Marrying - seeking advice

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sullivans

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I would like some advice especially from those of you who are married.

I’m in my forties, single, never married and Catholic.

My parents divorced when I was in my mid-twenties. My mother and I developed an unhealthy, dependent relationship with each other.

About the time of my parents divorce, I gave up on dating and or ever getting married. In those years, my mother encouraged me to not marry, to remain single and to not look for trouble. I was pretty much all for remaining single after watching my parents divorce and after having spent years working with women who have been married and divorced, some as many as 3 times or more.

When I reached my late thirties, I realized that I did not want to remain single for the rest of my life. I wanted someone to grow old with. I wanted to be married. To have a partner in life.

I happened upon a Catholic singles site that became of great interest to me. At the time, I was very scared of meeting anyone via the internet, so I limited my communications to only men who were of a significant driving distance. I had been stalked once before and didn’t want to go through that again… so I figured if a guy was serious he’d go the distance. Also, I had gone to local “singles” group activities when I was in my twenties. When I attended some of these events nearly 20 years later, it was the same group of people. I began referring to them as “professionally” single.

Well, when I had my first date with a man from the singles site, my mother was estactic, telling me that she had been praying for God to send me a good man. Once I told her that I met him on the internet through a Catholic site, she became enraged. She accused me of needing therapy, that there must be something wrong with me for going on the internet to search for someone.

Throughout the small number of guys I met, my mother began telling me that God had shown things to her about each of them. I got suckered into it all. She drove me crazy.

I met and got engaged to a wonderful man who is a widower with 3 young children. My mother has never accepted him and has refused to get to know him. She was outraged when he called her and asked to meet. She told me that she had been shown that he was criminal, greedy, evil, etc. She said he was a little man and that no one wanted him. She even went so far as to tell me that he was responsible for his wife’s death. She died during pregnancy.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year. When I learned of my diagnosis, my fiance and I went to my mother’s house to tell her. She had the nerve to jump ahead of me and ask if I was pregnant! After discussing with her that my fiance would be taking me back to his home state, she was in agreement that it was what was best for me. I had little support back home and my mother being in her seventies would not be able to assist me properly after the surgery and through chemo, etc.

I have no doubt that it was difficult on my mother for me to have left. She appeared to be doing well during our phone calls. My fiance and I returned to my hometown about two weeks ago to pack up my house and move it all here. After we got there, my mother came over to see me. She was happy and excited and offered her credit card to us to go out to eat while we were back in town.

Well, two days later, I called her and she was like a tornado. She even went so far as to tell me that my breast cancer was a punishment from God and that she no longer had a daughter.

My fiance has been a blessing to me. I’m of the mindset that most men would have not only left me because of the cancer, but also because of my crazy mother. He has been compassionate in his words of her.

I’ve been wishy washy about marrying. I’m having difficulty feeling any physical attraction to him or even any feelings toward him anymore. They were there. I think it all got squashed when he and I were in the early stages of the relationship and my mother said such horrible things about him. And I think the stress of the cancer, surgery, chemo, etc. MAY be screwing up my hormones.

I also think I have some kind of “princess” or “cinderella” complex. I’ve always fantasized that the man I would one day marry would be a doctor or lawyer and would be good looking, etc… life would be easy. I think my mother basically set me up to believe that I’m too good for just anyone.

I guess what I’m looking for from those of you who are married or have been married… is some kind of “spiritual advice or inspiration” about “choosing” a spouse vs. being in love and physical attraction. I’ve seen far too many people who fell in love, married, fell out of love and then divorced.

I’ve also seen a number of women whose husband has walked out on them after their breast cancer diagnosis.
 
I’m sorry, this is ridiculously long…

I’ve prayed to God asking for guidance in my life. Well, more like asking him to pave the path for me.

I had been with the same employer for nearly 20 years and had been growing depressed and realized that it was not a place that I belonged. I prayed for some meaning in my life. Ironically, on the morning that I was going in to give my notice that I would be leaving my job, I received a phone call and was told that I had been recommended to take over some work for a support group.

I feel that all of my prayers have been answered. I believe that God has had a hand in where I am today and that he had a hand in bringing me and my fiance together. I had started off praying for a certain man, then instead, began asking that God would send to me the man who was best for me. I specifically prayed that whoever he was, I would GROW to love him, not FALL in love since so many people also fall OUT of love.

I enjoy sitting next to him in Mass, I feel closer to him when I do. I enjoy my time spent with him. But, I find that I don’t want to be physically intimate with him anymore. I don’t want to kiss him. He comes up to me in the morning to snuggle and I want to push him away. (I’ve been living in his house since my surgery… he has been for most of that time, sleeping in the guest room). This is terribly ironic since all my life I’ve been against “shacking up”.

I’m scared and completely lost. I’m officially unemployed, out of FMLA, out of disability insurance. I have no one to turn to for sound advice and guidance. It’s like everything is crashing in all at once.

