Marrying in to a Catholic family with an openly gay member

[Moore11]

EXACTLY! God does not expect us to hate. So, why use hate in the explanation of how the Church views people with SSA?

Where do you get the idea that God does not expect us to hate? God himself can Hate.
Jesus Himself pointed out that we can hate one master and love another.

Not to mention the many times in the bible when the word “hate” is used to describe God’s attitude to sin. In both the new testament and old.

Just an example out of hundreds.

Psalm 5:5-9
You are not a god who delights in evil; no wicked person finds refuge with you;
the arrogant cannot stand before you. You hate all who do evil;
you destroy all who speak falsely. Murderers and deceivers the LORD abhors.
But I can enter your house because of your great love. I can worship in your holy temple because of my reverence for you, LORD.
Guide me in your justice because of my foes; make straight your way before me.

I just do not follow the following logic:

I think it’s already been established that people with SSA that are living the “gay lifestyle” do, indeed, identify themselves by their sexual attraction. So, when you say that you hate that lifestyle, you have said you hate them. Great.

Again, replace the word gay or ssa or homosexual with any other sin.
Pedophile, Murderer, Adulterer, Thief, etc and see how your semantic argument does not hold water.

gee, I see you identify yourself as a pedophile or theif, you call and define yourself by your sin. Your sin which will condemn you to hell forevever. But I dont want you to be confuse because you have twisted your sin around so much that it defines you in your own mind. So I will not say that I hate robbery, or pedophilia, or rape or any such thing. I love you and we just wont talk about how I feel about pedophilia or murder. I will then bring you into the church where I tell you that you should not murder. But I won’t tell you why.

Homosexuality is odd because it is as condemning as any sin you or I commit but if there is no condemnation of the sin by the sinner there is no salvation. But yet there are those who identify by their own sin and call themselves by the title of their own sin as if it were as much a part of them as their race.

Homosexuals have turned the argument in their favor by asking you to buy into this way of thinking. That we are talking about a civil rights issue as natural as someones race. By refusing to engage in battle and not calling a spade a spade. You will lose the war.
A homosexual is a sinner just like any other. Only as with many sexual sins it is a hard hard battle, one of temptation and lust. How in the world can you expect any homosexual to fight the hardest battle of their life, chastity, if you cannot express to the the evil of being an active sinner?
How could you stop a porn addict without addressing the evil of porn? Tell them if they masturbate they will go blind? That just does not seem to work.

 

[dedo]

I would suggest getting some books on love and relationships and reading them. This probably a good idea for most of us.

It is a little scary that already you are judging your fiancee’s family, and wanting to exert controls before children are even born.

In general, relationships come from shared intimacy (without judgement) with healthy boundaries. Things like trying to control someone else, or making someone into a super hero are not healthy.

 

[VeritasLuxMea]

Do either of you two take your toddlers to gay strip clubs, since evidently they’re just tools for evangelism in your mind? Come on, guys.

So far this thread has taught me: homosexuals are 20 times more likely to be pedophiles and being exposed to a gay couple is comparable to going to a gay strip club.

I need a vacation from this forum. Badly.

 

[catholicman2022]

Hello,
I am a 28 year old Catholic man who has fallen in love and plan to marry the woman of my dreams. She comes from a loving family who identify as Catholic, but her brother no longer attends mass and has been openly gay now for at least 4 years. Because of this, I see a conflict on the horizon when it comes to raising children near her family.
I recently had a conversation with my fiancée about raising our children as strong Catholics, when the subject of her brother came up. She described him as irresponsible right now, but hopes he finally settles down and either “converts” or perhaps commits to “one partner.” She then said that she would be comfortable with him in our children’s lives if either of these scenarios came true.
I disagreed, saying that I am not comfortable with her brother ever bringing his gay partner around while the children are young, out of fear for their innocence and impressionability.
I told her that I always want her brother in our lives, and that I love and respect him, but that I can’t be ok with him bringing that behavior or lifestyle into our household because I feel that would be endorsing it or making it appear normal in the presence of my children.
She was obviously greatly troubled at this, explaining that she knows such a mandate would alienate her brother and breed contempt.
I need help and advice! Am I representing Christ here, or am I being stubborn? This is a complicated issue on many fronts. So I’m asking for help and advice from others who may have similar situations. I would also appreciate any priestly advice on how I should approach this situation in preparing for our marriage, and during our marriage. What can I tell her brother if the time comes that he wants to bring his gay partner over to spend time with my children? How do I explain to her that I love her family, while not accepting her brother’s behavior?

