Masturbation and Addiction

[Peter_Dawson]

You are absolutely right. Some men and even some woman I suspect create more stress and guilt obsessing about NOT masturbating that they wind up doing it a lot more than if they would simply STOP WORRYING ABOUT IT!

Men, if you want to take the focus off this practice, the first thing you need to do is give up all porn cold turkey. This will bring your hormone output levels and sexual thoughts back to a more reasonable level. Will you be perfectlty chaste? NO! Just clean up your life as best you can and stop worrying about the occasional “slip of the hand” so to speak.

Is it a sin to masturbate? Well, in my opinion, our sexual abilities were not given to us for our own amusement. Regular and habitual masturbation is a manifestation of self-centeredness. There lies the bigger problem. The husband or wife who resorts to regular masturbation while denying relations with their spouse is guilty and needs to get right with God …and their spouse. Furthermore, the primary purpose of the sexual capacity is procreation.

Young men in particular need to know that this is a very normal part of growing up. During the maturing process however, the young man learns to focus that energy into a loving marriage as his deepest expression of love for his wife.

But the fact remains, not all men (and women) are suited or ready for marriage. Not everyone is capable of being a good parent for many reasons, some of these include health issues, mental disabilities and such. Are these people doomed unless they live celibate? Few people are actually capable of living that way.

It’s a complicated issue and we need to stop shaming ourselves and others over it. In order to live sane lives, we must keep the masturbation issue in perspective.

I would add that the question about porn use is the same as the question about masturbation: What are you NOT doing instead of looking at porn?

My wife had a good insight about porn: It’s the place where men who are afraid of other things go.

 

[KingTheoden]

As a newly confirmed Catholic, I want to chime in on the topic, as it has been a major stumbling block for me.

Nsper7, please know that I truly empathize with you and have been where you find yourself. The first step is a two parter: first, get rid of any kind of materials that lead you to this sin. Second, you must pray to God that His grace fill you.

I think others have posted a lot of helpful information, among which is avoiding the temptation to obsess over this problem. There are so many things we should be doing normally that, eventually, it will seem silly that we ever spent so much time torturing ourselves for this addiction.

With this said, there steps we might need to take to help free ourselves from this sin. Perhaps immodestly dressed women serve as occassions for sin. Well, if you happen to see them, don’t gawk or project anger toward them in your mind; rather, just look away or at the ground (like those in Dante’s Divine Commedy purifying themselves carrying the bolder).

As my Priest has said in my two Confessions, God loves us always. It is satan who leads us to sin and then tries to tell us that we are worthless, trash, scum, etc. for our actions.

What has really helped me is throwing myself in activities and trying to avoid idle time. Prayer, reading of Holy materials, and physical activity have all been really helpful to me. Also, we sometimes have to take time away from friends who don’t understand why this is a sin or are simply rejecting Church teachings (remember to be careful not to be self righteous about it).

I’m a male, mid twenties, and has a girlfriend (of course, abiding by rules of chastity). So, I know what you are feeling. Remember that you can overcome your addiction; openning yourself up to God is so much component to this and then keeping yourself busy.

 

[davymax3]

Do you speak as a Psychologist or are you stating what the Church teaches? If it is the latter, then you are wrong in the first sentence.

I don’t think he means that the Church teaches that is it a “normal” thing to masturbate. I think he means, that the Church would certainly recognize that it’s “normal” for young men to have sexual urges. Although, I don’t think the Church has made a statement about that. Let me know if you find anything.

 

[Neithan]

So much good advice, but a potentially poisoned apple:

Single men who have a natural tendency toward a high sex drive will have the most difficulty refraining from masturbating from time to time. Some men have a naturally low sex drive and control isn’t that difficult. My hat is off to you guys that can refrain 100%.

The truth is, most men will do this occasionally for the majority of their adult lives no matter how much they wish they didn’t. The bigger sin is allowing the guilt to interfere with your ability to enjoy the life that God has given you along with your ability to be helpful and of service to others.

Prayer and confession are always helpful, but you must never torture yourself emotionally over this issue. God knows your heart. Do your best. Ask God to take this habit away (on his time table) and ask him to help you turn the guilt you feel into desire reach out to others and do some good deeds.

Be at peace~

No offense meant TLM, but there is a tendency here to a kind of spiritual despair: “well I have a strong libido so I’ll never really overcome this addiction, so I just shouldn’t worry about it.” A lie mixed with some truth. We shouldn’t worry about it, but you can overcome the addiction, and we will, if we truly will it. The problem is that the addiction causes us to have repeated failures of will. The last thing we should do is just accept the sin as somehow an integral part of us that we will struggle with our entire lives. Separate yourself from the sin - you are not your sin! God wants to purify you.