Sorry for so much rambling. Thank you to those of you who will take the time to read and respond.
 
So sorry about your mom and your cancer diagnosis. But it’s good that do have a great support system with your fiance. I guess my first reaction to your posts is wondering if the sudden lack of physical attraction might be just the way you’re emotionally processing some other hesitation that’s come up. Does that make sense? In other words, maybe you can really search your heart and pray and be honest with yourself, and ask if the reason you’re pushing him away (or want to push him away, as you describe) has to do with lack of physical attraction, or something else?

Also, were you *ever *physically attracted to him? Or has that always been the case but it’s only recently bothering you?

From what you’ve described, all his good qualities, and how he’s been loyal to you and stuck by you through these awful circumstances…it really sounds like he’s a keeper. I know with myself, I used to have this self-destructive streak that you might or might not be able to relate to. Whenever something truly good happened to me, I might enjoy and appreciate it at first, but there would come a point where I’d find I was sort of subconsciously trying to sabotage the whole thing. Because deep down, I didn’t feel like I deserved good things, and I couldn’t truly believe that these things would last.
 
I think you have too much on your plate at this time and you are trying to make too many decisions. Your major concern right now is your health. Concentrate on recuperating.

About the man in your life: Think about what you can do for him. Be kind. I’m sure he thinks you are not up for sex. And you are right, your hormones are out of wack. Watch movies together, listen to music, just learn to enjoy him as a friend.

Pray. All relationships reach peaks and valleys. I know of no one who is living the happily ever after even those who appeared to wed the Handsome Prince. It is a wonderful thing to have someone who will be there for you in sickness and in health.

Just relax for now and don’t worry about making any decisions.
 
He sounds like an amazing guy, it’s great you were able to find each other. And cancer treatment does really mess up your body; it may be the sudden lack of attraction is just the treatment. If he’s the guy he sounds like, he will understand if the therapy prevents you from consummating the marriage for a little while. Or it may be that taking the plunge will resolve any lingering doubts your mother has tried to plant in your mind.
 
Could it be, because you know that “shacking up” is wrong, that you are suppressing your physical attraction to insure chastity for both of you?

Even if it’s subconscious, it makes good sense!

Once you are healthy and on your feet again, find another place to live, and see if the desire starts coming back.

God bless you,

Ruthie
 
before i get to you and your guy, your mother is NOT prophetic. else she woulda told you about the cancer and ways to stave off financial hardship a long time ago.

she sounds mean and self-centered.

her opinion and supposed insight is FAR TOO SUSPECT for you to give it any credence. love her from a distance. pray for her. ask God to show you how to forgive her, but don’t mistake forgiveness with trust.

forgiveness is unearned. trust is earned.

on to you:

before you were sick, were you sexually active with your fellow?

OP, if you want God’s blessings in this relationship, if you want God to guide your path (your prayers sound so sane and balanced and healthy) then be certain to do things HIS way-- which is obedience and patience for the love of God.

then, you can trust through the process HE will teach you much and make you increase in holiness. and God’s plan will be done in your life.

be careful to give good Christian example to his children. they’ve been through so much already.

and of course, let your body regain health. be patient with your healing. be at peace. the only decisions you need to make today are to love God above all things and to love your neighbor as yourself.
 
I’m sorry, this is ridiculously long…

I’ve prayed to God asking for guidance in my life. Well, more like asking him to pave the path for me.

I had been with the same employer for nearly 20 years and had been growing depressed and realized that it was not a place that I belonged. I prayed for some meaning in my life. Ironically, on the morning that I was going in to give my notice that I would be leaving my job, I received a phone call and was told that I had been recommended to take over some work for a support group.

I feel that all of my prayers have been answered. I believe that God has had a hand in where I am today and that he had a hand in bringing me and my fiance together. I had started off praying for a certain man, then instead, began asking that God would send to me the man who was best for me. I specifically prayed that whoever he was, I would GROW to love him, not FALL in love since so many people also fall OUT of love.

I enjoy sitting next to him in Mass, I feel closer to him when I do. I enjoy my time spent with him. But, I find that I don’t want to be physically intimate with him anymore. I don’t want to kiss him. He comes up to me in the morning to snuggle and I want to push him away. (I’ve been living in his house since my surgery… he has been for most of that time, sleeping in the guest room). This is terribly ironic since all my life I’ve been against “shacking up”.

I’m scared and completely lost. I’m officially unemployed, out of FMLA, out of disability insurance. I have no one to turn to for sound advice and guidance. It’s like everything is crashing in all at once.

