Marrying syro-malabar orphans

[DarkLight]

and thats why I need a wife,lest I burn.

What I am saying is that it will not always be so. It is hard now because you are young and unused to chastity. Do you think you will marry within the next year or two years with all your demands? Practice chastity, the spirit as well as the act - refraining not only from sex but from focusing on it. Distract yourself, pray, seek other things to fill your life. You will find it is not such a burden as you place on yourself now.

And if sex is so important, what will you do if your wife falls ill for an extended period? Will you demand she have sex with you to “fulfill the marital debt” even when her body is weak and nauseous, or if sex is painful to her? Remember there is no annulment if she becomes unable to provide sex - will you then be able to keep chaste?

 

[Athanasiy]

Pyotr Petrovitch Luzhin (Crime and Punishment) lived in a sinful fantasy world didn’t he?

Luzhin is interesting character for study, he wanted to marry a poor girl so that he can turn her into a slave. He only wants a wife (Dounia) as a trophy wife…because he thinks he can completely dominate her.
Probably this character of Dostoyevskiy is a bit like the way life actually goes today in the depths of Russia among the rich and powerfull and poore and defenceless, but that’s only in contrast to Islamic women/Southern women - аs soon as the Slavic woman gets the status and independence she will not tolerate the old or despotic or unloved rich man and will surely leave him, and the more beautiful she is the more beautiful she will later sing a completely different melody

 

[Athanasiy]

There is still a question for the state. Is the institution of marriage respected there?
The history of the last decade shows the tremendous demand for Dutch citizenship in the countries of the third world. This demand has reached such a phase that it is almoust impossible to prove the truth of marriage.
I think there is no need to fly for brides outside of the Netherlands, just because there are enough brides in NL among illegal migrants, but it seems to me that it’s one thing when you help a person to legalize and you treat her like a noble father treats her daughter, and another thing when you forcing a desperate girl to go through hell.
I, too, sometimes with delight look at the beautiful young girl, but I did not want to be happy with life partner which, for example, would be disgusted with my breathing.

 

[AdamP88]

I’ll be honest…reading the first post in the thread I kinda had some sympathy for the OP. I mean, if you really don’t want to spend your life alone then arranged marriage is not necessarily a bad thing, given both parties know what they are getting into.

But after reading more I just think the OP simply wants to have sex on demand without feeling guilt. The problem with that is that the wife will have to have her needs met too and sometimes sex is not what a wife needs or wants at a particular moment. I’d point out that women are different from men in the sex department. Men can be aroused by something very small. I daresay it’s possible that most men could get aroused and complete “their part” of the marital act within the space of about 2 minutes. Women take a while to get properly aroused. Unlike men, a woman can’t just “turn it on”. It can be quite painful for a woman to engage in sex if she isn’t ready. My question for OP would be if you found that your sexual appetite is greater than your wife’s (likely), would you put in the effort necessary to actually get her in the mood etc? Would you demand sex if you knew or had a fair idea it would hurt her?
Excuse the descriptions but this is simply one of the practicalities that you must deal with in marriage.

You say the wife has a duty to the husband. But would you be prepared to call in that duty if it meant that you were satisfied but your wife basically was hurt and unsatisfied?

 

[willymonfrete]

I’ll be honest…reading the first post in the thread I kinda had some sympathy for the OP. I mean, if you really don’t want to spend your life alone then arranged marriage is not necessarily a bad thing, given both parties know what they are getting into.

But after reading more I just think the OP simply wants to have sex on demand without feeling guilt. The problem with that is that the wife will have to have her needs met too and sometimes sex is not what a wife needs or wants at a particular moment. I’d point out that women are different from men in the sex department. Men can be aroused by something very small. I daresay it’s possible that most men could get aroused and complete “their part” of the marital act within the space of about 2 minutes. Women take a while to get properly aroused. Unlike men, a woman can’t just “turn it on”. It can be quite painful for a woman to engage in sex if she isn’t ready. My question for OP would be if you found that your sexual appetite is greater than your wife’s (likely), would you put in the effort necessary to actually get her in the mood etc? Would you demand sex if you knew or had a fair idea it would hurt her?
Excuse the descriptions but this is simply one of the practicalities that you must deal with in marriage.

You say the wife has a duty to the husband. But would you be prepared to call in that duty if it meant that you were satisfied but your wife basically was hurt and unsatisfied?

I would not abuse my marital rights.I do not need sex everyday and would not burden my wife with that if she doesn’t wish it,I just don’t want a completely sexless marriage.I think that too is an injustice.

I did not want to reply further because I already decided to try and find a wife here not overseas.I am not a monster.I reconize I need sex now and then but I wouldn’t burden my wife if she didn’t want to have it.

 

[willymonfrete]

I want everyone to know it was not my intent to '‘use’'a woman for my selfish needs,and I apologize and make due penance if it came over that way.I just want a wife.and it is very hard to do that the conventional route.but I have decided I will not go thru with the plans in OP.

so pls let this thread die down.

 

[DarkLight]

I would not abuse my marital rights.I do not need sex everyday and would not burden my wife with that if she doesn’t wish it,I just don’t want a completely sexless marriage.I think that too is an injustice.

I did not want to reply further because I already decided to try and find a wife here not overseas.I am not a monster.I reconize I need sex now and then but I wouldn’t burden my wife if she didn’t want to have it.

I would encourage you one more time that it will not always be so difficult. You are young and you have practiced unchastity for a long time. It is always the hardest to practice a virtue when you are unused to it.

Pray and seek the advice of your priest. You can get through this.