions?

There’s also more to being “compatible” than just meeting a set of “must-haves” that you check off a list. And actually, marriage isn’t even about compatibility (yeah, I’m not an eHarmony fan). As to the importance of issues like financial security, physical beauty, even little things like whether you both like animals or not. Let’s skip over all the worldly issues, what might happen in the next 10, 20, or even 30 years, and think, what is the ultimate purpose of marriage? At least, for Catholics (no I’m not one, but this is the impression I get)? It’s not just about whether someone will make you happy in this life. Not even about if you’re compatible enough to be parents together (though certainly that’s important in most Catholic marriages). It’s about “can this person help get me to heaven, and can I help get him to heaven?” And it’s pretty obvious that you can’t take material wealth with you into heaven. As for beauty, I’m pretty sure everyone will be beautiful in heaven, so that’s not important either.

If I was sure that a relationship had what it took to make both partners not just happy in this life, but holy in the next, then I really wouldn’t care what other people thought about it. What I’d want you to really think about is that.

 

[runwaymodel]

I do agree, ToeInTheWater, that I place a lot of importance on how others view my relationship. But you must understand, I feel this way about my attendance at Church too. (That goes for my career also). When I first started going I sincerely cared about how the other parishioners viewed me, and often times it was quite harshly. Not so much anymore because I am a regular now. Maybe its because I place too much significance on appearances. I don’t know… :ehh:

 

[PPeterson]

it makes sense to me. if you get to have the looks of a model and be rich, fairness dictates that you should at least be yoked to a senior citizen at age 30

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I have to say one other thing…

People are saying “There will come a time when you won’t be beautiful.” I’m sorry, what??? A beautiful woman is probably going to stay beautiful her entire life, only in different ways. I have known some women in their 60’s and 70’s who were models and they were breathtaking - and not because they had had facial work done. They took care of themselves and stayed in shape and their faces were not the blandness of youth but had much more depth, you know?

It sounds as if people are assuming that older people just go to pot and lose their looks, well, I disagree with this, and it’s not just shallowness and looking at externals. Life is beautiful in all stages.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

TRL, I’m certainly not saying that all older people go to pot. I was talking more about the kind of world the OP seems to live in, a superficial, secular world, not the world where people are deep enough to realize that there is more even to physical beauty than a wrinkle-free face or a DD cup size. The point is that the stereotypical “trophy wife” isn’t just hot, she’s young and hot, and when she’s not young anymore, she’s considered to be past her prime. She might still be pretty, but she doesn’t have the kind of sexual allure that gives her power over men. And it’s not unheard of for a 40 year old guy to marry a 20 year old girl, then dump her 20 years later for another 20 year old girl. Or at least find another 20 year old girl to be his mistress. I mean, how old is Hugh Hefner these days? He’s still gallivanting around with women young enough to not just be his daughters, but be his granddaughters.

Back to the OP: Okay, so you do think that perhaps you place too much importance on appearances. Well, are you worried about what people think of you because you just don’t like the idea of having a bad reputation? Or is it more in a sense of how a PR agent would think, that a bad reputation will somehow come back to bite you, perhaps close off business opportunities that would otherwise have been open? Or that these people will wind up doing something that goes against your interests?

See, from your posts, I sometimes wonder what exactly those “values” that you share with your boyfriend are. You seem to be in a situation where you expect to have it all; secular success and spiritual fulfillment. Maybe you’re so worried about what other think of you, because you don’t really know, yourself, who you really are. The successful runway model, or the devout Catholic woman? Which also makes me wonder, are you mature enough to get married to anyone right now, even a man your own age? I can confidently say that I was nowhere near ready to get married when I was twenty (and honestly, I don’t know if I am now), and that the person I am now is much different than the person I was back then.

Speaking of stereotypes, another old canard is that most marriage problems occur because a woman marries a man expecting to change him, and because a man marries a woman expecting her not to change. In terms of looks, you may look much the same in ten years, while your boyfriend will likely look much older. But in terms of personality, outlook, values; you may actually change much more in the next ten years than he will.

 

[runwaymodel]

it makes sense to me. if you get to have the looks of a model and be rich, fairness dictates that you should at least be yoked to a senior citizen at age 30

I adore the sense of humor of this forum.

