Marrying someone who wasn't confirmed?

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My mother was Catholic and was confirmed in the RC Church; but my father wasn’t confirmed and the both of them were married in 1956.

It’s not impossible for that to happen and remember this happen before Vatican II.
 
Thank you. Same thing happened to me, I was confirmed but my husband was not. Seems I just woke up to my faith a few months ago after taking a marriage sacrament with total ignorance to it. I was actually wondering if it would have any bearing on getting an annulment, want another chance.
 
Frank_J said:
My mother was Catholic and was confirmed in the RC Church; but my father wasn’t confirmed and the both of them were married in 1956.

It’s not impossible for that to happen and remember this happen before Vatican II.
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Thanks, wish I new more about why I would have ever allowed it to happen in my life at the time.
 
Hi blackwidow,

Big question for you. Do you love your husband?? If you do then why ask the question on the annulment. Remember that Catholics are to stay married, and not to get divorced just becuse they are not happy with thier husbands.

My mother never divorced my father and lived together until her death. Remember death do you part.

Just because someone is confirmed doesn’t make then a good Christian. I seen some bad one in the Catholic Church. All we need to look at is the congressional leader in congress like the speaker of the house and Sen. Kennedy and Chris Dodds. The three of them are beauts amd bad example of what it means to be Catholic.

Your husband has to be better then the three beauts I have listed here.

Think about it.
 
Hi blackwidow,

Big question for you. Do you love your husband?? If you do then why ask the question on the annulment. Remember that Catholics are to stay married, and not to get divorced just becuse they are not happy with thier husbands.

Love him as a brother. I know you are supposed to stay married and work on stuff. I have been involved with him and only him since I was 18. Should never have happened but I had pre-marital sex and no faith to ever have been allowed to be married in a catholic church, either of us. I am not happy with myself for being so ignorant of my faith and what sacrament I took with God as my witness. I never ever had any idea I could not ever get married in the catholic church again till a few months ago, crazy but true.

Yup death do you part, but sometimes you have to do whats best for everyone involved and hope God shows you the way. My marriage was verbal before, during and I have children. I am not to blame for everything anymore, I can’t take that on.

Just because someone is confirmed doesn’t make then a good Christian. I seen some bad one in the Catholic Church.
Absolutely, I haven’t been a good catholic for over 25 years because I needed to grow up and I hit rock bottom.

I stood in that church and took vows without meaning.
 
Hi blackwidow,

Maybe you should know that I’m no saint also, but I try be a good Christian. Hey I wasn’t a virgin when I got married not to long ago.
I was envoled in pre-marital sex and with a divorced Catholic woman. So don’t think that you are the only one who did that.

Right now I’m in the process of be ordianed in the Orthodox Church as a Sub-deacon and I know that GOD forgives me for doing what I did. My Church knows about my pasts and has forgiven me for all of my sins. As I progress in my training as a Sub-deacon and with the blessing of GOD I will become a follower of HIS. I hope to serve him faithfully to the send of my life.

When I was having my affair with this divorced Catholic woman, I was a RC myself. It was after that I converted and became Orthodox Christian. But my affair a long time ago with this woman.

I married a wonderful woman who good to me and she is not even Christian. We been married for 7 years this Oct. My wife is Jewish and she is very supportive of my move into religionist life.

You’re a lot better the three low down bad examples of Catholics that I listed to you. I’ve never walked in your shoes; but I had a rocky life as a person too. I’m looking ahead to something better in my life; and with GOD guilding me, I’m moving to a much better life as a Christian and as a Sub-deacon.

We all make mistakes in life; but we grow and learn to correct ourselves.

Got to go for now and I hope this helps in someway.
 
Frank_J said:
Hi blackwidow,

Maybe you should know that I’m no saint also, but I try be a good Christian. Hey I wasn’t a virgin when I got married not to long ago.
I was envoled in pre-marital sex and with a divorced Catholic woman. So don’t think that you are the only one who did that.

Right now I’m in the process of be ordianed in the Orthodox Church as a Sub-deacon and I know that GOD forgives me for doing what I did. My Church knows about my pasts and has forgiven me for all of my sins. As I progress in my training as a Sub-deacon and with the blessing of GOD I will become a follower of HIS. I hope to serve him faithfully to the send of my life.

When I was having my affair with this divorced Catholic woman, I was a RC myself. It was after that I converted and became Orthodox Christian. But my affair a long time ago with this woman.

I married a wonderful woman who good to me and she is not even Christian. We been married for 7 years this Oct. My wife is Jewish and she is very supportive of my move into religionist life.

