Maternal Age as a serious reason to avoid pregnancy

[InspiritCarol]

I guess I am just a bad Catholic, then, because at this stage of my life, elbow deep in diapers, up all night for nursing/teething baby, currently pregnant with my 5th baby, and trying and failing to “be content” in this season of trials, I will not even consider spending hours of my day, years of my life, in sacrifice, fasting and penance, to make the decision of whether to have another child or not. And I am certain it will be YEARS before such a prayer life would even be possible. So, I will just have to continue to justify, as you put it, because anything better is simply out of my reach.

On another note, congratulations on your pregnancy. That is wonderful news.

Aww. Thank for the congrats. Congrats to you on your usually well spoken (name removed by moderator)ut and your great passion for your vocation of motherhood.
~Deep Breath~
So.
I’m a “bad Catholic” too.
But.
I say the rosary and divine mercy chaplet when I’m up all night with the sick ones. I can’t imagine anything else.

My advice is to stop trying to be content or anything else. Only remember to look at the joy that is right in front of you, surrounding you all the time.
The way the Devil got to Eve in the garden of Eden was to point out the one thing she couldn’t have. Focus on the bad and you will fall.

My kids are 2,4,6 & 8 and I home school. I know what it means to feel overwhelmed and I know how deep the well of despair goes. At those time I remember Peter in the storm on the sea of Galilee: as long as we fear the storm we sink; if we can only stay focused on Christ, we can walk on water.

If you can’t “pray”, have praise songs playing on your home. As long as there is a worship song in your head: you are in prayer. (See? - I bet you didn’t know you prayed so much.)

Do little things along the way to stay focused on God. LOTH is great (chuckle) but lets be serious about our limitations. Write your most favorite/uplifting verses from the Bible and hang them up around you house: esp. above the changing table and the kitchen sink.

I fail and fall all the time but what are we here for if not to figure out how to grow closer to God?

~Don’t blame you for getting annoyed … but really … *SOMEONE *needs to say it.

 

[Xantippe]

This may be not very holy of me, but I suspect that a babysitter for the afternoon, followed by a romantic dinner, a bottle of wine and some heavy snuggling are much more conducive to discerning a new baby than days and weeks of fasting.

(I actually don’t drink, but I thought I should add the bottle of wine to my description, since I believe other people have found it inspiring.)

 

[christopher_r]

I regret that prayer was not more explicit. This is how I do my active prayer of thinking and exploring for the truth. There are other important prayer modes and they should be followed (keeping notes is useful there also if not intrusive).

Organizing our understanding from prayer and thinking is important in practicing prudence.

sounds like a very active prayer live of service to your family…

thank you

 

[InspiritCarol]

Yeah, fasting + breastfeeding or fasting + pregnancy is a really bad plan (which is why it’s not required for Ash Wednesday or Good Friday).

Fasting + small children isn’t that great either, but it’s a little more feasible. I just barely made it through Ash Wednesday and Good Friday this year with my 1-year-old. It was a long, long day, though, and there might have been a meltdown or two both times (and it wasn’t the toddler melting down).

K, so…

There is fasting, and Fasting.
Fast from food if you can as the Church dictates, but I was speaking of everyday abstinence type fasting. Like we do all through Lent.

 

[CountrySinger]

This may be not very holy of me, but I suspect that a babysitter for the afternoon, followed by a romantic dinner, a bottle of wine and some heavy snuggling are much more conducive to discerning a new baby than days and weeks of fasting.

(I actually don’t drink, but I thought I should add the bottle of wine to my description, since I believe other people have found it inspiring.)

That’s true. Ask me how I know. feels baby kick

 

[mommamaree]

This may be not very holy of me, but I suspect that a babysitter for the afternoon, followed by a romantic dinner, a bottle of wine and some heavy snuggling are much more conducive to discerning a new baby than days and weeks of fasting.

(I actually don’t drink, but I thought I should add the bottle of wine to my description, since I believe other people have found it inspiring.)

