Masturbation and Mortal Sin

  • Thread starter Thread starter EmbarrasedFein
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
E

EmbarrasedFein

Guest
I am 16 years old and was confirmed recently. Cutting to the chase, masturbation has been an issue for me and I have always been sorry and ashamed afterwards. Not too long ago I spoke to a priest and confessed this to me. I was very worried about whether I am going to hell or not and he assured me while it is a grave matter it wasn’t a mortal sin in my circumstances because apparently full consent is not always the case in sexual matters. The issue at hand (which is embarrassing for me to say) is that I have kept on falling into temptation and try my best to resist. I seem to fail and each and every time I feel like a horrible person. I have a good relationship with God and in no way do I want to lose that, I have performed perfect contrition in order to avoid sacrilege as before I did not even know that it was sacrilege to receive communion after a “mortal sin” I am not sure of committing. Can somebody please clarify this notion of mortal sin for me because I truly and honestly cherish my relationship with God and do not want to lose it. 🤷 Thank you, God Bless.
 
I once read that “sin itself has it own punishment built in” and in your case “feeling horrible about yourself” Our own parish priest was caught recently doing the same thing in an adult book store. What can I say? I bet he feels worse than you. But God demonstrates his own love toward us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.(Romans 5:8) Mortal sin or not, we must put our thoughts first and foremost in Him. We struggle daily with trying to be holy… that is why being Christian is soo hard. My advice, , put on the armour of God… Read the book and let that be your answer. We have a merciful God and He will never abandon you no matter what! Merry Christmas
 
I had a priest tell me there were no such things as mortal sins anymore. Just “serious” sins.

Honestly, it is a mortal sin. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. You know it in your heart.

Masturbation is a silly sin to be committing really. I think it is time for us Catholic men to step up and be men and stop this silliness.

It makes you very self-centered because you bond with yourself and gain gratification for yourself. I think it is part of the narcissism epidemic we have. Even married people masturbate which is sad because they have a spouse and shouldnt have a need to masturbate. At least the teen or single person can say they are doing it out of sexual frustration.

I think it also makes men less prone to get married and be good spouses. Men feel they can use porn and masturbation to replace a real woman and create their ideal. In the end, all they are creating is a fantasy that is not real and further sends them into a quest to find the ideal they have created in their minds.
 
mjs1987 said:
I had a priest tell me there were no such things as mortal sins anymore. Just “serious” sins.

Honestly, it is a mortal sin. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. You know it in your heart.

Masturbation is a silly sin to be committing really. I think it is time for us Catholic men to step up and be men and stop this silliness.

It makes you very self-centered because you bond with yourself and gain gratification for yourself. I think it is part of the narcissism epidemic we have. Even married people masturbate which is sad because they have a spouse and shouldnt have a need to masturbate. At least the teen or single person can say they are doing it out of sexual frustration.

I think it also makes men less prone to get married and be good spouses. Men feel they can use porn and masturbation to replace a real woman and create their ideal. In the end, all they are creating is a fantasy that is not real and further sends them into a quest to find the ideal they have created in their minds.
Click to expand...
Do you have any documentation for those claims?
 
TedDC said:
Do you have any documentation for those claims?
Click to expand...
Read just about any page on the chastity tab and you’ll get an answer.

EmbarrassedFein, I know exactly how you feel. I used to have the exact same problem as you. And it IS a problem; you and I both know that, so don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Read stuff by Jason and Crystalina Evert. Their works carpet-bomb every excuse in the book, and they have also been in our position, so they aren’t a couple of preachy armchair apologists. And they’re young, so they can really relate to us (I’m 18).

Just keep trying. It took me a while, and it’s not going to go away overnight. And as always, pray. I’ll be praying for you, brother.
 
mjs1987 said:
It makes you very self-centered because you bond with yourself and gain gratification for yourself. I think it is part of the narcissism epidemic we have. Even married people masturbate which is sad because they have a spouse and shouldnt have a need to masturbate. At least the teen or single person can say they are doing it out of sexual frustration.

I think it also makes men less prone to get married and be good spouses. Men feel they can use porn and masturbation to replace a real woman and create their ideal. In the end, all they are creating is a fantasy that is not real and further sends them into a quest to find the ideal they have created in their minds.
Click to expand...
Behold, the ugly truth. Much better than a pretty lie.
 
TedDC said:
How do you know that any of that is true?
Click to expand...
“Men feel they can use porn and masturbation to replace a real woman and create their ideal. In the end, all they are creating is a fantasy that is not real and further sends them into a quest to find the ideal they have created in their minds.”

I wasn’t consciously thinking this at the time, but that is what was happening when I had a masturbation problem. The fact that I did it is bad enough. What’s even worse is that I treated countless women that I didn’t even know as objects for my own pleasure; in other words, sex slaves.