Peter Dawson has the right idea: flee temptation. Some sins, like sloth, must be resisted (cf. Summa Theologica), but lust must be fled. You can’t beat this beast by fighting it, or else it turns into quicksand, you just have to run from it altogether.* Don’t worry* about masturbation, don’t obsess or make it a focus of your prayer life. Run from this vice - into virtue. Replace the sinful habits with good habits. Don’t turn back. You have to do this every day. As you put sins of impurity further and further from your mind, God will purify you. Grace does not work without nature, it perfects it, so you have to take the natural steps to allow Grace to heal you. Never despair if you fall, but get back up, go to confession and forget about it.
It goes without saying that you need to avoid pornography of any kind if you ever hope to put masturbation behind you.
Get a good spiritual director!


Addendum: never do anything because it will help you overcome masturbation. That’s just falling into the trap and not really fleeing it. Be positively motivated: focus on building virtues rather than avoiding vices (negative).

 

[Roche13]

I know the catechism refers to the act as masturbation, but, in my experience confessors seem not to like the word, referring instead to self-impurity or self-abuse. I’ve had one priest tell me it is starting to be accepted as a venial sin, which I found hard to believe. Maybe he was referring to force of habit. Most priests are very understanding.

As impossible as it may seem to get rid of this ingrained habit, it can be accomplished. The first step is getting past the belief that it is natural and can’t be avoided. The second step is a strong desire to live within Catholic teaching. At least, this has been helpful to me. And third, of course is pray, pray, pray.

It does get easier as one gets older. Young Catholics have to keep the faith and do the basics, like avoiding pornography. This should cut down on the imagination. One sensuous picture can get ingrained into one’s mind for some time. God Bless.

 

[Dtmccameron]

So much good advice, but a potentially poisoned apple:

No offense meant TLM, but there is a tendency here to a kind of spiritual despair: “well I have a strong libido so I’ll never really overcome this addiction, so I just shouldn’t worry about it.” A lie mixed with some truth. …

Oh, so that’s despair, is it? How…dull…I always thought it was more…philosophical…

“As impossible as it may seem to get rid of this ingrained habit, it can be accomplished. The first step is getting past the belief that it is natural and can’t be avoided.”

Yes, yes, YES, dangit! Too long have they cried, “But it’s only natural!”

Shut up! So what? Were we put here to be natural? No! We were sent here by the supernatural! And you beasts, living only for the natural, do you know what you’ve become, you godless animals? ** UN-natural! ** Monstrosities are these who go about, blind to what is, indulging in every desire of the flesh! Deaf to every call of the spirit!

Don’t tell me what’s ordinary! We weren’t made to be ordinary! We are supposed to be extraordinary!!!

And don’t you dare tell me what everyone else is doing! What was the wicked/good ratio in Sodom, eh?

And TRUTH, is not democratically decided!!!

 

[LumenGent]

davymax3:

I think he means, that the Church would certainly recognize that it’s “normal” for young men to have sexual urges. Although, I don’t think the Church has made a statement about that. Let me know if you find anything.

You can’t expect the Church to provide explanations for everything. That said, from a human biological point of view, it is natural for man to have sexual urges, just as it isn’t a sin to feel hungry although food and sex are not on the same level.

 

[holyrosary11]

How does one know if their masturbation issue is an addiction and, thus, mitigate consent? I ask because I find the issue confusing. It is like I can sometimes go a couple weeks without falling into the sin, but then I end up back on it. Earlier today, I fell into that sin and also presumption (I assumed I would just go to Confession later, which I did, Confessing both the masturbation and the presumption), but then the urge comes back.

According to Addiction and Grace, that going without for a period of time and then binging (sp?) is the third stage of the addiction process (the first being the formation of the addiction and the second being the addiction in full-swing as it were).

And different Priests say different things. One Priest, a Jesuit, told me awhile ago that, pretty much, it is an addiction and thus not (mortally) sinful. Obviously, others may or may not disagree. And certainly presumption of God’s grace/mercy is a serious sin (just read the Baltimore Catechism’s discussion of it).

I am told by Priests that I go to Confession too much (Scrupulosity issues) and that is even during times when I am in that ‘going without’ period of time. Being told that it is an addiction and is not a sin only worsens the issue because then becomes a rationalization and then I worry that that then triggers ‘full consent’ because I am thinking this through before I sin (i.e. rationalizing that it is an addiction and thus it is not a [mortal] sin since one Priest said so).