You’re a lot better the three low down bad examples of Catholics that I listed to you. I’ve never walked in your shoes; but I had a rocky life as a person too. I’m looking ahead to something better in my life; and with GOD guilding me, I’m moving to a much better life as a Christian and as a Sub-deacon.

We all make mistakes in life; but we grow and learn to correct ourselves.

Got to go for now and I hope this helps in someway.
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Thanks Frank, kinda helps. I am getting my divorce and thats my path right or wrong and I hope someone gets me through this turmoil once and for all.

Here is the kicker, I met someone 5 months ago who is also getting divorced and filing for an annulment. I think we both really started to like each other a lot as friends, then something happened and we actually we flipped real bad for each other. I was not looking for this EVER. We never crossed the line but spoke of this. Then the faith came into the picture. I was planning on being on my own for the rest of my life, I am 44. I have been in this lonely marriage for 20 years it couldn’t be any lonelier, but I have my kids.

He is a very good catholic unlike me who claims she is catholic. I never ever realized till 2 months ago I could never get married again in my church as a catholic till I obtained an annulement. I have a problem now. Its like I was hit by a truck with everything in my life. I believe in God and I am trying really hard but I can’t stay chaste and single my whole life unless I guess God has that plan for me, but I really hope and pray I meet someone who I can share some of my life with, and I am so sorry for being so ignorant to my faith I will do anything for just one more chance at this.

I spent 1.5 hours with the priest yesterday losing my mind about how horrible I feel about this failure in my life and also how I had no clue what my vows meant standing at that alter except that I was going to give it my all to make a life and family with this man, I can’t do it. IHe has me so convinced its all my fault for so much stuff and I do take blame except I have been condeming myself for so many years I don’t think right anymore.

I gave it everything and now I will become a divorced woman which mkes me never available to anyone catholic because I will be considered married and anyone catholic who is with me will be committing adultery. What an idiot I am for not even knowing this. I was stunned beyond belief about this and freaking right out.

Needless to say, my friend is hurt and I am hurt. Our friendship has been put on hold because he needs to get control of his feeling as do I mine. It was the nicest thing that ever happened to me in my life this man and I loved the fact he was religious and thought I would learn something. I was on the nicest rollercoaster and it hit a wall because of religion, go figure, dumped because of religion?? Whats weird is we both believe and are of the same faith, thats what hurts me. I just feel so sick about this.

I learn something alright I am to believe in God but why did he bring this man to me and then take it all away. I must have done something real bad to deserve this. I question my faith very much right now. I was blessed yesterday after confession, it was long since I haven’t confessed in about 25 years, my penance was psalm 27 to read it. I read it and don’t understand it or anything actually??

I want my divorce and I want an annulement, I know that sounds so horrible and self centred but I deserve a chance I am truly a good person. Not because of my friend or to to go and just get married again but I want another chance at this in my life and I will do it right this time I promise to God. I am so devasted with everything right now and grasping to just get through this horrible divorce. Imagine starting over at my age with nothing, two great kids, a part-time job, sold home, and moved into my parents place for some sanity. I guess I am just very embarrassed. Had it all the most beautiful home, furnishings, and kids, but was so miserable and lonely. My kids mean the life to me and I also quit a very lucraive job to stay home and raise them, my husband hated this beyond belief, I was of more value when I brought in a salary, he never got over it and blames me for everything that ever has gone wrong in our lives. Actually, I feel quite the opposite and have felt very blessed with everything I have ever had, strange.

Talk soon, thanks again for your thoughts, it does help talking.

Ps, glad to hear of how lucky you have become and with meeting your new wife, you sound very much at peace with everything. Its hard work but worth it all if you are connected as one, you can handle anything that comes your way.
 
Frank_J said:
My mother was Catholic and was confirmed in the RC Church; but my father wasn’t confirmed and the both of them were married in 1956.

It’s not impossible for that to happen and remember this happen before Vatican II.
Click to expand...
My husband and I were married in 1969. I was a cradle Catholic, baptized and confirmed, he took private instructions from a Dominican priest, and was baptized about 6 months before we were married. Not once was Confirmation even mentioned for him, by either that priest or the one that married us, as being necessary for us to get married. I know, I was there.

If, God forbid, we were ever to divorce, I would not even consider an annulment, and I would especially not consider his lack of Confirmation to be an issue in an annulment process. It was not an issue when we married, the marriage is Sacramental, it would be an act of dishonesty to consider it otherwise.