 

[ToeInTheWater]

Just wanted to say, I apologize for my harshness to the OP earlier. I didn’t mean, runwaymodel, to suggest that you’re a superficial or selfish person, or that you don’t have true feelings for this man, was only marrying him for his money, etc. But, I will point out that this isn’t just about whether this is the right man for you, though that’s what most of this topic has focused on. It’s also about whether you’re the right woman for him.

Anyway, I think it may be time for me to shut it for a while…

 

[Young_Thinker]

They’ve only been dating for one year. They need more time IMO.

And what else are pre-Cana and the typical 6-month waiting period in many parishes really for? Having a year-long courtship is not exactly the same as marrying a showgirl in Las Vegas on a drunken night!

 

[EasterJoy]

I have to say one other thing…

People are saying “There will come a time when you won’t be beautiful.” I’m sorry, what??? A beautiful woman is probably going to stay beautiful her entire life, only in different ways. I have known some women in their 60’s and 70’s who were models and they were breathtaking - and not because they had had facial work done. They took care of themselves and stayed in shape and their faces were not the blandness of youth but had much more depth, you know?

It sounds as if people are assuming that older people just go to pot and lose their looks, well, I disagree with this, and it’s not just shallowness and looking at externals. Life is beautiful in all stages.

There are guys who are in the “get rid of the 40 and trade her in for two 20s” line of reasoning, and it has nothing to do with their wife’s looks. I suspect the guys just want to reassure themselves that they can attract a young thing. That’s not all guys, though. It’s just like the “golddiggers”, though…they’re out there.

The OP and the fellow she’s dating are both in the same boat where they have reason to be a little wary that someone would marry them for the wrong reasons. Those people are out there.

When a decent person starts dating someone who attracts people for the wrong reasons, those are the people who ask, “Am* I *dating this person for the wrong reasons?” If the OP were a golddigger, she wouldn’t be here asking us. Why would she have to fool us or impress us? She’d be circling her prey. That doesn’t mean she might not be star-struck by how a fellow with money and experience can treat her. It’s a prudent question for her to be asking herself.

I don’t know, I guess the OP has impressed me via unrelated posts that she is not a shallow person ready to compromise herself for money, in spite of having found herself suited for what can be a very shallow and compromising line of work. Likewise, I don’t think that every older guy with money who dates someone a lot younger is trolling for a woman he can dominate. Sometimes, though, if you’re open-minded, you just strike up a conversation and find what you didn’t expect. I think that’s what happened to them. Now they have some cans of worms to deal with.

 

[ILoveRoses]

I’ve had a tough time w/this post & have actually written & deleted a response a couple of times. I will try to summarize my (many) thoughts.

1. My first concern is this I have read your posts & feel that you think you are trying to convince us, but in reality, you are trying to convince yourself. I’m not the one who has to deal with this situation & I just get a strong sense that you think you are telling me, but really you are telling yourself.
2. Next, I noticed a remarkable change in my priorities & my view on life during my 24th year. I have always considered myself more mature than most of my peers & I always got along with people older than myself, but my maturity sky-rocketed when I was 24. I was somewhat of a different person & knew more about myself then. I don’t think you have hit that point yet.
3. There is a younger age difference between myself & my father than you & your bf. My father knows better than to ever date a 22 or so yr old girl. What does your own father think?? I don’t think that any young person looks up to a person that much older w/any sort of sexual desire, & the attraction always starts with another reason.
4. When I met my husband, I sadly realized we were in a small environment where his ex worked & she was well-liked. I had that split-second thought that if I pursued him, I would be an enemy to her & her friends & it would make life very hard. I knew instantly the moment I thought it that I didn’t care, no matter what the outcome. And I tend to worry about how people perceive me.

My hesitation lasted for a second. Your hesitation seems to be lasting quite a bit. You need to search your soul & really think this out.

I also know that with my husband, it did not matter if we lived in a shack, as long as we were together. Not that I wanted to live in a shack, or not be comfortable, but as long as he was with me, nothing mattered & I knew God would pave the way for us (and He always has!!). You don’t seem to view it this way, & that has me fearful for your true feelings towards this man. This is only my personal opinion, but if you truly loved him as you should love a person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you wouldn’t care what anybody else thought or what the future holds because you would know that your faith in God would take care of the details.

1. The age you are officially allowed to join AARP (American Association of Retired Persons) is 50!!! From what I can figure out, your bf is only a few short years away from that point. That may sound funny, but he has lived a lifetime ahead of you. He has been there & done that & you are only starting out.

