Masturbation and Widows/Widowers

[fhansen]

My husband passed away in March of 2017. We were totally faithful to each other and enjoyed our sex life. We took the normal vows that everyone takes but we also vowed with God as our witness to be each other’s last…to always be married to each other in heart, mind, body, and soul as long as we drew breath. Eternally. My question is whether God would view masturbation in this instance a sin since I am being faithful to my husband and the vows we made before him. I want to go to Heaven and I don’t want this to come between God granting me eternal life with Him and my husband. I don’t lust after anyone because my thoughts are only of my husband.

I feel for you. It can be very difficult to give up these things-and speaking as a man it can be very difficult. I’m not a widower but I face a similar situation because my wife’s body can no longer function as it used to, and as she’d like it to. The pat answers don’t register so well. It’s a struggle, and one that I haven’t succeeded at winning, if I should. Wish I had a better answer but know you’re not the only one out there struggling anyway.

 

[Rau]

My question is whether God would view masturbation in this instance a sin since I am being faithful to my husband and the vows we made before him.

I don’t foresee that masturbation would become ‘good’ because of these circumstances. I understand why you might feel your actions are “faithful to your husband”, though masturbation is itself no part of that faithfulness.

 

[FiveLinden]

What is the purpose of your action?

Does a good motivation ensure the goodness of the act?

FiveLinden:

longing for your partner…your sense of loss and your recollection of your lover…you mourn…Enjoy your love, and your memories.

Somehow you equate these with masturbation?

Umm - I’m not analysing motivation and goodness and making equations. I am responding as a human being to a whole situation and seeing that it is good. Yes, this is what the Church derides as ‘situation ethics’. I am pointing to the superiority of this approach to the approach taken by the Church.

 

[Mijoy2]

No, not true:

Its subject matter must be grave.
It must be committed with full knowledge (and awareness) of the sinful action and the gravity of the offense.
It must be committed with deliberate and complete consent.

This last component is the most difficult to qualify “complete consent”. I may commit a sin that constitutes grave matter, but do to outside forces beyond the ability of my inner strength and resolve to control, it could be reasonably argued that I committed the sin without complete consent.

I don’t think it is correct for any catholic to state any particular sin is “mortal”.

 

[BlackFriar]

I think all that needs to be said has been said Rau.
Anything more is unlikely to be pastorally helpful. Conversion for all of us is a slow realisation of things over time not a maths proof to be expounded and mulled over intellectually until assented to.

 

[BlackFriar]

We are all Church here I hope!

 

[Maximilian75]

Please remember that the OP is a Catholic and desired advice in line with the Church’s teaching, which is outlined in the first reply of this thread.

 

[FiveLinden]

Please remember that the OP is a Catholic and desired advice in line with the Church’s teaching, which is outlined in the first reply of this thread.

Which is why I have been careful to distinguish my view from the present position of the Church.

 

[MtnDwellar]

My husband passed away in March of 2017. We were totally faithful to each other and enjoyed our sex life. We took the normal vows that everyone takes but we also vowed with God as our witness to be each other’s last…to always be married to each other in heart, mind, body, and soul as long as we drew breath.

One man, one woman, two becoming one. I understand the traditional vows freeing me from my marriage at his death which is why we made the additional vow to each other. We did not want death to separate our union.

The traditional vow is that you will not part while alive. What God has joined, man cannot separate. Upon death, a separation occurs. God has deemed it. While your love for your departed spouse continues, and his love for you also goes on, the marriage does not, regardless of your own vows.

The marital act must end, because the marriage ended.