Marrying a non-catholic

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Discussing your faith is vital to have a successful marriage.
Here’s a link with multiple articles about interfaith marriages or mixed marriages.

foryourmarriage.org/search/search_results.asp?search=mixed+marriages

They are all from the US Catholic bishops new website called www.foryourmarriage.org Worth exploring all the different options there as well. Check it out. God bless you on trying to make this marriage work. Ask God for help by inviting Him to the wedding by doing it in church!!
 
boswell2k1 said:
An outside marriage. Yes, I realize this is a problem.
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Do you know that if you are not married according to Catholic marriage laws you are objectively “living in sin” or “living together” but are not married? Do you know that if you do this you are unable to receive the Eucharist?

Please talk to a priest before you go any further.
 
**I second some of 1ke’s advice.

To the OP–If your faith is of utmost importance to you, then you can’t get married outside, etc…

If your faith is of utmost importance to you, you won’t attend Lutheran services. You will wish in a very big way, for your future wife to grow in holiness with you, as part of the Catholic Church. If your faith is of utmost importance to you, then you have to place the Church’s teachings, Sacraments, etc above that of your wife, and thinking about her family’s thoughts on her potential conversion.

I don’t believe in coercing people into conversion, I agree there, but I would definitely meet with a priest–together–to really get some of your questions answered. I know this may sound harsh, but it would be better to call off a wedding, than go through a divorce. If you are both not on the same page about something like this, you will be in for a life of hardship. Now I have seen couples who are interfaith, make it work–but it usually takes compromise on someone’s** part…and I just don’t think I personally could ever compromise on my faith. No one is worth me not going to mass, etc…

I say all of this, because once you’re married, if her dad is an elder in the Lutheran church–you might find yourself skipping masses. You might find yourself compromising…even when you never thought you would. And you can look back at this thread…and wish you had taken our advice. lol :o 😉

Please know we mean well…we don’t mean to judge, but rather help you see that if you are a devout Catholic, you might need to have some tough conversations with your fiancee right now.

God bless…I pray she converts of her own free will…that would be the best for you, her, and your marriage.
 
boswell2k1 said:
That’s not fair. I did not come here to be judged I came here for answers.

It’s the compromise that I don’t want her to convert to Catholic if she truely does not want to. If you read my post again with less prejudice you will understand that she has stated her willingness to convert, which will be against her parents blessing. THAT is my concern. I have seen families torn due to religious differences and I am looking for ways to encourage her to do it because she truely wants to be Catholic, otherwise what good is it?

An outside marriage. Yes, I realize this is a problem.

Please let me say this before anyone replies again: If your intent is to question my faith or tell me this isn’t going to work, DON’T reply. I am looking for people with EXPERIENCE in this situation to help guide me. This is the reatlity that I have chosen, and I know this isn’t the best situation for a Catholic to be in.
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There is only one reason for a person to convert to Catholicism, and this is because they believe that it is TRUE. You are wise to put the brakes on this for your bride.

But straighten out the canonical stuff that others have brought up.

What kind of Lutherans are these people? They come in different flavors and the flavors can make a big difference.
 
You are Catholic and she is Lutheran. You have the Truth with a capital T, she does not. She, as a modern day Lutheran is probably closer than many other Protestants but she still hasn’t heard all the Truths of the Church. (What type of Lutheran is she? the MO Synod is very much Catholic Lite, real presence etc…).

She has consented to becoming Catholic! In my opinion you should be overjoyed… there seems to be no argument, rather just your concern about her father and family.

This could be your chance to help them see some of the great things about the Church they have been misinformed about.

Did you know there is a joint deceleration of salvation between the Catholics, Methodist and Lutherans? Do they realize, if they currently don’t believe in Real Presence, that Luther himself as VERY adamant that no split could ever deny this? Do they know that Luther remained devoted to the Blessed Mother throughout his life? Do they know that there is a Lutheran Rosary?

My suggestion is that if she is interested and willing it would be much better to raise your kids w/o the confusion of 2 Churches, especially when one of them is ours 🙂

Pray about this and let her start RCIA if she is interested. Go with her and explore your faith. From my experiences, many Catholics find RCIA sponsorship to be a very rewarding an wonderful learning experience. You can’t sponsor her but perhaps you could help your parish by sponsoring someone else so that you guys are there together each week?