You don’t know if he has any children out there that are older than you! He might not know it, but it sounds like it is possible that he could have fathered someone older than you & that does not seem reasonable to me.

Also, you will understand once you have your first child, but when you look into his/her eyes, you will be overwhelmed with the fear that your child might grow up without a mommy or a daddy. All of a sudden your own mortality will come into your mind & you will worry about the safety of yourself & your husband, for the sake of your children. I imagine the anxiety would weigh very heavily on you that their father could die of old age while they are still young.

You might be the one wrestling with them, taking bike rides alone, coaching soccer etc. He may not be able to physically do those things. Remember that you will have to marry, have kids, & then they grow up a bit to do those things. So it could be another 10 years before you are doing that, with his health worse at that point.

1. You previously said you are more mature & you have dabbled in finance as well as had life experiences in the world that have broadened your maturity, or something to that effect. I would bet any amount of money that although I did not do what you do in your job, my life experiences, culture shocks, & world-wide traveling is probably more than most in the world. Never for a moment would I look back & think that those experiences had me prepared to make such a large life decision as marriage to an older wealthy man. I was far too young to be able to compare my life to someone at that age with those life experiences. I can’t figure out why you don’t want to be young?? You are not convincing anyone that you can still be “young” & “act your age” while dating an older man.
2. Finally, I can’t imagine hanging out with a young 20 yo now, what would we have in common??? I mean regularly hanging out with someone like that. I’m not in any way the same person I was at that age & I would tire of hanging out with myself at that young age! Look at it this way, if you knew of a 47 yr old woman who was always out with a 22 yr old, wouldn’t that look a little weird? Wouldn’t you wonder why she kept doing that, or what was her purpose in constantly hanging out with a girl who was 25 yrs younger than she?? You would either think that something was wrong with that 22 yr old for always bringing her mother out with her, or something was wrong with that 47 yr old woman for not associating with people her own age. Either way, I’m pretty sure you would find it odd & wonder what on earth was wrong with one or both of them!

Just some things to think about. Marriage is so much more than it seems to you now. It is the hardest thing you will probably ever do (other than trying to raise your children the best that you can). And know this that Satan attacks marriage in a very harsh, & unrelenting way. He dearly loves to break up & destroy families & marriages & he will make it his goal to do so to you as well. He never stops & he gets into every little aspect of family life that he can. You must have an extremely strong foundation before you go down that road!

 

[Serap]

I hope I’m not crossing the bounds of charity here, but you did say before that you appreciate blunt opinions. So here goes…

“When people say it’s not about the money…it’s about the money.” It seems that while money isn’t the only reason you’d marry someone, you’d pretty much never consider anyone who wasn’t financially secure. And certainly, your boyfriend would be far from the first man who’d never marry a woman he wasn’t physically attracted to. Now, I won’t say it’s wrong, but both beauty and wealth are not permanent. Yes, I know your boyfriend is so rich he’d be able to retire today and be secure for the rest of his life…but he can’t take that wealth with him into heaven. Which really is the final goal, isn’t it?

I mean, I hope I don’t sound harsh, but you do realize that eventually you will NOT be beautiful, at least not in the worldly sense? Even if you are planning on going under the knife, that is not a permanent solution, and I personally would find it unthinkable to marry someone knowing he’d expect me to do that because beauty is important to him – not saying your boyfriend would, but so far, I really get the vibe from your posts that you’re both in this relationship because of what you can get out of it. And that includes the warm fuzzies that I’m sure you both feel around each other.

The problem is that the warm fuzzies will NOT be there forever, or at least you cannot guarantee they will be.

Now, considering what you’ve said before about the lack of mutual friends not being an issue because neither of you really have any friends, you may be saying right now, “but OF COURSE we’re both in it for what we can get out of it, that’s just human nature!” I hope I’m wrong, but I’m beginning to wonder. Maybe you’d be perfectly fine with a marriage that is just about mutual self-interest. Almost like an old-fashioned arranged marriage. But I think you’d be missing something. I mean, after all the feedback you’ve received, are you still honestly only concerned about what other people will think of this relationship?

Runwaymodel…it’s true that some men do not find women over age 40 attractive. Is your boyfriend one of them? Has he dated women his own age recently? Why don’t women his age find him attractive? Does he find them to be too demanding or jaded?

If so, then this is a big red flag for you.