Think of it this way: would you want your daughter, sister, or future wife to be treated in such a horrendous way by a bunch of strange men?

I have lived through it and overcome it, so I KNOW it is true. Use all the flimsy, pathetic rationalizations you want. You won’t convince me.
 
JackVk said:
“Men feel they can use porn and masturbation to replace a real woman and create their ideal. In the end, all they are creating is a fantasy that is not real and further sends them into a quest to find the ideal they have created in their minds.”

I wasn’t consciously thinking this at the time, but that is what was happening when I had a masturbation problem. The fact that I did it is bad enough. What’s even worse is that I treated countless women that I didn’t even know as objects for my own pleasure; in other words, sex slaves.

Think of it this way: would you want your daughter, sister, or future wife to be treated in such a horrendous way by a bunch of strange men?
Click to expand...
You didn’t “treat” any woman in any way. You simply had thoughts about them, and they had no awareness of your thoughts.

Furthermore, not everyone who masturbates has lustful thoughts. Some men are unmarriagable due to age or physical appearance, and for them the fantasies may be merely of female companionship, and the act merely a small relief from their intense loneliness. You’re young and full of the judgmental, condemnatory fire of your religious convictions, but as you learn more about the world, you’ll see that not everything is black-and-white, and that what may be bad for you is not necessarily harmful for someone else.
 
EmbarrasedFein said:
I am 16 years old and was confirmed recently. Cutting to the chase, masturbation has been an issue for me and I have always been sorry and ashamed afterwards. Not too long ago I spoke to a priest and confessed this to me. I was very worried about whether I am going to hell or not and he assured me while it is a grave matter it wasn’t a mortal sin in my circumstances because apparently full consent is not always the case in sexual matters. The issue at hand (which is embarrassing for me to say) is that I have kept on falling into temptation and try my best to resist. I seem to fail and each and every time I feel like a horrible person. I have a good relationship with God and in no way do I want to lose that, I have performed perfect contrition in order to avoid sacrilege as before I did not even know that it was sacrilege to receive communion after a “mortal sin” I am not sure of committing. Can somebody please clarify this notion of mortal sin for me because I truly and honestly cherish my relationship with God and do not want to lose it. 🤷 Thank you, God Bless.
Click to expand...
Hi! I am a Greek Orthodox Christian and you may or may not like what I say. Catholics tend to misunderstand the Eastern Church so when I make statements regarding masturbation it will bring out alot of hostility and mixed feelings. By and large I will think you are a very good faithful young catholic. Your concerns even though well noted really do not address what you may be experiencing. Personally I do not believe what you are doing merits any mortal sins and since you are young and growing up I believe the pressure of growing up today in a society as we have today you need not to have the extra pressure that what you are doing is very sinful and that it merits the attendance of the sacrament of confession every time you commit it. I will advice you to put your worries away about this and try to see yourself as a growing young catholic man who is beginning to discover his transformation from a child into a man. Some catholics teach that masturbation is always a mortal sin and it isn’t. Now alot of catholics will not like what I said but that is too bad. I find this type of teaching is too hard for our young people to accept and we are making them feel too much guilty about something that is not. The Eastern Church does not require her children to go to confession every time you do this. It is time that catholics listen to this and to remember that sacramental confession is necessary only if the sin committed is worthy of a serious affair. Now the Cathechism of the Catholic Church has stated " to form an equitable judgement about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other pschological or social factors that can lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum , moral culpability." Now this was put into the catechism in a second edition because of the complaints from the church that the first edition reading is too excessive to obey. So the church decided to add this in and for good reason. I have said that you are a very young man who needs to know that this is not as bad as you think it is. The Orthodox Church tends to advise her children to pray to God and take it to Holy Confession only when you come for your regular confession. That is every time you commit it, just pray to God for awhile, make a note about it and then when let us say next month comes for your regular confession bring it up then. I know this troubles some catholics but many priests and many catechism teachers are beginning to understand better and therefore in line with the Eastern teaching will not pressure the young people with this unnecessary burden. Try not burden yourself thinking this is a very serious sin. It is not. You are a young man growing and it takes time to make your adjustment to complete adulthood. Many Orthodox boys and girls grow into the same problems that you are going through. You are not alone in this and yet these same Orthodox boys and girls with the advice from their confessors who understand the difficulties that young people are exposed to have emerged into matured complete adults. Remember that you are still young and immatured. The Cathechism has stated because of immaturity the responsibility is practically nil. So I will think that is also the way God will look at you to. He is pleased with your efforts and does not want you to feel any excessive burdens.
 
The priest you spoke to seems to have given you good advice. Stick with him. Nobody know how much another is tempted.
 
TedDC said:
You didn’t “treat” any woman in any way. You simply had thoughts about them, and they had no awareness of your thoughts.

