P
Purgation_Road
Guest
Been there, done that–all of it. :banghead: The rationalization, the “oh well,” the strangly-feigened-yet-wishfully-sincere contrition. :banghead:Brothers, it is with great, disappoint that I report to you, that as a your brother in this battle i fell yesterday and even today. Even as i type this to all of you my soul is in mortal sin. I was ‘sober’ for about 10 months, until a couple of days ago just something very small sparked my arousal. I have been a daily communicant for a while and prayed the rosary daily, even was in the middle of a couple of novenas, then my world came crashing down…I gave into temptaion, I felt like I had been winded so tight sexually…meaning, not experienced erotic fantasies or masturbation, or pornography for so long, the devil told me I was due…sadly I listend to him, not caring for the consequences only until after i commited the act…I felt suh sorrow and so ashamed.
Then today about an hour ago I engaged in pornography, masturbation, fantasies, the works…This sin is HELL,epecially crafted by Satan for us men…and i have become ensnared. As with all the times this has happened i always had the feeling in the back of my head “oh well, i’m screwed anyway, why not” or “I could just go to confession tomorrow” I absolutley hate tjhose thoughts. Has anyone else here experienced this dilemma? And then i feel as if i am using the sacrament if i go. I get the feeling that, I should be sorry, and i want to be sorry, but i don’t “feel” as though I am deeply sorrowful…and i want to be sorrowful for this sin, and i want to have perfect contrition
It was definately premeditated and willed on my part, unfortunately. Now i want forgivness. I hate this sin so badly.
Brothers…Help me.
I have to say though, 10 months is pretty darn good.
I find that the longer I go without stumbling the more apt I am to give into lustful thoughts/stares. You know, the kind you hold onto even after you’ve reminded yourself they are sinful–potentially mortal ones at that.
It seems like it never ends. Especially these days when you can’t go 10 minutes in public without seeing some woman scantily clad.