Test him…point to women over 40 and ask him, “Do you think she’s beautiful / sexy?”

Ask him in a very casual way though…dont’ sound jealous, just curious.

Or try and bait him by saying, “Don’t you think it’s disgusting that so many women let themselves go especially after having kids?”

Or, “Do you think it’s ok that women get a mommy make-over after having babies?” (i.e., tummy tuck, breast augmentation)

See what his answers are and analyze them.

My husband still thinks I’m beautiful and I just turned 40…when I was young like you, I was always afraid of losing my looks, but what I’ve realized is that I’m beautiful now in other ways and I’m ok with losing my youthful appearance. It’s really not that big of a deal.

 

[Serap]

I have to say one other thing…

People are saying “There will come a time when you won’t be beautiful.” I’m sorry, what??? A beautiful woman is probably going to stay beautiful her entire life, only in different ways. I have known some women in their 60’s and 70’s who were models and they were breathtaking - and not because they had had facial work done. They took care of themselves and stayed in shape and their faces were not the blandness of youth but had much more depth, you know?

It sounds as if people are assuming that older people just go to pot and lose their looks, well, I disagree with this, and it’s not just shallowness and looking at externals. Life is beautiful in all stages.

I’m 40 and men and women still tell me I’m beautiful…(for my age of course )

 

[VonDerTann]

I’ve never really left, although 1) OP ignored me after a fashion; and with rare exception 2) this thread became i) a ‘girl-thread’ where everyone blathered about how women can be beautiful as they age, and ii) a mutual love-in about how age-gap marriages can work.

I’m kidding.

Maybe.

Sure, age gap marriages can work. But to those for whom it has, consider this: This board, merely by attracting reasonably devout Catholics, is by nature going to attract those for whom such a marriage has worked out OK, simply because many posters here adhere to the Catholic view that marriage is for keeps. But all of the points some few have raised – me, Serap, ILoveRoses, etc. – about various red flags present for OP, are nonetheless valid, and OP never really addressed any of them. Moreover, an age gap is IMHO going to be a source of frustration, concern, etc., for anyone. It can be overcome - but my point is that it is such a source nonetheless.

Another thought: Does anyone remember the old poem “when I was one and twenty”? Google it. It’s a lovely little poem about a person who can’t begin to understand how immature they were at 21, and can’t be reasoned with (last line…“but I was one and twenty…no use to talk to me.”) IMHO very few people in their early 20s will say, “I’m less mature than most people my age.” No, they all think they’re more mature than their peers…but so few really are. Our grandfathers, at 21, were landing on the beaches at Normandy. OP – nor I, for that matter – can claim anything like THAT level of maturity.

So, to OP, I just find it noteworthy that despite 5+ pages of an internet therapy session (joke, please), you’re still not letting on how old you are, how old BF is, what his business is, how much $ he really has (or if you even really know), what your honest real life experiences are beyond being a “runway model” and “dabbling in finance,” etc. And to bring it back to earth, ladies, I’m completely unconvinced OP and BF are such a great pairing, if only because OP hasn’t reall answered many questions by the doubters.

Sorry to be a wet blanket.

 

[runwaymodel]

VonDerTann, I am attempting and have answered as many questions as I can. In some instances, I have repeated myself. I don’t see why I have to say my exact age or exactly how much money he makes. Why would that make such a difference? A person can easily google him or myself and I do not want that. I am trying to remain somewhat annonymous (like many of you, I am sure) and will not be telling my whole life story, as some of you can understand.
I am not saying that I will never change and that I am the most mature person in the world, I am simply saying I am more mature than people my age because I have been exposed to more at an earlier age.
I don’t think you are a ‘wetblanket’, VonDerTann, you are simply expressing your opinion. Happy Thanksgiving, by the way.

Serap, I am in fact, the youngest person he has dated. I am younger than his previous girlfriend by maybe 15 years. So it isn’t like he was looking for someone as young as myself. When we have discussed our future and marriage and kids, I would be the one who said ‘I would never let myself go’ and always be that ‘glamorous mom’ and he would tell me that it was silly. That me wearing heels while chasing a toddler would be unrealistic and I could trip. He keeps me grounded (like my family does when I visit them) because I can be somewhat vian. I hate admitting it but it is true.