Definitely true for me. All of my children are the lovely result of opportunities for romance in my marriage, not the result of serious fasting or penance or hours of prayer. Ironically, the more of those lovely babes, the fewer such opportunities occur.

 

[Xantippe]

CountrySinger said:

“That’s true. Ask me how I know. feels baby kick”

Awww. That’s so wonderful!

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

This may be not very holy of me, but I suspect that a babysitter for the afternoon, followed by a romantic dinner, a bottle of wine and some heavy snuggling are much more conducive to discerning a new baby than days and weeks of fasting.

(I actually don’t drink, but I thought I should add the bottle of wine to my description, since I believe other people have found it inspiring.)

We don’t drink either. Our “discerning” usually starts with the intent to be open to life at a certain time. We have weekly adoration as a family and I know that both my wife and I spend a good amount of that time praying about our family and where we are headed.

But the manifestation of that prayer definitely comes with a little romance (known to the guys as “the game”.) And I “got game”

 

[Bookcat]

Our “discerning” usually starts with the intent to be open to life at a certain time.

Note for clarification…one is to be “open to life” – *at all times. *

Even those who are avoiding during the fertile times for serious reasons - are still open to life. Periodic Continence is by nature open to life.

That said -this thread is getting dangerously close to 600.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Note for clarification…one is to be “open to life” – *at all times. *

Even those who are avoiding during the fertile times for serious reasons - are still open to life. Periodic Continence is by nature open to life.

That said -this thread is getting dangerously close to 600.

Point taken.

 

[MomaMary8]

Yeah, fasting + breastfeeding or fasting + pregnancy is a really bad plan (which is why it’s not required for Ash Wednesday or Good Friday).

Fasting + small children isn’t that great either, but it’s a little more feasible. I just barely made it through Ash Wednesday and Good Friday this year with my 1-year-old. It was a long, long day, though, and there might have been a meltdown or two both times (and it wasn’t the toddler melting down).

There are many forms of fasting…NFP could even be called a form of fasting

No coffee, no desserts, etc are other forms of food fasts. Be creative and offer a favorite yummy to help bring your heart and mind closer to God.

 

[mommamaree]

There are many forms of fasting…NFP could even be called a form of fasting

No coffee…

Huh, that is funny. Fasting via NFP (i.e. abstinence) in order to determine if one should engage in MORE relations (i.e. fertile times). Trying NOT to have babies in order to discern if one should have more babies. :newidea: Sounds like a good plan.

In regards to the fasting from coffee…That would be making my family do penance!

 

[Xantippe]

Mommamaree said:

“Huh, that is funny. Fasting via NFP (i.e. abstinence) in order to determine if one should engage in MORE relations (i.e. fertile times). Trying NOT to have babies in order to discern if one should have more babies. Sounds like a good plan.”

Funny!

 

[mommamaree]

Post 600!
:yyeess:

 

[PaulinVA]

mommamaree:

Post 600!

rats!

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[marywarfield]

Since I asked this question in another thread, I would like to restate the details since this topic is a big one for me right now. I am 37 and hubby is 39. We just had our 7th healthy baby march 25. When I was 19 weeks pregnant we were told our baby could have trisomy 18, a genetic abnormality more likely with advanced maternal age. After a lot of stress and tests and meetings with genetic counselors and hearing how “old” we were, everything turned out fine. I have had 7 relatively easy pregnancies and deliveries, no miscarriages or stillborns, we are financially stable. Basically my only reason for not having another baby is age!

On other threads it as been stated that each couple must decide for themselves, but how could you possibly determine this? I need some more concrete advice!! Could we handle a baby with a genetic problem? How could we possibly know this without experiencing it? Would I feel guilty for purposely conceiving a baby with lifelong struggles when well aware of the increased risks? Most definitely - especially when others would view it as imprudent!!! But why are we fertile well past 35 if conception should be avoided?? It sickens me to think of NFP for the next 10 years or so.