Seeking the truth

-A

I honestly think your being a bit judgmental I am Bisexual and my family doesn’t keep me away from relatives because im Bisexual. I think your being kind of mean to be honest with you and not very accepting. Your children as they age will meet gay people no matter what they do or where they are and like everyone has said homosexuality is not something that you will get from someone it just happens with some people naturally through puberty. You shouldn’t block people out of your life that are gay it is really mean and it isn’t nice at all. What response did you expect from his sister? did you expect her to say oh that’s fine? Honestly I think your a bit shallow. You think just because they are gay they are bad people and honestly i think the church should be more accepting of gay people. Marriage does not have to be between a man and a woman just so they can produce offspring. You should be accepting of her gay brother and his partner. Thats what i would do and stop being so judgemental

 

[Denise1957]

Hello,
I am a 28 year old Catholic man who has fallen in love and plan to marry the woman of my dreams. She comes from a loving family who identify as Catholic, but her brother no longer attends mass and has been openly gay now for at least 4 years. Because of this, I see a conflict on the horizon when it comes to raising children near her family.
I recently had a conversation with my fiancée about raising our children as strong Catholics, when the subject of her brother came up. She described him as irresponsible right now, but hopes he finally settles down and either “converts” or perhaps commits to “one partner.” She then said that she would be comfortable with him in our children’s lives if either of these scenarios came true.
I disagreed, saying that I am not comfortable with her brother ever bringing his gay partner around while the children are young, out of fear for their innocence and impressionability.
I told her that I always want her brother in our lives, and that I love and respect him, but that I can’t be ok with him bringing that behavior or lifestyle into our household because I feel that would be endorsing it or making it appear normal in the presence of my children.
She was obviously greatly troubled at this, explaining that she knows such a mandate would alienate her brother and breed contempt.
I need help and advice! Am I representing Christ here, or am I being stubborn? This is a complicated issue on many fronts. So I’m asking for help and advice from others who may have similar situations. I would also appreciate any priestly advice on how I should approach this situation in preparing for our marriage, and during our marriage. What can I tell her brother if the time comes that he wants to bring his gay partner over to spend time with my children? How do I explain to her that I love her family, while not accepting her brother’s behavior?

Seeking the truth

-A

Given the Church’s stand on homosexual behavior being gravely sinful, I think it’s prudent that you not want your finace’s brother to bring his gay partners into your home, due to the impression it might give to children that homosexual behavior is acceptable, because it is not. But you seem to already understand that we are still called to love everyone, even, and especially, homosexuals, but we cannot condone sin. Some here on the forum may mistakenly believe that we should accept sin as being normal. But Jesus, while not condemning the woman at the well, did tell her to go and sin no more. Your instincts are prefectly normal, especially for a Catholic. Here’s a good piece about tolerance and intolerance by the Venerable Fulton J. Sheen:

northamericanmartyrs.org/pdf/Plea-for-Intolerance.pdf

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

Love the sinner, hate the sin. Let’s replace the sin with gluttony …

Hello,
I am a 28 year old Catholic man who has fallen in love and plan to marry the woman of my dreams. She comes from a loving family who identify as Catholic, but her brother no longer attends mass and has been openly obese for least 4 years. Because of this, I see a conflict on the horizon when it comes to raising healthy thin children near her family.
I recently had a conversation with my fiancée about raising our children as strong healthy Catholics, when the subject of her brother came up. She described him as irresponsible right now, but hopes he finally controls binge eating or would consider surgery for weight. She then said that she would be comfortable with him in our children’s lives if either of these scenarios came true.
I disagreed, saying that I am not comfortable with her brother ever hosting Thanksgiving or Christmas diner because of his cooking ingredients around while the children are young, out of fear for their innocence and impressionability.

I told her that I always want her brother in our lives, and that I love and respect him, but that I can’t be ok with him eating himself and sitting on our furniture household because I feel that would be endorsing it or making it appear normal in the presence of my children.

She was obviously greatly troubled at this, explaining that she knows such a mandate would alienate her brother and breed contempt.
I need help and advice! Am I representing Christ here, or am I being stubborn? This is a complicated issue on many fronts. So I’m asking for help and advice from others who may have similar situations. I would also appreciate any priestly advice on how I should approach this situation in preparing for our marriage, and during our marriage. What can I tell her brother if the time comes that he wants to have gluttonous meals with my children? How do I explain to her that I love her family, while not accepting her brother’s behavior?
Seeking the truth

-A

Now let’s make the sin something like alcoholism.

