Masturbation and Addiction

[Bob_Crowley]

I assume we’re talking about masturbation here. Like any other sin it can be avoided. However if indulged in often enough, it can become an addiction. But sex is a strong drive at the best of times. I used to be Protestant, and I recall my old Protestant pastor commenting that he knew men who had been driven to marriage by it. In other words, their sex drive was so strong, the only way they could morally satisfy it was by getting married.

In one sense that is what sex does - it drives male and female together. If it weren’t for sex we wouldn’t even be particularly interested in the opposite gender. The honeymoon period is notorious for jokes about sexual behaviour. But anyone who has been married knows the honeymoon period soon wears off, the novelty of sex dies away and we are left with the more humdrum routine of living together.

I don’t think we ought to be too condemnatory of those who have no release from sexual desire. On the other hand masturbation is an action best left undone.

 

[ladybri77]

How does one know if their masturbation issue is an addiction and, thus, mitigate consent? I ask because I find the issue confusing. It is like I can sometimes go a couple weeks without falling into the sin, but then I end up back on it. Earlier today, I fell into that sin and also presumption (I assumed I would just go to Confession later, which I did, Confessing both the masturbation and the presumption), but then the urge comes back.

According to Addiction and Grace, that going without for a period of time and then binging (sp?) is the third stage of the addiction process (the first being the formation of the addiction and the second being the addiction in full-swing as it were).

And different Priests say different things. One Priest, a Jesuit, told me awhile ago that, pretty much, it is an addiction and thus not (mortally) sinful. Obviously, others may or may not disagree. And certainly presumption of God’s grace/mercy is a serious sin (just read the Baltimore Catechism’s discussion of it).

I am told by Priests that I go to Confession too much (Scrupulosity issues) and that is even during times when I am in that ‘going without’ period of time. Being told that it is an addiction and is not a sin only worsens the issue because then becomes a rationalization and then I worry that that then triggers ‘full consent’ because I am thinking this through before I sin (i.e. rationalizing that it is an addiction and thus it is not a [mortal] sin since one Priest said so).

Since when is an addiction (when you are acting out in it), not a sin? It has always been a sin no matter what. Calling it an addiction (which it can become) so that it’s not sin, is very much an excuse. Sin is something that can hurt you, addiction being the worst of it.

 

[ladybri77]

It is a sin because it is selfish, self-centered gratification. Sex is made for marriage to be lovingly expressed by the two people involved and for procreation. However, it’s another opportunity for one who struggles with it or slips up from time to time, to seek God’s grace to help them and His mercy for forgiveness. His grace and mercy are so abundant for the asking.

It is also an opportunity for the flesh. You know the scripture that says if you give into the flesh, it grows, if you give into the Spirit, it gets stronger.

For those with strong sex drives, focusing your energy on something else like volunteering, a hobby or exercise could certainly release some of your sexual energy in a positive way.

 

[Dtmccameron]

For those with strong sex drives, focusing your energy on something else like volunteering, a hobby or exercise could certainly release some of your sexual energy in a positive way.

And now I wonder if our increasingly urban culture is leading to the spread of spritual death; people spending days in cubicles, in metal and glass towers, in front of computers, never getting to feel the dirt of the wind or the sun, the strain in their arms from the hoe or the hammer…They can’t get no satisfaction!

To misquote the song, and it turns out to be a double negative, as satisfaction is attainable. Methinks it depends on living a godly life.

 

[Peter_Dawson]

It is a sin because it is selfish, self-centered gratification. Sex is made for marriage to be lovingly expressed by the two people involved and for procreation. However, it’s another opportunity for one who struggles with it or slips up from time to time, to seek God’s grace to help them and His mercy for forgiveness. His grace and mercy are so abundant for the asking.

It is also an opportunity for the flesh. You know the scripture that says if you give into the flesh, it grows, if you give into the Spirit, it gets stronger.

For those with strong sex drives, focusing your energy on something else like volunteering, a hobby or exercise could certainly release some of your sexual energy in a positive way.

Masturbation is sinful because it comprises an abuse of a sacred life process. If sexual pleasure made it a sin, then sex would always, per se, be a sin. Clearly this is not so, otherwise we would have to conclude that God gave us a sin as a gift, right?

We should do other things to avoid masturbating, per se. (a) The effort will fail, since doing X to NOT masturbate, per se, is to obsess about masturbating, leading to doing the very thing we are trying to not do. (b) Working like a crazy person to make the world a better place is valuable, in God’s eyes. Masturbating is usually valueless in God’s eyes. We should think likewise.

 

[Peter_Dawson]

So much good advice, but a potentially poisoned apple:

No offense meant TLM, but there is a tendency here to a kind of spiritual despair: “well I have a strong libido so I’ll never really overcome this addiction, so I just shouldn’t worry about it.” A lie mixed with some truth. We shouldn’t worry about it, but you can overcome the addiction, and we will, if we truly will it. The problem is that the addiction causes us to have repeated failures of will. The last thing we should do is just accept the sin as somehow an integral part of us that we will struggle with our entire lives. Separate yourself from the sin - you are not your sin! God wants to purify you.

