Masturbation while deployed to Iraq.

[Raider05x]

I am 31 years old and I am currently deployed to Iraq, and have been in overseas for since June serving a 16 month tour. I am very happily married and miss my wife more then words can describe. I very often find myself thinking about having sex with my wife and subsequently masturbate about three times a week or more depending on how much i get to talk with my wife. on several occasions my wife and I have had “cyber sex” using instant messenger to help stimulate the sexual experience. My concern is that i don’t feel like i am committing a mortal sin when i fantasize about sex with my wife. It is one of few pleasures I have out here and need some advice on the subject.

 

[LeahInancsi]

I don’t think that’s going to be a legitimate excuse. Sorry.

Stay safe.

 

[TimOliv]

This is a touchy subject. The church’s stance on masturbation is very very clear. However, you are deployed to Iraq and have been so for a while. Sounds to me like the stress level is at an all time high. Does this mean that its simply OK to masturbate while deployed? No. However, I would discuss the matter with your chaplain who can properly determine your culpability given the circumstances.

 

[Raider05x]

Maybe i’m just looking for an easy way out but i found this.

Father John Ruffo, “What is church’s stance on masturbation? Mortal sin in what circumstances?,” Catholic Q and A, 2002-MAR-11, at: catholicqanda.org/

"The Church’s official position on masturbation: ‘The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.’ That’s a quote from the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. "

“Can masturbation be sinful? I think the only time masturbation could be considered seriously sinful is if someone is using this activity to avoid one’s obligations to one’s spouse. Modern moral theologians tell us that masturbation is a normal part of one’s psychosexual development. Most people go through phases of masturbation, during adolescence, for example, individuals separated from their spouses in war time, the elderly, and others in unique situations of life. It’s hoped that individuals not become fixed or stuck in only this form of sexual expression, but rather develop a relationship with another person with whom one can express one’s own sexuality in an appropriate loving and intimate way.”

 

[LeahInancsi]

I can see the answers to this question are going to go along male/female lines.

 

[Katie1723]

First let me say thank you for all you guys do. Secondly, while I can understand why you feel it’s ok, the Church says differently. Pretty soon, people will make up all sorts of excuses why they do it and it would be ok. The church says no. Thats what we go by.
Kathy

 

[Raider05x]

I dont believe the Church is all that clear on this issue, which is why am i am here looking for some guidance.

“Cathechism of the Catholic Church”

As paragraph 2352 goes on to point out, an act of masturbation must be considered in light of “the subject’s moral responsibility…[taking] into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety, or other psychological or social factors…” That is to say, in order to “form an equitable judgment” about whether a particular act of masturbation constitutes grave sin, a priest or other person must consider all of those subjective elements which may “lessen or even extenuate moral culpability” on the part of the individual who has masturbated.

 

[dulcissima]

With the situation that you are going through, what you are doing is certainly understandable. It could even be that your tough situation reduces the culpability for the act until it is no longer a mortal sin. I don’t think that we really have any way of knowing that for sure though. We do know though that masturbation is always a sin, always offensive to God, and we should always seek to avoid it.

While I can understand why your wife would want to give you what she can, I’ve got to think that if I was in her position, I might have some pretty terrible feelings about it. What if while my husband’s life was in danger, I was endangering his soul? That’s a really tough spot to be in, and I wonder if something were to happen to you how she might look back on these cyber encounters.

I will tell you what I think might be a more ideal situation. Maybe during this time that you can not be together, you could use the opportunity of IM to get close to your wife in other non-sexual ways. Maybe this will give you and your wife a way of connecting on many different levels and will serve to strengthen your relationship and make it deeper than before you left. Plus, it could make your homecoming that much sweeter.

I admire you for serving your country and for seeking the right thing to do in such a circumstance. You and your family are in my prayers.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

Maybe i’m just looking for an easy way out but i found this.

