Mary Magdalene is fed up

[RedSoxWife]

WHAT!!?!!
You are being dismissive of all females now? ‘The typical female attitude’? What’s that supposed to mean?

It probably isn’t the majority attitude on these forums, but there is certainly a prevalent feminist attitude that’s out there that pretty much blames men for every single problem in the universe. I have quite a few friends who do it (and who got a lot of encouragement from our liberal “Catholic” college professors) and it is rather trendy right now. With a couple of my friends I’ve just had to wince because they’re often angry about something else and are just taking it out on the first guy they come across. I’m not saying that is the case on this thread, but it certainly IS AN ATTITUDE THAT’S OUT THERE.

Back to the rest of the thread…

belovedandbless-

I had a past that was very similar to yours. It was very violent. And you absolutely can get past it! The sacraments help, and in my life another major transformative tool was praying the rosary.

Friends who knew me in college and before I converted have asked a lot how I went from being one way to the other and look at me like I’m crazy when they hear the answer.

On the other hand I really wouldn’t blame a guy who had waited for marriage who wants a girl that waited too. I have friends who are like that, who’ve struggled to remain virgins for marriage (one was a NCAA division 1 baseball played who had girls throwing themselves at him daily) and who were always clear that they wanted to same thing. People here have acted like that’s a sign of immaturity, but I just don’t see it that way. People have all sorts of ridiculous standards when looking for a mate and no one bats an eye. I don’t think wanting to wait for someone who’s gone through the same struggle to wait is that far out there.

I did also encounter the guys on the other side of it, who would date (and sleep with) girls that had pasts, but absolutely would never consider anything like marriage with a girl who wasn’t a virgin. Any woman would be lucky to stay clear of this type! As someone said up above, just be glad if they reveal their character early on. Pressure to have sex before marriage from someone who goes to your parish may be a sign of this type!

Prayers that you continue in your healing and move past this until it’s barely a memory (you really can get to that point!).

 

[Binary]

belovedandbless,

I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with these caddish men. Nobody should judge you for your past. Keep your head high and keep doing the right thing.

 

[Randi]

belovedandbless -
I wanted to let you know that you are not alone is struggling with chastity post-rape/post-sexual abuse. I know and love two women very dear to me who have struggled and are still struggling with this. This is a spiritual battle that can destroy marriages, so it is so, so, so important for you to focus your efforts on opening up your wounded heart to let Jesus heal you completely. If you are still falling into sin, as you said, then you have some more healing to do before you will be able to have a successful and chaste relationship with a man. Let Jesus love you, not any human man. You are so precious to the Lord and He wants desperately to heal your wounds and help you overcome. He wants to make a masterpiece out of your life! Let him do it and please do not feel the need to confess your sins to other fallible human beings. They do not need to know.
One of the women that I know who has this battle loves the book of the Bible called Hosea. She also loves the Christian fiction book “Redeeming Love” which is based upon Hosea. These stories are about the power of God’s redemptive love and about how God can bring a person into your life who can love you the way God loves you. All sacramental marriage has the capacity to become redemptive love. You will know when God is calling you to marriage, because your future spouse would treat you as Christ would, he would cherish you and love you.
And I also want to add that virginal does not necessarily mean the same thing as chaste. There are many ways in which people who are virgins prior to marriage still sin against chastity. Sexual sins are struggles for most people, so don’t despair and keep your head held high when people abuse you. Just as you said, you know who you are and Whose you are. That’s what really counts. When you are ready, God will bring a good man into your life.

 

[kage_ar]

Asking one more time, why do you tell anyone other than your confessor the details of your past sins?

 

[RedSoxWife]

Asking one more time, why do you tell anyone other than your confessor the details of your past sins?

While it’s probably not the case when telling prospective dates your past, I have shared the overview of my past with others who had similar problems/ experiences to hopefully help them see that they can get past it. While I understand that my sins are in the past I don’t think God would object to past experiences being used to empathize with others. There can be an upside to having horrible experiences… having moved past it we can hopefully help others see that it is in fact possible.