I had my last baby at 38. I’ve already gone over the background
on another thread in which my experiences were trashed
by posters so forgive me if something is unclear.

My first baby was born dead after the doctors decided
not to work with him and me due to possible
blindness and developmental delay.
They failed to realize they were talking about my
son- not a defective fetus.
So when we were told Downs Syndrome increases
with maternal age with our last many suggested
I was irresponsible for being pregnant in the first
place.
My daughter was not born with Downs.

The answer to your question is, what in your
heart do you believe God wants from you!
Do you WANT another child? No pregnancy is
risk free. How will you feel about that child if
it is born with Downs Syndrome or another issue?
Are children with chromosomal defects entitled to live?
Worthy to live?
Love able to both you and God?
Does the “might happen” carry that much weight?

These are things you and your husband have to decide.

But I need to tell you the potential for these problems all existed in one form
or another with ALL your pregnancies. You have seven. Maybe like me
once I had two living that was it at 38. But if not
bless you and good luck.
You won’t be sinning in either case.

 

[Rau]

Since I asked this question in another thread, I would like to restate the details since this topic is a big one for me right now. I am 37 and hubby is 39. We just had our 7th healthy baby march 25. When I was 19 weeks pregnant we were told our baby could have trisomy 18, a genetic abnormality more likely with advanced maternal age. After a lot of stress and tests and meetings with genetic counselors and hearing how “old” we were, everything turned out fine. I have had 7 relatively easy pregnancies and deliveries, no miscarriages or stillborns, we are financially stable. Basically my only reason for not having another baby is age!

On other threads it as been stated that each couple must decide for themselves, but how could you possibly determine this? I need some more concrete advice!! Could we handle a baby with a genetic problem? How could we possibly know this without experiencing it? Would I feel guilty for purposely conceiving a baby with lifelong struggles when well aware of the increased risks? Most definitely - especially when others would view it as imprudent!!! But why are we fertile well past 35 if conception should be avoided?? It sickens me to think of NFP for the next 10 years or so.

You ask “how could you possibly determine this?”. I ask - how could anyone else possibly determine it for you? If what you are trying to say is that the decision is very “subjective” - I agree with you.

Another question that one might ask is…How can I have sex with my husband while I am fertile, if simultaneously I am anxious to avoid a child? I know that if I am interested in sex, but my wife is tired and not likewise inclined, I instantly lose interest in having sex. The idea of the other party not being “in the mood” makes the whole idea of sex inappropriate in my mind. I’d feel the same way (during fertile times) if my wife was wishing not to have a child. I don’t understand how one can freely engage in sex (while fertile) at the same time one is hoping not to become pregnant. Perhaps the attitude to the (potential) child needs to be resolved first?

What about the thought of a long period of NFP sickens you?

I don’t

 

[Bookcat]

oh nooooooooo

Passed 600. :frighten:

 

[InspiritCarol]

oh nooooooooo

Passed 600. :frighten:

This just shows how adrift people feel on this topic.
Any support from other resources would be amazingly helpful.
Workshops, retreats, literature … anything.

Most archdiocese have something akin to the “Engaged Encounter” that we had to go through before marriage.

I would argue that this topic is equally important; especially considering how hard the world comes against us to get sterilized.

 

[Bookcat]

One is to always be open to life. That is the fundamental attitude for a married couple.

If there are serious reasons to avoid - well one is still open to life -while practicing periodic continence to avoid.

Now can it happen that one of the spouses not be “in the mood”? sure - and they can discuss it perhaps. Remembering that fundamentally they are married -and that right and gift have been given. And openness to life is part of that along with the unitive.

There should be - understanding, generosity, love, self-denial, overcoming ones anxiousness etc, living in temperance, joy etc…

Like all of Christian life - lived as Christians -virtue and especially that of love. The Sacrament of Matrimony lived as the Sacrament.