Father John Ruffo, “What is church’s stance on masturbation? Mortal sin in what circumstances?,” Catholic Q and A, 2002-MAR-11, at: catholicqanda.org/

"The Church’s official position on masturbation: ‘The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.’ That’s a quote from the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith. "

“Can masturbation be sinful? I think the only time masturbation could be considered seriously sinful is if someone is using this activity to avoid one’s obligations to one’s spouse. Modern moral theologians tell us that masturbation is a normal part of one’s psychosexual development. Most people go through phases of masturbation, during adolescence, for example, individuals separated from their spouses in war time, the elderly, and others in unique situations of life. It’s hoped that individuals not become fixed or stuck in only this form of sexual expression, but rather develop a relationship with another person with whom one can express one’s own sexuality in an appropriate loving and intimate way.”

Raider,

I want to echo what the others have said in offering you my heartfelt thanks for serving our country the way that you are and please let your fellow soldiers that we do support you in what you do.

Onto the issue of masturbation, I can certainly understand what you are going from on a surface level. By that I mean, I am not in your exact situation, but am away from my wife and family for over 2 weeks now. While I have not had the urge to masturbate, I have longed to be intimate with my wife. I know that masturbation would be taking away what I have promised to give to my wife in our marital embrace. I do not want to steal from my wife, the one that I have become one with in this life.

The thing that caught me about what you typed before was after you said “Can masturbation be sinful?” You said (I am not sure if you are quoting someone here or if this is your statement) “I think” and that is where things get cloudy, when we start thinking, or twisting or turning what God has given to us. Masturbation is a moral sin. It does state that in the CCC. Since I brought up the CCC:

2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. “Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action.” “The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.” For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of “the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved.”

To form an equitable judgment about the subjects’ moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.

It does state, as you mentioned, that certain factors “lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability.” It does not say that culpability is eliminated. Since we are aware of what the sin is, we have full knowledge. It is hard to escape from that. Many people try to find loopholes to “allow” themselves to masturbate and not have it be a mortal sin. However, God is very clear on this and his truths do not contain loopholes.

While I am sure this is not what you are wanting to hear, I cannot shy away from telling you the truth. Things will be difficult, being seperated for so long, but you must remember that your sexuality is a gift from God that is reserved only for your wife, not for yourself. Cybersex, phone sex, it is all the same. It is the near occasion of sin that can lead to masturbation.

I turly feel for you and for what you are going through, I could not imagine. 2 weeks away from my family has been tough, but I can not hold a candle to what you are doing. You will be in my prayers.

When you feel the urge to masturbate, pray to St. Joseph and offer a pray up to our Blessed Mother for your wife.

Take care over there and return home safe to all of us (especially your wife and family)!

 

[Ramalama]

I am 31 years old and I am currently deployed to Iraq, and have been in overseas for since June serving a 16 month tour. I am very happily married and miss my wife more then words can describe. I very often find myself thinking about having sex with my wife and subsequently masturbate about three times a week or more depending on how much i get to talk with my wife. on several occasions my wife and I have had “cyber sex” using instant messenger to help stimulate the sexual experience. My concern is that i don’t feel like i am committing a mortal sin when i fantasize about sex with my wife. It is one of few pleasures I have out here and need some advice on the subject.

Raider, thank you and your family for what you’re doing. I’ve been praying for you every night, even though I didn’t know you.

Masturbation is a very difficult issue, but I think the answer is very simple. Just don’t. I know that’s difficult, but that’s why God made you so strong. Make sure you always have a crucifix nearby and look at it or hold it when you’re tempted. God can help you get through this.

Remember, it’s a mortal sin. You don’t want to die with it on your soul.

God bless you, Raider. I’ll continue to pray for you and the people with you.

 

[KCT]

Thank you for serving our country!

Orgasm is not just for pleasure, but union between husband and wife. (and procreation, but clearly that’s not possible right now!) What you’re enjoying is pleasure w/ no responsibility and no union. In addition, you’re developing a habit that may be difficult to break. (I know, men say when they’re with their wives they’ll stop, but it’s not that easy)

For you wife’s sake and the sake of your marriage, please see the chaplain and pray for self control. —KCT

 

[TimOliv]

I will say again, this is a matter that must be referred to a priest. Not a priest on CAF, not any one of us quoting doctrine. This matter is something which requires a spiritual diagnosis that cannot be done via the internet and should not be done by well intentioned laity.