Furthermore, not everyone who masturbates has lustful thoughts. Some men are unmarriagable due to age or physical appearance, and for them the fantasies may be merely of female companionship, and the act merely a small relief from their intense loneliness. You’re young and full of the judgmental, condemnatory fire of your religious convictions, but as you learn more about the world, you’ll see that not everything is black-and-white, and that what may be bad for you is not necessarily harmful for someone else.
Click to expand...
DO NOT tell me what I thought. As far as I’m concerned, you’re no psychologist. And even if you are, I don’t care. I know my own personality.

So not everything is black and white, and what may be bad for me isn’t as bad for someone else?

Some of my best friends are girls. At least three of them are sexual abuse victims. How do they feel about that? A few descriptions include “used”, “violated”, “robbed of innocence” . DOES THIS sound okay to you? Men took advantage of these young women, whom I know personally and love dearly.

And it should be known that all convicted rapists, at one time or another, viewed pornography. This includes the murderer/necrophiliac Ted Bundy. In an interview before his execution in 1989, he said that it all started with a porno magazine he found in a dumpster.
 
JackVk said:
DO NOT tell me what I thought. As far as I’m concerned, you’re no psychologist. And even if you are, I don’t care. I know my own personality.
Click to expand...
I’m not telling you what you thought. You told me what you thought: that you had lustful fantasies about women. I merely pointed out that having such thoughts doesn’t amount to “treating” women in any way, because you took no action toward them.
So not everything is black and white, and what may be bad for me isn’t as bad for someone else?
Click to expand...
That is correct. For example, I can have a few drinks with no problem. But most alcoholics should not take even one drink, because they’ll be unable to stop.
Some of my best friends are girls. At least three of them are sexual abuse victims. How do they feel about that? A few descriptions include “used”, “violated”, “robbed of innocence” . DOES THIS sound okay to you? Men took advantage of these young women, whom I know personally and love dearly.
Click to expand...
What has that got to do with masturbation?
And it should be known that all convicted rapists, at one time or another, viewed pornography. This includes the murderer/necrophiliac Ted Bundy. In an interview before his execution in 1989, he said that it all started with a porno magazine he found in a dumpster.
Click to expand...
And I’m sure plenty of men have viewed pornography and haven’t become rapists and murderers. Not that I like pornography - I actually find it quite distasteful, and never look at it.
 
TedDC said:
I’m not telling you what you thought. You told me what you thought: that you had lustful fantasies about women. I merely pointed out that having such thoughts doesn’t amount to “treating” women in any way, because you took no action toward them.

There’s nothing wrong with thinking that a woman is pretty. In fact, that’s a good thing. It becomes lustful when you start to think “I wanna do (insert fantasy) to her”. Unless that is to truly want to take her as a wife and treat her like the jewel she is, get rid of the thought.
By the same token, a lustful thought may pop into a young man’s head, but only if he entertains it does it become a sin
What has that got to do with masturbation?

Pardon me. I thought that lust and pornography were germane to the discussion.
And I’m sure plenty of men have viewed pornography and haven’t become rapists and murderers. Not that I like pornography - I actually find it quite distasteful, and never look at it.
Click to expand...
I’m not saying all men are guaranteed to become rapists if they look at porn. I’m saying that all rapists surely looked at porn before they committed the crime and were convicted. The passive images gave them the false belief that they were entitled to sexual pleasure, and they decided to take what was not theirs by force.
 
JackVk said:
I’m not saying all men are guaranteed to become rapists if they look at porn. I’m saying that all rapists surely looked at porn before they committed the crime and were convicted. The passive images gave them the false belief that they were entitled to sexual pleasure, and they decided to take what was not theirs by force.
Click to expand...
How do you know that?
 
TedDC said:
How do you know that?
Click to expand...
I believe it was either Jimmy Akin or Tim Staples said that on EWTN. Plus, why else would a man rape a woman? How coud it be possible that his inferiority complex is so high that he feels the need to overpower a woman?

Porn or rape either way, such a fellow has too weak a will to call himself a man.
 
