S
sullivans
Guest
I would like some advice especially from those of you who are married.
I’m in my forties, single, never married and Catholic.
My parents divorced when I was in my mid-twenties. My mother and I developed an unhealthy, dependent relationship with each other.
About the time of my parents divorce, I gave up on dating and or ever getting married. In those years, my mother encouraged me to not marry, to remain single and to not look for trouble. I was pretty much all for remaining single after watching my parents divorce and after having spent years working with women who have been married and divorced, some as many as 3 times or more.
When I reached my late thirties, I realized that I did not want to remain single for the rest of my life. I wanted someone to grow old with. I wanted to be married. To have a partner in life.
I happened upon a Catholic singles site that became of great interest to me. At the time, I was very scared of meeting anyone via the internet, so I limited my communications to only men who were of a significant driving distance. I had been stalked once before and didn’t want to go through that again… so I figured if a guy was serious he’d go the distance. Also, I had gone to local “singles” group activities when I was in my twenties. When I attended some of these events nearly 20 years later, it was the same group of people. I began referring to them as “professionally” single.
Well, when I had my first date with a man from the singles site, my mother was estactic, telling me that she had been praying for God to send me a good man. Once I told her that I met him on the internet through a Catholic site, she became enraged. She accused me of needing therapy, that there must be something wrong with me for going on the internet to search for someone.
Throughout the small number of guys I met, my mother began telling me that God had shown things to her about each of them. I got suckered into it all. She drove me crazy.
I met and got engaged to a wonderful man who is a widower with 3 young children. My mother has never accepted him and has refused to get to know him. She was outraged when he called her and asked to meet. She told me that she had been shown that he was criminal, greedy, evil, etc. She said he was a little man and that no one wanted him. She even went so far as to tell me that he was responsible for his wife’s death. She died during pregnancy.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year. When I learned of my diagnosis, my fiance and I went to my mother’s house to tell her. She had the nerve to jump ahead of me and ask if I was pregnant! After discussing with her that my fiance would be taking me back to his home state, she was in agreement that it was what was best for me. I had little support back home and my mother being in her seventies would not be able to assist me properly after the surgery and through chemo, etc.
I have no doubt that it was difficult on my mother for me to have left. She appeared to be doing well during our phone calls. My fiance and I returned to my hometown about two weeks ago to pack up my house and move it all here. After we got there, my mother came over to see me. She was happy and excited and offered her credit card to us to go out to eat while we were back in town.
Well, two days later, I called her and she was like a tornado. She even went so far as to tell me that my breast cancer was a punishment from God and that she no longer had a daughter.
My fiance has been a blessing to me. I’m of the mindset that most men would have not only left me because of the cancer, but also because of my crazy mother. He has been compassionate in his words of her.
I’ve been wishy washy about marrying. I’m having difficulty feeling any physical attraction to him or even any feelings toward him anymore. They were there. I think it all got squashed when he and I were in the early stages of the relationship and my mother said such horrible things about him. And I think the stress of the cancer, surgery, chemo, etc. MAY be screwing up my hormones.
I also think I have some kind of “princess” or “cinderella” complex. I’ve always fantasized that the man I would one day marry would be a doctor or lawyer and would be good looking, etc… life would be easy. I think my mother basically set me up to believe that I’m too good for just anyone.
I guess what I’m looking for from those of you who are married or have been married… is some kind of “spiritual advice or inspiration” about “choosing” a spouse vs. being in love and physical attraction. I’ve seen far too many people who fell in love, married, fell out of love and then divorced.
I’ve also seen a number of women whose husband has walked out on them after their breast cancer diagnosis.
I’m in my forties, single, never married and Catholic.
My parents divorced when I was in my mid-twenties. My mother and I developed an unhealthy, dependent relationship with each other.
About the time of my parents divorce, I gave up on dating and or ever getting married. In those years, my mother encouraged me to not marry, to remain single and to not look for trouble. I was pretty much all for remaining single after watching my parents divorce and after having spent years working with women who have been married and divorced, some as many as 3 times or more.
When I reached my late thirties, I realized that I did not want to remain single for the rest of my life. I wanted someone to grow old with. I wanted to be married. To have a partner in life.
I happened upon a Catholic singles site that became of great interest to me. At the time, I was very scared of meeting anyone via the internet, so I limited my communications to only men who were of a significant driving distance. I had been stalked once before and didn’t want to go through that again… so I figured if a guy was serious he’d go the distance. Also, I had gone to local “singles” group activities when I was in my twenties. When I attended some of these events nearly 20 years later, it was the same group of people. I began referring to them as “professionally” single.
Well, when I had my first date with a man from the singles site, my mother was estactic, telling me that she had been praying for God to send me a good man. Once I told her that I met him on the internet through a Catholic site, she became enraged. She accused me of needing therapy, that there must be something wrong with me for going on the internet to search for someone.
Throughout the small number of guys I met, my mother began telling me that God had shown things to her about each of them. I got suckered into it all. She drove me crazy.
I met and got engaged to a wonderful man who is a widower with 3 young children. My mother has never accepted him and has refused to get to know him. She was outraged when he called her and asked to meet. She told me that she had been shown that he was criminal, greedy, evil, etc. She said he was a little man and that no one wanted him. She even went so far as to tell me that he was responsible for his wife’s death. She died during pregnancy.
I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year. When I learned of my diagnosis, my fiance and I went to my mother’s house to tell her. She had the nerve to jump ahead of me and ask if I was pregnant! After discussing with her that my fiance would be taking me back to his home state, she was in agreement that it was what was best for me. I had little support back home and my mother being in her seventies would not be able to assist me properly after the surgery and through chemo, etc.
I have no doubt that it was difficult on my mother for me to have left. She appeared to be doing well during our phone calls. My fiance and I returned to my hometown about two weeks ago to pack up my house and move it all here. After we got there, my mother came over to see me. She was happy and excited and offered her credit card to us to go out to eat while we were back in town.
Well, two days later, I called her and she was like a tornado. She even went so far as to tell me that my breast cancer was a punishment from God and that she no longer had a daughter.
My fiance has been a blessing to me. I’m of the mindset that most men would have not only left me because of the cancer, but also because of my crazy mother. He has been compassionate in his words of her.
I’ve been wishy washy about marrying. I’m having difficulty feeling any physical attraction to him or even any feelings toward him anymore. They were there. I think it all got squashed when he and I were in the early stages of the relationship and my mother said such horrible things about him. And I think the stress of the cancer, surgery, chemo, etc. MAY be screwing up my hormones.
I also think I have some kind of “princess” or “cinderella” complex. I’ve always fantasized that the man I would one day marry would be a doctor or lawyer and would be good looking, etc… life would be easy. I think my mother basically set me up to believe that I’m too good for just anyone.
I guess what I’m looking for from those of you who are married or have been married… is some kind of “spiritual advice or inspiration” about “choosing” a spouse vs. being in love and physical attraction. I’ve seen far too many people who fell in love, married, fell out of love and then divorced.
I’ve also seen a number of women whose husband has walked out on them after their breast cancer diagnosis.