Hello,
I am a 28 year old Catholic man who has fallen in love and plan to marry the woman of my dreams. She comes from a loving family who identify as Catholic, but her brother no longer attends mass and has been an alcoholic for 4 years. Because of this, I see a conflict on the horizon when it comes to raising children near her family.
I recently had a conversation with my fiancée about raising our children as strong Catholics, when the subject of her brother came up. She described him as irresponsible right now, but hopes he finally settles down and either “converts” or perhaps commits to rehab. She then said that she would be comfortable with him in our children’s lives if either of these scenarios came true.
I disagreed, saying that I am not comfortable with her brother ever drinking alcohol around while the children are young, out of fear for their innocence and impressionability.
I told her that I always want her brother in our lives, and that I love and respect him, but that I can’t be ok with him bringing that behavior or lifestyle into our household because I feel that would be endorsing it or making it appear normal in the presence of my children.
She was obviously greatly troubled at this, explaining that she knows such a mandate would alienate her brother and breed contempt.
I need help and advice! Am I representing Christ here, or am I being stubborn? This is a complicated issue on many fronts. So I’m asking for help and advice from others who may have similar situations. I would also appreciate any priestly advice on how I should approach this situation in preparing for our marriage, and during our marriage. What can I tell her brother if the time comes that he drinks around my (ummm you left ur imaginary wife out of motherhood!?!?!? OUR )children? How do I explain to her that I love her family, while not accepting her brother’s behavior?

Seeking the truth

-A

All sin is equal … So both replacements are valid … In marriage you are indeed called to merge families. Now is the time to see if they fit. Family is usually crazy, and we all have that relative that is the black sheep. Jesus came to heal the sick and not the healthy people. So, first you may want to examine how to heal your harsh judgements so that you can heal instead of exclude. Granted there is a fine line between enabling a person and their wrongdoings (your fiancé may be doing) and following Gods commandments … But it’s a dance you will have to do regardless of who you marry. Even if you became a Priest you’d have to deal with us at every Sunday Mass (Last Dinner).

 

[agapewolf]

What is being missed here is not that the person is struggling with a sin.

The person is rationalizing and making relativistic moral judgements and making the sin a “good”.

THIS is the problem here. If the family member “struggled” with same sex attaction, was living a chaste life (or trying hard to), and was not glorifying the behavior, I would have no problem with kids around them.

This is not what is happening, so the previous “substitutions” saying all sin is equal does not fit.

 

[ephesians4]

if a parent can discern keeping their young children away from overt homosexual behavior. I say absolutely.

I would do this if I were not religious, on the grounds of healthy sexual and psychological development, anyway.

My experience leads me to believe that children should not be indoctrinated into or introduced to alternative lifestyles or indeed any matters of adult/sexual nature that they won’t directly ask about.

If they have certain feelings over time, and those develop in a healthy well-treated child there will be no rejection from me, but there must be no question of anything but their nature contributing to that.

 

[Jessie5000]

I say include him in your children’s life so you model love, acceptance and tolerance. Parents are always the main influence upon their children and nobody can make another person gay. His parents were straight - many straight parents have gay children.

 

[PaleoConCatlick]

This is a little extreme, OP.

Their uncle being gay will not even register with them until they are old enough to understand sex. At that point you teach them the Catholic position on sex.

I am pretty sure if this BIL has Catholic siblings and parents, he knows not to act flamboyant or kiss his partner in front of your kids. Unless he’s a complete moron, I am sure he realizes that mutual respect is going to make this work with his family.

 

[dshix]

I say include him in your children’s life so you model love, acceptance and tolerance. Parents are always the main influence upon their children and nobody can make another person gay. His parents were straight - many straight parents have gay children.

This is a little extreme, OP.

Their uncle being gay will not even register with them until they are old enough to understand sex. At that point you teach them the Catholic position on sex.

I am pretty sure if this BIL has Catholic siblings and parents, he knows not to act flamboyant or kiss his partner in front of your kids. Unless he’s a complete moron, I am sure he realizes that mutual respect is going to make this work with his family.

If I were you, I would take note of the fact that the OP has not logged on to these forums for 5 months; your advice is going out to a person who is no longer present.

 

[PaleoConCatlick]

Oh. who bumped the thread. should not have posted.