------------------Ugh I just wrote an even longer reply and it got deleted because I had to log in again.----------------------------------

ILoveRose, My father has quite a few more years on the gentleman I am currently with. My dad actually has about 10 years on my Mom, and as I have stated before, my GrandFather had about 25 years on my Grandmother. So it is not at all awakward. My parents respect someone who respects me. The truth and funny thing is, my Dad would feel the same about any man at any age because to him, I am still his little girl. Its a dad thing.
I understand your concern about his health and future kids, etc. Believe me, I hear you all.

EasterJoy, You are completely right that there are a lot of gold diggers and people like Hugh Hefner out there, especially where I live. But I am not one of them. I am a good Catholic and want to enter a good marriage.
God Bless!

 

[Serap]

I’ve never really left, although 1) OP ignored me after a fashion; and with rare exception 2) this thread became i) a ‘girl-thread’ where everyone blathered about how women can be beautiful as they age, and ii) a mutual love-in about how age-gap marriages can work.

I’m kidding.

Maybe.

Sure, age gap marriages can work. But to those for whom it has, consider this: This board, merely by attracting reasonably devout Catholics, is by nature going to attract those for whom such a marriage has worked out OK, simply because many posters here adhere to the Catholic view that marriage is for keeps. But all of the points some few have raised – me, Serap, ILoveRoses, etc. – about various red flags present for OP, are nonetheless valid, and OP never really addressed any of them. Moreover, an age gap is IMHO going to be a source of frustration, concern, etc., for anyone. It can be overcome - but my point is that it is such a source nonetheless.

Another thought: Does anyone remember the old poem “when I was one and twenty”? Google it. It’s a lovely little poem about a person who can’t begin to understand how immature they were at 21, and can’t be reasoned with (last line…“but I was one and twenty…no use to talk to me.”) IMHO very few people in their early 20s will say, “I’m less mature than most people my age.” No, they all think they’re more mature than their peers…but so few really are. Our grandfathers, at 21, were landing on the beaches at Normandy. OP – nor I, for that matter – can claim anything like THAT level of maturity.

So, to OP, I just find it noteworthy that despite 5+ pages of an internet therapy session (joke, please), you’re still not letting on how old you are, how old BF is, what his business is, how much $ he really has (or if you even really know), what your honest real life experiences are beyond being a “runway model” and “dabbling in finance,” etc. And to bring it back to earth, ladies, I’m completely unconvinced OP and BF are such a great pairing, if only because OP hasn’t reall answered many questions by the doubters.

Sorry to be a wet blanket.

This has crossed my mind too that she is perhaps glossing over the negative and focusing on the positive comments only.

I personally think she’s already made up her mind and using us to convince herself that she’s with the right guy.

Who are we to convince her otherwise? I have pointed out valid red flags and either she will look at them or she won’t. Love is blind and youth is even more blind. She has a whole life ahead of her and her options are completely open.

I just hope she deosn’t make any decisions about marriage prior to age 25. Yes, there are a minority that married at 20 and are still happy, but the majority are not and are divorced by age 30.

Runwaymodel may think back to this thread wishing she had listened to some of us. She may also look back feeling glad she listened to some of us.

She’s so young though that if she broke-up with her boyfriend, she would have lots of time to grow and meet someone else. There’s really very little risk associated with her not being with this guy over the long haul. She’s so young.

 

[Serap]

Runwaymodel,

let you in on a little secret…when I was 22, I began dating a man 10 years older than me and he also had money. I wanted to marry him and I too thought I was mature and knew more than other’s my age…I had been living on my own since 18 after all.

At age 24, I broke it off and he chased after me for one year after that saying he loved me. I began to see cracks in his personality. I too was a trophy girlfriend for him.

After he and I broke-up, he continued to date girls in their early 20’s. Now he’s 50 and married to a woman who’s 30. His age gaps got bigger and bigger as the years went on. He wasn’t interested in dating women his own age. He found them to be…well…old.

He has 2 kids with this current wife and I hope they are happy. I could see Chris leaving her once she reaches middle age. That’s just the kind of guy he is.

 

[Bearontherun]

I think that taking a break from analyzing and agonizing to just pray about it and trust in the Lord is the best thing that you can do. When you are making this decision, you should be at peace and firmly believe that it is what God is calling you to do. Just be open to any possibilities He might send your way.

Now that I am happily married, I only wish I had spent less time worrying and more time praying and trusting in the Lord when I was about 23/24 as I prepared to discern these kinds of things.