Sorry for so much rambling. Thank you to those of you who will take the time to read and respond.
Reading this again, it certainly does appear that your prayers have been answered. It is amazing! You still have free will and, as I said last night, don’t make any decisions until you are better. You should discuss this with your doctor. He could prescribe something for depression. You might want to seek counseling too re. your Mom. You don’t want to be a fault finder like her. You will want to be the best step-Mom to these children and, IMO, you haven’t had a very good role model. Accept the fact your Mom has problems. You would never tolerate a friend speaking as she has spoken. Not telling you to abandon her. That would be wrong. Parents have faults. Don’t let her problems stop you from having a life.
As far as wishing for Mr. Perfect, most will agree, he only exists in fairy tales. “Julie and Julia” is a warm movie re. Julia Child and her husband Paul. Physically, neither were perfect and made an odd couple in society’s eyes, but they were happy and very supportive and kind to each other. In comparison, we have the scandals of Tiger Woods and John Edward both physically attractive but very flawed men.
Think about the Little Flower and how we can become closer to God by doing the little things for people we love, our families, and those around us.
But do take the time to pray about all of this. God will guide you and you will find your way.
 
lemondrop.com/2010/02/03/marry-him-lori-gottlieb-should-you-settle/?icid=main|htmlws-main-w|dl3|link3|http%3A%2F%2Fwww.lemondrop.com%2F2010%2F02%2F03%2Fmarry-him-lori-gottlieb-should-you-settle%2F

Well, look at that! Lori Gottlieb has written a book “Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough”.

The reviewer writes this is the smartest book she’s read in years. The reviewer apparently thinks women have been too picky dropping guys for their choice in denim, bad hair etc. Too influenced by TV and movies and not in touch with reality. Might want to give it a look see…just make very sure your fiance doesn’t find it.
 
Sullivans,

You certainly do have a lot on your plate. I agree with the other posters that the chemo and all you have been through may be causing you to feel the way you do.

Your mom, unfortunately, is more toxic. She has let her bad marriage and divorce eat away at her and poison your life. Even when you seem to realize this about her, she seems to have already poisoned your way of thinking. It sounds like when you are around her, or in contact with her, she affects your judgement and how you feel towards your fiance. As harsh as it sounds, you need to minimize contact with your mom, or at best, set the ground rules for what you will talk to her about: No fake prophesies, no attacking the man you love, no projecting her bad marriage feelings on you or putting you down at all… I guess I am saying if she doesn’t have something nice to say, she should just leave you alone. And you need to make this clear to her, that this is the way it will be from now on. You are far from being a child, and in some ways have been through more in life than she has!

It truly does sound like God has answered your prayers in bringing you this wonderful man! May I suggest you remember something that was drilled into us at Pre-Cana classes over 20 years ago…I believe it is the most important thing to ANY relationship, be it a spouse, or a family member, but especially so with the person you have chosen to spend your life with:

Love is a decision.

If everything you think and everything you do is based on that, you cannot fail to make the right choice if you decide to love. Perhaps you have heard somewhere how many arranged marriages years ago actually worked out because some people chose to love the person they were with. (Especially if that person was decent, as your future spouse sounds to be.) Look how much easier things are for you, you already are with someone you love!

Welcome to the forum! Please know that there are many people praying for you here, even when they do not post a reply. May God bless you and guide you!
 
Your mother is a full blown nut case who has had 40 years to poison you, manipulate you, and control you.

You are finally breaking free, have a wonderful man (hello… Cinderella… Prince Charming has moved you into his castle to care for you while you go through CANCER… um… they don’t get any better than that!) and you are scared. You are scared of new patterns. You are scared of being happy.

So, you are now trying to find ways and reasons to sabotage your own happiness. Go get some individual counseling to get your mother’s poison OUT of your head and life.
 
It sounds like your mom has some serious issues… and most likely you have been a victim of her emotional incest for much of your life. A good book is Toxic Parents by Susan Forward.

Your fiance sounds like a nice guy. It isn’t shocking that you aren’t physically attracted to anyone right now given all the physical and mental stress you are under.

Prayers for your health…
 
Could it be, because you know that “shacking up” is wrong, that you are suppressing your physical attraction to insure chastity for both of you?

Even if it’s subconscious, it makes good sense!

Once you are healthy and on your feet again, find another place to live, and see if the desire starts coming back.

God bless you,

Ruthie
I agree with this. If you are indeed sleeping with this man, and you are not married you need to stop. You’re in mortal sin if you are. You need to go to confession and be right with God again.

But I also agree that with all your treatments, your system could be out of whack. On another side, if you’re taking some sort of contraceptive like the Pill, this could also be the reason your desire has gone away. It’s been shown that it can cause a lack of sexual desire. But the Pill is also against Church teachings, with good reason.

Your mom sounds troubled. You should not listen to her, nothing she’s told you has been told to her from God. It sounds like she’s self-centered and just doesn’t want to loose your complete attention.
 
Please take care of your health first and foremost. Let your friendship grow with this man.
Sexual attraction a woory until after you are wed. Stay chaste until you are wed and I think the sexual attraction thing will kick in at the proper time by God’s grace given in marriage. God bless you and I will pray for you and your situation.👍
 
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