Go to your chaplain, explain your situation, because of the surrounding circumstances, you may not be fully culpable.

 

[Mirror_Mirror]

I will say again, this is a matter that must be referred to a priest. Not a priest on CAF, not any one of us quoting doctrine. This matter is something which requires a spiritual diagnosis that cannot be done via the internet and should not be done by well intentioned laity.

Go to your chaplain, explain your situation, because of the surrounding circumstances, you may not be fully culpable.

I agree that he should consult a priest, but how does that change the truth of the teachings of the church? When you say that “you may not be fully culpable” does that give him the right to go ahead and masturbate? Whether a priest says that culpability is dimished, it is not ever eliminated and the act is still a mortal sin, correct?

Just looking for clarification.

 

[Raider05x]

I want to thank everyone for all the quick responces. I will go and talk to a priest, although not easy to find out here. I will most likely track him down on saturday or sunday and let everyone know what he says.

 

[setter]

I will throw you some straight punches, and see if you can handle it:

Masturbation is a gravely disordered use of one’s sexual faculty and represents serious sin, and mortal sin, if:

1857 For a sin to be mortal, three conditions must together be met: “Mortal sin is sin whose object is grave matter and which is also committed with full knowledge and deliberate consent.” (CCC)

The challenge and task confronting you is developing and maintaining chastity in your marriage vocation, however tough the circumstances:

**2339 **Chastity includes an *apprenticeship in self-mastery *which is a training in human freedom. The alternative is clear: either man governs his passions and finds peace, or he lets himself be dominated by them and becomes unhappy. “Man’s dignity therefore requires him to act out of conscious and free choice, as moved and drawn in a personal way from within, and not by blind impulses in himself or by mere external constraint. Man gains such dignity when, ridding himself of all slavery to the passions, he presses forward to his goal by freely choosing what is good and, by his diligence and skill, effectively secures for himself the means suited to this end.” (CCC)

Seen through the eyes of faith, God has given you this trial as an opportunity develop the virtue of self-mastery:

2342 Self-mastery is a long and exacting work. One can never consider it acquired once and for all. It presupposes renewed effort at all stages of life. The effort required can be more intense in certain periods, such as when the personality is being formed during childhood and adolescence. (CCC)

“In this you rejoice, though now for a little while you may have to suffer various trials,
so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold which though perishable is tested by fire, may redound to praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” **1 Peter 1: 6-7 **

“For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant; later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed. Strive for peace with all men, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord.” Hebrews 12: 11-14

As a soldier in uniform, understand that you are first off a spiritual warrior in the ranks of God’s army, and thus need to be aware of the strategy (“wiles”) of the devil and to fully arm yourself for spiritual warfare which seeks to demoralize, compromise and get you to break ranks along the road to Calvary:

“Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.” Ephesians 6: 11

 

[BrownR]

Raider, keep in mind that these forums lean heavily towards the conservative side, so expect conservative answers which doesn’t necessarily make it always right.

I realize the hard liners will debate and quote catechisms all day long, but I’d really encourage everyone to stop and think about what type of situation this guy is in. We all have no idea what kind of stress these soldiers are under, fighting for our country and faced with mortal peril on a daily basis. He’s been away from his wife for almost a year, and will only be able to come back home after 16 months! Cut him some slack. I’d have an extremely difficult time seeing how this guy is culpable of mortal sin in this case. I’d be interested to see what the priest has to say about the matter.

I think you’re making the best out of a bad situation. God judges every man’s heart, and somehow, if you were to die tomorrow (God forbid!) I think Jesus would be very understanding of your situation. It sounds like you’re just trying your best to keep the relationship going under some very difficult circumstances. God bless you for what you’re doing and may He keep you safe.

 

[searching06]

I want to thank everyone for all the quick responces. I will go and talk to a priest, although not easy to find out here. I will most likely track him down on saturday or sunday and let everyone know what he says.