There are many people from different faith background where one person is unwilling to compromise. You aren’t faced with that, you obviously have a person who cares about you and loves God. Lead her Home… who knows, some of her family just might eventually come along as well.

You guys are in my prayers!
Joe

PS - I was raised Baptist and the was a Presbyterian Youth Director. My wife’s Grandfather is a Baptist Minister. We both joined the Catholic Church this past Easter after years of discernment because we felt it was best for our entire family. That’s where my post is coming from.
 
Ummmm - asking a question is not “judging you” -

Christians are to love God above all things, that includes girlfriends and kids and husbands. God first - others next, yourself last.

You are willing to commit mortal sin and remove yourself from Christ and His Church for a woman. That is contrary to what Christ taught.

Please see your Priest, do not leave the Church.
 
Give it up guys… all this dude wants is cheerleading, not facts about marrying in the Church.

A story of real experience: My MIL was raised Presbyterian and married my Catholic FIL. Never converted, but always took her boys to Mass and raised and educated them Catholic. Her wedding was the last time she was in a Presbyterian church (yes, FIL had a dispensation). She gave up everything about her previous faith life and still disagrees with Catholicism in many ways. But she sacrificed that part of herself to the unity of her home. Personally, I am amazed by her.
 
Let me be brutally honest with you for a moment, Boswell.

Were you hoping that we were all going to tell you to just keep doing what you are doing? Ignore the fact that you are marrying outside of the Church?

Everyone is trying very hard to be helpful. Most of us have experiences like this in our lives in one way or another. We’re all trying our very hardest to give you the best advice, but it seems like whatever we say you are uninterested in hearing. 🤷

I’m not trying to be rude or anything of the sorts. I am just trying to help you understand that the general opinion is going to be that you need to get married in the Church and that you need to seek a priest’s council regarding both the marriage itself and the ceremony.
 
I made a mistake by coming here. I apologize for wasting everyones time and I do thank those who truely had intentions of giving me good advice. Some people could not appreciate my situation or decision to marry outside the church. I understand it is not what you would have chosen for yourself, but this is also what I have chosen for myself. Thank you and goodbye.
 
boswell2k1 said:
I made a mistake by coming here. I apologize for wasting everyones time and I do thank those who truely had intentions of giving me good advice. Some people could not appreciate my situation or decision to marry outside the church. I understand it is not what you would have chosen for yourself, but this is also what I have chosen for myself. Thank you and goodbye.
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Before you cut and run, please be aware that many inter-faith relationshiips that are blissfully in harmony continue in harmony until the first baby makes its appearance. Then the formerly “I-don’t-care-about-religion” person (and neither of you is care-less on this) suddenly becomes deeply concerned that little Buford be raised as a Jew, a Baptist or a Catholic. It can divide a marriage. It can cause the person who has become deeper about his faith to mourn grievously for the rash decision of his well-intentioned youth.
 
…and, some seed fell in shallow ground and quickly sprouted, only to wilt in the heat of the mid-day sun.
 
boswell2k1 said:
Some people could not appreciate my situation or decision to marry outside the church.
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Anyone who would “appreciate” your decision to commit a mortal sin needs their head examined.

Go talk to your priest ASAP.
boswell2k1 said:
I understand it is not what you would have chosen for yourself, but this is also what I have chosen for myself. Thank you and goodbye.
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Certainly we always have a choice between virtue and vice. Between what is right and wrong. We all want you to choose the good.

Ultimately, yes, you are accountable for you and the decisions you make.

So, please go talk to your priest for guidance. If you marry outside the Church there are consequences. But, the Church is always waiting to accept you back. The priest can talk to you about convalidation if you are so stubbornly determined to move ahead with your invalid marriage.
 
boswell2k1 said:
I made a mistake by coming here. I apologize for wasting everyones time and I do thank those who truely had intentions of giving me good advice. Some people could not appreciate my situation or decision to marry outside the church. I understand it is not what you would have chosen for yourself, but this is also what I have chosen for myself. Thank you and goodbye.
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You haven’t even defended it or told us your “situation” about marrying outside the church. how in the world can we “appreciate the reason?” You haven’t given us one.