I wish he would get confirmed, but after all these years he does not wish to, that is his decision, and I don’t think he really understands the importance of Sacrament, even though I have tried to explain it. But that still in no way affects the sacramentality or the validity of our marriage.

That is often the way things were done back then. There was no RCIA process, you went to a priest and got instructions, got baptized, made your Holy Communion, and often that was it. It was the same way when my father was baptized, he was never confirmed, and when my parents were divorced, my mother’s request for an annullment was refused, although today it probably would have been granted, but the lack of Confirmation would have nothing to do with it.

It is a credit to the Church today that Confirmation for converts is stressed, and we now see to it that adult converts receive all the Sacraments of Initiation when they are received into the Church. Because in times past, a lot of people just never got around to it.
 
lack of confirmation is not the cause of a marriage breakdown, actually nothing to do with it. Lack of faith and ignorance of taking vows like I did in the church certainly should be though. I had no idea what those vows meant in the catholic church, I did as a civil ceremony though, crazy as that it.
 
Hi blackwidow,

GOD is there for you and HE gives us all a second chance and many more if need to change our lives. I hope all works out on your annulment process. We all make mistakes in life I made mine known to you in my chat with all of you. My you be happy in the life you and may GOD bless it. GOD will help you in the big that you deserve.

I can only be married once in life to be a Sub-deacon and I can never get a divorce. If anything happens to my wife I will have to remain unmarried for the rest of my life. I can only married once. Thank GOD HE has given me a wonderful wife and a loving partner.

Always remember that religionist are sinner too. We need GOD to help us in our daily struggles in life.

I would also like to say hello to Carolyn and thank you for being open with you life too. Will chat more tomorrow if I can.

Got to go to bed; need to get up early, need to get to Church so that I can serve at the Altar.

GOD bless you.

Frank J
 
thanks Frank.

I just can’t seem to stop condeming myself about the fact I stood at that alter and took those vows and didn’t understand what I was committing too. How could I have been so stupid and not researched my faith and made sure what it meant, I was 25 not young. Divorce is horrible, horrible and I do not want to destroy this man that I have been with, we have children together and need to stay positive and raise them wisely as best as possible.

At least you knew that you could or can only marry once, I guess everybody hopes for that or wishes or tries their best, but sometimes it just shouldn’t have been and you realize this later on. I never ever knew I could only marry once, I made a mistake but I have 2 beautiful boys out of that mistake, but nevertheless it was a mistake before I married that I should have dealt with but figured everything can always be worked on it you try.

I am off to mass this morning to just open my heart and listen and hopefully learn something.

Thanks.
 
Married amound friends…
A person who was classified as Catholic at time of marriage, has a null and void marriage if outside the church.
There are other things, pray, and ask the tribunal peoples.👍

Prayer
"NOVENA PRAYER TO
SAINT PHILOMENA
We beseech Thee, O Lord, to grant us the pardon of our sins by the intercession of Saint , virgin and martyr, who was always pleasing in Thy sight by her eminent chastity and by the profession of every virtue. Amen.

Illustrious virgin and martyr, Saint Philomena, behold me prostrate before the throne whereupon it has pleased the Most Holy Trinity to place thee. Full of confidence in thy protection, I entreat thee to intercede for me with God, from the heights of Heaven deign to cast a glance upon thy humble client! Spouse of Christ, sustain me in suffering, fortify me in temptation, protect me in the dangers surrounding me, obtain for me the graces necessary to me, and in particular
(Here specify your petition).

Above all, assist me at the hour of my death. Saint Philomena, powerful with God, pray for us. Amen.

O God, Most Holy Trinity, we thank Thee for the graces Thou didst bestow upon the Blessed Virgin Mary, and upon Thy handmaid Philomena, through whose intercession we implore Thy Mercy. Amen." 👍:cool: 2 times a day for nine days:cool: 👍 .
ewtn.com/Devotionals/novena/philomena.htm
 
A person who was classified as Catholic at time of marriage, has a null and void marriage if outside the church.

I did it in the catholic church where I was baptized, first confession, confirmation etc., took the final sacrament with zero knowledge of what I was doing, I am going to need some serious type of guidance to explain that one or make anyone understand. I tried explaining this to the priest last week for 1.5 hours and he didn’t say one thing except to open my heart to god, the marriage is a secondary problem he claimed.

There are other things, pray, and ask the tribunal peoples.

Thank you for the prayer, I will try very hard to pray that. Yes, I will speak to the tribunal people when I get enough courage to tell them what I have done that I am so embarrased about.
 