Raider05x -

I did Desert Storm for six months and numerous other deployments during my Army tenure. Your issue is a tough one. I have only scanned the posts, but after having been thoroughly entrenched in other discussions on this topic, here’s some bottom line pointers: talk to a priest when you can and cautiously go with what he has to say (cautiously because you’ll get different answers from different priests, and frankly, this is hard for them to counsel people on in a war zone, too); NOT EVERYTHING which is in the Catechism on this issue is as black/white as some posters will say, that according to a priest I’ve spoken to as well; you do have to take into consideration your situation and circumstances; but on that same note, don’t make your deployment an excuse to do it or go out of your way via e-mails, etc., because it is still a sin. It is easy to say “oh, what the heck”, but also do not go crazy trying to decypher the emotions on this - stay alive. Yes, you have mitigating circumstances. And before anyone blasts me, if you haven’t been to a war zone, you have no concept of this.

Be careful with what and how you electronically communicate with your spouse - but we did the same thing via regular mail - you never know where it might end up.

While you do need and should keep your faith close to heart at all times, because you don’t know when you’re number’s up, you also have other things to worry about - like living. DO NOT get wrapped up into this over what type of sin or how bad or trying to interpret the Catechism, or even what everyone here has to say (I get different answers from priests let alone everyone on this board!). Pray, do your best not to sin, but also realize that others (especailly soldiers) understand. The long distance emotional/sexual connection you have with your wife is normal, though tough to work with.

God bless you and yours, and thank you for your service.

 

[searching06]

I will say again, this is a matter that must be referred to a priest. Not a priest on CAF, not any one of us quoting doctrine. This matter is something which requires a spiritual diagnosis that cannot be done via the internet and should not be done by well intentioned laity.

Go to your chaplain, explain your situation, because of the surrounding circumstances, you may not be fully culpable.

Thank you for being the sane voice on this. Bingo : "this is a matter that must be referred to a priest.Not a priest on CAF, not any one of us quoting doctrine. "

 

[fix]

Raider, keep in mind that these forums lean heavily towards the conservative side, so expect conservative answers which doesn’t necessarily make it always right.

I realize the hard liners will debate and quote catechisms all day long, but I’d really encourage everyone to stop and think about what type of situation this guy is in. We all have no idea what kind of stress these soldiers are under, fighting for our country and faced with mortal peril on a daily basis. He’s been away from his wife for almost a year, and will only be able to come back home after 16 months! Cut him some slack. I’d have an extremely difficult time seeing how this guy is culpable of mortal sin in this case. I’d be interested to see what the priest has to say about the matter.

I think you’re making the best out of a bad situation. God judges every man’s heart, and somehow, if you were to die tomorrow (God forbid!) I think Jesus would be very understanding of your situation. It sounds like you’re just trying your best to keep the relationship going under some very difficult circumstances. God bless you for what you’re doing and may He keep you safe.

To be fair, I do not think anyone would claim to know who is or is not culpable for any mortal sin under any circumstance. That is God’s job.

But, some actions like the one discussed here are objectively wrong. That does not mean certain factors will not reduce culpablity. It also does not mean we should tell our neighbor they have a green light to continue to act as they are and not try to ask God for the grace to stop.

Can we agree the answer is to seek out a priest, but also can we agree the answer can never include to counsel one to continue on doing what one is doing?

 

[searching06]

I agree that he should consult a priest, but how does that change the truth of the teachings of the church? When you say that “you may not be fully culpable” does that give him the right to go ahead and masturbate? Whether a priest says that culpability is dimished, it is not ever eliminated and the act is still a mortal sin, correct?

Just looking for clarification.

I spoke with a priest in confession on the “mortal sin” parts and he was sitting there reading the Catechism himself when I walked in. Even he said it is not totally clear on exactly what is mortal and the things required to be declared mortal, as everyone so often quotes here.

It is the same as I have mentioned before - there are mutiple levels to this issue and it absolutely is NOT as black and white as everyone would like to quote. Especially for guys in Raider’s situation. DO NOT put a guilt trip on him or cause more confusion or emotional distress by insinuating it is always a mortal sin. He needs to go see a priest on the ground, not via CAF.

I’ve been there, done that. If you haven’t, please offer prayers not text and condemnation.