Masturbation and Widows/Widowers

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My husband passed away in March of 2017. We were totally faithful to each other and enjoyed our sex life. We took the normal vows that everyone takes but we also vowed with God as our witness to be each other’s last…to always be married to each other in heart, mind, body, and soul as long as we drew breath. Eternally. My question is whether God would view masturbation in this instance a sin since I am being faithful to my husband and the vows we made before him. I want to go to Heaven and I don’t want this to come between God granting me eternal life with Him and my husband. I don’t lust after anyone because my thoughts are only of my husband.
 
From the CCC, para. 2352

By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action."138 “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."139

Simply put, yes. It is sinful.

I would recommend offering up your struggles with this sin for your husband’s soul/the conversion of sinners.
 
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Masturbation is a sin for everyone, whether or not they made this sort of vow to their spouse.
 
No, I haven’t been to grief counseling. I’ve been managing on my own. I have been doing okay (generally) but this was an area that gave me some difficulty. I have been fervently reading my Bible and getting closer to God, which has brought me peace. But I don’t want to ruin that by making this mistake, if it is a mistake. I will not break the vows I made to my husband but his death did not make me less human.
 
I strongly encourage you to talk to your Confessor because he will have better counsel than we will, no matter how well versed in the Faith.
 
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I was born and raised Catholic. Then, I stopped going to church for many years but I have recently returned this year back to the Catholic Church. I have never lost my faith in God, Jesus Christ, or the Holy Spirit. I just stopped attending church.
 
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L I am sorry to hear of your loss.

Posters above are only half right calling this difficulty a “sin” or “sinful”.
That is not a clear way of putting it.

What they really mean is that the Church considers the outward act as seriously “disordered”.
For it to be personally sinful requires an internalised understanding that it is offensive to God and that one is in full control of oneself. This aspect is called culpability.
Where there is no culpability there is no sin. Where there is limited culpability there is only venial sin.

The Church also recognises that of all the sexual disorders this one is the most likely to have limited culpability for a whole variety of reasons including emotions of anxiety and no doubt the pain of grief and lonliness even if it is less than conscious.

From what you originally wrote above it is fairly clear you are in a difficult place, both re full freedom of will (grief/lonliness) and internalised knowledge (you do not believe you are breaking your vows because you have your husband in mind).

Therefore if you are actually sinning it is very likely venial.
However as it is in a “grave matter” the Church encourages us to bring it to a confessor so as to stay on the straight and narrow all the same. CAF advises us to counsel you to seek counselling.

A small observation. You are single now, your marriage vows only last until death so now you have been released - though I am sure the bonds of bodies and souls shared will last forever. It is no longer appropriate to relive your husbands love in this way as God is calling you to let that go now. It is of course a painful and slow letting go and God surely understands the difficulties.

Be gentle on yourself, don’t feel guilty about seeking new male friendships at changing appropriate levels as time passes.
God’s peace.
 
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BF, while all your points are valid, I would caution the OP against discerning their own culpability… a confessor or a priest is really nessecary for that.

When in doubt, confess it out.
 
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I appreciate your comments but as to your small observation and seeking new male relationships, that will never happen. I promised all of my love and my life to this one man. One man, one woman, two becoming one. I understand the traditional vows freeing me from my marriage at his death which is why we made the additional vow to each other. We did not want death to separate our union. It may seem silly to some that two people would make such a promise but not when you love another person as much as we love each other.
 
Max I am afraid I respectfully disagree.
Not even a priest overrides the certainty of my own conscience, for in its depths that is where we meet God face to face - not in the all too human judgements even of a priest.

A priest’s role is to help us correctly inform our conscience, advise us if we have engaged in grave matters, provide an outside objective perspective on our actions (which is never wholly objective), inspire us and help us recognise where Christ is calling us to. And to forgive whatever sins our hearts identify accordingly.

His role is not to tell us whether we are culpable or not, though he may offer his opinion.
 
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I understand, my mother whom I looked after when dad died was the same - though she was not through the grieving process passing but 12 months later.
 
and in a situation as intricate as this, wih the OP likely having never dealt with something like this before, I would say a priest’s pastoral guidance is invaluable.
 
Telling a person who is struggling with an objectively mortal sin that they’re probably not culpable on for ongoing commission of it (based on nothing but speculation about their internal state) is very reckless.
 
Bottom line, go to Confession. The priest is well more able to assist you than anyone here.
 
I repeat exactly what the Catechism teaches and clearly advise the Church strongly advises us in such situations to go to confession.

All very balanced and healthy for non-authoritarians.
 
Lah please see your Diocese about grief counselling. Any answers we give you just won’t be appropriate.

I am so sorry for your loss. You are in my prayers
 
Blackfriar, this op and her post come under rules of CAF where counseling is in order. We have absolutely no right to make any other suggestions.

Please understand, lah is understandably in mourning.

This lady really needs to see someone. Confession is not the place for grief counseling.
 
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