You did take a vow that your marriage would hold in good times and in bad and for better or for worse. Like most 25 year olds in love, I imagine you anticipated only good times and even better relationship than when you wed.

Unless your husband is violent and doing violence to you or your children, not trying to provide food and shelter, I don’t think not realizing where life would lead you is grounds for anything except disappointment. Lack of Confirmation and a solid faith on your husbands part has no bearing on the validity of your marriage.

Just what did your priest mean that your marriage was only a secondary problem? Sounds like there is a primary problem which you are not facing up to; maybe even being in denial that it exists.

Your posts come across to me as desperately unhappy. You need to identify the correct source of that unhappiness. It is not, believe me, your husband lack of Confirmation or faith. Are you by any chance suffering from undiagnosed clinical depression. Maybe you need to check into that possibiliy.
 
You did take a vow that your marriage would hold in good times and in bad and for better or for worse.

Never anticipated anything just to alwasy work on it and never give up. Yes, I did take that vow with total lack of knowledge about my faith, this is what is bugging me. You can love someone but sometimes its not enough.

I am very disappointed in nobody but myself for believing in myself and my beliefs firstly. We have never been one in this realtionship EVER. Is verbally condeming someone enough, this all started well before marriage and got worse as soon as I had children the most precious thing in my life and the most responsible thing I have to do.

I am the primary problem and need to believe first in God that he will help me and give me knowledge to get through this divorce. I am distraught and very ashamed with what I did by standiing in front of that church and taking those vows without ever realizing what they meant till 2 months ago.

I know the basics of marriage but not ever what a catholic marriage consisted of. I am sick over this and yes I need God to help me through this. My problem is me and realizing what a horrible sin I have committed to everyone standing up there taking those vows and not seriously ever discussing what they truly meant to me, my husband, and God as my witness.

I am a terrible catholic to not have understood what they meant. I swear on my life I did not know enough about my faith to realize what they meant. Civil marriage yes but not catholic. I did try my hardest that I could to make this work, but its affecting my health this failure. My husband is very aware of what I feel and he is a good man and father, I need to carry through with my plans. We will raise these boys together and I will teach them faith unlike my parents who didn’t. I will try and believe again but I am hurt over this failure.

I am desperately unhappy about what I did. How could I have not been aware of what that sacrament meant. I am very grateful for everything and everyone in my life, including my husband giving me 2 children. I will suffer the rest of my life for what I have done and should have been smarter, yes.

I cannot live up to what the church or my faith expects of me after divorce is a huge problem I carry. I want to share my life with someone oneday if God is willing to let that happen. I hope it is in the catholic faith and I will try so very hard this time to believe and try and become a good catholic.
 
I cannot live up to what the church or my faith expects of me after divorce is a huge problem I carry.
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Guess what, none of us can. When we try to do things ourselves through our own strength we fail always and will never succeed. We as Christians must, must relay on the strength of Christ.

Give all to Christ his burden is easy and his yoke is light. Let me give you something:
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
Code: 
    **In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were    two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.**

**This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my    life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the    Lord,**
**
**
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”
**
**
The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”
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It’s during our low times as we place our trust in Christ he carries us. Don’t try things with your own strength, give all to Christ.
 
Hi blackwidow

Got a question for you. Did your husband ever abuse in anyway other then vocal??

If he did maybe you can use this so that you can get former marrage made void.

I would for a good Lawyer on Church law; maybe he can help you out out of this.

I’m not sure if you have look into this way out??

Don’t put yourself down; GOD will help you.

GOD bless you.

Frank J
 
Got a question for you. Did your husband ever abuse in anyway other then vocal??

No, at the beginning I had quite a lot of self confidence, then slowly over the years I seemed to have lost that. Then had kids and then I lost it all, I became a full-time mom and financially dependent on him, he became very very verbal and blameful of everything on me. He can go a long time but it always comes back at me for something.

If he did maybe you can use this so that you can get former marrage made void. Verbal is sometimes worse, you begin to doubt yourself and believe everything is truly your fault. Most of the time its 50/50 in any relationship but…I have been condeming my self for years over this.

I would for a good Lawyer on Church law; maybe he can help you out out of this.

Yes, thats is my plan. I want an annulement more than a divorce for some reason, it just seems more important in the long term scheme of things. I want another chance at this faith if GOD is willing.

Don’t put yourself down; GOD will help you.

I’m trying but I don’t know how GOD will help me, I don’t ask for anything in my prayers just to keep certain people close by.

GOD bless you. And you too, thank you Frank, this means a lot.
 
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