D
DonnaNoble
Guest
Hello everyone. I’ve been lurking here for few days trying to find answers to my questions, but I’ve only found partial answers. So I figured I would post. I thank you for any help you may give.
First of all, I don’t know that I am going to marry. It’s just a guess and it’s got me thinking. Why? At Easter, a relative asked me about a ring I was wearing (implying it was an engagement ring). It is actually my grandmother’s ring and I let her know. I joked about it with my boyfriend and he whispered to me, “you know, that’s something we need to talk about.” He’s also asked me in the past week if I thought I would want to stay with him for the rest of our lives. He’s talking about us eventually retiring together, etc. So there are really strong hints, but we haven’t had a discussion yet. And I want to be prepared from a Catholic standpoint for a discussion.
In any case, here is the whole story. I am Catholic, was married before, divorced, and now have an annulment (have had one for a few years). I am in my mid 40s and my boyfriend is in his mid 50s. We’ve been dating for a full two years and are going into our third year of dating.
My boyfriend is also divorced. He’s not Catholic and he’s not baptized (he isn’t sure). He goes to church with me if we are together on Sundays. He’s agnostic as best we can figure (he won’t label himself, but he acts like Christ told people they should act). He used to go to what he called a Christian Church on occasion in the past.
I am not cannon lawyer, but I think his previous marriage would be invalid because his ex-wife was married before. She was his first wife, but he was her second husband (and she, not being Catholic, didn’t have an annulment from her first marriage). According to my boyfriend, her first husband was also not Catholic (and they had a civil ceremony).
Anyway, these recent comments of his got me thinking, what if he does propose, what do we need to do? Of course, it that happens I will speak to my priest, but I want to have an idea before hand for when my boyfriend and I have a talk about all this.
My guess is he would need an annulment or a even a ligamen. I would need permission from the bishop because he’s not Catholic and not baptized. Is that right?
I want to get married in the Church and I don’t think he’d have any problem with that, he’s very supportive of my faith (he helped keep me on track during Lent and makes sure I get to Church when we are visiting his family), but from what I’ve read, because he’s not baptized, our marriage wouldn’t be a sacrament. So that makes me wonder why I need to get married in the Church if it won’t be valid or a sacrament (even with the Bishop’s permission)?
I also wondered if we would need to do Pre-Cana. I am skeptical of Pre-Cana now because it really didn’t do me a lot of good back in the day and now, with our jobs and the stage of life we are at, it would be very hard to make it to classes. It was mostly about not fighting and getting along with your spouse and that wasn’t the issue in my first marriage. The issues that lead to annulment were a combination of fraud and total willful exclusion of marriage (neither by me-- I was short sighted and foolish falling for it all).Is there some way we could talk to a priest in lieu of pre-cana and maybe talk about Catholicism? Something like that?
Anyway, I am mulling all this over and just trying to get a feel for things. I need to figure out what I would need to do and what are my chances of the church even approving of a non-Catholic, divorced man. It’s concerning for me because he really is a good man, very supportive of me (and like I said my faith), neither of us were the ones who initiated our divorces, we both are firm believers in “death do us part,” and I think he makes me a better person and even a better Christian (and I have to think I am having a positive influence on him as well). I really would like to spend the rest of my life with him, we are best friends and help each other grow spiritually. It just feels right, in a way that my previous marriage did not.
When I start looking into all the rules, I start getting discouraged (and confused). Any help on some of my questions, advice, or even encouragement would be much appreciated.
First of all, I don’t know that I am going to marry. It’s just a guess and it’s got me thinking. Why? At Easter, a relative asked me about a ring I was wearing (implying it was an engagement ring). It is actually my grandmother’s ring and I let her know. I joked about it with my boyfriend and he whispered to me, “you know, that’s something we need to talk about.” He’s also asked me in the past week if I thought I would want to stay with him for the rest of our lives. He’s talking about us eventually retiring together, etc. So there are really strong hints, but we haven’t had a discussion yet. And I want to be prepared from a Catholic standpoint for a discussion.
In any case, here is the whole story. I am Catholic, was married before, divorced, and now have an annulment (have had one for a few years). I am in my mid 40s and my boyfriend is in his mid 50s. We’ve been dating for a full two years and are going into our third year of dating.
My boyfriend is also divorced. He’s not Catholic and he’s not baptized (he isn’t sure). He goes to church with me if we are together on Sundays. He’s agnostic as best we can figure (he won’t label himself, but he acts like Christ told people they should act). He used to go to what he called a Christian Church on occasion in the past.
I am not cannon lawyer, but I think his previous marriage would be invalid because his ex-wife was married before. She was his first wife, but he was her second husband (and she, not being Catholic, didn’t have an annulment from her first marriage). According to my boyfriend, her first husband was also not Catholic (and they had a civil ceremony).
Anyway, these recent comments of his got me thinking, what if he does propose, what do we need to do? Of course, it that happens I will speak to my priest, but I want to have an idea before hand for when my boyfriend and I have a talk about all this.
My guess is he would need an annulment or a even a ligamen. I would need permission from the bishop because he’s not Catholic and not baptized. Is that right?
I want to get married in the Church and I don’t think he’d have any problem with that, he’s very supportive of my faith (he helped keep me on track during Lent and makes sure I get to Church when we are visiting his family), but from what I’ve read, because he’s not baptized, our marriage wouldn’t be a sacrament. So that makes me wonder why I need to get married in the Church if it won’t be valid or a sacrament (even with the Bishop’s permission)?
I also wondered if we would need to do Pre-Cana. I am skeptical of Pre-Cana now because it really didn’t do me a lot of good back in the day and now, with our jobs and the stage of life we are at, it would be very hard to make it to classes. It was mostly about not fighting and getting along with your spouse and that wasn’t the issue in my first marriage. The issues that lead to annulment were a combination of fraud and total willful exclusion of marriage (neither by me-- I was short sighted and foolish falling for it all).Is there some way we could talk to a priest in lieu of pre-cana and maybe talk about Catholicism? Something like that?
Anyway, I am mulling all this over and just trying to get a feel for things. I need to figure out what I would need to do and what are my chances of the church even approving of a non-Catholic, divorced man. It’s concerning for me because he really is a good man, very supportive of me (and like I said my faith), neither of us were the ones who initiated our divorces, we both are firm believers in “death do us part,” and I think he makes me a better person and even a better Christian (and I have to think I am having a positive influence on him as well). I really would like to spend the rest of my life with him, we are best friends and help each other grow spiritually. It just feels right, in a way that my previous marriage did not.
When I start looking into all the rules, I start getting discouraged (and confused). Any help on some of my questions, advice, or even encouragement would be much appreciated.
Donna is my favorite of the “new” companions. I like how she grew into a caring and compassionate person. More so than the other companions, I can easily see her being a friend of mine. I really like Rory too, but I wasn’t about to pick his name for my screen name.