Peter Dawson has the right idea: flee temptation. Some sins, like sloth, must be resisted (cf. Summa Theologica), but lust must be fled. You can’t beat this beast by fighting it, or else it turns into quicksand, you just have to run from it altogether.* Don’t worry* about masturbation, don’t obsess or make it a focus of your prayer life. Run from this vice - into virtue. Replace the sinful habits with good habits. Don’t turn back. You have to do this every day. As you put sins of impurity further and further from your mind, God will purify you. Grace does not work without nature, it perfects it, so you have to take the natural steps to allow Grace to heal you. Never despair if you fall, but get back up, go to confession and forget about it.
It goes without saying that you need to avoid pornography of any kind if you ever hope to put masturbation behind you.
Get a good spiritual director!


Addendum: never do anything because it will help you overcome masturbation. That’s just falling into the trap and not really fleeing it. Be positively motivated: focus on building virtues rather than avoiding vices (negative).

You know, I like your use of “don’t turn back.” I suspect that you are thinking of Lot’s wife, fleeing Sodom, and she disobeys the angel and looks back and turns into a salt pillar (so that her story makes us very thirsty for saving water, get it?).

It is interesting that Sodom, the site of sex sin, is the place where those escaping are told, “DON’T LOOK BACK!!!” Very good. Congratulations on your successful ideation.

 

[Wiseone]

There are greater joys to life than sensory pleasures, but it takes a mature mind to not be swayed into them. If you try to avoid lust it will just increase the problem. Just look it lustful thoughts as passing clouds without judgment. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We obviously don’t encourage those thoughts, but we don’t resist them from happening either.

I suggest learning some type of meditation. And don’t underestimate yourself, you were put here on earth to become aware of how strong you are. You will overcome any vices/additions in time.

 

[ladybri77]

There are greater joys to life than sensory pleasures, but it takes a mature mind to not be swayed into them. If you try to avoid lust it will just increase the problem. Just look it lustful thoughts as passing clouds without judgment. Don’t be so hard on yourself. We obviously don’t encourage those thoughts, but we don’t resist them from happening either.

I suggest learning some type of meditation. And don’t underestimate yourself, you were put here on earth to become aware of how strong you are. You will overcome any vices/additions in time.

Fill yourself up with something that gives you natural pleasure, something you enjoy doing, meditation on God’s love, etc.

 

[holyrosary11]

I am told I am Scrupulous for other reasons.

Isn’t a bit Protestant to throw that verse about “call no man father” out for use against the Priesthood? Isn’t, at some level, what separates Catholicism from Protestantism is that we have an authoritative Church and Priesthood?

to care too much what humans think / say or do is to idolize them, put them before God.

I serve Jesus Christ and value only HIs opinion.

 

[TLM08]

Masturbation, on the other hand, does not provide spiritual or sexual nutrition. Sex is a very powerful thing, and it needs to be shared. It needs to be open to life, pleasurable, and unitive

Not everyone has been blessed to have a wife or husband to share this gift with. Furthermore, not everyone is suited for marriage. What about people with Down’s Syndrome or other mental and or physical disabilities? Few people, healthy or not, are even cabable of celibacy. Theirs is a “no win” situation.

You tell me… What are THEY supposed to do?

 

[KC91]

I think someone with mental and physical disabilities would have more pressing concerns to deal with than masturbating.

 

[TLM08]

I think someone with mental and physical disabilities would have more pressing concerns to deal with than masturbating.

While this is true, the above reply has absolutely nothing to do with the issue of human sexuality and mandatory celibacy for those who are physically or mentally disabled and those who are not well suited for marriage.

 

[KC91]

It is related in that more pressing concerns reduces the urge and interest to masturbate.

 

[Spirithound]

Not everyone has been blessed to have a wife or husband to share this gift with. Furthermore, not everyone is suited for marriage. What about people with Down’s Syndrome or other mental and or physical disabilities? Few people, healthy or not, are even cabable of celibacy. Theirs is a “no win” situation.

You tell me… What are THEY supposed to do?

Are you saying people with physical disabilities are unlovable?

Also…
Matthew 19:12:

12For some are eunuchs because they were born that way; others were made that way by men; and others have renounced marriage because of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it."

 

[TLM08]

Are you saying people with physical disabilities are unlovable?

Obviously not! Are you saying that a man or woman with physical deformities or severe birth defects can just waltz out into the world and find someone to marry and have a reasonably normal intimate life with?

 

[TLM08]

It is related in that more pressing concerns reduces the urge and interest to masturbate.

That is ridiculous! For the true addict, stress and inner turmoil can often magnify that urge.

I’m not trying to justify this practice as morally acceptable. I am only stating the reality of the human condition.

 

[KC91]

There are certain ways of definitely preventing masturbation.



lockable belt with a tube for inserting the penis. It uses spikes, electric shocks and an alarm bell as punishment for erections (designed to prevent masturbation and nocturnal ejaculation)

 

[Spirithound]

Obviously not! Are you saying that a man or woman with physical deformities or severe birth defects can just waltz out into the world and find someone to marry and have a reasonably normal intimate life with?

I know several who have.

I’m not trying to justify this practice as morally acceptable. I am only stating the reality of the human condition.

If you’re not trying to justify this practice, why even bring up those who might not marry? Why not encourage them to live by even the most difficult of Church teachings?

 

[Peter_Dawson]

KC91, #76 is inappropriate. I think that perhaps you should head the administrators off at the pass by confessing that you made that post, declare it inappropriate yourself, apologize, and ask them to remove it.

 

[davymax3]

KC91, #76 is inappropriate. I think that perhaps you should head the administrators off at the pass by confessing that you made that post, declare it inappropriate yourself, apologize, and ask them to remove it.

Completely agreed.