 

[StJudePray4Me]

Well unfortunately that is judgemntal, my dear.** If Christ extends his greatness and his love to someone with a past to redeem them to the point where all vesitges of the past are gone, how come you can’t?** I thought marriage was not only about seeing who is compatible for you but how best you can help your spouse to heaven? And who is to say that simply because the lady in question may have a past she may not be compatible in every other way? How come everyone is so interested in the mate that they can get instead of discerning whether this is the person who Christ desires you to give sacrifical love to?

Well, I would venture to say that it’s because he is NOT Christ. Unlike Christ, we are fallible, sinful humans. But truly – when you know that you are forgiven by God, why do you care about these guys?

I also would really like to know why and when you are telling men about your past. Or is it a small town and people know/remember your younger days? I agree with all those who say you don’t need to divulge any of this stuff, unless you’re talking marriage with someone.

If you find that you have trouble NOT talking about it – perhaps you are still in the healing process to the point where you shouldn’t be dating? I don’t mean that you’re not worthy or anything like that, just not ready emotionally, if you know what I mean?

I think it’s a tall order to present someone with all your past sins right up front, and then expect them not to react to that. For example, if I just met a man and one of the first things he said was “I used to have a cocaine problem,” I’m not sure I would want to continue to get to know him. (Maybe that’s bad of me, but I feel strongly about drug use being a deal breaker in a romantic relationship). However, if I had gotten to know him for a few weeks or months, and saw that he is a good person and not using drugs, and THEN he told me, I might be willing to look past it…

 

[PPeterson]

mjs1987;6295617:

Thank you all the guys who have compassion and understand that life is not all that complicated and easy. Until you have been in other people’s shoes and exerpience the trauma that I have, it gives you NO right to say that I was excusing myself. If you had read, you would have seen that I said am WORKING out my healing. I was a two-time rape victim during those 15 years. The first time, I was A VIRGIN. Anybody who has worked with rape victims KNOWS there are either two long term sexual reactions to rape - frgidilty or promiscutiy. I did not get counselling until a few years ago.

hello BnB. I’m a man and trauma professional. You’re right, anyone who thinks you are trying to make excuses for yourself has absolutely no clue at all. Healing from multiple sexual traumas takes more courage and strength than most people can begin to fathom. You should be admired, not judged. Any catholic man who can’t handle your “past” is unworthy of you. I feel confident that if you keep working through this as you are, you will be able to find someone lucky to have you. Not only that, but you’re likely to have a depth of empathy and compassion that is a blessing to others.

On a related note, I think sometimes “virginity” is over emphasized in these discussions at the expense of chastity/purity. Any catholic man who has engaged in sexual “self gratification”, viewing pornography, harboring lustful thoughts, or sexual activity short of intercourse has just as much “a past” as any despite how he may wish to view himself.

I’ve met a few men who have truly kept themselves pure/chaste, and they are to be lauded, and respected. In each case their goodness and strength of faith was readily apparent and astounding.

On the other hand, for every one of these men I’ve met far more catholics whose “chastity” was better described as being too socially awkward to have actual girlfriends.

 

[StJudePray4Me]

hello BnB. I’m a man and trauma professional. You’re right, anyone who thinks you are trying to make excuses for yourself has absolutely no clue at all. Healing from multiple sexual traumas takes more courage and strength than most people can begin to fathom. You should be admired, not judged. Any catholic man who can’t handle your “past” is unworthy of you. I feel confident that if you keep working through this as you are, you will be able to find someone lucky to have you. Not only that, but you’re likely to have a depth of empathy and compassion that is a blessing to others.

On a related note, I think sometimes “virginity” is over emphasized in these discussions at the expense of chastity/purity. Any catholic man who has engaged in sexual “self gratification”, viewing pornography, harboring lustful thoughts, or sexual activity short of intercourse has just as much “a past” as any despite how he may wish to view himself.

This is such a great point!!!