It’s a mortal sin.
As far as listening to priests, this is why Jesus said to “call no man your father” - or in other words, don’t listen to a man as you would listen to/obey God Himself. Priests are wrong all the time, especially these days, it seems .

If you commit this sin often, you are NOT scrupulous to go to confession every time. I think some people call others scrupulous just because they themselves are not so “vigilant” and maybe there is some spiritual jealousy involved. )? Who knows? But going to confession for a mortal sin can hardly be called scrupulous.

“It is better to marry than to burn”

(notice it doesn’t say it is better to “take care of yourself sexually” than to burn)

Sex is only for marriage.

Yes, it is difficult to stay pure. But Jesus said it was difficult to get to Heaven.

 

[rowermath]

Single men who have a natural tendency toward a high sex drive will have the most difficulty refraining from masturbating from time to time. Some men have a naturally low sex drive and control isn’t that difficult. My hat is off to you guys that can refrain 100%.

The truth is, most men will do this occasionally for the majority of their adult lives no matter how much they wish they didn’t. The bigger sin is allowing the guilt to interfere with your ability to enjoy the life that God has given you along with your ability to be helpful and of service to others.

What about women. I am frustrated that the majority of info and available help on this issue is geared solely toward men. I struggle with this too. I have all my life, and I’m only in college. This is not a male only problem! It can effect women just as strongly, if not more.

 

[nsper7]

It’s a mortal sin.
As far as listening to priests, this is why Jesus said to “call no man your father” - or in other words, don’t listen to a man as you would listen to/obey God Himself. Priests are wrong all the time, especially these days, it seems .

If you commit this sin often, you are NOT scrupulous to go to confession every time. I think some people call others scrupulous just because they themselves are not so “vigilant” and maybe there is some spiritual jealousy involved. )? Who knows? But going to confession for a mortal sin can hardly be called scrupulous.

“It is better to marry than to burn”

(notice it doesn’t say it is better to “take care of yourself sexually” than to burn)

Sex is only for marriage.

Yes, it is difficult to stay pure. But Jesus said it was difficult to get to Heaven.

I am told I am Scrupulous for other reasons.

Isn’t a bit Protestant to throw that verse about “call no man father” out for use against the Priesthood? Isn’t, at some level, what separates Catholicism from Protestantism is that we have an authoritative Church and Priesthood?

 

[TLM08]

What about women. I am frustrated that the majority of info and available help on this issue is geared solely toward men. I struggle with this too. I have all my life, and I’m only in college. This is not a male only problem! It can effect women just as strongly, if not more.

You are absolutely right. Women are aroused primarily through the emotions whereas men are primarily aroused through the eyes. I am sure there are other differences, but the bottom line is that the normal, healthy human body is designed to give and receive sexual pleasure. …and make a few babies too!

It truly makes me sick to see how popular culture through the entertainment industry has turned sexuality into the most profitable money making ventures of all time. To me, this is far greater a sin than what a single person may do by him/herself behind closed doors from time to time.

I would not suggest that the church give a green light to this activity, but it should be noted that the scriptures are totally silent on the topic.

I wonder what percentage of healthy single adults do not masturbate from time to time. My best guess is that the number would be ten percent at best. Simply stated, everyone’s hormone levels and individual physiology and psychology is different. Very few people with high levels of these hormones can achieve that level of self control.

But to those who can… I salute you!

 

[davymax3]

blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/200903/how-common-is-masturbation-really

There seems to be a pretty good amount of people not masturbating. So, I don’t buy all this, well you can’t really help is business. I think the part about people in sexless relationships masturbating less than average and those in sexual relationships masturbating more (I thnik out of the non-married populatation), very telling. Lust is a beast that is never satisfied.

 

[MIZER]

blogs.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/200903/how-common-is-masturbation-really

There seems to be a pretty good amount of people not masturbating. So, I don’t buy all this, well you can’t really help is business. I think the part about people in sexless relationships masturbating less than average and those in sexual relationships masturbating more (I thnik out of the non-married populatation), very telling. Lust is a beast that is never satisfied.

There is a margin of error for any study based on the truthfullness of the respondents. I would think the margin of error for a study on this issue would be astronomical.

 

[Dtmccameron]

As my Priest has said in my two Confessions, God loves us always. It is satan who leads us to sin and then tries to tell us that we are worthless, trash, scum, etc. for our actions.
.

So, like he did when tempting Our Lord, he gives us a dose of truth, does he?