EmbarrasedFein said:
I am 16 years old and was confirmed recently. Cutting to the chase, masturbation has been an issue for me and I have always been sorry and ashamed afterwards. Not too long ago I spoke to a priest and confessed this to me. I was very worried about whether I am going to hell or not and he assured me while it is a grave matter it wasn’t a mortal sin in my circumstances because apparently full consent is not always the case in sexual matters. The issue at hand (which is embarrassing for me to say) is that I have kept on falling into temptation and try my best to resist. I seem to fail and each and every time I feel like a horrible person. I have a good relationship with God and in no way do I want to lose that, I have performed perfect contrition in order to avoid sacrilege as before I did not even know that it was sacrilege to receive communion after a “mortal sin” I am not sure of committing. Can somebody please clarify this notion of mortal sin for me because I truly and honestly cherish my relationship with God and do not want to lose it. 🤷 Thank you, God Bless.
Click to expand...
My Friend, you’re 16 y/o. Your sexuality is growing urgently and by leaps-and-bounds. Right now, masturbation seems an irresistible tempatation. IT’S VERY TYPICAL. It won’t always be that way. When you’re 50, money and power will be your “new masturbation.” Keep confessing it. Ask God for help, try not to worry and for God’s sake (literally) don’t don’t let guilt over this make you neurotic. The gates of Hell are not yawning before you over this. If you never, ever masturbated again, you still could not earn the right to go to Heaven (though you could earn a lot of royalties from a book on how you did it without without making a psychological mess of yourself. 😉 Pray, try to resist, confess and trust in God’ mercy.
 
EmbarrasedFein said:
I am 16 years old and was confirmed recently. Cutting to the chase, masturbation has been an issue for me and I have always been sorry and ashamed afterwards. Not too long ago I spoke to a priest and confessed this to me. I was very worried about whether I am going to hell or not and he assured me while it is a grave matter it wasn’t a mortal sin in my circumstances because apparently full consent is not always the case in sexual matters. The issue at hand (which is embarrassing for me to say) is that I have kept on falling into temptation and try my best to resist. I seem to fail and each and every time I feel like a horrible person. I have a good relationship with God and in no way do I want to lose that, I have performed perfect contrition in order to avoid sacrilege as before I did not even know that it was sacrilege to receive communion after a “mortal sin” I am not sure of committing. Can somebody please clarify this notion of mortal sin for me because I truly and honestly cherish my relationship with God and do not want to lose it. 🤷 Thank you, God Bless.
Click to expand...
Perfect contrition involves no longer being attached to the sin. Any person who had perfect contrition would never commit that sin again. This is why the sacrament of confession is SO important.

To simplify everything, the criteria for committing a mortal sin is that its 1. a grave offense, 2. you’re aware its a grave offense at the time you committed it and 3. You deliberately committed the sin. Now sometimes 2 and 3 are unclear to us. Is it my pride that doesn’t want me to allow to admit to myself that I did deliberatley do this? Am I being too hard on myself?

To simplify the matter for yourself, if you are conscious of having committed any grave sin. An exception can be made if you’re absolutely sure that you weren’t at fault for committing the sin because you didn’t know better or because you really did put all your effort to resist, still committed it and can’t imagine what more you could have done. If its gray area, just avoid communion and go to confession ASAP. In fact, my advise to anyone is to go to confession weekly, bi-weekly or at the longer interval inbetween once a month. Do not look at confession as “Ok this is what I do to get back on track when I’m going to go to Hell and I need to worry and fret that while I’m driving to the Church I might get into a car accident and die before I’m able to reach the confessional.” Look to it as you relying on God’s grace to slowly transform your heart and to cause a deeper conversion. It is you resting on the mercy of God rather than frustrating yourself and beating yourself up with spiritual pride because your pride keeps lying to you that its only good enough if you do it yourself.

Overall stop expecting so much of your own will power. You are a sinner. You are completely dependant on God’s mercy. The only one who ever holds you back from Heaven is yourself. If you’re worrying and fretting over “Oh my gosh I keep doing this. God’s going to send me to Hell. I’m a failure” your main sin holding you back from Heaven is not masturbation or whatever other sin you might be fretting over. Your main problem is pride.

God’s not asking for you to become sinless through the strength of your own will. He’s not telling you to stop committing just the mortal sins, but the venial ones He’ll let slide through some Purgation. What God asks is for us to be humble enough to accept His mercy. Pride is the primary sin we all have to overcome more than any other sin. In fact, pride is the root of all sins of every category.

So when you see yourself sinning in a serious way, realize that that sin is an opportunity for you to grow in humility and to come to the confessional and ask for forgiveness and grace. You will gain more and grow more spiritually by fighting all your impulses that are looking for ways to get out of having to go to confession. Where sin abounds, grace abounds all the more. Trust God and His love and mercy.
 
Fein - you are sixteen years old, congrats! I’m Catholic, but on this point I disagree with the teachings of the Church (go ahead and flame me guys, I can take it!). If you have read much on human development and psychology, you would find that masturbation is perfectly “normal” in sixteen year old males AND females. If the supposed cause and effect of masturbation were indeed fact, then our entire world would be filled with deviants. Our world has deviants, but a minute number compared to the humans that are normal sexual beings. Masturbation is not going to make you a rapist, porno lover or gay! Please try and enjoy being sixteen! You are not the only human that has struggled with thinking they were going to hell if they masturbated, I only wish you were the last one to have to deal with that nonsense.:rolleyes:
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top