I’ve met a few men who have truly kept themselves pure/chaste, and they are to be lauded, and respected. In each case their goodness and strength of faith was readily apparent and astounding.

On the other hand, for every one of these men I’ve met far more catholics whose “chastity” was better described as being too socially awkward to have actual girlfriends.

 

[whatevergirl]

I guess that is why I worte this rant. After being involved with someone like you who was not open to being with a non-virign or having any kind of past,it is clear to see what I am talking about. using your brain mneas also that you consider whther or not the person has been truly converted. i tmeans exteneding grace to the person who has truly changed. I feel frsutrated when I meet persons like you bcuase I feel like I can’t win.While all of us are born with the same call to resist sin, not all of us are fortunate enough to be born into or raised in the best circumstances. I feel fed up becuase I always thought in Christ, it’s not only where you’ve been but who you are and where youare about to go. hearing you say the things you have said in a thread like this points exactly to the attitudes I have been complaining about, " I have not sinned, therefore I don’t want to associate with anybody who did" …sigh

First, I’m very sorry for the pain you have gone through, in your childhood, and as an adult seeking a potential Catholic man for marriage.

I was a virgin when I married…I married a non virgin. And it wasn’t because my potential spouse’s past ‘‘didn’t’’ matter, but rather, I chose to look at the whole person, where he was at the time we met, spiritually…and judge if we were compatible based on THAT. My husband had a sexual past, but, when we met, he was living the chaste life…waiting to find someone for marriage. BUT…THAT SAID…if someone who is a virgin, chooses to only date virgins…that is his/her right…and they shouldn’t be judged by you, either. The judging door can sometimes swing both ways. Not all Catholic men will reject the idea of dating non virgins…but some will…that is life. There isn’t anything wrong with wanting a particular ‘‘virtue’’ in someone…nothing at all. So, try not to grow disheartened…it’s not all Catholic men, but some will treat you with disinterest because of your past. It doesn’t make those men ‘‘bad,’’ or ‘‘mean spirited,’’ just makes them disinterested in marrying a non virgin, is all.

Trust in the Lord…you are a child of His, and no man has the right to ‘‘judge’’ you…but you also don’t have the right to expect all Catholic men in dating situations, to be fine with your past. It just means that there will be some Catholic men who are not interested, but some who are…and there is nothing wrong with that. Of those you met who have been unkind to you, I am very sorry. We are not the sum total of our past errors and sins, and I’m very sorry that some have been unkind to you because of yours and fail to see the ‘‘new’’ you …but, again, not all Catholic men will view you like this.

I will pray that your burden grows lighter, in Christ. *

 

[kib]

hello BnB. I’m a man and trauma professional. You’re right, anyone who thinks you are trying to make excuses for yourself has absolutely no clue at all. Healing from multiple sexual traumas takes more courage and strength than most people can begin to fathom. You should be admired, not judged. Any catholic man who can’t handle your “past” is unworthy of you. I feel confident that if you keep working through this as you are, you will be able to find someone lucky to have you. Not only that, but you’re likely to have a depth of empathy and compassion that is a blessing to others.

On a related note, I think sometimes “virginity” is over emphasized in these discussions at the expense of chastity/purity. Any catholic man who has engaged in sexual “self gratification”, viewing pornography, harboring lustful thoughts, or sexual activity short of intercourse has just as much “a past” as any despite how he may wish to view himself.

I’ve met a few men who have truly kept themselves pure/chaste, and they are to be lauded, and respected. In each case their goodness and strength of faith was readily apparent and astounding.

On the other hand, for every one of these men I’ve met far more catholics whose “chastity” was better described as being too socially awkward to have actual girlfriends.

Wonderful post, especially the last sentence.

 

[belovedandbless]

belovedandbless;6296130:

hello BnB. I’m a man and trauma professional. You’re right, anyone who thinks you are trying to make excuses for yourself has absolutely no clue at all. Healing from multiple sexual traumas takes more courage and strength than most people can begin to fathom. You should be admired, not judged. Any catholic man who can’t handle your “past” is unworthy of you. I feel confident that if you keep working through this as you are, you will be able to find someone lucky to have you. Not only that, but you’re likely to have a depth of empathy and compassion that is a blessing to others.