My wife had a good insight about porn: It’s the place where men who are afraid of other things go.

But what, praytell, are they afraid of?

“It’s better to marry than to burn”

I always took that for St. Paul saying "O, you pathetic weaklings! Well, if you truly are so beastly as to just have to get off, I guess you might as well marry, you stupid, fleshy animals of no real spiritual worth."

That’s how I read it anyways…

You are absolutely right. Women are aroused primarily through the emotions whereas men are primarily aroused through the eyes.

I disagree! A woman could be before me stark naked now, and I’d be no more aroused than were a stark naked dog, cat, cow, dolphin, or bumblebee, or meteor be before me. Who want’s not but a body? What is a body without soul? A corpse.

And now, with my pointy finger which muchly resembles a thumb I aim at all the fornicators and dub them necrophiles!

Which reminds me of that fellow…who with his wife, spoke to students about chastity…I think they’ve a link up above, regardless, he spoke once of a fellow who came to him and noted that for all his life, he had never once made love to his wife, rather, he had in fact, been masturbating inside her. shudder A repulsive thought, indeed!

 

[davymax3]

So, like he did when tempting Our Lord, he gives us a dose of truth, does he?

What’s the dose of truth you are speaking of?

But what, praytell, are they afraid of?

Could be any number of things. Commitment to a wife and a truly loving relationship. Commitment to God.

I always took that for St. Paul saying “O, you pathetic weaklings! Well, if you truly are so beastly as to just have to get off, I guess you might as well marry, you stupid, fleshy animals of no real spiritual worth.”

This is a perverted reading to say the least. Only by purposefully ignoring the message of the Gospel and the words of Jesus would this be even somewhat coherent.

I disagree! A woman could be before me stark naked now, and I’d be no more aroused than were a stark naked dog, cat, cow, dolphin, or bumblebee, or meteor be before me. Who want’s not but a body? What is a body without soul? A corpse.

The question isn’t about whether you’re the one human on this earth immune from all temptation and sin. Nor is it helpful for you just to make this statement. Since, you have achieved this, why don’t you offer some advice on how you were able to reach this state. Or were you just born this way? If so, I suspect that you are delusional. Only someone with a severe mental disability such as Autism, would not be able to see the difference between a human body and a dead dog. That’s a pretty revolting statement. Also, no one said they get turned on by dead bodies. Even if someone be a heathen, they certainly have a soul. Christ teaches this. You shouldn’t have such a disdainful and prideful attitude as to see those that are not holy as corpses.

And now, with my pointy finger which muchly resembles a thumb I aim at all the fornicators and dub them necrophiles!

I’ll repeat. Your ignorance as to the difference between having sex with a live human being and a dead body is appalling.

Which reminds me of that fellow…who with his wife, spoke to students about chastity…I think they’ve a link up above, regardless, he spoke once of a fellow who came to him and noted that for all his life, he had never once made love to his wife, rather, he had in fact, been masturbating inside her. shudder A repulsive thought, indeed!

I understand the point. John Paul II writes about this very thing. We must not “use” other people. Instead, we must love them. Only within this framework can “sex” be moral, since otherwise, we would simply be as this man said, “masturbating inside them.”

 

[CatholicKing08]

Repentance has nothing to do with addiction and recovery.

Blasphemy. Do we not receive grace from the sacrament of reconciliation?

 

[Dtmccameron]

What’s the dose of truth you are speaking of?

The, uh…stating of the condition of the sinner…y’know, wretched? But facts don’t condemn. Devil does.

Could be any number of things. Commitment to a wife and a truly loving relationship. Commitment to God.

It’s always commitment issues, isn’t it!

This is a perverted reading to say the least. Only by purposefully ignoring the message of the Gospel and the words of Jesus would this be even somewhat coherent.

What message makes it seem that he was saying otherwise? He was going on quite well how spouses and families largely get in the way of serving the Lord, since a person’s first commitment is to them, so he wished then, that all were as he, which I took, to mean, single. Celibate. Nothing willful about it. But heck, no one should put any weight on my interpretations. I took “Made in God’s own image” to mean that God must then, look somewhat humanoid!

The question isn’t about whether you’re the one human on this earth immune from all temptation and sin. Nor is it helpful for you just to make this statement. Since, you have achieved this, why don’t you offer some advice on how you were able to reach this state. Or were you just born this way? If so, I suspect that you are delusional. Only someone with a severe mental disability such as Autism, would not be able to see the difference between a human body and a dead dog. That’s a pretty revolting statement. Also, no one said they get turned on by dead bodies. Even if someone be a heathen, they certainly have a soul. Christ teaches this. You shouldn’t have such a disdainful and prideful attitude as to see those that are not holy as corpses.