Honestly…really…what is important here? You are choosing to leave the church…for what? A civil union that has no sacramental grace. It has no grace, and by the way you prepared, doesn’t have a good outlook.

What were you expecting?!?!?!?!
 
boswell2k1 said:
I made a mistake by coming here. I apologize for wasting everyones time and I do thank those who truely had intentions of giving me good advice. Some people could not appreciate my situation or decision to marry outside the church. I understand it is not what you would have chosen for yourself, but this is also what I have chosen for myself. Thank you and goodbye.
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Dang. Exactly what did you want us to tell you? That we’re all for you marrying outside the Church? If we did that, we’d be remiss in our witnessing fo Faith and the Church.

Everyone here wants y’all to be happy, but none of that is gonna change the facts of the matter. If you’re Catholic, there are marriage guidelines to go by.

If you don’t mind me askin how old are ya, and is this your fist big time relationship?

I hope ya stick around.
 
agapewolf said:
You haven’t even defended it or told us your “situation” about marrying outside the church. how in the world can we “appreciate the reason?” You haven’t given us one.

Honestly…really…what is important here? You are choosing to leave the church…for what? A civil union that has no sacramental grace. It has no grace, and by the way you prepared, doesn’t have a good outlook.

What were you expecting?!?!?!?!
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Boswell never said anything about leaving the Church. Not a single syllable.
 
Uh…yes he did…when he said he is marrying outside the church. that is leaving the church.
 
It’s wonderful that you found love, congrats on that.

If it’s any help:

I married a non-Catholic (but in the Catholic church). If I asked him to, he would have probably converted, because he does not participate in his family’s faith anymore. But I didn’t want him coming to me 20 years later during a mid-life crisis and accusing me of being the reason he left his religion, hurt his parents’ feelings, etc., etc. If and when he wants to convert, it’ll be his choice. I pray for him to make that choice, but a coerced conversion won’t stand the test of time. I “think” that is what you are concerned with. It is a valid concern. I think you would rather she waited 3 years, fell in love w/ the Church and then converted, rather than hastily converting while under the pressures of wedding plans & such. I’m sure her father would appreciate her making an informed, strong decision also. However, don’t belittle her decision, if she’s studied and prayed and feels strong about her conversion, yay for your family! Then at that time both you and her will probably want the “convalidation” that people here are mentioning. Sometimes a non-Catholic spouse will actually bring the Catholic one closer to the Church. Stranger things have happened.

I love my non-Catholic husband deeply. I never regretted marrying him.

Now, I am re-exploring my Catholic faith and it is wonderful. This was just my particular “spiritual journey” time table. My husband has a different time table, and that’s cool too. Now we have 3 kids, & he actively supports giving them a Catholic upbringing. My in-laws try not get involved w/ religion (“try” being the operative word).

I’m sure others here may disagree, but after 15 years together, I know I am a better person because of Him (God) and him (my husband).
 
Frankly I don’t blame him for leavingthis forum. As the Lutheran in and Catholic Lutheran Marriage, the one thing that makes me never want to convert or even entertain the idea is the way I have been treated and have observed other protestant spouses treated in both these forums and in person. My husband was a non practicing catholic when we married and has only in the last year re-discovered his faith.

Having many catholic friends as a child and coming from a Missouri Synod background I had little problem with this. I was often the first in my High School and College Classes to jump to the defense of the Catholic Church and it’s teachings. I have the upmost respect for the pope, and have read much of the previous pope’s writing and teaching. I often attended Catholic Churches when I was away from home and could not find a Lutheran Church to attend.

I still respect the Catholic Church as an institution; however many of it’s adherents exhibit extremely negative qualities that I find troubling. Many are more ignorant than I am about there own faith, they are very elitist, they treat protestants like second class citizens, and as evidenced here are extremely caustic towards mixed marriages.

I am not some little hobgoblin that crept up from hell to lure a good catholic boy away from his faith, though I have been treated that way by many “good” catholics. I had no problem baptizing our kids catholic or exposing them to catholic teachings……now I am having second thoughts, not because of the theology, but because of the culture.

I wish boswell the best of luck, hopefully with love and support from people who want to try and help him, he and his wife to be will have a long happy marriage. I hope she has not read his posting thread and is never exposed to the mean and cruel treatment I have been. Christ said love thy neighbor…….not love only thy catholic neighbor.
 
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