On a related note, I think sometimes “virginity” is over emphasized in these discussions at the expense of chastity/purity. Any catholic man who has engaged in sexual “self gratification”, viewing pornography, harboring lustful thoughts, or sexual activity short of intercourse has just as much “a past” as any despite how he may wish to view himself.

I’ve met a few men who have truly kept themselves pure/chaste, and they are to be lauded, and respected. In each case their goodness and strength of faith was readily apparent and astounding.

On the other hand, for every one of these men I’ve met far more catholics whose “chastity” was better described as being too socially awkward to have actual girlfriends.

Thank you very much…for those who advocate not telling anything at all, I would say that would be just as much a lie. While I am not into telling all the details of who, what, when or when,but anybody who has been through serious trauma knows that there are two stages in life - before and after the trauma. To hold off on telling someone until you trust them, yes. I don’t go blurting out to every body I meet that I have been raped, nor every man either. However, to pretend like it did not happen and conceal it from afuture partner would be to deny thethings that helped from me into the person that he will marry me. The trauma and what God is doing in my life as a result is a major part of who I am.

I hope that one day when my wholeness and healing is complete to help be a light for other people like me. There are lot of people sitting in our pews suffering silently from the hurt and pain of all the issues I have been through…the rape, the porn, the promiscuity and perishing becuase of the shame of it all. One of the huge things that has brought me from acting out and sinning frequenly to infrequnetly has been the fact that I had to deal with all the underlying issues…something that many people who makes a “snap” judgement don’t realize.

 

[whatevergirl]

PPeterson;6296995:

Thank you very much…for those who advocate not telling anything at all, I would say that would be just as much a lie. While I am not into telling all the details of who, what, when or when,but anybody who has been through serious trauma knows that there are two stages in life - before and after the trauma. To hold off on telling someone until you trust them, yes. I don’t go blurting out to every body I meet that I have been raped, nor every man either. However, to pretend like it did not happen and conceal it from afuture partner would be to deny thethings that helped from me into the person that he will marry me. The trauma and what God is doing in my life as a result is a major part of who I am.

I hope that one day when my wholeness and healing is complete to help be a light for other people like me. There are lot of people sitting in our pews suffering silently from the hurt and pain of all the issues I have been through…the rape, the porn, the promiscuity and perishing becuase of the shame of it all. One of the huge things that has brought me from acting out and sinning frequenly to infrequnetly has been the fact that I had to deal with all the underlying issues…something that many people who makes a “snap” judgement don’t realize.

And know God forgives you…but sometimes, the hardest part with our past…is in forgiving ourselves.

 

[Havard]

I’m by no means an expert in these things, but I can think of one thing that may support your belief that telling your spouse is the way to go… if you have suffered trauma because of rape or pornography, that may effect intimacy in marriage. Maybe it won’t. And I certainly hope it won’t. But if it does, and there are resulting intimacy problems, he may think it’s because you don’t like his intimacy, and take it the wrong way.

Perhaps this isn’t helpful, and if so, ignore it… but I thought I’d throw it out there for discussion.

 

[whatevergirl]

*The truth is, good bad or indifferent…the pain and struggles of our lives, and the grace that we accept from God to make us whole again, is what makes us who we are today. We all have things from our pasts, not necessarily sexual, that if placed under a microscope, we might cringe to let others view. But, if we have repented…learned…are contrite…if we are living lives in accordance with God’s will…that is actually a beautiful story, and why Jesus came in the first place. He came to save us, to rescue us from sin–to show us a better way. I think belovedandbless that your story is a beautiful one of discovery and restoration–Christ makes all things (and people) new. I think that you shouldn’t be ashamed of where you were, and how far you have come. Don’t let any person make you feel that way…if you meet men who do…then, those are not the types you would want to get to know further, anyways. There are good Catholic single men out there who will love you for you. And it isn’t that they will ‘ignore’ your past, but they will accept it as part and parcel of who you are.