No, sir, I think you, ah, misunderstand me. I said that those who fornicate this way and that, and who look upon their partners as no more than hunks of flesh, they that lust, and objectify their partners, making them less than human beings, and simply devices to satiate their carnal desires; they that see not a person, not a soul, but simply a body. And what is a body without a soul? A corpse. First dictionary ever written I think defined it thus.

So I’m not saying that their partners are corpses, all I’m saying is, the way they’re treating them, they might as well be… Because, they aren’t dealing with them like human beings… Sense am I making?

And I didn’t mention a dead dog, just a dog. I said, or meant to say, that a body, devoid of life, devoid of soul, devoid of human personality, is just as unattractive as a dog, or a space rock. Made in the image of God, so, precious, yes, attractive? No.

Further, my first statement was a rejection that males are solely visual beings.

And I think any looking upon the human form and not being aroused immediately ought stem from de-sexualizing it. Doing the opposite of Freud. We were made to do so much more than procreate!

And I realize breasts have a certain maternal connection, but if once could get past the “Oh! Lookey!” and say, “Ah! How marvelous and strange and altogether wonderful is your creation, Oh God!” I think they might have an easier time. Then again, I’m probobly delusional.

And I thought I was just crazy!

I understand the point. John Paul II writes about this very thing. We must not “use” other people. Instead, we must love them. Only within this framework can “sex” be moral, since otherwise, we would simply be as this man said, “masturbating inside them.”

So, if ever I say something confusing or stupid, look to the Saints, and think, “He probably meant to say that…” Likely not true, but, it’ll never do ya wrong to listen to them again!

 

[davymax3]

The, uh…stating of the condition of the sinner…y’know, wretched? But facts don’t condemn. Devil does.

I see your point. But I think it’s a bit over the top. We are not “worthless, trash, or scum”. Pro se, yes, I would agree with you. However, God has reached out to us and given us faith and the grace of the Holy Spirit, and Christ on the cross. We are made in God’s image. We are NOT worthless. I think that your whole viewpoint is vitally flawed because of this. You admit my point later when you say, “Made in the image of God, so, precious, yes, attractive? No.”

What message makes it seem that he was saying otherwise? He was going on quite well how spouses and families largely get in the way of serving the Lord, since a person’s first commitment is to them, so he wished then, that all were as he, which I took, to mean, single. Celibate. Nothing willful about it.

From the very beginning. God has given Adam a companion. Someone in which he can become “one flesh.” Christ, Himself, instituted Marriage as a Sacrament, and this is supposed to be a downgrade from the better life of “celibacy.” Gimme a break. I won’t continue on this, because any simple search will yield you an abundance of materials about the sanctity of Marriage and the marital bond. We serve the Lord by bringing our children up in the faith and by loving our spouse and helping them achieve eternal salvation.

Further, my first statement was a rejection that males are solely visual beings.

No one ever said “solely”

 

[Spirithound]

It would seem to be difficult to masturbate w/ ‘malice’. After all, malice, in a legal sense, means the “evil intent on the part of a person who commits a wrongful act injurious to others”. Well, I know, personally, my ‘goal’ in masturbation is not to do evil, but to pleasure myself.

But what is “evil”? Is there not a time and place for each pleasure that God has given us? The time and place for sexual pleasure is in a marriage.

To demand pleasure is certainly evil, is it not?

 

[Spirithound]

Furthermore, since we know that food and our drive to obtain it sustains life, How is eating huge piece of double chocolate fudge cake with chocolate chip ice cream right after dinner any different than pleasuring oneself sexually? This cake has nothing to do with the intended purpose of food which is to sustain life. Why isn’t “pleasure eating” like this considered evil? I am just not seeing much of a difference when logic is applied.

I’d like to draw everyone’s attention to the nutritional information for Smart One’s Double Fudge Cake.

Certainly it’s not healthy for you, but you are receiving some of the things that comprise a good diet. Apparently there is a daily recommended amount of fat in your diet. Sodium is quite high, so it’s really not a good idea at all to each the whole cake. 4% of daily calcium is obtained, and 10% of iron.

You see, cake does provide nutrition. Just not enough to justify eating it every night. Masturbation, on the other hand, does not provide spiritual or sexual nutrition. Sex is a very powerful thing, and it needs to be shared. It needs to be open to life, pleasurable, and unitive