I pray you meet someone like that. *

 

[belovedandbless]

I’m by no means an expert in these things, but I can think of one thing that may support your belief that telling your spouse is the way to go… if you have suffered trauma because of rape or pornography, that may effect intimacy in marriage. Maybe it won’t. And I certainly hope it won’t. But if it does, and there are resulting intimacy problems, he may think it’s because you don’t like his intimacy, and take it the wrong way.

Perhaps this isn’t helpful, and if so, ignore it… but I thought I’d throw it out there for discussion.

Havard, one of the fallacies that people have is that the only reaction post rape is that women are unable or unwilling to have sex. For me it was the opposite, I was promiscous and had sexual pleasure. I thought there was nothing wrong with me except that I was ***being sinful ***until things came to a head and I started to do the research and realize that not all rape victims hate men or hate sex post-rape. I have gone to rape counselling since,(I said said so in a previous posts and whatever in healing I have left to do, God and me have to weavethat tapestry togehter). While I am angry at those Catholic men who were in church and should have known better, I don’t hate men or sex. I will never not say that I don’t need more help. I am a work in progress. It’s been 15 long years to walk out of this cycle and I hope that I see complete healing one day.

 

[mamabear3]

rape survivors can have all different reactions to sex…Blessed you aren’t married yet and might not actually know how you will react to sex. i was raped on and off for two years of my life (between 14-16) i had no problems having sex with boyfriends after that ( I’m not condoning pre-marital sex). But after i got married i had so many problems. some of them are so personal i can’t even say. but basicaly if i didn’t feel safe or it reminded me of the rape i would get very upset and cry. my husband didn’t really know i was raped at the time (because i didn’t even know, it took me a long time to realize what happened to me) . he thought it was his fault and felt horrible. i do think spouses should know about a TRAUMATIZING sexual past. but they don’t need to know until you are discerning marriage.

 

[Ryzeke]

I haven’t actually read all the posts, but I wanted to put in my 2 cents.

I to have fallen sexual sin, and only just recently. I was a virgin of a different Protestant denomination, and had broadly different views of sexual sins. But even after committing the sin, I didn’t feel like it was enough to just ‘pray for forgiveness’. Something was clearly wrong. Since my decision to convert to Catholicism, I’ve learned what sort of power I need to control in myself for a healthy loving relationship. The woman puts her trust in the man to protect her and her chastity. If the man is strong, he can control his own desires and can help protect the woman from sinning, and in essence, save himself from sinning as well.

I only now feel that I am a little ‘tainted’ from my sexual past. I cannot even begin to describe the pain of leading someone else to sin if you’re truly sorry for it. Until I receive my first confession, I don’t feel that I’m totally absolved from it. However, until then, and once I receive it, I know that my future relationships have to exert more self control on my part. It’s my role as the man and the protector. I dunno, I just feel it’s ‘ingrained’ in my to act this way. I desperately want a relationship that is pleasing and worthy of God.

I too feel that I’ll be judged a little bit by future women if they were to know of my past. So I take my sexual sins to God first, and He’ll renew me and make me stronger for Him. So that I can protect another child of His from sin. You have to be strong in yourself if you’re to be strong for others.

 

[Nec5]

This is an ugly issue on many levels although, in the end, it is quite simple. As a male that has chosen not to sleep around, I will attempt to situate some of the issues you are encountering without BSing you. You seem to have encountered enough of that at this point.

1. You are not a virgin. You have been loose/promiscuous/wild in the past. This is a major warning bell for guys like myself (few of us that are left anyway). Past behavior is the single best predictor of future behavior. Something in your past/upbringing tainted your values and ways of viewing yourself and the world. Most men or women with your past sexual promiscuity are unlikely to change their values and behave in a moral fashion. The myth is that people change; they rarely do.

In your case, you also have a rape background which accounts for a great deal of your past actions.

For this first point, you have to realize a few things. Only a foolish man would date you, learn about your past, and simply overlook it because you claim to be on the straight and narrow. This works in reverse too. You would be foolish to date a guy with a loose background and simply overlook his past because he was “born again” or “found himself.” It is unlikely that a person like yourself would really change.

However, as a Christian, we are called to accept the possibility of forgiveness and true change via Christ/confession/redemption. This is the ugly part for people like myself that observe predictable destructive patterns of behavior among today’s women. Here’s the thing: If I were dating you, I would hope you would have great humility and shame about your past. If I sensed that feeling of honesty from you, I, and most decent men, would give you a chance. Considering your past, “a chance” means spending A LOT of time with you to make sure you are sincere. We’re talking a two-year minimum. This is always difficult in a relationship because the longer it goes on, the more the heart wants to rule the head. Again, you should want to spend a good deal of time with any future guy before marriage because your character background makes you more susceptible to the legions of players and snakes out there.

1. You claim to be giving in to Catholics that want to sleep with you. These so-called Catholics are not even Christian. What’s the old saying? “Know them by their fruits”? They can sing in the choir and organize church activities all day long, but if they exploit fellow Christians/citizens, they will be in a for a rude awakening when they face their Maker. Their snake personalities, however, do not excuse your behavior. By your own admission, you are still sleeping around. If you wish to be taken seriously by a decent Christian guy, you have to walk the walk. Tell these so-called Catholic leaders to stick it and inform your priest/clergy about the issue. Wolves in sheep’s clothing have no business leading any church activities. Again, focus on your behavior. This world is a couple clowns shy of a circus, but you don’t have to be one.
2. The third point is rather depressing because there is not a whole lot you can do about it. We are living in a morally bankrupt society. Men and women sleep around, divorce, have kids, live together, and call it macaroni. People have tattoos and piercings all over their faces and bodies. It’s train wreck central. Men sleeping with men, abortion, discarded babies from artificial insemination, it’s the new normal. Those of us that do not behave this way are a vanishing and increasingly alienated breed. What does this mean for you? It means it is incredibly difficult for anyone to find a traditional man/woman that shares old school Christian values and tries to live the life. I’m not advocating that we all are perfect, but sleeping around is a big deal or at least it should be. Your troubled past makes the few good guys out there hesitant because of the current cultural mindset. That’s not fair to you if you really are sincere and have turned your life around via Christ and morality. It is, however, a sad truth you should keep in mind.

I’ll summarize briefly what I recommend:

1. Stop sleeping around.
2. Tell those Catholic fakers to stick it. Don’t coddle evil.
3. Stop sleeping around with anyone.
4. Work on yourself for a while (a year maybe) until you are confident about fending off these types of snakes.
5. Be brutally honest with any guy you like and be equally humble about it. Prospective spouses have a right to know about who you are and that includes a full accounting of your past. A good guy will give you a chance and probably be more forthcoming about his own issues even if they laughably pale in comparison to the trauma of your past. This sharing of your history will necessarily leave you a bit vulnerable but there is no avoiding it.
6. If you have truly turned your life around and have ditched your old habits, don’t beat yourself up over it. You’re doing what God wants; that’s all anyone, including yourself, can ask for.

 

[belovedandbless]

This is an ugly issue on many levels although, in the end, it is quite simple. As a male that has chosen not to sleep around, I will attempt to situate some of the issues you are encountering without BSing you. You seem to have encountered enough of that at this point.

1. You are not a virgin. You have been loose/promiscuous/wild in the past. This is a major warning bell for guys like myself (few of us that are left anyway). Past behavior is the single best predictor of future behavior. Something in your past/upbringing tainted your values and ways of viewing yourself and the world. Most men or women with your past sexual promiscuity are unlikely to change their values and behave in a moral fashion. The myth is that people change; they rarely do.

In your case, you also have a rape background which accounts for a great deal of your past actions.

For this first point, you have to realize a few things. Only a foolish man would date you, learn about your past, and simply overlook it because you claim to be on the straight and narrow. This works in reverse too. You would be foolish to date a guy with a loose background and simply overlook his past because he was “born again” or “found himself.” It is unlikely that a person like yourself would really change.

However, as a Christian, we are called to accept the possibility of forgiveness and true change via Christ/confession/redemption. This is the ugly part for people like myself that observe predictable destructive patterns of behavior among today’s women. Here’s the thing: If I were dating you, I would hope you would have great humility and shame about your past. If I sensed that feeling of honesty from you, I, and most decent men, would give you a chance. Considering your past, “a chance” means spending A LOT of time with you to make sure you are sincere. We’re talking a two-year minimum. This is always difficult in a relationship because the longer it goes on, the more the heart wants to rule the head. Again, you should want to spend a good deal of time with any future guy before marriage because your character background makes you more susceptible to the legions of players and snakes out there.

1. You claim to be giving in to Catholics that want to sleep with you. These so-called Catholics are not even Christian. What’s the old saying? “Know them by their fruits”? They can sing in the choir and organize church activities all day long, but if they exploit fellow Christians/citizens, they will be in a for a rude awakening when they face their Maker. Their snake personalities, however, do not excuse your behavior. By your own admission, you are still sleeping around. If you wish to be taken seriously by a decent Christian guy, you have to walk the walk. Tell these so-called Catholic leaders to stick it and inform your priest/clergy about the issue. Wolves in sheep’s clothing have no business leading any church activities. Again, focus on your behavior. This world is a couple clowns shy of a circus, but you don’t have to be one.
2. The third point is rather depressing because there is not a whole lot you can do about it. We are living in a morally bankrupt society. Men and women sleep around, divorce, have kids, live together, and call it macaroni. People have tattoos and piercings all over their faces and bodies. It’s train wreck central. Men sleeping with men, abortion, discarded babies from artificial insemination, it’s the new normal. Those of us that do not behave this way are a vanishing and increasingly alienated breed. What does this mean for you? It means it is incredibly difficult for anyone to find a traditional man/woman that shares old school Christian values and tries to live the life. I’m not advocating that we all are perfect, but sleeping around is a big deal or at least it should be. Your troubled past makes the few good guys out there hesitant because of the current cultural mindset. That’s not fair to you if you really are sincere and have turned your life around via Christ and morality. It is, however, a sad truth you should keep in mind.

I’ll summarize briefly what I recommend:

1. Stop sleeping around.
2. Tell those Catholic fakers to stick it. Don’t coddle evil.
3. Stop sleeping around with anyone.
4. Work on yourself for a while (a year maybe) until you are confident about fending off these types of snakes.
5. Be brutally honest with any guy you like and be equally humble about it. Prospective spouses have a right to know about who you are and that includes a full accounting of your past. A good guy will give you a chance and probably be more forthcoming about his own issues even if they laughably pale in comparison to the trauma of your past. This sharing of your history will necessarily leave you a bit vulnerable but there is no avoiding it.
6. If you have truly turned your life around and have ditched your old habits, don’t beat yourself up over it. You’re doing what God wants; that’s all anyone, including yourself, can ask for.

without BS… I would like to point out at NO TIME did I inidicate in my posts or answers that I was still sleeping around…I have been chaste, OUT of a sinful realtionsip, no porn etc for a while.

I NEVER inidcated that I was anything LESS than honest with any man I was with, at any level about my past. In fact, that is what has been my dwonfall, In my humble opinion. I am in no way condoning what I did but for every post I have seen so far from a guy is who is a virgin, implies that becuase you are virgins , you have committed no sexaul sins whatsoever. If you have not lusted, masturbated, seen NO prnography and been completely totally pure in thought, word and deed than you may have the moral right to judge my complete character based on my sins in one area…(to be con’td)

 

[MercyMia]

belovedandbless…If it helps, I did not take away from your post at all that you were now sleeping around with these men from Church. I think the last poster misread your post.
a hug